I Became the Drug-Addicted Childhood Friend Chapter 88

Ti passed.

The ga was over.

I had finished reading an entire book.

I had watched a movie to the end.

And sotis, I would think about it—

What happens to the people inside after the story ends?

I had seen a sad movie once.

The protagonist died a heroic death, and the extras were left behind, waiting endlessly.

It left so overwheld that I sat in silence for a long ti, lost in the lingering emotions.

I wondered how they kept on living after that.

Now that I was in their position, I think I understood a little.

"Welco..."

"That’s right. Just greet them like that."

Lena had recomnded the job, so I got a part-ti position at a café.

"...I should smile brightly, right?"

"Yeah."

I had to survive.

I wasn’t dead, so I had to live.

I didn’t use the drugs ant for suicide.

The ones I used before—I could still get them, through various ans.

They were dangerous, yet more widely available than I had expected.

But I tried to use them less, and by making an effort, I actually could.

Maybe the right way wasn’t to quit all at once but to cut back little by little.

It had been half a year since Shihu disappeared.

The world was more peaceful than I had expected.

To say that Awakened no longer fought would be a lie, but there were no longer the large-scale battles of the past.

Honestly, I wanted to die every day.

If I went to a doctor, I’d probably be diagnosed with severe depression.

One day, as I curled up in my room, a thought ca to —I had to pay off my debt.

I had to be ready to return the money I owed Shihu.

That thought stuck with .

So I went outside again.

The mont I stepped out, I was hit with the realization of how utterly useless I was.

But at the sa ti, in a world where the Awakened had lost their powers, others had beco just as powerless.

Maybe this world was one I could actually live in.

Of course, I still wanted to die.

So first, I cut my long hair.

I went back to the hairstyle Shihu seed to like.

And that just made want to die even more.

The black pills.

The ones that ended the ga.

The logout button.

But maybe—just maybe—there was still hope.

I believed Shihu would co back.

So I decided to beco a more decent person.

I decided to quit drugs as much as possible.

I started making money.

And then, I wanted to die again.

Shihu, when are you coming back?

There’s no way you will.

When? You’re not coming.

But still, I had to live.

There was always that one-in-a-million chance.

I had saved enough money to repay my debt.

Now all that was left was for the person I owed to co back.

"I want to die."

Whether I was at ho or outside, I muttered it sotis.

And then, I would think—

If I were Shihu, would I co back to soone who just sat around mumbling about wanting to die?

Probably not.

Yeah, probably not.

The old Seo Ah would have been happy just to have him return.

But I wasn’t that Seo Ah anymore.

Maybe the real problem was that I had been longing for the past.

I had gone back to it, in every way.

I cleaned my ho.

Made sure it was spotless.

Would Shihu co back now?

And then, ti passed again.

"Welco~"

I had gotten pretty good at handling custors at the café.

It was strange.

When I put in the effort, I could smile again, just like before.

Maybe I was getting a little closer to being normal.

I should have done this sooner.

I tried working other part-ti jobs too.

I wasn’t in school anymore, so I had to earn money sohow.

I heard they were planning to repurpose the academy buildings into a regular school.

I was just glad I could do sothing at all.

But becoming a normal high school student?

That was impossible.

And I didn’t intend to try.

"Take care..."

As I worked, the days passed.

And when I ca ho, no one was there.

But I still kept two pairs of indoor slippers ready.

***

Honestly, I failed a few more tis.

Quitting wasn’t easy.

Sotis, I ended up taking too much without thinking.

I was too depressed, and I wanted to escape.

Drugs made feel better.

Honestly, shouldn’t I be dead by now?

I heard this stuff had severe side effects.

People said I had already passed the lethal dose long ago.

So why wasn’t I dead?

"Is it so kind of system restriction? Am I just not allowed to die from this?"

I even started asking myself that.

There was no one to answer.

I had to die in front of Shihu.

If I died from an overdose, that wouldn’t work.

Maybe that’s why I wasn’t dying.

This world was full of things that didn’t make sense anyway.

Besides, it was a world the protagonist had abandoned.

What did it matter what happened to the people left behind?

As long as the main story remained coherent, that was enough.

"...Ahaha..."

Let’s say there was a reader.

As long as the world looked fine through their eyes, nothing else mattered.

And this world—

It was nothing more than the setting for the villain’s backstory.

The background story of the Doctor.

Readers weren’t supposed to care about it in detail.

So did it really matter?

A world that had been discarded?

Of course, questions still remained.

The Doctor in this world had once been Shihu in another.

Did that Shihu go through the exact sa things?

I had no way of knowing.

But in the main story, the cycle between Shihu and the Doctor was broken.

Seo Ah had died at the right ti.

However, in the world before the main story unfolded, Seo Ah didn’t die.

Sohow, she survived.

And she kept holding onto Hansihoo, dragging him down.

"...Scary."

How did the Seo Ah of that tiline survive?

No matter how much worse off she was, it wouldn’t have been surprising.

Even if she had been crippled beyond recognition,

Shihu wouldn’t have been able to let her go so easily.

So I wished—

I desperately wished that Shihu would go back in ti and save Seo Ah.

That he wouldn’t beco the Doctor, with his mories and convictions twisted.

"I’m scared."

Honestly, being alone was terrifying.

If I didn’t speak, this place was drowned in silence.

What did I do to deserve this?

I don’t know if I was punished for committing a sin,

but I do know that in this state, I might as well have sinned.

"I don’t want to be alone."

Drugs made being alone bearable.

But it was because of drugs that I ended up alone.

Still, when I took them, I could be alone without a problem.

But if I took them, I wouldn’t be able to face Shihu.

Now that I think about it—

Shihu was the one who gave the drugs.

So the Doctor was first.

Then where did this cycle begin?

Which ca first, the chicken or the egg?

Who was wrong first?

Was it Seo Ah, who used the drugs Shihu gave her?

Or was it Shihu, who gave her the drugs because of Seo Ah?

But even if it wasn’t Shihu,

soone else could have given the drugs.

And if it wasn’t for Seo Ah,

Shihu wouldn’t have gone back in ti.

So maybe—

Maybe it really was Seo Ah’s fault.

"Why did you do it?"

I don’t know.

But if I don’t know, then who does?

"......"

I knew that talking to myself like this made look crazy.

But I was aware of it.

That ant I wasn’t actually crazy.

I wasn’t losing my mind.

I was perfectly normal.

I think I’ve said this before.

But anyway, it’s true.

I’m normal.

This isn’t just because of the drugs.

I have to be normal.

Otherwise, Shihu won’t co back.

If I had never taken the drugs,

my childhood friend wouldn’t have left.

I replaced him with drugs.

Both Shihu and I drowned in them—one way or another.

Anyway, I’m normal.

I don’t see hallucinations anymore.

I barely hear voices now.

That ans I’m normal, right?

I dress properly.

I keep myself well-grood.

I take care of my appearance.

If Shihu saw now, he wouldn’t be embarrassed to be around .

Probably.

Let’s think about it.

If I were Shihu,

would I want to be with the current Seo Ah?

…Yeah.

To so extent.

But it still feels like sothing’s missing.

My personality?

I’m not bright enough.

I should bring back that sunny smile.

If I can’t change what’s inside, I should at least fix what’s outside.

No matter how rotten my insides are,

people only see what’s on the surface.

So I started practicing smiling in front of the mirror every day.

Back in the past, I didn’t need to do this.

"Aha… ha…"

The Seo Ah in the mirror was smiling.

But she still looked sad.

***

Ti kept passing.

Even in the mories of others, Shihu's presence was gradually fading.

I could feel it.

Today, I saw a familiar face on a billboard.

Cheon Yuseong.

Back at the academy, he was just another competent student.

But now, it seed he had made his way into politics.

Impressive.

Originally, the world was supposed to beco a paradise for the Awakened.

But thanks to the Doctor’s efforts, the Awakened had gone from the elite to the abnormal.

Maybe that’s why people like were given a chance.

I arrived at the café first.

It was six in the morning—still a long way until opening.

But I had nothing better to do, so I always ca early.

Cleaning and setting things up made the ti pass quickly.

Sotis, I thought I could feel happiness in my daily life.

Or maybe it was just an illusion.

My brain had been so damaged that I couldn’t really experience happiness anymore.

Still, I forced myself to feel it.

I didn’t use drugs anymore.

Maybe the Doctor had been right about so things.

He had said I was cured.

Living in a world where magic was restricted made quitting easier.

I really did feel like I was recovering.

Recovery...

I had been through too much for my body to be completely fine.

But on the outside, there didn’t seem to be any major issues.

Maybe I was just rusted tal, covered up with a fresh coat of paint.

Then, the bell jingled.

Soone had opened the door.

"Welco...?"

It wasn’t opening ti yet.

Shihu walked in.

Who?

Shihu?

Why was Shihu here?

"Hey, Seo Ah."

I doubted my eyes.

This had to be a hallucination.

But my body was already moving toward him.

One step at a ti.

Without looking away.

I must have been smiling.

And then, I reached out to hug him.

Even if I ended up hugging nothing but air, it didn’t matter.

But strangely, I could feel him.

There was warmth.

Even if my broken mind had just grabbed onto a pillar or a chair in the café—

"Yeah. Hey."

At least in that mont, I didn’t need drugs to be happy.