I Reincarnated as a Noble Bastard, So I'm Seducing All the Villainess Chapter 9: Reconsidering My Life Choices

"Ughh, I feel awful, man... Urgh... Blech!"

Besides the room spinning wildly, I’ve stained the floor with a puddle of green vomit containing yesterday’s food and a lot of the wine I drank. The hangover hit harder than the Duke’s fists, and honestly, staying in bed all day seems like a really good idea.

Yeah, just collapse onto this fragrant bed with the feather pillow, forget about the annoying morning activities. Father wanted to put with a magic tutor, but no way in hell am I going to fall for one of those mages. First, in the original work of Sword of the Iron Maiden, they’re terrible compared to the main cast and barely know any truly good spells.

Maybe it works in comparison to normal people, but how on earth is dealing with royalty considered normal?

"Darius, wake up now!"

Who is bothering at this hour? The pounding on the door doesn’t stop for a minute, which only reinforces this infernal migraine that feels like a bandana tightening around my forehead.

"Shit..."

With the strength of a stretching mouse, I drag myself out of bed and walk towards the door, turning the doorknob. The person I least expected first thing in the morning, my dear stepmother Leliana, greets with her ever-present fan covering her disgusted expression and rolls her eyes upon seeing my utterly ruined state.

Good morning to you too, you bitch.

"What have you been up to this ti, boy?!"

"What? I haven’t been up to anything, I was just sleeping..."

"You haven’t? Then why is there a group of cooks waiting for you outside, this early in the morning?!"

Group of cooks? What?

I quicken my pace towards the window, only to be t by a ready entourage outside the palace sharpening their knives on the pavent, each one scarier than the last. In fact, if it weren’t for their white clothes and backpacks, they could easily be mistaken for rcenaries!

And among these people, I recognize a pot-bellied man with thinning hair, the sa one from yesterday, that Vivandir guy!

Wait, but what did I agree on with him? Use your brain, Darius, what did you do yesterday?

I got really drunk, then went straight to Elizia, realized I reincarnated, and then... Ah...

How on earth did I not realize?! I did all those things drunk! I shouldn’t even gone after Ravenna, much less conspired to screw over Count Vandric knowing the devil that’s in his mansion! And now? Should I just tell them to leave? But if I send them away, Ravenna will be executed by the MC later, and I’ll be cursed for the rest of my life.

"So? Aren’t you going to answer, boy? I’ll send them away, it seems you’ve stirred up trouble with the poor commoners again. How shaful..."

Leliana shakes her fan and her head in denial. At the sa mont, I grab her arm, preventing her from moving another step.

"What do you think you’re...?!"

"No need, ma’am! I’ll handle this!"

"You?"

She raises an eyebrow high, doubting my very words. I don’t bla her, being sensible, I’d do the sa. Anyway, since I got myself into this ss, I have to figure it out sohow. I let go of my dear stepmother’s arm and narrow my eyes, heading down the corridor towards the main gate.

The hall doors open before with ceremonial slowness, as if I were about to et the delinquent gang from Hell’s Kitchen.

The so-called cooks form a strange line, so with pots, others with bags of ingredients and wooden spoons the size of an infantry saber. Right in the center, with his belly almost tearing his apron from being so bloated, stands Vivandir, that doughy traitor of common sense.

"Ah, Darius! Finally! We’ve been waiting since sunrise!"

"Good... morning?" I mumble, raising a hand in a wave, but preferring to block the sun falling on my alcohol-swollen face. "Why the hell did you bring this crowd?"

"Was I supposed to co alone?"

"Dude, who brings a fleet to pick up a new mber?!?"

I feel like punching Vivandir so hard in the face that he’ll turn into a star in the sky with all that extra weight in his gut. You have to be really dumb to do sothing like this! Okay, let’s stay calm.

I’m already too deep in this hole to get out now. If I refuse here, Ravenna dies and I bla myself for her death, if I go, I have very high chances of getting myself killed in the process. Well, I’m already at rock bottom, so what’s a fart to soone who’s already crapped their pants?

"Can you give a change of clothes? I’ll go change right away and we’ll leave."

Vivandir finally smiles after the scolding I gave him and hands over the white cook’s outfit along with the hat. Why on earth they walk around Imperial City like that, I have no idea, but it seems I’ll have to blend in with them.

"Are you really going with this bunch of ill-dressed bakers?" Leliana’s voice catches by surprise.

I turn my face and there she is: leaning against one of the main entrance columns, her fan half-lowered, eyes squinted as if trying to decipher the absurd scene before her. I knew she’d never let off easy like this, that woman is like a pebble in your shoe, it won’t co out even if you take a knife and try to pry it off.

At tis like these, the best way is to insist until you see her give up trying to stop with an absurd lie.

"Yes, it’s volunteer work. A charity program to integrate nobles into the common people’s routine. It’s... it’s a modern thing, you know?"

"Do you think I’m an idiot, Darius?"

Damn. I’m not even good for that.

"Okay, it’s not charity. I..." I run a hand over my face, look at Vivandir and his loyal squires ard with ladles and wooden spoons, "I’m going to help test so new recipes. Magical... uh... bread. New stuff."

"Magical. Understandable."

"Look, it’s hard to explain, okay? But I swear I know what I’m doing."

She crosses her arms, walking towards . Her light dress sways along with the fan that again covers her face, hiding a mocking smile. I bet I’ll be a topic of conversation in her coffee gossip sessions with her friends later.

"Darius, what are you trying to do this ti? Another unbailable cri against the family’s reputation?"

"It’s nothing much. I just want to walk around the city, live a little, do sothing on my own."

"You never do ’nothing much.’ The last ti you tried to do sothing on your own, the servants spent three weeks scrubbing red paint off the ceiling of the East Wing."

"This ti it’s different. I swear."

She stops in front of , looking deep into my eyes, searching for any trace of tremor. This is a classic Leliana strategy when she wants to catch lies, one I was conditioned to face for years to circumvent various problems.

"Listen, just... trust . If it goes wrong, you can report to the Duke. You can have whipped too, if you want."

"That sounds tempting."

"It does."

She hesitates, but then takes a step back. The fan snaps shut.

"Very well, lunatic. Just co back alive and don’t stain the family na more than you already have."

"I swear our reputation will remain in the sa quagmire as always."

Leliana rolls her eyes, turns her back, and disappears down the corridor. I admit, that woman is incredibly attractive, if she weren’t my stepmother and a trendous asshole, I’d go for it. At least Duke Moonlight has good taste.

I put on the ridiculous white outfit, perch the crooked hat on my head, and turn to face the most dangerous confectionery troop in the empire.

"Alright, lads. March to the east gate!" Vivandir shouts excitedly.

One of the cooks blows on a spoon as if it were a bugle.

Escorted by bakers, hooded in sha, and guided by drunk decisions, Darius Moonlight, aka old , embarks on the most stupid cri of his reincarnation.

I seriously need to rethink my life choices...