This ti it wasn't just grumbling. A very small and careful whisper. Esperanza paradoxically read resentnt in those words. Resentnt that had sunk beneath affection. That was sincere.
Cold sweat broke out. Esperanza's hand frantically gripped her skirt.
Coleman repeatedly checked the nailed spot as if worried the wall where he hung the deer taxidermy would collapse at any mont, then locked the door properly and ca outside.
"Co to think of it, did I leave without locking the door?"
When he tilted his head in wonder, Esperanza's heart also sank, but fortunately Coleman didn't seem to think soone had been hiding in this cabin watching everything he did.
After Coleman had moved far enough away, Esperanza collapsed to the floor.
It would have been better not to know such shadow-like things that Cider hadn't revealed himself. Anyway, Esperanza wouldn't be able to hide it, and that perceptive man would notice sothing was wrong just by seeing her avoid his eyes a few tis.
Acting like he only received affection while growing up. Esperanza smiled bitterly.
'Why does Coleman resent Cider?'
As her thoughts continued, curiosity also bubbled up. Esperanza suppressed it as much as possible and caught her breath. Unless Cider himself told her directly, it would be better to forget it entirely.
Of course, just thinking that way didn't an she could easily forget. Esperanza left the hunting cabin feeling like she wanted to tear her hair out. The ruined building that had captured her attention earlier didn't even enter her sight.
'Surely Coleman didn't show it in front of Cider, did he?'
He must have. How else would he have said things like calling him a devil's spawn? Cider knew both Coleman's resentnt and affection. He showed no particular signs of criticism. But did he know it was to this extent? It was still strange to think about.
Was it really because of magical engineering research? What exactly was the problem? If you looked into it, there were countless potential problems, but among them, it was hard to pinpoint problems truly worth resenting.
Finding out he buys corpses for research? Even if that was illegal, it wasn't sothing to resent to this degree. When others even dig up graves to get corpses.
Or was drawing blood the problem? How would Coleman know about that? No, even if he knew, just because soone drew so blood for research, is that really sothing to resent so much? He even got consent, albeit halfway. Most importantly, the person involved was fine with it. Though she wasn't fine at all when it was first drawn.
Esperanza slowly blinked, recalling the rciless blood-drawing process of the first day. And also the changes in behavior that gradually beca more skillful and gentle. Though that didn't an he stopped drawing blood...
Of course, all of this would be absolutely unacceptable by modern research ethics. However, this was an era that took pride in colonial developnt and where human trafficking was openly practiced.
Just doing so research, and even if it touched slightly on unethical territory, wasn't grounds for a butler to grab onto a dead count and say he resents his master or whatnot. It didn't seem like Butler Coleman would have such progressive values either.
Nor did it seem like the old man would be complaining to the forr dead count about lazily leaving lordly duties to the estate steward. Either way, these weren't problems that would cause the desperate love-hate relationship Esperanza had sensed.
Co to think of it, it was truly absurd.
Both the dead count and the current count were his masters just the sa, yet he treasured the dead count enough to carefully clean even the deer taxidermy he made while alive, while resenting Cider and cursing him for doing devil's work. People couldn't be this discriminatory.
Esperanza felt sorry for herself for no reason and cursed Coleman fiercely in her mind. After doing that for a while, she sheepishly closed her mouth.
It would be better to stop thinking like this.
But when you try not to think, it keeps coming to mind. After pondering for a mont, Esperanza headed to the training ground.
When she raised the shutters of the darkened laboratory and entered the password, the entangled brass-colored locking chanism slithered away like a coiled snake. Esperanza quickly crossed the first-floor corridor. When she pulled the lever to open the door, a spacious training ground was revealed.
Esperanza took a deep breath and exhaled.
'I'm finally getting to use this.'
If she moved until she was almost dead from exhaustion, she wouldn't have the energy for useless thoughts.
She turned on the machines standing along the wall one by one. Though she was using these machines for the first ti, she roughly knew how to use them. The red lever would be the power switch. And these kind machines moved on their own once you just turned on the power.
Magic was definitely magic. She had vaguely thought of magical engineering as sothing like real-world chanical or electrical engineering, but the more she looked, the more she could tell it was completely different technology. But that was ultimately a matter of principles, and convenient designs for human use were bound to be similar, so Esperanza could use the automatons without difficulty.
The targets beyond the wall began to move. Esperanza took out her massive rifle and aid at the targets. The points she had to hit were very small. She took a big breath and exhaled quietly.
Since there wasn't ti to add soundproofing materials, thunderous sounds leaked through the tightly closed door. There were no gaps in the sounds. But all that leaked out were the sounds of magic bullets bursting and hitting targets—even when there was no thunderous noise, sounds that people would normally make like breathing or footsteps couldn't be heard at all. If soone had been standing beyond that door, they would have thought all those sounds were made by automatons.
Only after a long ti did the sound of magic bullets bursting subside. Then ca sounds of sothing being smashed. For several hours straight, the sounds only changed type but never stopped.
Esperanza repeated throwing, swinging, and shooting as if uprooting growing thoughts. But like sothing rooted in the ground, it absolutely wouldn't disappear. The more she was conscious of it, the more it seed to grow.
Sweat poured down her chin like rain. When she stopped in place, an automaton with large cart wheels ca carrying a towel on its back and stopped at her feet. Esperanza burst into laughter looking at the sensor that looked like round puppy eyes.
"How cute you look."
Did he keep in mind her comnt about the design and make sothing this adorable?
'Co to think of it, does he like this kind of thing?'
Even though it was grotesque, the Bronze series seed to be rabbit dolls in their own way. And the puppy automaton he made in the rainy forest of Mabelwood too.
The thought suddenly occurred to her, so she took it out from her inventory. She had repeatedly taken it out briefly when Annie wasn't around, rolled it around, and put it back, so it was running well even with the small amount of magic power.
The waddling puppy was shoddy, befitting sothing roughly made. At the ti, it seed to move quite well even in the forest, but maybe because she had seen so many amazing machines since then... the clumsy aspects caught her eye. It had no use anyway, it just needed to be cute. Esperanza hugged the puppy automaton that waddled away and ca back without any harvest, and lay down on the floor.
Was it because she had walked through Avondale's refreshing forest? The rainy forest of Mabelwood seed distant like sothing from long ago. Yet she still vividly rembered the earthy sll that rose from the rain-soaked ground and even the body scent of the person sitting close enough for arms to touch within the narrow mat.
She slowly blinked while looking at the ceiling. She thought her head would be clear after moving her body vigorously, but it wasn't. The way it popped into her mind just when she thought she'd forgotten was quite severe. It wasn't just because of Coleman's monologue. It had been like this all along since before that. For this entire day...
But then, what was she going to do about it? Esperanza had to return. Ho, to her original world. To the place where she had grown roots for twenty-seven years.
That was a story that didn't even need to be weighed. It was the place Esperanza had lived, and would continue to live. It was simply a natural premise, and things like the Golden Claw and quests were just ans to that end.
Emotions got involved there.
Her trembling eyelashes drooped over her aegyo-sal. Her thoughts just circled around questions without reaching conclusions.
She didn't know what she was thinking. Cider seed to have reached his own conclusion through his own calculations, but she couldn't bring herself to ask about it. Asking that would an acknowledging her emotions.
Before she knew it, it had beco a matter of acknowledgnt and denial. Realizing that fact, even avoidance beca aningless. She knew that her heart racing frantically wasn't just because of intense training. Esperanza let out a laugh like a sigh between her lips.
"How did I get this far?"
It was force majeure.
While receiving gazes from the only person she could rely on in this world that seed to see sothing unique in the world, how could she not fall?
When she ca to her senses, it had already seeped in without a chance to avoid it. Perhaps she should have guessed this would happen on that day in the rainy forest when she hugged her knees and stole a glimpse into his inner self.
And like rose petals tucked between book pages falling onto her feet one day, realization washed over her. So suddenly, without a chance to stop it.
...A year at most.
At least that's what Esperanza thought. If she snatched that Golden Claw from Daria, completed the quest, and obtained a return ticket, she would probably be able to go back. Seeing the quest progress rate still rising, surely.
If that wasn't the case? If there was no way to return, then it couldn't be helped. Then she would have to think about how to live here, and her current anguish might beco aningless.
But given Cider Claiborne's personality, he probably wouldn't want her to choose him by being pushed into it like that.
He also knew that Esperanza had made up her mind to leave. That there wasn't much ti left until then, and that he was hastening that ti himself.
'Then how can he look at
with those eyes?'
No, it's the opposite. How can he help Esperanza return while looking at her with those eyes? She didn't know what he wanted.
Even if love isn't eternal, aftereffects remain. Even if it fades and is forgotten over ti, the pain and longing until then will remain. So what's the point of defining the relationship?
It's fine as it is now. If we just keep pretending not to know. Though pretending not to know is already ruined, if we at least pretend to pretend not to know, this relationship won't be severed. Precariously treading between tension and comfort, never crossing that line.
Is it too selfish? But what am I supposed to do?
She would probably never forget for a long ti. She would never be able to look at gas again. Because she would rember every ti she toured cities in gas.
But if she gave more affection beyond this, if she beca more entangled, how painful would it be when leaving? How empty would it feel if stepping outside the ga console made all of it as if it never happened? Wouldn't she beco so sad that she'd want to co back here again?
It was already impossible to return with a light heart as if she had just co on a pleasant outing, but she was afraid of crossing the final line. She didn't know how he could be okay with it.
But... if Cider was okay with it, couldn't Esperanza be okay too?
Such a thought suddenly entered her mind. A sweet and harmful thought like honey-glazed baked apples. Even if she piled up a million reasons why it wouldn't work, it tore through and entered.
"Ridiculous, really."
After throwing it out, it was even more ridiculous. Heat rose belatedly as she recognized her own state. Esperanza irritably disheveled her hair.
It was a problem without conclusion anyway. In the end, she would again think all sorts of thoughts alone, masochistically recalling worst-case scenarios while building high walls in her heart, only to lt away exchanging silly jokes when she actually t Cider again. A hopeless fool.
'I don't know anymore.'
Though it was proven earlier that it had little effect, there was still no better thod for shaking off thoughts than moving her body. Esperanza turned on the machine again and placed the gun on her shoulder. Her eyes watching the rapidly moving point turned coldly calm.
And two hours later, Esperanza, who had collapsed while hugging her gun, exhaled blankly. After looking at the target with magic bullet traces slightly off from center, she twisted her head away.
'I want to think about sothing else.'
How many hours had she been thinking about the sa person? It was truly fortunate that Cider Claiborne hadn't co to the laboratory together today. If she had shown this state, Cider would have noticed first without Esperanza having a chance to hide it.
But in the training ground Cider had made for Esperanza, surrounded by machines he had designed himself, there was no way to think of anything else. She had to get out of here. Even if leaving Cider Claiborne's laboratory ant the only place to go was Cider Claiborne's mansion, still.
Esperanza jumped up, retied her hair, and organized the training ground. She ran the cleaning automaton, returned the targets and remaining machines to their original positions, and took the figures and graphs that the typewriter had densely recorded and put them in her inventory. Then she ca outside, leaving the pristine training ground behind.
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