I Didn’t Even Want to Live, But God Forced Me to Reincarnate! Chapter 216 – Lyra’s Internal Struggle

As the circumstances surrounding Lyra’s fainting were too worriso, Fenrir decided to try checking in by entering her subconsciousness through his ability.

He knew very well that if possible, Lyra wouldn’t want to alert her parents. But if push cos to shove, Fenrir would get any help that was available.

Once he was in, Fenrir tried to look at the distorted room that was Lyra’s subconsciousness now.

“This…,” He was speechless looking at Lyra’s inner world.

One’s inner world would reflect one’s state of subconscious.

Lyra’s inner world could be sumd into two words: chaotic, gloomy.

The only color in her current inner world was dark purple and black, both ford into ripples of gloomy distortion.

After walking for a while, Fenrir finally found Lyra, who was sitting crouched with black haze around her. Her eyes were devoid of any light, and were also clouded by nobody-knew-what.

It was evident that Lyra was currently being engulfed by the darkness of her heart.

Even when Fenrir approached her, Lyra didn’t bulge. She continued to crouch down and look emptily at the floor, with the black haze still emanating from her, mumbling sothing that he couldn’t make sure of what.

Since his presence went unnoticed by Lyra, Fenrir finally opened his mouth after a careful consideration, “Don’t fall into the darkness, Lyra.”

“Why? The light is the bad one now. They’re the reason why Alt-nii, Luca, and the others are in danger! I hate them! Let be!”

There was finally a glint in Lyra’s eyes, but sadly, it was a glint of anger and hatred.

But taking in Lyra’s response, Fenrir was relieved instead.

He had witnessed a lot of other beings’ fall and rise, so he knew which one was severe and which one was still manageable.

If Lyra were to not bulge to anything at all, it’d be when Fenrir would be very concerned. If nothing managed to enter Lyra in her hazy state, that would be very bad as he couldn’t even begin to try talking to her.

“You've forgotten about how if there's good darkness there's bad darkness and now, you're in a bad darkness. If you continue to be like this—”

“They're bad, I hate them. I want to make sure they paid for it!” Lyra interrupted Fenrir’s words, clearly refusing to hear him.

“Lyra. Is that what you really want?” Fenrir stopped lecturing her and asked instead.

“Yes. I don’t care about the others. I just want to protect my family. Those precious to . Traitors are despicable,” Lyra said with a voice that clearly expressed her hatred.

“Would your family want that? Altaire likes that person, you know?” Fenrir asked.

“I’m sure he feels the sa way as I do now.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“I just know it!”

“...,” Fenrir deduced that Lyra was too emotional and irrational to think straight.

It was impossible to talk things through with soone in this kind of condition.

Therefore, Fenrir felt powerless.

He mulled over things that he could do and say.

It was at this ti that Fenrir felt soone lightly touching his shoulder.

When he turned to look at the figure that was now walking next to him, Fenrir recognized who it was.

Short brown hair, tall and slender figure, and amber eyes.

Noticing Fenrir’s gaze at her, Reinst turned to lock eyes with him and only gestured at Fenrir to not say anything and leave Lyra to her.

Then, Fenrir ca to an understanding about this phenonon. So, he let this ‘Reinst’ approach ‘Lyra’.

“Hey, Lyra. Do you recognize ?” Greeted by the familiar voice that she wouldn’t mistake for anyone else, Lyra reacted to Reinst and turned to look at her.

“No way! You…?! But… you are and I am you!!” Lyra said in confusion.

Then, with a look gentler than the usual cold Reinst that Lyra was familiar with, Reinst said, “I am. But after you can separate yourself from , ‘we’ kind of drifted away like this. We have beco our own person. Our consciousness has drifted too far away. Rember the show where the reincarnation of the hero got to et his past selves to learn more about the skills and other stuff to being the hero? Consider this sothing like that. Well, this feat is only possible thanks to Fenrir and his ability.”

Reinst finished her lengthy explanation by slightly glancing at Fenrir.

Hearing every word that Reinst had spoken, Fenrir thought that his initial guess was right.

To put it simply, he was inside Lyra’s inner world now and there was an internal struggle within her, symbolized by the appearance of Reinst and ‘fallen’ Lyra.

As to who would win… He sincerely hoped that Reinst could get through this fallen Lyra and bring her back to her neutral state.

“...What do you want?”

After hearing Reinst’s explanation, Lyra turned her back on Reinst and seed to lose interest in her, yet she asked this question to Reinst. Fenrir was glad that at least, Lyra responded.

Yet, his face turned ugly when he realized that Lyra didn’t give him face at all!! As a Familiar, he definitely needed to work harder in the worst-case Lyra would turn like this again in the future. There was bound to be a day when an external voice could get through, yet internal voice couldn’t.

“You've got what I wanted. If you fall to darkness, you'll ruin it all. I don’t want to see you like that,” Reinst went straight to the point.

“But this is the only way I can save those precious to ,” Lyra said without any hint of hesitation.

“By destroying others?” Reinst raised her brows.

“I don't care about them.”

“Will your loved ones agree with this solution?”

“...,” Lyra didn’t say anything to this question.

“They won’t,” Reinst said out loud.

“They will understand!” Lyra quickly rebutted.

“No, they will be heartbroken seeing you resort to this. You don’t want to see your loved ones being sad or disappointed in you, right?”

“They… They…,” Lyra wanted to say that they won’t do that and that they would be proud of her for being able to help and solve this precarious situation. Yet, for so reason, no words ca out of her mouth.

Deep down, she knew.

Yet, she wanted to feign ignorance to it.

“This isn't the way. There's gotta be another way,” Reinst said after seeing that Lyra started to hesitate.

A glint of anger shone in Lyra’s eyes one more as she raised her voice, “But...!! Celeste, she!! I...!”

“Don't you think there's a reason? You've co to understand why your... I an, why my family was like that, why I ca to be like this and why it was necessary for you to experience your life as before being you. For this to happen, for Celeste to do sothing like that… There should be a reason, no?” Reinst asked.

“I don't care of her reasoning! A traitor is still a traitor. Alt-nii cherished and trusted her, and yet she put him in danger like this…! What reasoning could be good enough?!” Lyra said those words in a clearly angry tone.

“...Did you sense hatred in your brother's words regarding Celeste?”

“...!”

“No, right? He questioned why she suddenly beca like that and was concerned instead of hating,” Reinst said.

In response to this, Lyra only answered with three words, “Love is blind.”

“No. Altaire must have felt hurt too but rather than hatred, he wanted to find out why. Because he trusted her. No, he also trusted in his judgent. He trusted in his ability to judge people and he wanted to understand the underlying cause to this unexpected action of his beloved. You don’t trust in your brother’s judgent? Didn’t you think Celeste was a good person too?”

“I…,” Lyra was tongue-tied again before she said, “Well, people can deceive others. She only opened her mask now…”

“No, think carefully,” Reinst slowly said, “She, of all people, must be the one who wanted the operation to succeed the most. She would want to reunite her family and to be together again with the people she loved from the Oni-elves alliance. Yet why is she doing this? She can’t fulfil her wish with this kind of action. Tell , what does she gain from it?”

Lyra pondered for a while before questioning, “The throne?”

“Will it fall to her when King Deus has a good daughter that he loves? And rember, he still has a son too,” Reinst said again.

“…”

Now that makes sense.

The more Lyra thought about it, the less she understood Celeste and the reason behind her action.

If she were to think that Celeste wanted to usurp the throne and overthrow King Deus and his royal family by violence, she wouldn’t get the approval from the elves. It would just cause her to drift away further from her goal.

But… she didn’t want to admit this logic, for she couldn’t rationalize Celeste’s actions!!

As if sensing Lyra’s thoughts, Reinst said, “If you can’t do it for yourself, do it for Alt-nii.”

“But what should I do other than exacting revenge on Celeste and the others that caused this?” Lyra asked.

Fenrir’s eyes brightened hearing Lyra’s words. This ti, she was willing to ask what other options would be there!

“First, no harm has co to Alt-nii and Luca’s way. You jumped a few steps there in wanting to avenge them…,” Reinst responded.

“You get the point,” Lyra didn’t want to argue about such a thing for now.

“Calm down and think carefully. Discuss it with others, if necessary,” Reinst said.

“Alt-nii said to not alert the adults…,” Lyra said with a low voice. Then as if realizing sothing, she added, “I am also an adult, but I an the more grown-up adults. The older adults. Mom and Dad’s generation.”

“I know. If you can handle it alone or with your friends, then go for it. But if push cos to shove, telling the older generation is also an option.”

“I am… I don’t know, I don’t know. I don’t want this,” Lyra put her hands around her head, clearly distressed.

“Of course. It’s tiring thinking about such a difficult matter. We didn’t want this to happen in the first place. We all want life to sail smoothly without problems but we can’t have that. Things have happened and what we can do is accept it no matter how hard and move forward. Slowly,” Reinst said.

“I am anxious. I am not confident in myself,” Lyra said in a mumble.

“Don't worry, I will help you,” Fenrir interrupted at this mont. Lyra only glanced at him, but it was enough for Fenrir as Lyra finally responded and looked at him. With this, he was assured that Lyra would be alright.

“And I will, too,” Reinst added.

Hearing this, Lyra scoffed a bit as she asked, “How can you help ? You’re not even real, you’re only a part of , right?”

“Your experience as would help, right? It’s your cheat. And you have a lot other cheat you can use,” Reinst shrugged and said as if it was a matter of fact.

“...,” Again, Lyra couldn’t find anything wrong with what she said.

By this ti, Fenrir walked to Lyra whose black haze started to thin.

He then added, “Rember Lyra, you’re not alone anymore.”

Hearing that, it was as if a heavy burden was lifted from her shoulders. Lyra was clearly relieved hearing that. She thought she had to shoulder this burden alone. She didn’t think of relying to others as she was used to being alone and had to solve everything alone. But now… It was different.

The black haze disappeared from Lyra at the sa ti as the strength left her body. Reinst quickly moved forward to support Lyra.

Lyra closed her eyes and tears of relief fell as she then was embraced by Reinst.

“Good,” Fenrir said as he walked away.

His job was done.

Rather, even without him, it seed that Lyra could solve this internal struggle herself. What he did was only a catalyst.

***

Fenrir opened his eyes as he approached Lyra and lied down next to her.

Lyra woke up not too long after that.

“Feeling better?” Fenrir asked as he nudged Lyra’s body softly.

“Thanks, Fenrir...,” Lyra muttered as she got up and walked to the mirror to look at her weary self.

“I am not alone… Others can help… You can help , Fenrir. And I rember… She said she can help...,” Lyra began talking alone in front of the mirror as she stared at her reflection in it.

“Reinst can help... In other words, my past self can help...... She can help ...”

As she repeated those words, her eyes beca steadier and her hands tightened into fists.

Lyra closed her eyes, seemingly concentrated on doing sothing.

Before long, Fenrir witnessed Lyra’s figure changed into soone else.

There was a resemblance to her past self. Things such as a taller and slenderer figure than her current one, her sharp eyes, and cold yet elegant expression… just like her past self.

“Like Reinst but not Reinst. I think I am doing a good job. Maybe I have an idea… but I’m not sure if I can do this,” Lyra’s fist trembled a bit on the mirror.

“It’s okay. That’s a good start,” Fenrir said as he had a little bit of thought on what Lyra wanted to do.

“…Yeah. I think I need to talk with my friends first about this,” Lyra added.

“You should,” Fenrir said.

“…I never thought I’d have to use my family’s Oracle in this way. I guess nothing is a coincidence,” Lyra softly said as she undid the Oracle she had applied to her body.

No fatigue at all. Her skill didn’t get rusty!

She still trained her Oracle routinely, so that was to be expected.

But for such a serious matter like this, Lyra couldn’t help but be afraid that things would go wrong. After all, this would be considered the first ti she would be using her Oracle power for a serious matter that relied on her.

Even when she went on disguise to Chinosato island back when she was still a small child, the operation didn’t depend on her, after all.

It’s okay, be more confident, Lyra!

If not you, who will do it?

Alt-nii, wait for !!