The dogshit, or rather catshit, that was spoken had reached a level that transcended shalessness, so even the Imperial Censor’s brain functions temporarily stopped, leaving him in a daze.
Then he suddenly shouted.
“How can that make any sense?!”
“We find it hard to believe too. But what can we do if it’s the truth? Should we lie because you might not believe it?”
“Is your face made of Cold Iron? It seems you are soone that is impossible to communicate with. Well, I shall have to verify if what you say is indeed true. You there. Go in and prove your Clan Lord’s words.”
At this, one of the Tang Clan experts who was pointed at showed his palm and answered.
“Do you an ? This unworthy one believes in our Clan Lord, though.”
“I did not ask whether you believe him or not. I said to prove it.”
“If that is what you an, I saw that cat clearly with my own eyes, so there is no need to worry.”
The Imperial Censor realized that pressuring them any further would be futile.
But if he imdiately sent soldiers rushing into the Tang Center, they would clearly seize the opportunity to spray the prepared poisons.
At this, the Imperial Censor gritted his teeth.
Qing’s eyes lit up as she saw this.
She then took two steps to the side and quietly asked an old man who had been introduced as so high-ranking elder.
“Excuse , were we allowed to provoke them from our side? You said earlier that we had to endure great humiliation.”
“‘Our side’, you say. Ah’er has truly made a good friend. How admirable. Here, I’ll give you this.”
“Ah, thank you.”
The old man very naturally took sothing out from his bosom and handed it over.
It was a small dicine bottle about two finger joints in size.
“It is a personally modified version of the Soul-Dragging Water. If there’s soone you dislike, mix it in sweet alcohol and make them drink it. After one quarter of an hour, their muscles will relax and they’ll soil themselves with excrent and urine.”
It was truly a deadly poison that could destroy soone’s social status in one go.
“Wow! Thank you! Such a precious thing.”
Qing brightly smiled as she pocketed the special Soul-Dragging Water.
Because Qing’s expression was extrely honest, the old man’s face also broke into a smile upon seeing her pure joy.
But who is this elder? Is he so poison vending machine?
Is this like those village people in gas who give you an item when you talk to them?
The answer was that he was the Grand Clan Lord, the highest-ranking elder of the Tang Clan, who was sticking close by out of worry for his granddaughter.
He was also the one responsible for getting Tang Nanah interested in all sorts of vicious poisons by giving her gifts since childhood.
The Grand Clan Lord then added an explanation.
“The Tang Clan does not forget grudges, so the insolence of kicking open the main gate of the Sichuan Tang Clan is a serious cri that should be punished by death. Just enduring that is humiliating enough, so shouldn’t we at least irritate them a bit?”
“Ah.”
“However, it would be even better if they make a big verbal mistake. Isn’t it the way of the Central Plains that we can use our swords if we find justification by picking at their words?”
There has never been such a way in the world from ancient tis to now.
But the rule of the world found by an old man who had lived long wasn’t wrong either.
“However, if one of us makes a mistake, we’ll all be annihilated, while if one of them dies, another will just replace them. So it’s an extrely disadvantageous fight for our Tang Clan. Do you understand?”
What? So we can provoke them from our side?
Then, isn’t that my specialty?
Qing’s eyes sparkled brightly.
“Then, can I join in provoking them too?”
“That desire to help in any way is truly lovely. How admirable. Here, I’ll give you this. It’s a personally modified version of the Soul-Seizing Oblivion.”
The Grand Clan Lord handed over another small glass bottle.
Inside were three pills that looked like goat droppings.
“If you make them swallow it by shoving it into their mouth, after the dicine takes effect, it will stimulate their lust while making them see hallucinations. You’ll definitely be able to see them humping the air… Oh my. I shouldn’t say such things to a young lady. How thoughtless of .”
“Wow! Thank you! It sounds fun, so I’ll definitely use it.”
It was another deadly poison that would bring about death to one’s social status.
She wasn’t sure what he kept personally modifying, but since it was precious, Qing happily accepted it again.
“However, Touzhong, that fellow. Didn’t he secure the Clan Lord position because he was originally incredibly glib? There’s no one in our family who can wag their tongue better than him, so if we leave it to him, he’ll handle it well on his own.”
Sure enough, after that, the Regional Military Commissioner had no choice but to withdraw.
“Ahem. It seems the search is not feasible, so we will withdraw for today. Quickly deal with the poison and comply with His Imperial Majesty’s august command.”
It was a win on points for the Tang Clan.
----
The Imperial Censor didn’t co just to be pushed around, so the next thing he did was to blockade the Tang Center.
By surrounding it with soldiers and blocking all entrances and exits of the Tang Center, he prevented not only people but also supplies from entering.
Among the supplies was food, and since people couldn’t live without eating, it ant they should either starve to death or die for treason.
However, Qing ate well.
The Tang Clan mbers also ate well.
This was because there were already several secret passages. As such, all that really changed was that it beca just a bit troubleso to bring in supplies.
Since what the Tang Clan needed was ti, they also pretended to ekly endure.
“Oh my, goodn. If you block even our food supplies, how are we supposed to live?”
“Ahem, ahem. We’re just following orders too.”
It was like this.
By the fourth day, even the Imperial Censor started to feel sothing was suspicious.
Wasn’t this a bit strange? Did they really stock up on that much food?
anwhile, two points had been marked on the map of Sichuan, aning they had already found the locations of two artillery positions.
It was only on the seventh day and night that the Imperial Censor finally realized sothing was amiss and rushed back with a horde of soldiers.
This ti, he not only ca himself but also brought new mbers: a group of martial artists dressed in martial attire made of brilliant golden silk.
“I clearly warned you, yet you still have not taken on the appearance of criminals.”
“Criminals? Where are there any criminals here?”
“Hmph, Guard Assistant Commander. What did I tell you? Look at the shaless lies of these outrageous traitors. We should imdiately rush in and slaughter them.”
Qing watched this scene and asked.
“Who are those sparkling guys?”
“They’re called the Embroidered Uniform Guards1.”
The Embroidered Uniform Guards, also known as Golden Uniform Guards, were literally guards wearing golden clothes.
However, since this golden martial attire was the exclusive uniform of the Emperor’s direct military group, each and every one of them held quite high official positions.
They were almost identical to the group called the Life Guard2 when Germany was an empire back in Qing’s howorld.
They were the army, secret police, and the Emperor’s blade all in one.
The complexion of the Poison Grandfather, no, the Grand Clan Lord explaining this, darkened a bit.
“It seems the Emperor has made up his mind. A Guard Assistant Commander is the third highest position in the Embroidered Uniform Guards, so they rarely co down to the provinces under normal circumstances.”
At any rate, another war of words betting the family’s fate was about to begin.
“Seven days have passed, so you must have surely detoxified by now. This ti, you should accept the sear-“
“Oh dear. In truth, last night, a mischievous wild cat caused havoc in the warehouse, and unfortunately, it ran around with a pouch of deadly poison in its mouth, turning the entire Tang Center into a trap no different from an area of death.”
It was exactly the sa line, as if it had been copied and pasted.
“Did you not say the sa thing last ti?”
“Isn’t it said that history often repeats itself?”
“T-There should be a limit to shalessness, even if…”
The Imperial Censor trembled with a disgusted expression.
anwhile, Qing just admired such a scene.
Isn’t this an incredible second rendition? Basically like a ?
Furthermore, it was a declaration of intent to thoroughly milk this for three or four more renditions. They seed to be ready to reach the realm of internet comnts; all yap and no logic.
It ant that every night before they ca to visit, an invincible cat with immunity to all poisons would steal an infinite pouch of poison and ticulously spray it all over the Tang Center.
However, the Imperial Censor was no ordinary person either, so he imdiately realized that there was no way forward in this standoff and turned to leave right away.
At that mont, Qing suddenly raised her voice.
“Oh right! Imperial Censor! Just a mont! I have sothing urgent to tell you.”
The Imperial Censor, who was about to take a step, looked at Qing’s veiled face with a dubious, yet sowhat expectant gaze.
“…What is it? If you’re going to report these outrageous traitors, I swear on my na that I’ll do my utmost to save you alone, Woman.”
Then Qing turned to Tang Touzhong and spoke.
“Well about that… Clan Lord? Our food waste is overflowing and it’s been slling a lot lately. Couldn’t we ask them to clean it up on their way back? They’re the ones who blocked us and prevented us from coming and going, so shouldn’t the ones who blocked us clean it up?”
“Ooh. That is indeed a good idea. Imperial Censor, may I make an earnest request? Our chef makes such huge portions that the Tang Clan mbers usually have more than enough to eat with plenty left over.”
It was a taunt saying that no matter how much they blockaded, it was useless because they had separate ways to bring things in.
So Tang Clan mbers deliberately responded with giggling laughter.
“Shut up, you traitors who are not even worth associating with! You should be torn limb from limb and thrown to the dogs! You should be skewered and roasted to feed to your own children!”
“Ah. You wish to talk about the end of traitors? Then how about using those whose belly fat we stick wicks in to use as candles? The Imperial Censor alone should burn for a good seven days.”
It was a refined jab at the Imperial Censor’s Dong Zhuo-like physique.
“Y-You…! Let’s go! These fucking sons of bitches…”
In the end, the Imperial Censor, with a face turned bright red, left while cursing.
Sichuan Tang Clan: Victory No. 2.
After that, Poison Grandfather held out another glass bottle.
“The child’s quick wit is truly admirable. How praiseworthy. Here, I’ll give you this. It’s a personally modified version of the Immortal Waste.”
This ti it was an empty, sealed glass bottle.
“If you make them inhale it through their nose or mouth, for fifteen days their breathing will change to sound like an ugly flute, making them wheeze roughly. On top of that, their voice will change to be even more ridiculous, so they won’t be able to hold back their laughter even at their own words. If there is soone who laughs easily, they might even laugh so much they suffocate.”
Every single thing he touched was consistently a poison aid at ruining soone’s reputation.
“Wow! Thank you so much. This wasn’t what I was hoping for, but hehe. I’ll use it well.”
Qing happily accepted the bottle once again.
Footnotes
1. The Embroidered Uniform Guard was the imperial secret police that served the emperors of the Ming dynasty in China. The guard was founded by the Hongwu Emperor in 1368 to serve as his personal bodyguards. In 1369 it beca an imperial military body.2. A life guard (also known as household troops) is a military unit charged with protecting a high-ranking individual, such as a /genesisforsaken
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