He always felt that interacting with others should be pleasant, not oppressive.
"Where do you want to start?"
Bai Zhi was drinking lemon tea as she looked towards the journalist.
The journalist was startled—it wasn’t said that they would start after they finished eating hotpot.
"How about we start with the topic of sending my parents to prison? Actually, I think you should get a voice recorder; otherwise, how are you going to record everything?"
Although Bai Zhi had agreed to the interview, the journalist had no intention of recording a video. She thought he probably did that to protect her. He really was a good "little brother."
The hotpot had already been served, and the journalist had ordered a lot of dishes, as if he feared that there wouldn’t be enough to eat for the two of them.
Two small hotpots confused both Bai Zhi and the journalist. The waiter inford them that it was customary to use small hotpots here, one for each person.
"Alright, actually I am prepared. Should we start now?"
The journalist took out a voice recorder and started recording.
"Actually, I admire you for being willing to co forward. Can you tell about what you’ve gone through?
Parents are indeed important to us, but no child would give up on parents who love them. They’d only give up on loving themselves. You must have suffered greatly to make such a profound and righteous decision."
The journalist had already understood so of the truth, which was why he spoke so gently. There were no traps.
"Mm, actually, I think I have let go. Each of us should learn to let go and forgive ourselves.
Where should I start... from my childhood, perhaps?"
Bai Zhi laid so beef into her bowl and took a bite—it was exceptionally delicious—and her satisfied expression gave the journalist a sense of happiness.
Years later, even as a station manager, he could not forget the girl he t that day. As she ate the hotpot with joy on her face, she told a story that moved him to tears.
In the end, she said, "This is life. You can’t choose it; you can only keep moving forward. If that’s the case, why not move on with a smile..."
"? Well, I’ve actually been quite unlucky. My worthless father stuck twenty-two needles into my body. You know, those embroidery needles.
My mom never cared for —she recently drugged , the kind that puts you to sleep and you don’t wake up. So, I called the police."
Bai Zhi spoke about it as if it was nothing, even taking a sip of lemon juice.
"When I was a child, I had to do a lot, starting each day before dawn...
...
When I ca to know the truth, I wasn’t that pained because all my sorrow was already gone. My grandfather gave all the love.
...
I didn’t hesitate to refuse a settlent, even though I knew so people might think I was heartless. I feared nothing.
If he could hurt , why should I forgive him?
When I was tornted day and night, when I was in so much pain I couldn’t stand and saw only darkness in my future, I won’t lie, I even thought about dying with him.
But that just won’t do, no matter how despicable he was, he was still my father. I couldn’t lay a hand on him; it’s about respecting life.
But I am happy because I still had the law to turn to for help.
In the end, I want to say I have no regrets. Being hurt is being hurt, and that pain is sothing only I can understand. I do not wish to forgive.
I live my own life and do not wish to be bound by what others say about needing to be kind. Because those words are useless—they do nothing to alleviate my pain."
As for my mom... it’s probably because she thinks I’ve been hurt so much that she assus I still have a decent capacity for endurance, but I really couldn’t take it anymore.
There was a ti when I had hoped that she might pull up when I was desperate, but unexpectedly she pushed further instead.
But actually, it’s fine. I think it’s okay.
"This is delicious, you should try it quickly,"
Bai Zhi was eating and speaking at the sa ti, not forgetting to ntion how tasty the food was. The reporter was in tears because, having grown up in the county town, he couldn’t imagine what that kind of life was like.
He, who would receive praise just for taking out the trash, didn’t know how to do all those household chores.
"Doesn’t that tire you? Doesn’t it hurt?"
Bai Zhi was taken aback, even stopping her motion of picking up food, and she looked up at the reporter in front of her.
This was the first person besides her grandfather to ever ask her if she was hurting or tired.
"It hurts, it really hurts. I don’t rember when I was little. But ever since I can rember, it’s been incredibly painful. Whenever I was tired and lay in bed, I would feel this dense, prickling pain, and I thought it was because I was too tired."
For so reason, in that mont, she suddenly laughed.
"Thank you. You’re the first person besides my grandfather to ask if I’m hurting."
Bai Zhi was truly grateful to him because she was surprised.
The look of surprise on Bai Zhi’s face made the reporter’s heart ache abruptly.
"Right, you should eat quickly, it’s really delicious.
So, what I want to say is, if you ever find yourself in my situation, be brave. Ask yourself what you really want to do. As for saving face, that’s nothing but self-torture and is pretty much useless.
If you don’t resist, if you don’t protect yourself, they’ll think it’s natural, think you’re soone they can bully.
Or perhaps they’ll assu you don’t care, or that it’s not harm to you.
I have no regrets, no regrets about picking up the weapon of law to protect myself and then setting it down.
They brought into this world, and when the ti cos for them to leave, I will see them off.
You brought here, I’ll see you out. That’s how it is, and of course, if they want to support them, I think that’s fine too. But that would be only maintenance fees.
Actually, I know that maybe people nowadays won’t understand what I’m saying. But I don’t need understanding because I’m the only one who knows whether I’m happy or not, right?
Whether it’s sympathy or misunderstanding, it doesn’t affect my life,
But if I do nothing and let the hurt continue, I think I probably wouldn’t be enjoying such delicious hot pot right now.
Do you know? A lot of dostic violence isn’t due to lack of intervention but because the victims themselves don’t want to take that step.
They feel it’s shaful, definitely thinking it’s bad for their reputation, bad for their kids, ending up bearing it alone, and perhaps it only leads to ruin.
And those who are hurt, because they fear it will affect their life, they don’t face it. Not that you can say that’s wrong. It’s good if they can get out, but if those abusers catch on that you’re afraid to stand up for yourself, will they continue?"
Bai Zhi’s emotions had basically stabilized by the ti she said this.
She appeared to have lightened up a bit, "like when I was a child, doing all the household chores. I never said anything because I thought they would see it eventually; indeed, they saw and took it for granted as if it was what I was supposed to do.
So, I don’t regret anything I did."
In the end, Bai Zhi put down her chopsticks and took a sip of lemon tea, smiling at him.
His eyes were red, just like soone who had been through a breakup.
"How can you be so optimistic..."
"It’s not optimism, it’s letting go. Don’t I seem happier now?"
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