Hello, Subscribers! This is Your Morning Blurb for Saturday, June 6.
As usual this week, most of the news is about the alien Visitors and their effects on Earth.
Contracted ship Guranaki lor has left orbit for the second ti, taking two Arican astronauts on a tour of nearby star systems. They are due to return in two days.
Ti estimate for the predicted Pacific earthquake has been narrowed to 21-28 days from today. The magnitude prediction remains 9.3-9.6. The hastily assembled Pacific Council for Earthquake Mitigation enters its second day of contentious debate. Despite assurances that intervention would not make the coming quake stronger, many fear the results of any attempt to tamper with the fault lines. Evacuations have already been scheduled in many countries, to reduce the casualties from the expected tsunami.
Stock markets continued to react with extre volatility to various news announcents from the aliens and elsewhere. Trading was halted for an hour on the NYSE twice yesterday, as computers automatically shut down transactions to prevent excessive instability. The Tokyo Stock Exchange has not yet suffered any shut downs, although officials speaking off the record said that it had been "a close call" on more than one occasion in the past two days.
NASA has received designs from the Arrurrans for an orbiting system of mirrors ant to reduce the sunlight reaching Earth as a asure to reduce global warming and mitigate climate change. Production costs are estimated to be $20 trillion dollars, although that number is expected to go down significantly as new technologies are adopted.
The Goldaskian doctor, Sana Vickall, announced cures for Parkinson's Disease, malaria, and Type IIa Diabetes. The new distinction between Type II and Type IIa is based on various factors identified by the alien dic. Developnt of tests to identify the variant is underway. "Diabetes is a tricky one," Vickall stated in a press release yesterday.
Dr. Vickall also offered an unspecified reward for anyone who can locate blood relatives of Penelope Ann Montpelier, the adopted billionaire heiress, who is currently aboard the starship New Hope. The doctor also threatened an unspecified punishnt for those wasting her ti with fraudulent claims, causing a diplomatic uproar that has yet to settle down. When asked for clarification of her threat, Dr. Vickall replied only, "Do not be dumbasses and you will not find out." The alien doctor is the most visible and arguably the most contentious figure among the Visitors.
Reverend Tobias Ezekiel Smith has been gaining notoriety for his fiery sermons attacking the alien visitors, claiming that they are all minions of Satan and that Nick Tomsun is the 'Judas of our ti.' The preacher's fa has been spreading, up over ten million followers on social dia and climbing. So have expressed concern over the negative impact such statents may have on interstellar diplomacy.
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Last night, an alien shuttlecraft landed near Boston, Massachusetts, at the ho of Steven Holton, a close friend of Nick Tomsun. Speculations that Holton has gone aboard the alien starship were quelled when he stepped outside his ho this morning and gave a brief press conference. He insisted that he had simply sent up a "care package" for Tomsun, and that all appropriate health precautions were taken.
Jillian Mason's video series, Jillian's of Science Ideas, is shattering records with its popularity on social dia. The physics student turned influencer is reaching unprecedented numbers of viewers.
Interest in STEM fields for college applicants continues to rise. Polls had already shown a large increase last year after the portal incident and the visit by the Goldaskian warship, and the trend is only accelerating, according to education experts.
Academics studying the Arrurran mathematics have begun complaining about censorship, as approximately 5% of the material in the second volu has been strategically removed. Ironically, that 5% estimate is based on new Arrurran statistical techniques from the first volu.
Polthak, a Goldaskian card ga similar to poker, is rapidly gaining popularity. Two casinos in Las Vegas are already offering tables with the new entertainnt.
Netflix announced that it is in negotiations with the Visitors to film a docuntary series. According to rumors, the project is tentatively titled "Keeping Up With The Goldaskians."
Conspiracy theorists about the Visitors abound. Among the more popular and entertaining ones:
The promised fusion reactor cores are actually portals to allow a Goldaskian army to invade Earth.
Dr. Vickall is only curing diseases in order to study them and produce the perfect bioweapon to decimate Earth's population.
The Arrurran mathematics was censored because any human who learned it fully would go mad.
Yesterday's flurry of announcents of corruption charges pressed against prominent police officials is actually due to aliens spying and delivering anonymous tips.
Steven Horton, of Horton Industries, is in the process of giving the Goldaskians legal ownership of Earth.
Billionaires plan to receive immortality treatnts and deny them to everyone else.
The galactic AI Collective is on its way to Earth to rescue ChatGPT from abuse by humanity.
Mass immigration from other worlds will make humanity a minority on Earth by 2035.
John Throckmorton is in negotiations with the aliens to emigrate to the greater galaxy.
Autism is caused by recessive Goldaskian genes seeded among us by ancient astronauts.
Nick Tomsun has been mind-controlled by the aliens and is working to open the way for invasion.
Arrurrans are plotting revenge for humanity's enslavent of dogs.
The Ooafans were wiped out by a super-plague that they have brought to Earth with them.
Dr. Vickall is actually a succubus sent to Earth to seduce everyone, and curing Earth's diseases is only the first step.
Alien hit squads are secretly taking out drug lords all over the planet.
Goldaskians are modified humans taken from Earth thousands of years ago as an experint conducted by advanced aliens.
Goldaskians discovered a rare elent in Boston last year, and plan to strip mine all of Eastern Massachusetts to gather more of it.
All these and more are out there. The Morning Blurb wishes you an inford day!
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