To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Hi Maggie!
So, a funny thing happened 14 months ago...Let explain.
No. There is too much. Let sum up.
Gave an alien directions, got knocked through a portal, survived on the planet Ooafa for months, t the Ooafans, helped them out. We got invaded, took over the invaders' ship, t the neighbors, explored the area, did well enough to hire a ship, and ca ho, which took months.
How have you been?
Also, FFS I need so advice from friendly humans. Email back ASAP, OK?
Nick
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Steve,
Dude. Have I got a story for you. Weirdest fucking year of my life.
No, this is not a fucking joke. It's . Proof: I know who actually burned your parents' house down. You were with that night, and I backed your play when you took the fall.
So, I fell through a portal to a planet nad Ooafa. I shit you not.
It'll be all over the news soon, but I'm back. On a starship in orbit. The trip took months.
So, you probably know how to make stupidly rich with the massive tech and science and books and other stuff I got from a few races of aliens. I need advice, badly, and fast. Email ASAP.
Nick
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
To the best wingwoman a freshman could ever ask for,
Yeah, it's . Nick. I've been to outer space, Ness. Portal sent like 13000 light-years away and it took months to get back. I'm in orbit right now. Should be all over the news soon.
This story has been stolen from Royal Road. If you read it on Amazon, please report it
Ness, I am in so far over my head it isn't even funny. HELP! Contact ASAP. I need to talk to Presidents and shit. I've got a whole shipload of genies in bottles. Help not destroy the planet by accident. I need so advice from another human, desperately.
Find a way to get a hamburger and I will owe you forever. I would kill for human food right now.
Anything but fucking tuna, apples, or potato chips.
Talk to you soon,
Nick
To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Brian,
It's , Nick. For real. If you don't believe , tell Steve to check his email. I'm back, and I need help.
When the portals opened up on Market Street last year, I got sent to a planet over 13000 light-years away. Spent months surviving, t aliens, got a starship, took months to get ho. There is SO much more but I will give you the details later.
Good news that is also bad news: I got a ton of high tech designs, math and science books from aliens, and more. Help figure out how to cope. I am in desperate need of advice. Email ASAP.
Nick
PS You are a man of culture. Check out the hot alien ship's doctor when she gets on the news soon.
To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Hi Sis,
I know you hate my guts, but I wanted to give you a heads up. I'm alive, I'm back, and about to be really famous, like, on the evening news everywhere famous. So if you want to brace yourself or hide from the press or whatever, you should probably hurry. Sorry for the hassle.
Sorry, in general.
Your dumbass brother,
Nick
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
What the fuck?
If this is really Nick, what did I wear to the senior prom?
If it isn't, this isn't funny and I will hire assassins to hunt you down and kill you for this sick joke.
Maggie
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
You wore the vomit green dress and proved it out back of the gym later that night.
Maggie, that reply is the first words I've gotten aid at from another human being in 14 months. I could kiss you right now.
Seriously, I am in orbit and I'm about to change the world. Help not break it. Advice, PLEASE!
I'll send you a Voom link in a couple of minutes.
Nick (no really)
To:[email protected]
From:[email protected]
Nick,
Is that really you?
Where the hell are you? Co to my apartnt if you're really you.
What's with the email address?
Brian
To:[email protected]
From: [email protected]
Dude, I can't co to your apartnt, because A, I don't know where you live now, and B, I am in freaking orbit at the mont. For real. I'm sending Maggie a Voom in a minute, I'll link you in.
I'd call you, but they recycled my phone number. Email was easier to start with.
Nick
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Mr. Tomsun,
Attached are instructions for opening secure communications.
Please contact us at your earliest convenience.
Thank you.
Jason Everhill
Deputy Director for Intelligence, Central Intelligence Agency
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