She had said that, but the imdiate problem was how to even talk to Cider. Annie, who discovered Esperanza sneaking out after staying in her bedroom until late morning and pondering, brightened up.
"What's the occasion today? You're not going out from the morning."
"I can't go out every day. There's nowhere to go anyway."
"Hmm."
Annie squinted her eyes. As if she knew everything about her. Esperanza pretended not to notice and turned her head away.
"Then what are you planning to do today? If you have nothing to do, would you like to co with ..."
The sound of a door closing ca from the opposite end of the corridor. Annie, who had stopped mid-sentence, looked back. Esperanza's gaze was fixed on the back of the man standing in front of the door.
'Co to think of it, it was the sa floor.'
She hadn't expected to run into him here. What should she do?
"Annie, could you go downstairs?"
"Yes. Please call
in a bit."
Quick-witted Annie went down the stairs still carrying the cleaning supplies she had brought. Cider, who had been walking without looking ahead while flipping through the booklet in his hand, stopped and looked up when he heard the footsteps.
Upon discovering Esperanza, he slowly tilted his head. His eyes were unreadable. He stared at her face with its awkward smile and asked.
"I suppose you're done avoiding
now?"
He had known she was avoiding him after all. Unable to say no, Esperanza, who had pressed her lips tightly shut, nodded.
"I have sothing to say."
"Go ahead."
Cider said that quite readily, surprisingly. His mood didn't seem too bad either. It would be a lie to say his eyes with their hint of laughter were the sa as before, but they felt sowhat similar to when they stayed at Mabelwood.
Had his anger cooled down a bit?
"I t with Cyrus yesterday."
The smile that had been lingering around his lips disappeared without a trace. It wasn't a big change in expression, but that small difference made the air instantly cold.
"Consulting with him for days would be useless. Isn't the adversity you need to overco clear?"
Cider, who had pointed to himself with his finger as if taking care that she might not understand, smiled brightly. This smile carried an unmistakable displeasure.
Esperanza was bewildered but tried to maintain her composure.
"First of all, you're not an adversity."
Cider's smile beca slightly distorted.
"I went to Cyrus because I had sothing to ask him. I need to know how Daria... killed you. So in exchange for telling
that."
She looked up at Cider with his crooked smile and barely managed to speak.
"I'm supposed to bring you to the warehouse where that machine is. Though I can't help it if you refuse."
"You completely fail to grasp the situation, don't you?"
His shoes made sharp sounds as he closed the distance. It wasn't threatening, but the displeasure the other person felt rushed in like heat. Cider could no longer even manage his distorted smile.
"You have no initiative in this matter. That great Cyrus is the sa. Whether you two make deals or agreents on your own, I have no reason to comply, and you shouldn't have done that in the first place. Do you understand?"
"If it was unpleasant, I'm sorry, but I was just in a hurry. I don't know when or how those people will appear. Of course I'll try my best to prevent it, but it's better to know anything."
"Thank you, but it's unnecessary. I think it's excessive ddling."
It felt like being hit in the head. Anger surged belatedly. She could endure being blad for her wrongdoings. But this matter was different. Even if there was fault in proceeding without consultation, was there a need to be this sarcastic? It wasn't about anything else, but about trying to save his life! So did he want to die now, or what?
Esperanza, who couldn't stand it anymore, stamped her foot.
"Excessive ddling? Then just get angry! Don't be sarcastic! Who said not to get angry? Don't die!"
Cider was angry too. He snapped back harshly.
"That's the problem. It bothers you that you found out I'm going to die. If you hadn't known, you could have returned comfortably, but it's unfortunate."
What kind of baseless accusation was this? Esperanza was on the verge of tears now. Why, why was she hearing such things? It wasn't only Esperanza's fault that the two of them were parting.
While she was clearly at fault for not telling him in advance and making Cider suffer, even if she had told him, the result wouldn't have changed. The weight of bla pressed down on her shoulders.
"What exactly is the problem? Did I wish for sothing extraordinary? I just wanted you to live well even after I return. I'm not asking you to live so incredibly special life! Just do your research, receive respect, make friends, get married..."
Her mind stopped for a mont. Her lips trembled. She had said sothing unnecessary. She shouldn't have said such things out loud. Why did she only spout nonsense when her head got heated?
Cider's face beca as cold as it could possibly get. He clicked his tongue as if incredulous.
"Is that the future plan you've set up for ? Find a suitable lady to marry and have about three children?"
"You don't need to have three!"
She was crazy. What kind of stupid thing was this to say? She felt like she could die of embarrassnt.
Esperanza creaked like an under-oiled automaton and then sat down right there in the corridor. She was breathing hard as if she had fought a battle. When the hard, cold wall touched the back of her head, her scattered reason seed to return little by little.
"...I don't understand why the conversation turned out like this. I don't understand why I'm being blad like this either. Marriage and whatever, I wasn't trying to talk about such things. I just said anything because I was angry."
Cider said nothing. Esperanza didn't care anymore whether he listened or not.
"I know I hurt you. It's true that I deceived you all this ti, so if you can't trust my words, or if you've lost affection for ... it can't be helped."
She had hoped for a denial, but she couldn't hear any answer. Had his affection really all dried up? Esperanza smiled self-deprecatingly. Even so, it couldn't be helped.
"I was just sorry to you, and separately from that, I wanted to prevent you from dying. But since Cyrus has that information, I just went to et him. ...But thinking about it, he also needs to be protected from dying just the sa. I did sothing pointless."
She seed to have been out of her mind all this ti. If she had been in a proper state, she couldn't have failed to think that far. Anyway, knowing Daria's plan would be advantageous, so she hadn't completely lost out... but that's only if the deal went through.
From the looks of it, persuasion didn't seem likely to work either. Just spouting nonsense and having pointless argunts.
Now she didn't even know what she wanted to do. She still had the goal of returning, and the small objectives leading to that goal remained the sa. Yet why did she feel lost?
Had she really lost her way, or had she lost sothing to lean on?
Maybe she shouldn't have gotten attached to this world from the beginning. She hadn't thought she would have regrets when returning. Even if she gave her affection, it couldn't compare to the real world where she had lived for twenty-seven years. There was no way sothing heavier than her remaining family, friends, and the efforts and ti built up in that world could develop in just a few months.
There was no way...
Esperanza slowly got up. If she continued thinking while crumpled up like this, she would probably just spout more strange nonsense.
"I'm done talking."
Cider was still leaning against the wall, just watching Esperanza organize her thoughts. The shadow cast over Esperanza darkly colored her entire body without any weight.
Warmth briefly filled his eyes as he looked at her softly disheveled hair. These two had built up too much to be destroyed by a single lie. He understood Esperanza's worry. He also knew it was sincere.
He couldn't prevent his insides from twisting and his tongue from becoming sharp, but seeing her dejected face inevitably made a corner of his heart tighten. Even when trust was shattered and hatred mixed with affection. He had no choice but to give in again.
But giving in unconditionally was over now.
"Then it's ti to hear my answer."
Esperanza, who had been about to turn around, stopped. Her eyes held no particular expectation. Cider felt his underground mood brighten a little.
"Why are you looking at
like that? Have I ever not granted your requests?"
Esperanza's eyes narrowed as if trying to read Cider's intentions. Until just a few days ago, he had been an absolute ally who didn't need to be guarded against, but she could no longer expect such things.
"This seems like a request you don't need to grant. I wasn't trying to put you in a difficult position..."
eting Cyrus again would be uncomfortable for Cider. He might not care that Cyrus had killed him, but he wouldn't forget showing such behavior just a few days ago. He hadn't definitively agreed to make the machine yet either. If she couldn't fulfill the deal conditions, Esperanza's dignity would be sowhat damaged, but it didn't matter much.
"But if I don't grant it, you'll be in trouble. Ask . I'll grant it. However, conditionally."
Conditionally. Esperanza repeated those words in her mouth. That might be evidence of broken trust. Perhaps it was the bottom of what had seed like infinite affection.
"What condition?"
Cider smiled again. In that smile where his eyes crinkled slightly, Esperanza confird a fragnt of affection. It was still there.
"If you're going back, I should be the one to send you back. Even if I fail. If Cyrus suggests entrusting it to another magical engineer, refuse."
"Cyrus said only you could do it."
"I don't trust him."
Esperanza suddenly realized she was being swayed by Cyrus's words. There was the tiny trust built up as gaming friends for seven years, and he had told a story that was hard to believe but plausible. But... Cider was right. There was no need to be swayed.
"Even if another magical engineer says they can send you back, wait for my answer."
The gaze that had been avoiding and fleeing beca entangled again. She thought it was sowhat obsessive. But Esperanza didn't want to entrust it to soone else either.
"I'll do that."
"...I haven't forgiven you."
Cider said that and turned toward his study.
Esperanza stood still, then suddenly realized. Cider's study and bedroom were all gathered on the opposite side of the corridor. If he had intended to go to his study from the beginning, he wouldn't have needed to pass through this corridor.
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