I Don't Like The World, I Only Like You Chapter 18: In a World Where Everybody is Prone To Change, I

Chapter 18: In a World Where Everybody is Prone To Change, I Wanted To Have a Glimpse Of Eternity

001

We broke up once when we were still dating each other. As Mr. F was often required to go on business trips which lasted for months, he had extrely little ti to accompany . As such, I was frequently left alone.

Once, I fell extrely ill, and was suffering from a fever that rose to 42 degrees Celsius. As I was terribly worried that I would pass away from the fever, I forced myself to take a cab alone to the hospital.

There was another incident when I returned ho after work, only to find that the water pipe in the kitchen had exploded, causing the entire house to be flooded in water, and half of the suspended ceiling to collapse. As such, I had no choice but to make a trip to the repair company by myself in order to employ repairn to fix the house.

One night, I was forced to work overti till the wee hours of the morning. As I was feeling extrely fatigued, I fell asleep on the bus, only waking up when the bus arrived at the bus depot. I was thus forced to walk along the road at 1AM in the morning, and only managed to grab a taxi after an hour. When I reached ho, I opened the door, only to be greeted by a sea of darkness. When I put down my keys, it was as though I could hear the echo reverberate throughout the entire house.

My heart felt extrely empty – whenever I was happy, I had no one to share my happiness with, and whenever I was sad, I had no one to confide in. It was during these tis when I would occasionally think that despite having a boyfriend, it was as though I had none. Even though I had co all the way to Beijing in order to accompany him, he’s never by my side in my tis of need.

There was once I experienced a ntal breakdown. If I recall correctly, it was our anniversary that day, and we had originally intended to spend the entire day together. However, Mr. F received a last minute notice from his company, instructing him to go on an urgent business trip. As he was packing his luggage, I suddenly burst into tears. I knew that he was very ambitious, and I knew that he wasn’t in the position to reject the instructions give to him – I understood all these principles, but I simply felt wronged, and I desperately needed an outlet to vent.

Mr. F hugged whilst allowing to cry freely. When I finally stopped crying, he suddenly told that if I truly experienced so much pain and disappointnt when I was together with him, then we ought to go our separate ways. He was extrely calm and composed when he said this. Strangely, I was extrely collected at that precise mont, and simply dried my tears before agreeing to his suggestion. Mr. F then speedily helped handover another year’s rent before removing his items.

That was how we broke up.

Two months after we broke up, upon receiving news that Mr. F had broken up with , Hao Wu Yi flew into a rage and rushed over to look for Mr. F. Although Hao Wu Yi originally intended to beat him up, she nearly couldn’t recognize him when she saw him – he was so haggard and wan that he could pass off as a zombie. When Hao Wu Yi returned, she told to reconcile with Mr. F, as the only reason why he broke up with was because he couldn’t bear to see suffer from so much pain and disappointnt. Mr. F truly loved – more than I could ever imagine.

My brother helped Mr. F along by providing him with various ideas. My brother told him that I was extrely soft-hearted, and that as long as Mr. F could find an excuse to send a ssage, Mr. F and I would reconcile before we knew it.

Finally, Mr. F sent a ssage: Originally, I wanted to remind you to wear an additional layer of clothing due to the cold weather, but…… Dammit, it has been bright and sunny the entire past week.

As I read the ssage, tears flowed down my cheeks whilst a smile ford on my face.

Subsequently, Mr. F confessed that on the night that we broke up, he stood by the roadside, smoking. Whilst he was smoking his cigarettes, he sohow choked on the fus and tears started streaming down his face. It was the first ti in his entire life that he felt utterly useless.

In the past, whenever I interacted with Mr. F, he was always the more aggressive and stronger party. It was only at that mont that I realized that everyone is equal in love, that Mr. F would also suffer from a lack of confidence, that Mr. F could also be afraid and weak at tis, that Mr. F could also be extrely careful in relationships, because he wasn’t entirely sure how to go about loving another person.

I believe that love isn’t about one party leading the other. Instead, it’s about both parties slowly learning and growing together, until both parties reach a certain point when they feel secure and grounded in the relationship. If liking another party inspires in one a desire to share everything good with that person, then loving another party includes the additional elent of being willing to share in the other party’s burdens and difficulties as well.

I know that the journey is extrely long, but thankfully, one’s lifeti is extrely long, and I intend on slowly learning and growing together with him.

002

One night, Mr. F attended a gathering organized by his company. In the middle of the night, I received a call from his colleague who explained that I would be required to pick Mr. F up as he was extrely drunk. Apparently, Mr. F refused to leave, and was obstinately hugging the beer bottles whilst hollering for .

I was at a loss as to whether to cry or laugh, and simply hurried over after changing into a more appropriate outfit. As I was driving ho, Mr. F sat at the front passenger’s seat, and stared at with his bight eyes. Whenever Mr. F is drunk, he morphs into an extrely cute little child, and would answer whatever questions that are posed to him.

As such, I teased him, “Who are you?”

“XX!” He announced his na loudly.

“Then who am I?”

“Sophie Marceau!”

What? Is Mr. F even thinking straight? “It’s impossible for Sophie Marceau to co and fetch you! I’d give you one more chance – who am I?”

“Audrey Hepburn!” He laughed goofily.

I had no choice but to follow his train of thought, “Who’s prettier – Audrey Hepburn or Sophie Marceau?”

He shook his head vigorously, “Both aren’t pretty!”

“Oh? Who’s considered pretty then?”

“My wife!”

“Who’s your wife?”

“Joey!”

Ah, I guess Mr. F wasn’t drunk after all.

When we reached ho, I urged Mr. F to proceed with washing up. Mr. F refused to heed my advice, instead choosing to hug and addressing , “Wifey.” After hugging for a period of ti, he suddenly delved into a sentintal mood, “I have to treat you better.” When I asked why he thought that way, he replied, “You’re just a small little girl, but you chose to leave your hotown, and willingly suffered in a foreign land all because of .”

I was extrely happy upon hearing his words, as he had addressed as a ‘small little girl’. Nowadays, whenever I et young children on the streets, they would always politely address as ‘Auntie’.

He was rather speechless, “Wouldn’t a normal person feel touched upon hearing the latter half of my speech?” He mulled over the issue for so ti before concluding, “Ah, but my wife is simply so special and unique.”

I burst into laughter.

In actuality, I never ever felt as though I was forced to leave my hotown. Admittedly, when I first arrived in Beijing, I suffered a lot. At that ti, I rented a house along with a few other tenants, and all of us were required to share the usage of the bathroom and the kitchen. During that period of ti, my biggest wish was to have a separate bathroom which I could use independently. It was considered a luxury to have a bathtub in the bathroom, and I always felt that my life would be complete if my bathroom did indeed co along with a bathtub.

Furthermore, Mr. F and I were staying at the opposite ends of Beijing during that period of ti. As such, I would happily squeeze onto the train after work every single day in order to et him for dinner. Normally, Mr. F was required to work overti till it was rather late in the night; thus, we usually settled our dinners at stalls set up near his company. Although there was a roadside stall selling delicious Mala Soup in the vicinity of his company, Mr. F prohibited from eating it, citing hygiene reasons as justification. Ah, Mr. F always has one or two odd things which he continuously persists in – for instance, he never ever takes dication whenever he catches a cold, and he never ever eats from roadside stalls. However, Mr. F ultimately relented in the face of my incessant nagging. After all, our careers had just begun to take off at that point in ti, and both of us were rather cash-strapped.

When Mr. F first entered the workforce, he placed his trust in the wrong person, and ended up being used as a scapegoat. At that ti, Mr. F was saddled with a huge stack of debts, and was nearly blacklisted in his profession. Desperate, Mr. F had no choice but to seek his father for help. Upon learning what had happened to Mr. F, Mr. F’s father transferred the money to Mr. F’s account without a mont’s hesitation. Mr. F told that when he saw a ssage from the bank notifying him about the successful transfer, he felt extrely ashad of himself.

Mr. F’s life had, up to that point, always been extrely smooth-sailing, and he had never encountered any setbacks or obstacles. As such, when Mr. F first got entangled into that ss, he was on the verge of a ntal breakdown – not only did Mr. F frequently stare into space for hours, he also suffered from insomnia every night. Whenever he was unable to sleep, Mr. F would crawl up from his bed and work like a maniac, only stopping in the morning when it was ti for him to go to work. During that period of ti, Mr. F survived on little to no sleep.

Subsequently, Mr. F told that if it weren’t for my sudden appearance in Beijing, he would most likely have continued in that manic state for an extrely long period of ti. Till today, I still feel extrely thankful and lucky that I was by Mr. F’s side during his darkest days. Before I arrived in Beijing, I had absolutely no idea that Mr. F was at the lowest point in his life. Had I known earlier, I would have co over earlier in order to accompany him.

One of the incidents that left an extrely deep impression on was when Mr. F fell in love with a table lamp whilst we were shopping at IKEA. The lamp cost 799 RMB – as it was considered rather expensive for us during that period of ti, we left regretfully without purchasing the lamp. When my salary arrived that month, the very first thing I did was to purchase the lamp as a gift for Mr. F.

I told him, “I believe that the obstacles and difficulties which we’re currently undergoing is a necessary experience that we have to go through – being cash-strapped, suffering from high stress levels, and the inability to achieve success……these are all events that everybody would experience. Thus, you don’t have to worry, and you don’t have to feel anxious. You can simply take it slow. Worst cos to worst, I’ll earn enough to take care of you for the rest of your life.”

Subsequently, Mr. F and I changed our accommodation several tis, but the lamp always accompanied us.

Out of curiosity, I asked Mr. F a while ago, “Did I ever say anything that left a very lasting and deep impression on you?”

“When you offered to take care of for the rest of my life.”

“Oh? Were you very touched then?”

He replied, “No, I was so angry I couldn’t fall asleep the entire night.”

“Why??”

“Even if one of us have to take care of the other, it ought to be taking care of you. Don’t ever say such things again in the future.”

Ah, sotis I truly fail to understand Mr. F’s temper.

003

As I woke up exceptionally early this weekend, I decided to head to the nearby grocery store to purchase so daily goods. When I left the house, the sky was extrely cloudy. With a heart filled with hope that I would be able to successfully return ho before it rained, I decided not to bring an umbrella along with .

Upon reaching the grocery store, I speedily purchased the necessary goods. However, just as I stepped out of the grocery store, the torrential rain began to pour. After waiting for a period of ti, I decided to call Mr. F as the rain showed no signs of letting up. When I left the house earlier, Mr. F was still sleeping.

“Have you woken up?”

“What’s up?” Mr. F sounded as if he had just woken up.

“Could you co to Carrefour to pick up? It’s raining and I didn’t bring an umbrella.”

He muttered about my forgetful nature before hanging up the phone. As I stood at the entrance of the grocery store watching the rain gradually lessen, I started to feel pangs of regret for waking him up – I ought to have let him sleep in for a longer period of ti.

Suddenly, I recalled a certain incident that occurred during Year 3 of High School. Similarly, it happened to be raining that day. As I had forgotten to bring an umbrella, I was reduced to standing at the school entrance, waiting for the rain to stop. During that period of ti, my relationship with Mr. F was rather strained and awkward, as various people often teased him as being my ‘rumored boyfriend’. As I was rather introverted and shy, I was always terribly embarrassed and at a loss as to what to do whenever I got teased. As such, I tried my best to avoid him. Mr. F probably sensed that I was avoiding him, and gradually stopped talking to .

That day, as I was standing below the roof of the school compound, I saw him and a bunch of other male students from walk out from the Science school building. Without a mont’s hesitation, I lowered my head and pretended as though I hadn’t seen him. When the huge group of students walked past , I spotted Mr. F walking at the side of the group nearest to . However, Mr. F didn’t greet nor did he show any indication of having noticed .

When the huge group had walked so distance away, I raised my head and gazed at his back, my heart filled with pangs of sorrow and lancholy. I can’t accurately describe the feelings I had at that point in ti – it was as though I was harboring hopes that sothing special would happen as he walked past , but at the sa ti, I also wished that nothing would happen. As I was watching his figure fade into the distance, his figure suddenly stopped. Mr. F abruptly turned back and ran towards , stuffing his umbrella into my hands before running off amidst the group’s raucous laughter. Throughout the entire process, he never said a single word.

According to my mories, Mr. F was always quiet and silent during his youth. Frequently, my recollections of our interactions are akin to scenes from a silent movie. Although he never said a single word, I could always feel his presence – he was like a lamp which would never ever go out, always responsibly and dependably lighting up his surroundings.

Before long, Mr. F arrived at the entrance of the grocery store, and pressed the car horn in an attempt to alert of his arrival. He then began to park the car whilst simultaneously talking on his mobile phone. The mont I laid eyes on him, a sense of ecstasy overca , and I ran towards him in the rain. However, Mr. F frantically signaled for to ‘go back’ – thus, I obediently returned to the entrance of the supermarket where I was sheltered from the rain.

Mr. F alighted from the car, and began to walk towards with an umbrella. When he reached , he hurriedly ended his conversation on the mobile phone. Just as I thought that Mr. F was going to lecture on failing to bring an umbrella along with , he surprised by asking, “Why didn’t you wake up? I could have co along with you.”

“Since it’s a weekend, I wanted to let you sleep in for a longer period of ti.”

During the trip ho, I was unable to stop myself from staring at Mr. F. Mr. F was rather puzzled, “What are you looking at? I haven’t washed my face.”

“That’s strange. In the past, I used to think that you were only good looking when you put on a suit. However, now that I look at you, even though you haven’t washed your face, haven’t combed your hair, and haven’t changed out of your sleeping attire, I still find that you’re extrely handso.”

Mr. F was delighted, “Your husband is always handso – regardless of how he dresses.”

All of a sudden, I declared, “I love you.”

He was montarily stunned, “What’s up? Why the sudden declaration?”

“It’s nothing. I just suddenly felt like telling you that.”

The car was stuck on the congested road for a long period of ti. Beijing’s roads are always congested, its air quality is terrible, and the city is simply too huge, with massive crowds at every turn. However, despite the thousands of reasons I could list explaining why I dislike Beijing, I have nevertheless chosen to make my ho here – all because of one single reason: the person I love is in this city.

Love allows us to gradually remove the sharp edges of our youth, and give each other the warst and most gentle hug amidst the massive and congested crowd. I know that this is a world where everything is prone to change, but in all honesty, the person right before has allowed to have a glimpse of eternity.