The first ti I t that boy was at a playground.
A boy with eyes that seed utterly uninterested in the world, swinging alone.
At first, I thought he was just another ordinary kid.
Whenever I went to the daycare, everyone’s eyes would turn to , and he was no different—stealing glances my way.
But, just like all the others, he didn’t approach .
I wasn’t even supposed to co with Mom, so I felt like I shouldn’t have co at all.
At the daycare, alone. At the playground, alone.
Everywhere, always alone.
That boy, I thought, would soon fit right in with the others.
I sat on the swing next to him.
It wasn’t particularly fun, and I had nothing else to do.
Mom stood behind , gently pushing the swing.
Five minutes passed like that.
Then, suddenly, Mom spoke to the boy next to .
“Hey there, little one. Would you like to play with my daughter?”
Mom, why are you doing this? I’d rather just play with you.
The boy looked up at Mom with a disinterested expression.
“?”
“Yes! You’ve been swinging alone for a while now. It looked like you were bored.”
“I’m not really… well, yeah, I was bored. Thank you.”
“…Oh, okay.”
Isn’t this kid a bit too mature for his age? Mom muttered under her breath, lifting off the swing.
“How old are you? You look really young. Are you here with your parents?”
“I’m four, and I ca here alone. I live here, anyway.”
“What? Even if this is an apartnt complex, a four-year-old alone…?”
“I snuck out. Staying inside all day was just too frustrating.”
Mom’s face twisted in disbelief at his explanation.
She squatted down to et his eye level.
“You can’t do that. It’s way too dangerous. I’ll take you ho—do you know your apartnt number?”
“Hmm. You don’t have to. Soone’s coming for soon anyway.”
“Huh? Who?”
“My mom.”
As soon as he said it, soone appeared from behind the playground.
“Ah! There you are!”
A slightly plump woman, likely his mom.
“Son! Did you sneak out again without saying anything?!”
“You knew I’d be here. I even left a note.”
“That doesn’t make it okay. Are you trying to give a heart attack?”
The boy shrugged nonchalantly in response.
Mom stood up and greeted her.
“Hello. Are you his mother?”
“Oh, yes. I’m Ha-Eun’s mom. Thank you so much for watching over him.”
She bowed slightly to express her gratitude.
“Oh, no, it was nothing.”
Mom waved her hands dismissively and turned back to the boy.
“But how did you sneak out?”
“Ahaha… I was taking a nap. Son, you should’ve woken up.”
“I felt bad waking you. You seed so peaceful.”
“You really don’t hold anything back.”
The boy and his mother shared a soft chuckle.
Mom, flustered, spoke up.
“Does this happen often? It seems so dangerous.”
“Don’t even get started. One ti, I was washing dishes and nearly had a heart attack when I heard the door lock opening. My nerves are shot.”
“Oh my…”
The woman sighed deeply, then patted the boy on the head.
“But it’s easy to find him since he only goes to a few places. And he always has his safety alarm with him.”
“So that’s…”
“Yes, this happens fairly often—almost once a week.”
“Then why not take out to play sowhere?”
The boy—no, Lee Ha-Eun—interjected without a care.
“Unfortunately, your mom doesn’t have the energy for that.”
His mom’s faint smile revealed a hint of guilt. Of course, I didn’t understand that back then.
“Anyway, since we’ve t, why don’t we grab a cup of coffee? The kids are the sa age, after all.”
“Oh, really? Your son’s four too?”
“Yes. Yul-ah, introduce yourself.”
Mom nudged forward. Caught off guard, I stumbled a little, but it wasn’t a big deal.
“…Hello. I’m Ha Soo-Yul.”
“How adorable~. Nice to et you! This is my son, Lee Ha-Eun. Say hello, son.”
“The difference in tone is jarring. Ugh, fine. Hi.”
His awkward wave left puzzled.
“What?”
Maybe I was staring too much because he asked outright.
“…Why aren’t you running away?”
“Why would I run?”
“It’s weird. All the kids run away when they see . Why don’t you?”
“Why would I?”
Why? Whenever I spoke to other kids, they all ran away.
Why wasn’t Lee Ha-Eun like that?
“Haha. Yul doesn’t have any friends yet. If it’s okay, would you be her friend?”
Mom gently placed her hands on my shoulders as she asked.
But her words didn’t register with .
“My eyes. Don’t they scare you?”
“Sweetheart…”
Even as Mom whispered to , I didn’t back down.
“Red eyes? Not really. They’re unique.”
He gave a thumbs-up instead.
“Maybe you’re just low on lanin? Or is it albinism? But that usually cos with white hair.”
He kept muttering things I didn’t understand, but I could tell one thing.
This boy wasn’t afraid of .
‘A good person? A kind person?’
Maybe that’s why I felt sothing strange, sothing I’d never felt before.
“Isn’t it weird that I talk like this? What kind of four-year-old speaks like ?”
“I don’t know. You’re the first friend I’ve made.”
“Oh, really? Uh, sorry about that.”
I didn’t know why he apologized, but I liked it. It just felt good.
“Actually, my son doesn’t have any friends either. This is perfect.”
Ha-Eun’s mom clapped her hands together, laughing warmly.
“Mom. My heart hurts.”
“What...? What?!”
Her face instantly went pale at his words, and she crouched down, examining him in panic.
What’s going on?
“No, no. I an my feelings hurt because of what you said. You were too casual about not having friends.”
“Haah. Son, you’re going to give a heart attack.”
As she wiped the sweat off her brow, my mom hesitantly spoke.
“Is Ha-Eun’s health okay? His reaction seed serious.”
“Haha. He’s fine.”
Her awkward laughter felt odd. Why did she seem so uneasy?
“Maybe worry about yourself first, Mom. Who’s calling who unhealthy?”
“At least I’m healthier than you, son.”
Their playful banter about health was sothing I was too young to fully grasp.
“Well, if his health is that bad, we could always…”
“Oh, don’t worry! We’re fine today. He’s energetic enough to play outside, see?”
“Well, that should be normal…”
After so back and forth, the four of us headed to a nearby café in the apartnt complex.
We chatted idly, and when it was ti to part ways, I felt a strange pang of regret.
“Let’s et up and play again soti.”
“Of course! We have plenty of ti, so whenever!”
“Bye.”
“Bye…?”
“It ans goodbye.”
An odd farewell. I decided I’d try it out soday.
Even after that day, we t up and played together several more tis.
***
And perhaps, that was the turning point of my life.
“Shark.”
“Stop clinging to , seriously.”
“Shark.”
“What’s wrong with you? Did visiting the art café make you act like this? Just go away.”
When I glared at him with all the pressure I could muster, he sighed.
Then, without another word, he took to the sand and began drawing a shark.
Lee Ha-Eun was hopelessly weak when it ca to persistent pressure, no matter how many tis he said no.
“Happy now?”
He glanced back at , asking. I only nodded in response.
But if there was sothing different from usual, it was this:
I was smiling without even realizing it.
“If you smiled like that more often, people would probably co closer to you.”
“No thanks. Having you around is enough.”
“You’re going to ruin your social life that way.”
“I don’t care. I don’t like anyone else.”
This was not long after we visited the art café.
***
I looked down at Lee Ha-Eun, lying still.
What is this feeling? It’s infuriating.
‘Why won’t he get up?’
It’s already been three minutes. Why isn’t he awake yet?
Why did this have to happen during our trip?
Why couldn’t I do anything about it?
Why does it always have to be you fighting for your life?
Why only you…
“Guhh! Cough! Cough!”
And then, he spat out water and jolted awake.
“Blegh.”
Ha-Eun grimaced, gasping and coughing, likely from the seawater.
“Eun-ah!”
His mom rushed to him and hugged him tightly, sobbing.
‘Thank goodness.’
Really. I thought I’d never see him again.
Mom and I approached, but I couldn’t bring myself to speak.
Mom hovered nervously, checking Ha-Eun’s condition from head to toe.
But as for , I had no idea what to say. All I could manage was—
“That was an.”
“Sorry.”
I just said what was on my mind.
I didn’t fully understand my feelings, but I knew I was furious.
When he looked at my tear-streaked face, Ha-Eun gave a small laugh.
‘...Annoying.’
And yet, it didn’t feel bad. I still couldn’t define this feeling.
“Don’t do that again.”
“You should be hoping nothing like this happens in the first place.”
As his mom said, he really couldn’t let anything slide.
The fact that it sohow reassured was strange in itself.
***
When we were ten, and then at sixteen, not much happened between us.
Ha-Eun was busy with his own life, and I couldn’t always be by his side.
Oh, and there was a kid who tried to fra him. I still regret not dealing with that myself.
If only I’d found out sooner.
Then Ha-Eun wouldn’t have had to worry about it.
I regret it so much. Truly.
The fact that it ended with just a juvenile detention sentence—he should’ve been killed.
***
I visited the U.S. for the first ti.
With my friends Ye-Seo and Ye-Hwa.
Honestly, I’d rather be the only one by Ha-Eun’s side, but I know that’s not what he wants.
It was disappointing, but I could compromise this much.
After all, Ye-Seo and Ye-Hwa are my friends too.
But the first spot? That’s not up for negotiation.
No matter how close they are as friends.
***
The awards ceremony had ended.
I brought the girls along to et Ha-Eun and Yoon.
As soon as the door opened, I pressed my face against Ha-Eun’s shoulder.
Sniff sniff... “All clear.”
While I was checking his scent, Ha-Eun pushed my head away with his hand.
“What the hell are you doing?”
‘Making sure no more girls join this group?’
I thought to myself. Saying it out loud would only make him argue.
Eun-ah, Ye-Hwa is the last one I can accept.
If any more show up, I don’t know what I might do.
…Love you?
TL Note: Let’s break it down using one na as an example to avoid any confusion in the future:
Yul-ah, Ha Soo-Yul, and Yul all refer to the sa person.
Ha Soo-Yul (하소율) is her full na.
Yul (율) is a shortened form of her na, used for convenience or as a nickna.
Yul-ah (율아) is the sa na but with the Korean vocative suffix "-ah," often used in casual speech when addressing soone with close relations, such as children or friends.
Thus, all three variations refer to the sa character.
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