I used R.K.O, Attitude Adjustnt and Pile Driver on Malthus.
I believe I hurt him with all that. I an, his nose was broken, twisted—just like my body builder neighbor’s petite wife’s back when he died of a heart attack while having sex with her.
Nevertheless, Malthus was in his full form so he had healed himself up almost instantly.
But what made ground escape my feet—literally—was his fucking Spear.
This bastard... he also knew about WWE.
I could have never guessed that he was the third testicle of Andre the giant.
However, not only he, I was also in my full form.
So my broken ribs and dislocated shoulders healed instantly as well.
After landing that spear, Malthus got up and rolled his shoulders.
"Alright.. not bad. But this move is only allowed while there are ropes. So this one doesn’t count."
"As if I care."
Of course he doesn’t care.
After the spear, I stood up.
I saw the deep drag lines on the ground Malthus made when he landed that move. He pushed quite far away.
We both stood in front of each other and he didn’t have his sword anymore on his hand.
"No sword? At least have that sword, that’s the only long and hard thing you’ll have."
A vein popped on Malthus’ head but he exhaled and brought his composure back.
"Let’s fight like warriors. Swords will do us nothing. We will just keep healing. With no clear winner."
"So how will we decide the winner?"
"Although it’s a bad idea, still I’ll ask you. You suggest."
I shrugged. "Whoever can make more jokes wins."
"... Yeah. It was a bad idea."
"Then you suggest, smarty pants."
Malthus slowly nodded.
"I think th—"
"Surprise AttackkK!!"
Sothing ca behind Malthus.
Malthus jerked his elbow.
The sa thing went flying.
"So as I was saying..."
I raised my hand. "Wait."
Malthus, surprisingly patient, paused. I snapped my fingers.
WHISH!
Sexis appeared beside , wheezing in pain.
"So... what the fuck was that?"
"That was a surprise attack... at least that’s what it’s supposed to be."
I held Sexis’ antennas and jerked them like a PT teacher venting his anger on a student.
"Which ninja fucker tries to land a surprise attack before shouting surprise attack in full volu failing the sheer aning of a surprise attack?!"
"I thought it would be cool if I managed to hit him like that. He was busy talking with you so I took the chance. But this bastard just jerked his elbow and I was flown away. That hurt my Ego though."
"Increasing your stats was useless. Learn sothing from, Erect. He is nowhere to be seen right now and I am sure he will be the one to land a successful sneak attack on Malthus."
I let go of Sexis’ antennas.
"Go away now. Group up with Erect and follow his lead. He is a smart guy. He must have a plan to deal damage to Malth—"
SHRIIIPPP!
"Surprise Motherfucker!"
TUN!
I wasn’t able to finish my dialogue when the ground split a hole and a man shot out of it.
He had a sword and that sword was poked right between Malthus’ legs.
, Malthus, Sexis all stared at the scene as the man out of the ground received a reaction he wasn’t expecting.
Slowly, Sexis turned his head at .
"This is your smart guy?"
".. Uh, well. I would like to think he was."
"He fucking tried to stabbed his genitals!"
"That I can see."
"Even when you told us that this red giant feels no pain there."
"Yeah. He wasn’t paying attention, it seems."
"Well, say sothing to him. You scolded the hell out of . I won’t let partiality slide."
"Alright. Fine."
I pressed my forehead and focused in front.
"What were you trying to accomplish with this, Erect?"
"Obviously, I wanted to hurt him."
"How?"
"Like this."
TUN!
TUNN!
TUNN!
TUNNN!
"You can stop that."
"Why?"
"Because it’s clearly not working! You are only testing my ear buds with that noise."
"How can it not work? If soone stabbed a sword in my dick I would be dead on the spot!"
"Haven’t you heard when I said I had tried hurting his balls and the bastard didn’t even flinch?"
"I didn’t believe you, alright! I thought you were lying!"
"Why would you think that?"
"I thought soone who’s scared shitless of this guy would never have walked in between his legs and tried to hurt his balls. You can’t bla ."
Sexis tugged on my armor and then whispered in my ear:
"He also shouted surprise before attacking just like , scold him about that too just like you did with ."
I gave him the look of a father who just found furry porn on his son’s laptop.
"What are you, a third grader? Stop complaining, man."
I shook my head.
"Co here, Erect."
"Okay."
Erect ca out from under Malthus’ crotch and stood on my right side.
"Now you believe that I wasn’t lying?"
"Yeah. But I am surprised he doesn’t feel pain there."
"Well, I think he is numb there. If he wasn’t, he wouldn’t be fighting n even at night."
"Haha. Right."
"Hoho. Good one."
We three shared a laugh and Malthus gritted his teeth.
Then, he cald himself down. I think his final form made him better at controlling his anger.
After exhaling so air, he brought back his composure and said:
"Human king, we were talking about how we will decide the winner, right?"
"Yeah. That we were discussing."
"I ca up with sothing and you have no choice but to agree with that."
"Stop talking like a boss of a corporation."
"I don’t give a fuck. You have to agree otherwise I will kill these two right now."
Sexis flinched.
"Agree with him, Racis. This is no ti to act like a rebellious employee of a corporation."
"Yes, my lord. Although I don’t know what a corporation is, just don’t act like whoever Sexis is talking about."
I sighed.
"Fine. I agree. Now tell how we will decide the winner among us?"
Malthus flashed his fangs.
"Whoever eats the other’s heart shall be the winner."
I regret agreeing already.
Reviews
All reviews (0)