Jocelyn had never been so confused in her life. There was a high probability that Keith was Delta, which would an Keith liked her in her secret identity. So why was Delta suddenly being so nice to her as Frostine?
He brought her macaroni in a cone without prompting despite having to go out of his way to do so. And when he did he acted much sillier than usual. Did he finally feel comfortable being himself more after their conversation about how goofy people were her favorite? If so, she was both gratified and perplexed.
She wanted him to know how much she appreciated this—appreciated him—but she had to be careful. She couldn't let him know she knew him in two different contexts so she did her best when complinting him. He didn't seem to believe her but he also didn't seem to have caught on, to her great relief.
His self-esteem was much lower than she originally would have thought. She had seen glimpses of it lately. He likely only felt that he could reveal such weaknesses because he thought she didn't know the real him.
What had Delta/Keith been through that he genuinely believed no one would like him for who he was? Did he have any idea how important he was to her?
Probably not. She needed to be better about showing that. He deserved to know but she didn't want to scare him off at the sa ti. It would be a fine line to walk and she really wasn't good at this whole friendship thing. Especially since he probably had feelings for her that she wasn't sure she was capable of returning.
Jocelyn was afraid of ssing up what they had too. She had seen far too many relationships go wrong to want one for herself when she was still learning to navigate the waters of friendship. She didn't have nearly enough experience to know what she was doing.
Her thoughts went around in circles until it was ti for them to celebrate his getting accepted into a volunteer fire departnt. She needed to snap out of it and focus on helping her friend feel good about his accomplishnt.
Unfortunately, that was easier said than done because she got yet another clue that he was Delta. His favorite restaurant was in Queens while he lived and worked in Brooklyn. He said he was out that way a lot for business. That business could easily be hero work. Goodness knows she made it all over New York City within the span of a single day.
Jocelyn pushed that aside and focused on talking to him. The conversation flowed easily and naturally as it always did despite her distraction.
She was also sure to be as straightforward with the complints as she could be in the hope that he would realize that she truly did care about him. She wasn't expecting him to offer to see her outside of work every day because of it though!
She was shocked because no one had ever wanted to see her that often. She couldn't quite hide her disbelief. That was an awful lot of effort to put for her sake and no one had ever made that sort of effort for her either.
Keith misunderstood her intentions and thought she didn't want to see him that often. Confused as he made her lately, that didn't diminish the fact that she wished she could spend more ti with him. He was being self-deprecating about it too so she was quick to clarify she could never get sick of him.
He brushed it off as a joke. "That's a pretty bold claim to make. You underestimate my ability to annoy people."
Now he was sounding more like Delta. He wasn't annoying though. She had never thought of either of them that way discounting when Delta followed her everywhere in the beginning and she wasn't used to it. It was less about him than it was her discomfort being around others regularly.
Jocelyn needed to get her point across so she had to be bold about it. "Keith. You're the highlight of my day. You underestimate your ability to make people happy."
"I do?" Keith asked in disbelief.
His tone made her insides twist. Why couldn't he see what an enjoyable person to be around he was? She wasn't very good at comforting people outside of the context of her job but she had to do sothing so she reached out to hold his hand.
"Yes. I would love to see you every day once you change jobs. I just don't want to put pressure on you if that's difficult to make work. Promise," she said seriously.
"Why?"
Oh, why couldn't he get it? She didn't want to say the sa things she had as Frostine either so he would put two and two together. Being generic but still managing to say what she wanted to say was going to be difficult.
Jocelyn tried to play it off casually. "I need more fun in my life. You're very fun. Honestly, it makes less sense that you want to hang out with than that I want to hang out with you. I'm about as boring as it gets."
"I don't think you're boring at all!" Keith protested.
"You would be the first."
That ca out more bitterly than she intended it to. But it was the truth. Everyone thought she was boring because she didn't have particular preferences about most things and didn't speak unless absolutely necessary in most situations.
Her survival chanism had caused her to beco practically invisible and the people who did notice her made fun of her for it. She was used to being considered boring by now. It usually didn't bother her but lately she had less of a handle on her emotions for so reason.
People told Jocelyn she was boring and Keith he was annoying. Their problems were the exact opposite but sohow that was part of what made them get along so well. She didn't think he was annoying and he didn't think she was boring. There was sothing strangely beautiful about that.
"I think that's what makes us work. We both think the best of each other. Everybody needs soone like that," she said.
Keith eyed her skeptically. "You really need specifically?"
"Yeah. You're my best friend too, you know. I'm not so great with people and I've never had a best friend before but I do want to see you more. So let know if I'm doing anything wrong, okay?"
Jocelyn was about as terrified of screwing this up as Delta (and possibly Keith) seed to be. She couldn't lose him by being awkward or making him uncomfortable. She needed to do better than that. To be better than she usually was.
Keith seed shocked by her line of thinking. "What do you an you're not so great with people? You're a therapist!"
"Yeah. I'm good at giving therapy not having real relationships with people. You apply completely different skills in those situations. I doubt anyone would want to be friends with sobody in therapy mode all the ti."
He went out of his way to reassure her after that and told her to be herself. Had anyone told her to be herself before? She wasn't sure but that was a problem considering she didn't even know who "herself" was. She really didn't have much of a personality after the life she had lived.
Jocelyn agreed on the condition that he would do the sa. She wanted him to be comfortable around her. She didn't care if he thought he was annoying. She liked being around him just the sa.
Did Keith really like her in a romantic context? She only thought so because she was fairly certain he was Delta and if he was she was the only person who fit the bill when her work friend had talked about the person he liked.
She had a hard ti reading his signals. She was new at this.
If he did…what was she supposed to do about that? He seed afraid of taking things to the next level but if he got over that fear she had no idea how she was supposed to respond to that.
Jocelyn couldn't afford to lose him but she wasn't sure she thought of him that way. Or that she wanted to. Romantic entanglents never seed to end well.
Delta said he thought his best friend was beautiful. That was a definite sign of romantic interest. She had never looked at Keith through the lens of attraction. He was no male model but he wasn't bad-looking. He had a way of drawing her in but it was because of his actions rather than his looks.
She didn't have much of a sense of aesthetics. She had never had so much as a passing crush on soone before.. If she did like Keith—and she wasn't sure she did—it would have to be because he was the human embodint of sunshine.
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