I Became a Murderer in the Academy. Chapter 45

Death is a more rciful punishnt than one might think.

This fact can be understood by capturing a few passing humans and torturing them for just a day.

It doesn’t take long for those who initially feared death and begged for their lives to change their pleas to asking to be killed.

At most three days. Usually shorter than that.

This phenonon occurs because pain is more frightening than death. This is no different for humans or monsters.

When experiencing unimaginably terrible pain, one rather wishes for death.

Amy’s condition was similar.

All her nails were gone, probably to prevent self-harm or s*****e.

Now that I look closely, self-inflicted wounds are also noticeable. She was longing for death. More precisely, she seed to want to escape from the pain that was more frightening than death.

But since she couldn’t die alone, she was asking for it.

Surprisingly, I could understand her feelings.

I knew from experience that death is a more rciful punishnt than one might think.

“……You can take the fragnt if you want. It’s useless to a dead person anyway.”

Amy’s voice was trembling faintly.

She must have thought alone for a very long ti before uttering that one request to be killed. Although I couldn’t read mories now, I felt I could understand without reading them.

Pain is more frightening than death, but death is also pain.

That’s the general thinking. It’s a misconception to think death is light just because pain is frightening.

Death also entails considerable pain. That’s why living beings instinctively fear death.

But despite that, seeing such words co out of her mouth, she must have suffered terribly.

Thinking that way, I could understand why she was so scared when she first saw .

Her situation was pitiful.

So, I approached her with a worn-out dagger from the intense battle.

The blade had beco quite dull.

A blade that kills hurts more when it’s dull.

I wondered if it was right to give a painful death to a monster trying to escape to death out of fear of pain.

She wouldn’t die from one stab, so I’d have to stab repeatedly. It would probably be more painful than she imagined.

Amy was squeezing her eyes shut as if bracing for the imnse pain about to co, but I failed to et her expectations.

“……”

Once again, I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Regardless of how pitiful the situation was, this feeling of my body refusing was sothing I couldn’t get used to, no matter what.

“You’re not stabbing…?”

“I don’t know.”

“Why…?”

“I don’t know.”

Amy, tired of waiting with her eyes closed, asked.

In my head, I knew this action was right. It was right to grant her earnest request and free her from this terrible nightmare.

But it was difficult. It felt different from stabbing a human body.

She wouldn’t die from a normal stab. After all, Amy was also a Seed of the Demon King.

She, too, would have regenerative abilities and durability beyond human limits—not as much as , but still.

So, if I was going to kill her, I needed to put in more force. But I couldn’t muster that force, which was why it was difficult.

“Only you can do this.”

“I know.”

“Then why……”

“I don’t know.”

It wasn’t that I was trying to ignore her, but I really didn’t understand my own feelings.

Why?

I’m soone who has easily stabbed and killed humans. I’ve killed so many humans that I can’t even count anymore, earning the na of a murderer.

To hesitate now in killing a single monster, have I beco a monster to my very bones?

Amy said she didn’t recognize as one of her kind.

Since Amy said so, she and I might not be the sa kind.

If so, there’s even less reason to hesitate. I thought about analyzing why I was in this state.

Today, too, my thoughts were long.

I might have been unconsciously overlapping her and myself.

She’s a monster, and she wishes for death. Because for her, life is a continuous pain.

I’m half-monster, and I wish for death. Because for too, life is a continuous pain.

But Amy found soone suitable to kill her, while I couldn’t.

Both Amy and I wished for death, but only she could fulfill that wish.

Perhaps what I’m feeling towards her now isn’t a sense of kinship or sympathy but jealousy.

You’re escaping from hell. While I’m stuck here.

I thought I wasn’t in my right mind either, feeling envious of a monster about to die.

I finished my long thoughts.

I decided to kill Amy.

Not killing her was just my selfishness stemming from petty jealousy.

“Open your eyes, Amy.”

Still, I had no intention of making her last monts painful when she just wanted to rest.

I slowly t her eyes as she opened them. Blood started flowing again, perhaps due to the fatigue in my eyes, but I didn’t mind.

Even for a Seed of the Demon King, it wasn’t too difficult to put soone who wasn’t resisting to sleep.

And then.

“Sleep well, Amy. I hope you’re born as a human in your next life. Not as a trash monster that’s rotting away.”

I left a final goodbye with a bitter heart.

The process of taking the fragnt after extinguishing a life wasn’t too difficult.

***

After taking the Seed of the Demon King, as so ti passed, guards started coming down as expected.

They must have co down when they couldn’t reach Albert.

I hid myself and snuck out, avoiding their gaze.

It seems the entire Empire was turned upside down when news spread that Albert had fallen.

But that had nothing to do with now.

After escaping the headquarters, it was quite a struggle to return in my tattered state.

My body was covered in blood, and most of my clothes were torn, leaving in an almost half-naked state.

Moreover, my disguise had co undone, so I just prayed not to run into anyone who knew .

After arriving ho, I collapsed onto the bed.

Even after arriving, I had to endure pain that felt like my eyes were being pulled out for quite a long ti.

When I looked in the mirror, my eyes were bloodshot.

They were originally red, but this ti, they were red in a different way.

I shouldn’t open my eyes for a while.

I washed my body drenched in sweat and lay down on the bed.

Amy is dead. She wanted death, so I let her close her eyes.

At that point, a question arose.

What does death feel like? How did Amy feel when she closed her eyes for the last ti?

No matter how much I thought about it, I couldn’t find an answer.

Because I have never experienced death.

For one thing, I envied her ability to close her eyes forever.

Pain is more frightening than death. My life, like hers, has been a life marked by pain.

Will I ever be able to find soone to kill too?

I don’t know.

Today, too, my feelings were complicated.

“……”

After being lost in thought for a long ti, I felt hungry. I hadn’t had a proper al for a while.

Even the blood I sucked from Albert was only a tiny amount.

Usually, it’s more painful right after having an insufficient al than not eating anything at all. It makes it harder to suppress the instinct, making you even more tempted.

I should eat before it gets too late.

I took out the trophy I brought from the Empire’s underground and held it in my hand.

No matter how you look at it, its appearance is far from appetizing. To be honest, I even doubt it is edible.

But surprisingly, it was.

When I ate a fragnt before, there wasn’t any noticeable change in my body. If there was anything peculiar, it was that when eating the piece, past mories flowed into my mind instead of the target’s mories.

There wasn’t the usual rejection reaction from my body, like when eating other food. The mont the first piece entered my body, it felt like it was imdiately harmonizing with it.

It felt like sothing was fitting together like puzzle pieces inside my body.

I don’t know why, but the mories I saw were definitely my mories, even if they were extrely short fragnts of film.

‘……The past, huh.’

For , the past was sothing frightening.

I couldn’t find any good mories since falling as a monster in this world.

If it’s true that the Demon King’s piece sohow draws out my past mories, it was a bit scary.

The piece from Amy’s body was larger than the one from the shadow monster.

Still, if I eat this, I should be able to hold out for about a month.

Even when I ate a smaller piece, I easily lasted about two weeks.

“Sigh.”

My thoughts were long.

It’s not like I had any other options anyway.

I took a big bite.

It wasn’t delicious this ti either.

Just wanted to refresh/check if my notes are correct. Tell if I’m missing soone.

Leon Ch. 1

Adrian Ch. 5

Evelyn Ch. 6

Beorn Ch. 8

Asha Ch. 16

Shadow Monster Ch. 23

Celine Ch. 34

Imperial Knights Ch. 38

Eve Ch. 39

Amy Ch. 45

-Ruminas