I Have a Reason to Hate Streamers Chapter 82

"Okay, please close your eyes for a mont."

"..."

"Now open them. How do you feel?"

"It’s fine."

How did it even co to this? The reflection of myself in the mirror wore a bewildered expression.

My face, which had looked a bit pale earlier, now had so color. Of course, it wasn’t real. I felt more drained than ever. A woman with a bright, cheerful face smiled silently at .

Her smile was sowhat eerie, and I hastily corrected myself.

"I-I think it looks nice."

"Good. Now let’s head over to the hair station."

"Should I follow you?"

"Yes, please follow ."

So soft oil was applied to my hair, which had only been roughly brushed before. The style didn’t seem all that different, just a bit more polished than before. So here I was, getting an unexpected makeover.

Had I asked a careless question? It felt like I had unintentionally dug into the wounds of the person who had co out to comfort . The coffee I sipped didn’t taste as bitter as I thought it would.

I wondered, was Elderen now seeing as a stand-in for her sister? Maybe there was so sense of vicarious satisfaction behind her kindness. I thought about it for a while but ultimately decided it didn’t matter much.

"I don’t think this is sothing I should get upset over."

"You might dislike it, though. I an, assuming things about soone and then offering kindness based on those assumptions… It’s actually pretty rude."

"It’s okay. It was comforting to . You didn’t do anything wrong. So, could you… just hug , just this once?"

Elderen—or rather, Yuserin—my sister—slowly pulled into her arms.

Her arms wrapped around gently, and I could feel her chest rise and fall with each breath. The warmth only another human could provide began to thaw the chill deep in my bones. Along with that warmth, I felt myself lting away, slowly dissolving.

"Just a little longer… It’s so warm and nice."

In truth, I was just as guilty of using others as substitutes. I simply longed for warmth. It didn’t really matter who gave it to as long as I could have what I wanted.

Anyone who approached and said the right things could quickly win over my heart.

Human warmth had beco sothing so precious to . So, if I could borrow that warmth, it didn’t matter if I had to pay a steep price. Even if there was a sinister motive behind it, I could overlook that to so degree.

Maybe I was much easier to please than I thought.

I snuggled a little closer to Yuserin’s embrace. It was still warm. Even though the world was already leaving spring behind, my own personal winter had yet to end.

"You know, I lied about sothing during the et-up," I confessed.

"What was it?"

"My leg… It didn’t get hurt recently. It’s been a long ti since it stopped working."

"I already knew. Not just —everyone else pretended not to know, too."

"What?"

She said it so casually, but it was shocking. I looked up at her and saw her faint smile.

I felt so foolish for thinking I had hidden it well. I lowered my head again in embarrassnt.

"How did you know?"

"Your crutches and brace are really worn out. Plus, habits. The body doesn’t lie, and it seems like you can’t lie, either."

"I didn’t even think about that..."

I had considered myself good at psychological gas, but to think I’d be told that I couldn’t lie to save my life!

When I looked at my brace, I realized it really did show the wear and tear of ti. It had beco such a natural part of that I hadn’t even noticed. It made sense, though—I’d been wearing it ever since the accident.

Maybe I should consider getting a new one soon.

"Anyway… I used to practice kendo when I was younger. It’s difficult for now, but I was… pretty good."

"I’m sure you were great. I’ve seen a little myself."

"Praising like that… even though I can’t do anything now," I chuckled.

"I’m just saying what I think."

"Haha…"

Carefully managing my expression, I began to talk.

I left out the painful details. I only ntioned that the accident was the reason my leg was injured. It was a tragic, unfair accident that the world should feel ashad about.

I explained the condition of my leg in fairly accurate detail.

My left leg felt like a hardened block of stone. No matter how hard I tried, I could barely move it. And yet, if I placed any weight on it wrong, or if it was struck from the outside, it hurt so much that it was unbearable.

It felt like a cruel punishnt from a spiteful god. It would’ve been better if there was no hope at all. The faint sliver of hope left behind seed like an intentional and brutal form of torture.

When the doctor suggested amputation, would it have been better if I had accepted it? Sotis, I wondered about that—but I didn’t want to dwell on it too much.

"A doctor once told … I might be able to fix my leg. That’s why I had to make money. You’ve probably guessed it by now, but… I make money through gaming."

"Have you thought about streaming? Do you have a reason not to?"

"I want to. I want to talk to people, and I want more people to see ."

"Then…"

"I can’t do it with my current device."

I fidgeted with my hands, struggling to continue speaking. My lips trembled as I bit them, tasting the faint hint of blood.

This was sothing I had to say. If I wasn’t going to say it, I wouldn’t have called Elderen in the first place. Summoning my courage, I started explaining my VR headset situation.

The VR headset my parents had been developing for critical care patients. It used neural interface technology that had been discontinued due to its excessive risks. It wasn’t designed for gaming at all—streaming or anything else. It was both my paradise and my prison.

And now, even that was being taken away from .

"I… I might not be able to play anymore. The ga company’s staff is coming in a few days. I have maybe a few weeks left, and after they investigate it… if it’s too dangerous, I won’t be able to log in anymore."

"Wait, the ga company is coming?"

"Yeah. They said my device is too dangerous. And honestly, I know that. If I keep using it, sothing bad might happen to . But… if they take my headset away, how am I supposed to live?"

A bird falls for a reason. Either its wings were injured, or it beca unable to fly. Similarly, the discontinued VR system had its reasons for being abandoned.

But this is all I have left.

One day, I might die playing the ga. It could be from the acute shock they were worried about, or maybe I’d just give in to my depression and end it all.

But if I lose the ga, I know for sure I’ll die.

"I hate this… they’ve taken everything from . My mom, my dad, kendo, my whole life. I’ve only just gotten used to it all. This is too much to bear."

"Da-eun, slow down. Breathe, okay?"

I managed to take a deep breath. In and out. Slowly. The arms holding helped steady my heart, but I still couldn’t find an answer.

I’m an unskilled woman. My body isn’t whole, and besides gaming and kendo, I don’t know what I’m good at.

The only thing I have going for … is my appearance. No one denies that I’m pretty. So how am I supposed to save my leg?

If my looks are all I have, should I sell myself?

There are plenty of rich, greedy people in this world. When you live as a "miserable woman," whether you like it or not, you eventually co to realize that. I’d probably be in demand. I might even get the warmth I’ve longed for.

But… I don’t think I’d care about a life lived that way.

I’d have no reason to fix my leg, no more dreams to chase. Drowning myself in alcohol or indulgence… one day, my body would take to the sky. It would be a brief but exhilarating flight.

If that’s where things are heading anyway… maybe I should just—

"I… I just want to die—"

Before I could finish, Yuserin covered my mouth with her hand.

"Da-eun. You said you wanted to try streaming, right?"

"Yes. But… not in real life."

"You said you might not be able to play anymore. I can’t fight the ga company for you, but I can help you with one thing. It’s good to have multiple options, isn’t it?"

"Huh…?"

The car sped down the empty road. I had no idea where we were going. But Elderen seed oddly full of energy.

Her enthusiasm made a bit nervous, and I fiddled with my fingers in apprehension.

"I can’t stream in real life."

"Why not?"

"Because… I’m not as strong as I am in the ga. I don’t know how to entertain people. I’m not like Ka-Wol."

"But you are Ka-Wol."

"Not exactly… I an…"

My words trailed off.

I’m gloomy, and my heart is full of jealousy. Honestly, I’m even jealous of you. I hate everyone who’s happier and more successful than .

─ But I couldn’t say that out loud.

Instead, I searched for another excuse.

“I’ve been hated a lot, you know. I’m sure I won’t be able to handle it.”

Ka-Wol can handle all the hatred directed at her. But Han Da-eun cannot. If people started turning their arrows of criticism toward , I might just collapse.

That thought terrified . My heart wasn’t strong enough to endure that.

“You’re right. You’ve made quite a few enemies.”

“Right? So that’s why I—”

“But you’ve gained even more popularity. I don’t think you fully realize that yet, so let’s get prepared.”

“I-I don’t want to. It’s scary!”

“Are you sure?”

“…”

The car ca to a temporary stop at a traffic light. Yuserin placed her hand gently on top of mine.

“If you really don’t want to, I won’t force you. But I’d like you to trust just this once. What do you say, Da-eun?”

“I… well…”