The more my thoughts changed, the harder it beca for to keep up my fake appearances. I couldn't bear to be treated like so kind of pretty, decorative flower anymore.
The love letters that I always received made scowl, and hearing people talk about how my face and body showed that I would be a great wife made feel sick to my stomach.
I tried to bear it and hide it, but I ended up showing Shuraina my real self.
I had actually been heading over to the girls' changing room last ti to hand sothing to Shuraina that ti.
I couldn't bear to hear the girls talk about Shuraina like that. Shuraina, though, just listened to the girls speak about her like that and just got angry when the girls started to talk about .
I was touched at how Shuraina got angry for , but the mont so girl grabbed at Shuraina's hair and ripped it out, I felt like my eyes were going to roll into my skull in anger.
But I knew that if I tried to jump in right now, I would only be a bother to Shuraina. I just got the teacher with the prince who was also waiting for Shuraina.
I watched as the girls got yelled at by the teacher, but couldn't help but pick a fight with them when I thought of Shushu's bald spot.
I yanked out a bunch of their hair, and ca back to the room completely ssed up. But I was still fuming from what they said about Shuraina.
I was just venting my anger at a cushion once I returned to my dorm, but Shuraina suddenly just popped out from sowhere in my room. She was definitely shocked, but Shuraina just faced with a calm expression on her face.
Shuraina looked pretty perturbed after the fight. Shuraina, who always thought the best of at all tis, was sure to have been angry after hearing other talk about like that. Because she really, truly cared about .
We laid down together and talked. Shuraina pat on the back and told to let myself be free of myself.
And she handed the fountain pen that she forgot about, the one that she gifted back then. The one that the asshole, Swanhaden, made her forget about. And she told that she was regifting .
"Hestia, I'm a pretty imperfect, needy person too, so I want soone next to that I can rely on. I hope you can be that person for ."
Shuraina spoke, her mouth in a smile. I didn't know what I did to deserve that kind of trust from her.
I felt like I received a resounding smack to the head when I listened to Shuraina's words.
Truly, I couldn't keep up this relationship with Shuraina forever. She had her own life, after all. I would probably only be able to latch onto her and hold on tight until the end of the academy.
After that, Shuraina would live her life, and I would probably be forced into marriage later on.
Life had been too peaceful recently. I had forgotten the position I was in. I couldn't be forever with Shuraina forever. When we beca adults and Shuraina joined the royal knights, we wouldn't have much in common. It would be harder for us to et.
And just like Shuraina had said, I really had hoped that Shuraina would make all of my wishes co true. But that was just a selfish thought of mine. Just because she was great didn't an that she held the sa dreams that I did.
Thinking about how I needed to stop relying on Shuraina made feel miserable, and it also gave a sense of pressure. But at the sa ti, thinking about how I could also beco a point of support and strength for Shuraina made feel strange.
The Shuraina that I respected trusted , and wanted my help………. Just thinking about it made ecstatic.
After hearing those words, the first thing I decided to do was to make those swordsmanship class girls apologize for talking bad about Shuraina. Shuraina accepted their apologies with a strange expression on her face. And she even apologized herself.
But on the other hand, what if my talents weren't as great as Shuraina thought? I worried that Shuraina would be disappointed in .
And if I showed her my actual self, what if Shuraina rejected ?
Just like how my mother had pushed away, would Shuraina push away once she saw who I truly was?
What if she saw how I changed and got sick of ?
Honestly, my personality was pretty bad. I had even heard horrible things about the similarities between Swan and myself.
Swanhaden was apparently going around trying to fix his personality. I wondered if I needed to do the sa.
So I even made a wish and asked Shuraina to keep it. For her not to be disappointed in , for her not to leave . Shuraina laughed as she told that I was asking for sothing that was too obvious, but this was a huge issue for .
It wasn't easy for to show my personality after hiding it for so long. But whenever I showed a new side of myself to her, she was the sa. She took care of with blunt words, and always treated just like an older sister would. Oh, she even asked for help recently! She had asked to read an essay that she wrote and wanted to critique it.
At Shuraina's unwavering, unchanging self, I got a bit more courage and decided to have a talk with my mother.
I wanted to change, but a deep part of myself always rembered my mother. You need to be obedient. You need to pretty. That's all. You're useless. I couldn't help but rember the words that my mother told , over and over again.
Even if she rejected , I wanted to show who I was to my mother. For the first ti in my life, I wanted to reject her words completely.
Recently, I decided to head ho and have a proper conversation with my mother. It took an incredible amount of courage.
I tried to talk to her countless tis, but my mother just scoffed at each attempt. Her face contorted into a scowl when she saw rebelling against her words.
"Mother, the world has changed. It's okay to be more confident now."
"Even if the world changes, even if the opinions of people change, it's not like your father is changing."
And I couldn't say anything to her after hearing that. Even if society changed and the way n looked at won changed, even if society took in female geniuses and accepted them for who they were, my father probably wouldn't change.
It was hard to change soone's opinion after they decided to stick to it. Taking away gender and social status and his environnt, my father as a person wouldn't change. That prideful, egotistic, stupidly self-confident person.
Truly, even if society shifted and n began to accept that change, my father probably wouldn't look at my mother like another human being. That was the kind of person he was.
My father was too stuck to his ways to change his old-fashioned thoughts, and he was too old. The old ways of society had birthed a person like him.
"Then, just….."
"…."
"Just let help people like you, mother. I want to create an environnt for everyone in the next generation to be accepted purely by their skills."
Mother stared at with a strange expression.
"I'm sorry I couldn't be the daughter that you wanted, mother. I don't want acceptance. I just ca to tell you that."
I was saying that I would leave my family behind.
My mother grabbed at her hair and sighed. She buried her face into her hands and silently cried. She soon began to sob.
I, I wish that you find a husband who understands who you are.
And that was the first and last piece of advice that my mother gave . She told that she didn't even want to see my face. She told to stay away from father and her sight. She told to leave the estate as soon as I graduated from the academy.
I held tightly onto my mother's words. I felt like I would get angry and start yelling when I saw my father so I intentionally avoided my father, and I avoided my mother who didn't want to see at all.
I was always at the academy anyway, so it didn't really matter.
Once sothing exploded, it felt like everything was happening at once. My relationship with Shushu, my shift in major and the focus of my studies, my place in my family–everything was being put in its place.
As I slowly began to organize everything in my life, I realized how much of a coward I had been until now.
If I had told Shushu everything earlier, if I had put away the fear and lingering attachnts towards my mother, could I have gotten this happiness sooner? Would I have felt this kind of relief sooner? Would I have been able to help Shuraina sooner?
I twirled my fountain pen in my hand and pouted. There were a lot of probabilities involved that made it hard for to figure it out.
But going back to the main point, I didn't know what to write in my personal introduction. Should I explain everything from my childhood to the present? Or should I write out an explanation of the things that I could do?
As I buried my head in my arms and tried to think, Shushu suddenly walked into the room.
Shushu was a sweaty ss as she ca back from her training. Shushu's orange, curly hair was pulled into a cute high ponytail. Sweat beaded on her exposed forehead.
Shushu looked around the room right after she opened the door, then focused straight at .
"Hestia, there's a boy outside waiting for you."
"…….."
"As I thought, it's soone you don't like, right? I'll send him away for you."
Shushu closed the door before I could reply. I knew it later, but the boy who had asked for was one with so pretty shady rumors.
Apparently, he even had so obsessive tendencies. I smiled as I watched Shuraina just cut off any boy who looked like they'd be problematic.
Anyway, my Shuraina probably should date once or twice, right? I felt like she wouldn't be able to date at all because of .
Of course, I would be absolutely ecstatic if Shuraina never dated, but I couldn't help but feel bad about taking away all of the boys that Shuraina liked away from her.
The problem was that there was no man that Shushu would possibly match with.
Moreover, Shuraina had a pretty low bar for boys, and she seed like she'd agree to go out with anybody who liked her. Shuraina didn't have a single romantic bone in her body, so she wouldn't even know it was a confession unless they explicitly told her too.
And to top if all off, Shushu was the type of person who would give her boyfriend everything she possibly could when she was dating them. Shuraina would probably take care of all of her boyfriend's needs and buy them whatever they wanted.
Because she was incredibly generous towards anyone she thought was a part of her life. She didn't act like it, but Shuraina always tried to understand the other person before speaking to them. She liked to match herself to the person she was with.
I imagined Shuraina being used by a man and getting her heart torn to shreds. She wasn't even dating but I couldn't help but grip my pen a bit tighter than usual. It was just a thought, but it made furious.
If she was just dating them, it wouldn't be bad to just find soone who was nice and push them together.
First, I thought of all of the boys she was friends with. Hylli, Cory, Yvnes, and Swanhaden seed to have good feelings towards her. I twirled my pen and rested my chin on my hand.
First, Hylli was the royal prince, and he was becoming more mature these days. Save.
Cory seed like a pretty good person, but Shushu was too good for him. Save.
I'd never talked to Yvnes before, but he seed to always want to stick to Shushu. Save. No, wait, was I the one that was always sticking to her?
Swanhaden, you're out no matter what. You're not even an option. A save is too good for you, asshole.
T/N: Here's a few gems from the comnts:
[Swan's okay too, Hestia..]
[What do I do…I bought Swan stocks lololol]
– A lot of Korean comnts like to say they bought stocks of the character they want as the ML
[Swan's okay too, whyyyyy ㅠㅠ]
[I'm going the Hestia route]
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