When my life was a pitiful existence in a world that had very little use for and no interest in what I chose to do with my ti, I kept to my own company and found ways to amuse myself. Didnt bother anyone, tried my best to avoid being bothered.
It worked out okay.
When I found myself in a strange world that made no sense, but which gave the chance to have a completely different experience, a chance to see what it was like to live at the centre of events, I responded by running away.
At least, thats what I thought I was doing.
Really, I was just running around in circles, not getting anywhere. It was more or less the sa as my previous approach, only more tiring.
My problem is that Im not a good student. I dont learn the hard lessons because I think Ive already got things sussed. But when the world around you changes, the chances of your old system fitting the new ta are pretty slim.
Where are you going? asked Wesley as she kept pace with .
I would have walked faster but I tend to get shin splints when I try too hard to speed up without running. Why not float? I had the ability to just glide around in here, after all. True, but it was a slow thod of moving around and only really useful for going up and down.
Are you ignoring ? she asked.
I decided to risk painful aches from my shins and went full-Olympic-speed walker, hips bouncing side to side. Luckily, I had clothes on in this form, otherwise it would have looked very odd with my balls bouncing around.
Wesley matched , trying to get slightly ahead so she could look in the face. Its hard to ignore people making eye contact, but they have to get in front of you to do it. I wasnt having any of it and broke into a jog. We were now both running into the dark heading towards no fixed location.
Youre going to do sothing youll regret, she said, slightly out of breath for so reason. There was no air in here and no need to breathe.
No, I wont, I said, also out of breath.
You will. I can tell.
How can you tell? I asked her.
I wasnt angry. I wasnt fuming. I was just going to see what the fuck was up with Jenny. A guy can drop in on his girl, cant he?
Because Ive been in your shoes, where the people you love refuse to treat you with the care and respect youve given them and you tell yourself they have no obligation to you, that your love wasnt conditional and their behaviour should in no way impact how you choose to spend your hard-earned consideration, but it isnt true and you feel betrayed and want soone to pay, and if it isnt them, then youre going to end up taking it out on yourself, and how is that a reasonable outco?
For soone short of breath, she could deliver a rant with quite so gusto. I stopped running.
Im not you, I said.
No, she said, also coming to a stop. You arent. Youre your own person, but I still like you. I dont want to see you get hurt, or hurt others.
If you like so much, why dont you help get rid of all the people trying to ruin my hard-earned consideration? Starting with your husband. Loyalty to an idiot is nothing to be proud of, you know? Its not a lot of use if you like enough to worry, but you like everyone else more. Thats the sa as hating and wishing pain and suffering.
Magic, at least, had taught about balance. You took from one place and gave to another. Soone always got buggered. They never taught that at Hogwarts.
No, Harry, its pronounced Fucked-in-the-arseHOLE!
Imbalance is where the power exists. Personally, I would have preferred it if magic had taught how to make fireballs, not trite life-lessons, but thats the thing about fantasy it isnt ant to be real, its ant to be a taphor.
Unicorns are our hopes that seem out of reach. Dragons represent the fear of facing insurmountable odds.
Then you actually find yourself in Lidl Narnia, just east of Lower Middle-Earth, and unicorns have penises growing out of their heads and theres absolutely nothing taphorical about walking into a dragon fart; one guff will strip the enal right off your front teeth.
Because liking you doesnt an its up to to stop you or tell you what to do, or to fight your fights for you. But as a friend, I can ask you to take a mont to be sure youre doing what you want to do and not lashing out in a mont of anger youll regret later. I hope you would do the sa for . What you choose to do after youve paused for thought is then entirely your choice and not accidental.
I think, I said, youre confusing with soone capable of that kind of prudence. I am not a prudent person. Prudish is about as far as I go.
I think, said Wesley in return, you have an imnse amount of power within you that could enable you to do amazing things, maybe even beco the most powerful person in this world, but youre going to use that power to do what you normally do at ten tis the intensity and there wont be any coming back from it.
What I would normally do? What was she referring to? How did she even know what was normal for in this kind of situation when I didnt know myself?
I recognised the amazing opportunity Id been given, power beyond the dreams of a kid from North London, but its hard to know what to do with your gift from the gods when great power cos with great responsibility but no instructions.
Change is hard. If a pleb with no money wins the lottery, he will beco a pleb with a lot of money. It is the core of pleb life you do what you do, just more or less as circumstances allow. You arent supposed to have good lighting in a horror movie.
Im not sure what I expected was going to happen. Certainly not an express ride to Happy Town (just west of Upper Contentnt take a left at Lemington Spa), but did it have to be such a grim slog? I know, its my own fault. My approach was not paying dividends and I refused to change my ways. Stubbornness used as a substitute for confidence and self-worth.
Being able to look at myself and see my flaws clearly highlighted in fluorescent yellow and double-underlined like the notes of that one girl in class who always made an effort should be a good thing. Recognising the problem is the first step to fixing it. Doesnt really work like that. Recognising the problem is actually the first step to burying it deeper so its a lot harder to find next ti.
I walked on towards where Id seen Jenny with my mind blank.
Wesley didnt co with . Leaving the rest up to ? Abandoning the train before it left the tracks and fell off the bridge?
I had no idea what I was going to say to her or what it was I wanted to know. There was a vague feeling that answers would present themselves when I got there. A feeling that was based on no evidence whatsoever.
It was at tis like these that the thods of soone like Gullen Santan started to look a lot more appealing. If soone had information you wanted, beat it out of them and move on to the next stage with the feeling you had accomplished sothing, reach a goal and checked an item off your to-do list. Being stuck at the puzzle level before the boss fight is no fun.
Would Jenny be more forthcoming about what was going on if I twisted her arm? Was there a part of that wanted to see her suffer?
They say torture doesnt work, but thats when youre dealing with fanatics and extremists. I think the rest of us would reveal the location of the secret base after a couple of Chinese burns.
Gullen may have been evil incarnate and a psychopath devoid of compassion but at least he had a job he liked and knew how to do well. Im not saying I wanted to be like him, but I wouldnt mind a few pointers.
Jenny was up ahead. I could see her, cradling my head in her lap. She looked up as I approached.
Hey, she said.
Hello. Why are you in here? How are you in here? How did you get in here?
I pretty much always know where you are and how to find you, she said. Its a gift. Stalker girlfriend ultimate. She smiled at , a cheeky smirk that said there was nothing wrong here, all part of the plan. I didnt doubt it. Not my plan, though.
You used my power to get in here? It was the only thing I could think of. She had shown the ability to borrow other peoples powers sothing to do with the link between emotions and magic but I was immune since she cut herself off from .
But she had reconnected recently was this why?
Yes. I used your power. Her smile widened, like she was proud of for getting it.
How did you get my body in here? Is that your real body, too? There was sothing about her that looked too solid. In here, people had a vaguely insubstantial vibe to them, but her and my body were fully HD-ready.
Your power. You can do this, too, if you practised.
You can use my powers better than ?
Yes. She looked down at , the one in her lap. Not that you ever tried. Youre safe in here. Your body wont fall apart. She looked back up at . We thought youd figure out how to do it eventually, but it turned out quicker for to do it. Sorry if I was too pushy.
Even if you can use my power, how did you get in here before ?
I just got in first. Once Im in, ti stops like it does for you, only, if youre outside you get frozen, too. Gave a chance to find your body first. I needed to take care of a few things. She stroked lovingly, like a Bond villain with a cat.
I wasnt used to so many answers at once. I was the starving man whose stomach was going to explode from eating too much, too fast. Then how did you start ti again?
You can do that, too, she said.
If Arthur had found a way, it stood to reason I could, too. I just hadnt gotten around to working out how.
She was making look bad. No one wants to introduce their girlfriend to Tekken and then get repeatedly thrashed by her.
All this since you reconnected to ? Impressive. I was trying to be gracious while she effortlessly executed the Korean back-dash in my face.
Ive always been connected to you. Always. She looked down at on her lap. My eyes were open and staring at nothing in the most creepy way possible, but the look was sowhat de-emphasised by being so close to her being creepy on a whole other level. It wasnt under your nose the whole ti, it was behind your ear. She reached her hand to my ear and unwound a silver thread.
It was the thread I had cut and put there for safekeeping. She let it go and it danced in the air as she moved her hand, like it was attached to her by an even more invisible string.
I never left you, Colin. I kept you alive, since that day Joshaya tried to take you from . He cant get you in here. I finally got you sowhere safe.
She was getting creepier, but then thats normal after youve been dating for a while. Girls get ideas about where the relationship should be going and how much drawer space you should let them have and what password you use. Luckily, with the latest fingerprint technology you can unlock their phone while soones asleep, so you dont need to even ask.
You want to stay in here from now on? I asked. Be a bit dull, wouldnt it. No Netflix, and Im not even sure its worth the money to be honest.
This is where youre strongest, said Jenny. Maybe you can find a way to get Hulu?
Theres no need to insult , Jenny.
She grinned. Stay here as long as you need to reach your full potential. Then you can do what you want. You can even dump if you find the idea of being pushy too intimidating. But not before you get there.
Maybe I dont want to get there, I suggested.
So, weve finally reached this stage, she said, stroking my inanimate brow.
What stage?
Where you go all out and try to push away. Like you do with everyone. I guess youre strong enough to do it with real force, now. I can borrow your strength, but Ill never be able to use it as well as you could, if you were at full capacity. Thats what Maurice calls it. The point at which youll reach critical mass and nothing will be able to stop you. If you really want to stop ddling, youll have to get there. She said it in a sing-song voice, because domineering girlfriends dont sound as insane when they sing their demands to you.
I could see what she was trying to do. Goad into one particular path out of a sense of self-preservation. Pretty smart. Do what I tell you in order to be able to refuse to do what I tell you.
I dont like it when you try to manipulate , I said.
Youre the key. Once you work out how, you can make do anything you want. Including leaving you alone, if thats what you want.
If Im the key, what are you? The lock?
No, Im just the girl hoping youll keep around. Although, thats not what Maurice called .
What did Maurice call you?
He said I was your final boss. I thought he ant Id be the last person who got to tell you what to do before you beca too powerful, but I dont think thats what he ant.
No, I said. I dont think thats what he ant, either.
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