Jun Karentia, tia, tia…
yer’s cries rang out and echoed through Nokentoria Castle. It was so loud that it could be heard from his office, which was quite a distance from my room.
Oh… I didn’t know what happened after I left the office, but I think sothing’s ruined.
Feeling instinctively threatened, I jumped out of bed.
I can’t do it today. After hiding a little from yer… I’ll sneak back after the sun rises tomorrow.
So I hurriedly took my coat and tried to get out of the room like a person running at night.
But my attempt failed.
“Jun!”
This is because yer swooped in before I left the room.
It hadn’t been long since there had been a loud scream, but he was really fast.
yer tried to hold up but stopped his hand in midair like soone who had just had an epiphany.
Earlier I had tried to get to him, but now the situation was just the opposite.
Instead of holding , he clenched his fist, and his gaze reached my hand.
“What’s… with your coat? Did you try to run away?”
“No way. I just thought I’d take a walk…”
I smiled awkwardly and slipped my coat down on the sofa next to .
“What about the bag in your left hand?”
I put down my bag, too.
In an apparent attempt to escape, yer narrowed his eyebrows.
“You are really…! You thought about running away imdiately?”
“I was going to take a walk.”
I was caught, but I shalessly denied it. At this point, the winner was the one who insisted until the end.
yer clicked his tongue and walked up and sat on the sofa. Co to think of it, it was the first ti yer ca to my room.
‘I always went to yer’s office…’
Perhaps that’s why I felt heterogeneous even though I was sitting in a familiar space.
yer lifted his eyes. It ant for to co to his seat and sit down. I sat in front of him, and I felt stabbed.
yer stared at with a stern expression. I felt like I was being scolded by a teacher, and my head dropped for no reason.
“I heard it all from August. He said you got hurt because of !”
I trusted you, August…!
I pursed my lips. I had hoped that his mouth would be as heavy as his heavy muscles, but my hopes were shattered.
If you’re a priest, shouldn’t you keep a secret?
However, it was not an atmosphere to say that out loud…
“Your arms were all bruised as if you were beaten. You know how dangerous I am when I am out of my mind…!”
yer vented his anger.
It was fortunate that August didn’t know that I and yer kissed.
Of course, I’m not sure if I’ll be able to take this situation as a real relief…
I thought about how to calm yer’s anger. There was no answer.
“When I said I can’t control my power, the reaction was bad. It’s because of what happened then, right?”
“That’s…”
“It was all a lie that you said it was okay! From now on, I can’t believe anything you say. Especially about your health!”
I felt betrayed by yer’s eyes.
“If I hadn’t noticed, you’d have kept your mouth shut for the rest of your life. Do you know how much I feel ashad that I found out later?”
As soone who was always mindful and watchful of my well-being, I thought there would be a great outburst, but I didn’t expect it to hurt so much.
I thought I’d just hear so nagging, but…
I didn’t know what to say to comfort him, so my mouth was dry.
yer’s gaze was strangely haunting on my face. He studied my face one by one as if trying to find out the truth that I was trying to hide until the end.
At the mont I was holding my breath, yer’s face suddenly collapsed.
“I can’t believe I… Did I force you to kiss ?”
Hold on, how did he know?
I was flustered, but I couldn’t just admit it. I imdiately denied it.
“N-no!”
But even when I said it, it sounded really suspicious. Of course, yer didn’t believe it either.
“Seriously!”
yer exclaid astonishingly.
His fist trembled and blue veins sprang up on the back of his hand. How tightly he clenched his fist, his finger bones stood out exceptionally.
“Fuck!”
yer bit his lip tightly. I could see all the swear words coming and going only in his mouth.
I think he’s misunderstanding sothing…
I couldn’t tell if it was anger at for lying to him or self-loathing…
August didn’t know exactly what was going on, and neither did yer.
Looking at it, it was , not yer, who kissed first.
I carefully explained the situation at that ti to sohow soften yer.
“The Commander didn’t even think of it… You were insane at the ti. You were in a lot of pain… The kiss was just a ans I chose to get the Commander to drink the holy water. So I was going to pretend it never happened.”
“If I’ve already done it, how can you pretend it didn’t happen? You should’ve said it!”
“But if I say so, you would have said you wouldn’t pierce the mana circuit. It was the right ti to break through the mana.”
For , it was an excuse to calm yer’s anger, but it seed to have added oil to the fire.
“Right ti, right ti, right ti! I’m sick and tired of it!”
yer scread. As if his last patience, which he had been trying to hold on to, had been cut off, he shouted and held onto my arm.
“As long as you’re so efficient, nothing else matters to you? Even your body?”
yer looked at with a miserable face and murmured blankly.
“You…”
His golden eyes shone dry like sand under the desert. But why? He looked like he was crying.
“Even if it was soone other than , you probably would have said it was okay. And endured everything alone… isn’t that right?”
The voice that had been raised earlier subsided like a lie. A miserable smile spread around his mouth.
“It’s a necessary procedure to defeat the Demon Lord. All you have to do is endure. Isn’t that right?”
“…”
yer’s words hit the nail.
Seeing say nothing, yer lowered his head as if he were in despair.
“I… I don’t understand. Why do you spare yourself so much?”
His hand, holding my arm, trembled a little. yer whispered to himself in a low voice.
“The fact that I have no volition on you is too… It hurts too much.”
I looked at the top of yer’s head that fell in front of and murmured to my heart.
“Commander…”
Unknowingly, I reached out to yer’s hair. But before my fingertips could touch his hair, yer’s head snapped back.
He averted his gaze at an angle. For the first ti, the eyes that had faced head-on all this ti ignored .
His eyes seed to redden for a mont as he passed . yer said as he rose from his seat.
“I’m going to get going now. For the ti being… I need to think.”
“Commander!”
I tried to grab him, but he pushed my hand away. It was a polite refusal. So I couldn’t bear to stop him.
His exit from the room looked staggering and precarious. Even if he was abandoned alone in the world, he would look less miserable than that.
yer left, and I remained alone in the room. I thought long and hard about that mont again.
It had been a few years since I woke up in this world, but I still had the mory that this world was a ga.
I know that sotis I react in a way that gives an advantage in this world, but I also know that to people who are in the real world now, such points seem too calm or inhuman…
If it happened again, I would make the sa choices.
So, I have no regrets.
But…
I had to admit that my choice was a deep wound for yer.
I’m sorry.
I covered up the guilt that lingered only in my mouth with a deep sigh that I couldn’t swallow or spit.
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