"Who told you I’m not jealous?"
Upon those words leaving Zaki’s mouth, Hinari was dumbstruck. She blinked more than three tis before she could utter a word.
"H-huh? W-what did you say?" Hinari stamred. She was trying to confirm that what she just heard wasn’t in her imagination. She stared at him with wide eyes and Zaki’s gaze was still deep and unfathomable. However, this ti, the way he looked at her was much more intense than ever. His eyes were like a clear blue lake, enchantingly calm and clear yet bottomless. She just couldn’t see what exactly those eyes were telling her.
Looking at him, Hinari’s heart began to race when the man didn’t reply. She could swear she heard those words but sohow, she just found it quite unbelievable.
What is this guy up to? Is he serious? Is he just testing ?
Unable to figure out what was going on, Hinari decided not to expect anything in the end. Well, she had always been a pessimist in the first place. Hinari was the type of person who always chose to expect nothing from soone else. This way, she wouldn’t be disappointed.
Since she was a little girl, her life had been filled with one betrayal after another. Even her very own flesh and blood had abandoned her, causing her to lose her trust in almost everyone. She learned that in order for soone like her to avoid getting hurt again, she would have to expect the worst from everyone, or expect nothing at all. Truth be told, when Hinari t her best friend, Davi, in high school, she already expected her to be just like everyone else. She expected her to pretend to be a friend at the beginning and then gradually beco a backstabber or a stranger when she didn’t need Hinari anymore. She prepared herself, expecting the worse, so that when that worst case scenario happened, she wouldn’t be caught off guard and it would be easy to just say the words ’as expected, I was right all along’. However, when Hinari’s negative expectations didn’t happen, she was so happy like she had flown to the moon and back and was surprised to the core.
Hinari truly believed that too much optimism would only give nothing but heartache. She believed that too much expectation would only give you pain. She already learned her lesson so she wouldn’t purposely push herself to fall down the sa pit again.
"Are you perhaps trying to test , huh, Mr. Chen? Are you saying these words to provoke or sothing since I’m not allowed to flirt as of now?" Hinari spoke again. Her voice was sohow, calm and void with anything mischievous.
However, the words she said caused Zaki to slightly crease his brows.
"You think I’m kidding?" He finally replied and Hinari imdiately answered.
"Well, I just don’t want to get my hopes up."
"Because you’re afraid your expectation will be wrong?"
"Hmm... That’s correct so there’s no point denying it. I’d rather be a pessimist and expect a storm so I can prepare myself for it than being an optimist, expecting sunshine just to end up being caught off guard by the storm. Of course, the good thing is that if you expected a storm but the day is actually filled with sunshine instead, won’t you be surprised and overjoyed?"
Hinari’s words were sowhat heavy. Zaki could clearly notice the change in her tone. Hearing her, he finally began to understand why this girl is acting the way she is all this ti.
"But thinking that way towards soone is the sa as saying you never trust that person at all." He replied.
"Maybe you’re right. The way I think might even be logically called as being selfish or playing it safe, but, what’s wrong with playing it safe? What’s wrong with being careful? Must I be foolish forever and let myself get hurt again?"
"So you won’t believe if I tell you I’m jealous?"
"W-well, you can’t bla . How could a heartless fiancé like you be jealous because of a playful confession to... a... girl?!"
"H-heartless?" Zaki stamred. For so reason, he was shaken up the mont she called him heartless. Of course he was used to being called heartless and ruthless by his enemies since he was young, however, when the word ca from Hinari’s mouth, he felt like he was being stabbed. His grip on her hand loosened like he suddenly weakened.
"Well, you don’t know? Listen to Mr. Beautiful, we have been engaged for more than five years now, but you haven’t even taken out for a date. You only co to give a present during my birthdays and you leave straight away after five minutes of talking to my grandpa and not . You only co and see when your brother the great sends you to get . You never accepted an invitation from . We never had serious talks, and you never opened up to . Of course, I will never forget that you always seem to appear and save whenever I’m in grave danger and I know I can never repay you for it but..." Hinari, pulled her hands from Zaki’s loosened grip and like a fierce gangster, she grabbed Zaki’s collar. She made sure she wouldn’t touch his body as her eyes seed to turned even fiercer, looking at him as if Zaki owed her a billion dollar.
"But my dear beauty, you were supposed to be my fiancé, not a superhero who would only appear when I’m in grave danger. Yes, I haven’t forgotten that we were never bound by this thing called love from the very beginning but why aren’t you saying anything? Are you planning to be like this for another five years? Do you perhaps think that we will stay like this forever?" She continued, her eyes narrowed as she question him. Well, Hinari actually expected Zaki to break the engagent one day. She even expected that their relationship will never work. For five years, she tried chasing him while making it looks like she’s doing it for fun, harassing him mischievously every ti there was a chance, trying to get a reaction, but she, the so called queen of seduction who published best selling romantic books actually failed to even invite her man out for a date.
Thinking about their situation, Hinari has been thinking, why were they still engage until this ti despite it all? How long will they stay like this?
For the first ti, Hinari felt like her heart was getting heavier than ever. Certainly, she knew that she didn’t want them to stay like this forever.
After a mont of silence, Hinari continued speaking without letting go of Zaki’s collar.
"If that’s what you think, sorry dear, even if you’re the most beautiful man in my eyes, I think, what I need is definitely not a superhero." She said, her eyes glistened with sothing Zaki never seen before.
However, the next mont, Hinari shrugged and the look in her eyes went back to normal.
"So yeah, to , you’re definitely my heartless superhero. Moreover, no matter how much I think about it, there’s no way that you of all people will really get jealous over . Why? Well, why would it suddenly happen now when you didn’t care for all these years? To tell you the truth, Chen Zaki..." she paused and let go of his collar. She looked away from him and uttered three words...
"I hate you."
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