Disgust. Am I mistaken, But the more relentlessly I dug into it, the more certain I beca that I had not misjudged it.
If it’s disgust, maybe he doesn’t like it being my child… Or jealousy that the child might be depriving him of my attention.
No way, I thought, but it was a good enough possibility. I sighed and asked openly.
“Do you dislike children?”
“I dislike situations where you might be in danger.”
yer shook his head strongly in denial. His face widened in confusion as he kept his mouth shut.
Looking at his mouth, which was closed tightly like a shellfish, it seed that it was useless to try to question him any further about his true feelings while spinning around in circles.
I raised the white flag and spoke to him openly and honestly.
“Whatever you say will be understood, so please explain it a little more carefully.”
“…”
yer still did not open his mouth for a while. Many emotions and thoughts seed to swirl in his mind.
“Co on, this way. Lie down comfortably and let’s talk.”
He and I lay down at an angle against the long, thick pillow that was leaning against the bedside.
Then, with one arm outstretched, I slamd the space inside it.
Even though yer was heavy, I was also over 60 levels.
I could at least pillow my arms. And with the pillows supporting my arms behind , it wasn’t particularly difficult.
Even so, it was not often done.
yer was a head taller than , but more so when I calculated his body and volu. It felt good to have him like that digging into my arms, but sotis it was tiring.
But today I was going to make him open his mouth, even if I had to be his arm pillow. yer was perplexed by my sudden attitude. That said, he didn’t want to miss out on the opportunity of being an arm pillow. He sneaked over to .
The wider bed spared him the mishap of his legs popping outward, but the balance was the sa.
Pulling back the covers to cover his thick back like a large animal hanging over , I lightly patted his hard shoulders.
It was always a pleasant sensation that poked deep into my soul when the strongest person in the world beca vulnerable and weak in front of .
I nudged him quietly and waited for a mont. The silvery locks of his hair fell wildly from my fingertips. After a mont of patience, yer cautiously opened his mouth.
“I’m nervous.”
It looked like he was.
But instead of replying, I quietly waited for him to continue.
yer cried out as if to tell a secret he had kept hidden in his heart.
“There is concern that sothing will go wrong while you’re pregnant, but when the ti cos to have a child… I’m not confident I can raise that child well.”
“We would raise the child together.”
“But the child will have my blood. The blood of Grand Duke Knox…”
yer raised his hand. His veins appeared blue beneath his large palms, which seed to cover my face.
“A parent who has their child trapped in a spire, and a child who has killed them…. Think about it, Jun. What if I could not love our child? What if our… child acts ungratefully toward you?”
His concern was a bit more compounded. Distrust of himself and his own bloodline, worry about …
Concern in light of the past for a future that cannot be certain until it is imminent…
The more upset he gets, the stronger I have to appear. I pretended not to be upset and held my mouth tightly.
“That’s speculation.”
“I know I’m being silly and stubborn… You want to hand over the empire to your own flesh and blood.”
yer chuckled. He leaned his head toward . His silvery hair slled of silverwood.
“But in this world that you gave your life to protect, walking the path you have honed… If our child grows up to be such a person who cannot respect your greatness…”
yer’s eyes glistened grimly at the thought of it. His golden eyes filled with disgust.
“You are gentle and would embrace such a child in your arms, but you would be hurt. I am so afraid of that. That sothing following in my blood could hurt you.”
The long confession of our feelings was over. Our succession issue was a congloration of all the traumas of yer Knox.
On the other hand, it was just that I didn’t even have in mind in the first place to conceive another man’s child for my successor.
I licked out the words with an intake of breath. And carefully, I comforted him with a combination of words as I stitched them together one by one.
“You’re different from your parents. Isn’t it natural not to respect soone who hasn’t done anything to admire? We just need to beco adults, parents that they can respect. You probably have soone like that too. Like your nanny Jonata, or your current butler Vince…”
“…”
yer’s eyes grew rusty as he thought of Jonata and Vince.
The only reason yer could relate to my half-hearted words in any way was because his childhood was not only completely painted black.
The gap that remained white was filled with gratitude to Jonata and Vince for creating that gap.
I swept yer’s disheveled bangs up one by one. Then, as I kissed his revealed forehead, I added huskily.
“I think you’d make a good parent. Well, maybe you’d be too much sotis.”
“Would I be overly strict?”
yer asked, smiling coyly as if he had finally regained so composure at that point. I said counter-questioningly as if I had nothing to talk about.
“No, I’m afraid you would babysit too much.”
“Oh, no.”
I laughed aloud, which produced a bemused reaction from yer, and soon he laughed too, facing . I held his head and whispered.
“Listen, yer. I never intended to have children in the first place.”
yer’s hands naturally wrapped around my waist. I felt the warmth of his hands, and I confided my true feelings, which I had also been hiding.
“You are right. I was afraid of having a child, but I was also afraid of what kind of person that child would grow up to be… I had my hands full just trying to hold myself together.”
I enjoyed playing around.
I couldn’t give up drinking and laughing with friends. Sleeping in. I could skip a al once in a while if I didn’t want to budge.
The fact that I might have to give up everything when I beca a mother tightened my neck.
I thought that I grew up as I got older, only, I didn’t grow up at all.
My sense of responsibility was too selfish and my patience too thin to properly raise one properly…
“But… after eting you, I naturally thought I would have children. Not only for the succession of the title but also… I thought that with you I would be a good parent.”
Because I am not the only one raising the child. Because you will always fill in the missing pieces for …
Like in a dungeon.
And because of that, we saved the world too, didn’t we? So at least raising a child was challenging enough.
“You will be a good parent. And our child will love you as much as you love . The amount of love you will show will be enough to raise our child.”
yer’s eyes shook as if the golden waves of dawn were slowly coming in.
“And… I’m not as good as you are when it cos to being ungrateful.”
I added jokingly with a small laugh. It was not a funny story, but it was rather funny under the circumstances.
“You said I wanted to cede my empire to flesh and blood, but precisely I want to cede it to your child.”
To your child whom I love.
That child may resemble , or they may resemble you, or perhaps they may resemble a suitable mixture of us.
Either way, they will be lovely.
I pulled out the arm that was supporting yer’s face and mounted him. His face was trapped under my arms. I looked down at him and whispered.
“I want to have your child.”
I whispered, stroking my gray hair down. But I left the gown flowing under my shoulders. I could clearly see yer’s neck moving wide in my eyes.
I smiled, folding my eyes. In yer’s eyes, I had a bewitching smile on my face.
“You don’t like it?”
“… You are so cruel.”
yer swallowed his saliva and sighed. His big hands wrapped around my thighs. The hem of my skirt fell into disarray.
“If you say so, I can’t resist.”
That’s what I said, don’t say no. I smiled.
I lowered my head and pressed my lips cautiously, but not a mont too soon, still as if to put a seal on yer’s lips.
Then I quietly put an end to our conflict.
“We, as I said, are going on vacation. A long vacation.”
After a whole night of such open-minded physical and verbal dialogue, we reached a suitable compromise.
In the first place, there must be a successor to the empire.
But then there was disagreent.
When I asked yer what he was going to do about the Grand Duchy, he replied in a nonchalant manner, “For the ti being, the title itself will belong to the next emperor, and then it can be allocated later as we see fit.”
He was very dry about his own family affairs.
Rather, he insisted, “The Grand Duchy has been around for about 1,000 years, so it’s ti for it to disappear.”
But as for , it was a waste. Isn’t it a living history?
Well. I can change his mind gradually after going on vacation.
Or maybe after we have our first child.
There is still plenty of ti… But that ti was approaching faster than I thought.
For two months after I went on vacation, I learned that I was pregnant.
“They’re twins.”
yer jumped in horror at hearing August’s pronouncent.
“Twins?!”
“Yes, two imperial children have entered.”
As if to deny yer’s expectations, August spoke again, putting more force behind his words. It was almost as if he was enjoying the sight of yer’s panic at his own words.
As August had intended, yer’s mind had gone blank. He wandered around the room in a panic, at a loss.
“What am I going to do with this? It would be an even greater burden of danger. And if sothing goes wrong with Jun in the anti…”
yer was horrified, but I was frankly delighted.
It’s the sa with the deterioration of condition during pregnancy, and wouldn’t it be more efficient to end it once than to get pregnant twice?
Both the Liteitia family and Grand House of Knox were fortunate to have less to worry about in terms of succession. I breathed a small sigh of relief as I patted my still peaceful belly.
Please grow up properly… You are yer’s blood, so I can only guess how you will grow.
Those were the first words I whispered to our children with earnest hope.
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