I vaguely rember what happens after my despair earlier. My mind has been flooded with my bad mories regarding my [Dark] magic. Perhaps the only good thing was the fact that [Dark] affinity is rare in humans, so perhaps sobody was saved by my cell donation... However, I still have doubts regarding my cell was ever used at all.
I was forced to reincarnate to find that out by myself, but I doubt it. Confidentiality was the policy of this cell donor matter.
The mont I regain my senses, I realize that I am at ho.
Perhaps sensing that sothing is wrong with , or if it is just my bad try at hiding what’s on my mind, the others who welcod us quickly get worried over .
And Mom—being a good mom she is—decided to not tell anything to the others and would just discuss it as a main family matter—which ans the only ones who will know about my magic affinity test result are Mom, Dad, and Alt-nii.
After having a dinner—a light one for , as I really am in no mood of eating anything... (resulting in the others scolding as I am in my growth period... they also teased on how I might turn out small if I don’t eat much)... the discussion begins in my parents’ room.
“So... the reason as to why Lyra is down right now... is indeed her magic affinity result?” Dad asked, he cannot hide his anxiety in both his tone and expression.
“What’s wrong, Lyra?” Alt-nii’s face shows that he has no clue at all.
Mom heaved a long sigh, and started to speak.
“Lyra has strong affinity to 5 magic elents, and the three of them are rare. We ran a second trial and the result is still the sa.”
Huh?!
You ran a second what?!
I didn’t even rember that...
Was my shock and denial that strong?
I quickly glanced over Mom, and she replied with a bitter smile.
“Ah, as I thought, you didn’t rember? You looked so unfocused at that ti, Lyra. We did try to hover your hand towards the sphere and saw the result. At that ti, you refused to look over at the sphere and just gave us a blank look...”
Mom’s face turned wry from recalling the whole thing.
I see... So that did happen...
But, if they have run a second test on , and that the result is still the sa... That ans I really have the strongest affinity to [Dark]. That is even a bad news to , since it ans my affinity is 100% fixed. My fate has been sealed.
I should have asked God to alter my magic affinity as well, if I were to know all this... God, have you really forsaken ?
Though I didn’t request for any cheat, shouldn’t you be rciful and give any compensational cheat for my forced reincarnation? Like, this is what I want to alter, if I were given the option.
My family don’t seem to have any kind of prejudice against [Dark] magic... and my mom is even the Head of the Royal Magic Court, so she should not have any... bad thoughts towards any magic elent, right?
“Whoa, that’s aweso, right?!” Alt-nii exclaid, “then why the long face, Lyra?”
“I may have an idea... So let tell you all about Lyra’s elents,” Mom said, and she glanced over to make sure I am ready for it.
Well... basically, sooner or later, Dad and Alt-nii will know. They are my family, after all. Hiding this kind of major thing won’t do.
I replied Mom’s gaze with a slight nod. Receiving my hint, she shifted her attention to Dad and Alt-nii.
“So, starting from the first color to glow in the sphere to the last... [Dark], [Ice], [Life], [Light], [Water].”
“Three rare elents, indeed,” Dad puts his right hand on his chin.
“And my deduction is... Lyra, please do correct if I’m wrong,” Mom says as she looks at firmly, “you are bothered by the fact that you have [Dark] affinity, correct?”
I gulped. Then, I nod wholeheartedly.
“Why?” Alt-nii tilted his head.
“...Dark... is almost always bad... right?” I spoke timidly. I can’t go into details about what the past has ever experienced—the harsh prejudice and judgent just because my affinity is [Dark].
“Well, in most stories, there would be light versus dark thing, and that usually dark is depicted as the enemy...,” Dad nods to indicate his understanding.
“But still,” He then moves closer to and looks at in the eyes.
“Dark isn’t always evil. The world always needs balance. For the light to shine, you need darkness. For you need to know sadness before you can feel grateful of happiness. Besides, stars can sparkle and shine beautifully in the dark sky, right?” Dad says, in a very gentle tone.
“Yeah, besides, having that kind of prejudice against sothing like that is just so silly. Magic affinity is like an innate gift. The hell with [Dark] users being labelled as having deep darkness inside their heart. I have never seen magic in such a prejudiced way. All magic elents are unique and amazing,” Mom said.
“You know, Lyra, I think that my magic, [Void] that has many mysteries and most of the known magic being magic that can delete many things... is viewed as sothing more dangerous and bad than your [Dark], right?” Alt-nii asked.
“Uhm, Alt, I don’t think—,” Mom tried to interfere, perhaps wanting to comfort Alt-nii. But before she can finish her sentence, Alt-nii waved his hand lightly and quickly corrected Mom’s misunderstanding.
“Nah, Mom, it’s not that I hate my elent. Instead, I love it very much. The mysteries are challenging! So people who ca to know of my strongest elent—[Void]—will sotis fear , but hey, I don’t want to waste my ti to think about others’ perception of . I am , and my magic affinity is also a part of who I am. You can take it or leave it,” Alt said, lightly.
Actually, I understand what he said, but... I can’t help but be bothered on how the others view . I want to be liked. I don’t want to be hated. I don’t want to be feared. I just want to be accepted. Isn’t that normal?
“But... people might judge based on my [Dark] elent... Also, it is the total opposite of Mom’s [Light] magic, although I also have it... and none in our family so far is known to have [Dark], right? So...”
“Why bother, then? Those kind of people aren’t worth your ti and thoughts. People who judge before they know you and decide to rely on their perception of you are not worth to be your friends,” Alt-nii said.
Altaire seems to have experiences with people judging him for his [Void]. However, he doesn’t seem to mind them at all... He is confident and adheres to his own principles, unswayed by others’ opinions. In conclusion, he is strong.
“Well... that is true, even I wonder where did you get your [Dark] affinity from. Certainly, it isn’t sothing inherited,” Dad says, acknowledging my points.
“Magic affinity can be inherited, on top of it being sothing innate—sothing unique for each person, so I don’t see why not. It must be Lyra’s innate gift,” Mom explained.
“Yeah, and... I have heard of cases of the Hartmann family mbers who didn’t have heterochromia at all. So of them retained their abilities to transform or produce illusions, however so were not gifted with that ability, too. DNA and blood tests confird that they were indeed of Hartmann bloodline. They concluded that it had sothing to do with recessive genes, or sothing like that. Perhaps your magic affinity case is similar to that?” Dad tried to add more supporting theories.
“So, don’t you worry about it too much, okay?” Dad pats my head.
“Well, you actually need to train your [Dark] magic as the one you have the most affinity with, as mastering it will greatly enhance your power in other elents, but... I won’t force you if you don’t want to,” Mom smiled bitterly.
Deep down, she must want to enhance my magic ability to its maximum power. Perhaps, she wants to follow in her footprints.
“However, it would be nice if soday you can co to terms with it and train it, as well, for your own good,” Mom whispered.
All of them really tried their best in cheering up and in advising to accept and be fine with my [Dark] elent. However, I still have mixed feelings about it. I even doubt that they really are fine with having [Dark] elent. I am afraid if they will just say all those to cheer up while deep inside they don’t really like the fact that I possess an affinity with [Dark] magic.
That night, I have difficulties in falling asleep.
My mind keeps wondering about many things—mostly all negative stuffs.
Well, years of hearing so gossips about yourself probably have made really afraid of my [Dark] affinity, and it won’t easily be erased from my mind... I think.
In the middle of night, I decided to go to the toilet and probably wander around the house a bit to empty my mind.
When I pass by my parents’ room, I can see that the door isn’t closely shut, and I can hear my parents talking.
“Lyra seems to really mind it.” –Mom’s voice.
“Well, I also don’t know why she has such a fear about having [Dark] elent...,” Dad responds.
“The fact that my side of family has been mingling with elves but not with any single oni... perhaps makes it worse...,” Mom sighed.
“Could it be from my mom? Nobody really knows her ancestry, after all... even if I’m pretty sure our score of affinity with [Dark] is near zero.”
“If... the theory of the [Dark] affinity is also caused by past painful experiences... then, was it my fault? Back when Lyra was born, she was born prematurely and had to spend days alone in the hospital room to make sure she is strong enough to be out of the intubation... I’m sure she also felt pain during the treatnt or dical tests she received… Did that really affect her affinity? What should I do...” Mom’s voice starts to shake.
“Hey, calm down. How could that be? She wouldn’t even rember that,” Dad seems to try to calm Mom down.
“Well, true, but every single thing is recorded in our subconscious even when you can’t even rember it, and your subconscious plays a major part in determining your magic affinity, right?”
“Then, I am to take a bla in that, as well. I had so really urgent matters to attend to at that ti, and I couldn’t quickly co to you two during that ti, even when I was worried sick to hear that you gave birth prematurely,” Dad said in bitter voice.
“No, that’s—“
I can’t bear to hear more of their conversation, so I walked away from their room.
...Instead of worrying over the fact that I have [Dark] elent which might be an abnormality considering my lineage and that it might cause negative outlook towards the whole family, they are so worried over my denial and reaction of my [Dark] affinity. They even went so far as to to put the bla on them...
I feel like I want to cry. Heck, tears are already brimming in my eyes, causing my vision to be blurry.
I didn’t rember of doing sothing praiseworthy and so great for 4 years of my life as Lyra, but still, they love unconditionally.
I really am blessed and I tried to doubt their sincerity just now?
Seems like I have so many howork to do about trust and love.
In the end, I managed to (cry myself to) sleep. It’s been a long ti since I last cried myself to sleep. I didn’t cry over my affinity. I cried because I detested myself. How could I not trust my own family? How could I still be haunted by my past mories? Why can’t I be stronger? What can I do to repay my family for their love?
Those were the thoughts swirling inside my head until the gentle darkness of the sleep engulfed .
The next day, during breakfast...
“Lyra, do you still mind it?” Mom asked, worried.
“A bit...,” I can’t lie and say that I no longer mind it. However, the conversation between my parents that I eavesdropped yesterday helped to ease my mind about it. Also, I can’t keep making my parents feel bad by continuing my reaction from yesterday. At least, I don’t want them to be bothered because of my issue.
“You know... it’s fine to not train any [Dark] magic. It’s also okay to hide it just like what Altaire usually tried to do at school. However, should it be known to others and you are to receive harsh judgent about it... please, don’t mind them. And... should you ever co to terms with it, and want to train it... I’ll be glad to help you any ti,” Mom says.
“Yeah, if you are bullied because of it—or because of anything, just call and I will teach those bullies!” Alt-nii punched a fist in the air.
I nod.
“Thank you… Mom, Dad, Alt-nii.”
I don’t know if I will ever co to terms with my [Dark] affinity, but I will try.
My family, especially my mom would be happier if I am willing to learn [Dark] magic to enhance my overall power, after all.
I just hope I can really trust my family wholeheartedly and stop having any slight doubt against them. It would be very rude of to repay the love I receive with doubt.
How long will it take for to truly heal, I wonder?
I want to quickly beco stronger and answer their expectations.
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