208: Fleeting Eternity (2) 208: Fleeting Eternity (2) The scene from that ti unfolds before Raleigh’s eyes again.
The sll of gunpowder, the stench of blood, the sound of tal.
“But…
one day when I stood on a real battlefield, when a bullet grazed near my finger, I wet myself, though I never told anyone.” “…” “I was terrified.
The kingdom of the Lord, glory, whatever was in my head disappeared, and I just wanted to run away from there.
Only sha held back.” Raleigh removed his glove to show the finger that had been grazed by the bullet that day.
“I’ve been ashad every ti I rember that day for my entire life.
To fear death.
I who claid to go fight for the Lord’s cause, was so scared and just whimpering…” “You were in your teens, weren’t you?
It’s only natural.” “No.
At that ti, the Lord’s kingdom seed not far from my sight.
Yet I was afraid?
To fear going to the place all creatures yearn to go?
Doesn’t that make no sense?” Raleigh feels himself getting increasingly excited as he speaks.
For a mont, he looks at John White’s gravestone.
That friend is dead.
In peace.
Can I die like that too?
Can I willingly accept death?
I still want to live more.
I want to survive.
I don’t want to die.
I don’t want to go to the Lord’s kingdom like this.
It’s ridiculous.
Look at the shallow sinfulness of this creature trying to take the fleeting and distance himself from eternity.
It’s foolish, like a child afraid of bitter dicine.
Raleigh’s hands begin to tremble.
“Life on this earth is but a fleeting mont.
I know I must eventually go to the eternal kingdom of the Lord.
But, but, out of fear, like this, I…” “…” “…” “…” “Can soone like …
go to the Lord’s kingdom on the final day?
Can I be saved in the distant future?
…You’ll say you don’t know.
Of course, salvation is beyond his domain.
Thinking this, Raleigh discards his burned-out tobacco and reaches for a new one.
“…You can go.” When he speaks, Raleigh unconsciously drops it.
“Wh-what did you say…” “You can go to God’s kingdom.
Even one who fears death can.” Raleigh hurriedly turns toward him.
Then he…
was looking at the sky.
With slightly trembling eyes.
“Because God’s kingdom…
is not in heaven.
Because it is not in the distant future.” == This place frightens .
The cetery frightens .
I think I saw sothing like that in a drama before.
That immortality isn’t about living forever.
It’s about watching everyone else around you die.
I saw John White’s death.
I will probably see the death of Walter Raleigh, who is beside now.
Vicente, Hewett, Manteo, Eleanor, and even the still young Virginia will all die soday.
I’ll et soone else, and they’ll die too.
Only I will live.
Only .
Fear grows like endless weeds in sumr fields.
No matter how many tis I pull them out, they grow again.
I, uh, I…
don’t know anything.
I’m gradually becoming afraid of life.
I fear life, and I’m terrified of being thrown into eternal ti and left alone.
“God’s kingdom is never solely in the distant future.
It is not only far away…” Yet I’m babbling on.
Whether I really understand the aning, I’m just reciting so plausible passage from a theology book I read every night.
Unknowingly.
“Everywhere the Lord’s authority extends is the Lord’s kingdom and heaven.
Where people who follow the Lord’s will live is the Lord’s kingdom.” “…” “As other kings do, so does the King of this world.” I was sohow sitting and listening intently to the words coming from my mouth, as if they were soone else’s.
Heaven is not far away.
It’s not sowhere I go after I die.
“The kingdom of God has already co upon you.
(Matthew 12:28) The ti is fulfilled, and the kingdom of God is at hand…
(Mark 1:15)” Heaven is already here.
It has drawn near.
“God’s kingdom is not only that which cos on the final day.” Christianity is eschatological.
Because Jesus, who said ‘that day’ was not far off, was crucified, died, resurrected, and ascended.
That’s why the fervor of the early church was trendous, they say.
Because the final day would co soon.
Perhaps the kingdom of God would co during my lifeti.
But more than 1,000 years have passed that way.
The final day beca sothing of the distant future.
And God’s kingdom beca just as distant from us.
It beca a place we could only go after death.
But.
“Here we can plant eternity in a mont, glory in misery, greatness in insignificance.” Jesus said that heaven is right here.
Where good people follow God is heaven.
In this world full of fear, where people live aningful lives despite being afraid.
Where we have each other.
I look at Raleigh.
I see his eyes filled with fear.
The fear reflected there like a mirror is also mine.
Only then do I realize that fear is not mine alone.
“Because we have fear, we can truly have courage.
Because we are in the mud, we can truly know cleanliness…” What aning would courage have without fear?
What value would purity have without filth?
“Blessed are the poor in spirit, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven…
(Matthew 5:3)” I recite a verse from the Bible.
“Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted…
(Matthew 5:4)” Then Raleigh, as if entranced, continues my words.
And blinking with trembling eyes, he says in a slightly choked voice: “…Now, now my fear is half gone.” I had sohow reached that point too.
Mine was half gone too.
Only half.
I was still afraid.
I feared my endless life and the death that was not mine.
I was so afraid of my distant futures where I would live endlessly experiencing loss.
But, no, because of that, I will live.
Because where there is fear, there is also courage.
Because even in this mud, there will be heaven.
I feel my eyes starting to close slightly.
Then, suddenly feeling a cold sensation, I open my eyes again to see the evening glow has descended.
Looking to the side, I felt a warm touch on the back of my hand.
It was heated wine.
“…Nemo?
Are you awake?
We prepared a al among ourselves, would you like so?” It’s Eleanor.
Beyond her, I see Manteo spreading out a place, Vicente setting dishes, and Raleigh clearing away nearby snow and grass.
…Yes.
Everyone is still alive for now.
I won’t have to endure fear alone.
I smiled at her and picked up the cup.
“I will.” I.
No, we.
Will live even in fear.
A mont that can be more valuable than eternity.
Reviews
All reviews (0)