On the positive side, I was still alive. On the negative side, I was still alive, surrounded by people who lied to , betrayed , befriended under false pretences, tried to manipulate and use to further their own agenda, and had no concern for my wellbeing or ntal health.
So, you know, six of one, half a dozen of the other.
For those who find it hard to accept that evolution is a thing, here you could see it happen in real ti. Used to be people would try to fuck over first chance they got. Not anymore. You have to adapt to your environnt. You have to wait in the long grass with your stripes and your reasonable behaviour keeping you camouflaged. Find your mont.
Im not killing anyone, I said to Arthur, slowly getting back to my feet. Well, apart from maybe you. And her. I didnt even look at Wesley, I just waved the tip of my sword at her. Co to think of it, why not save us all so ti and kill instead? Here.
I tossed the sword up so it spun around and the pointy end which was as tough as balsa wood and not very pointy landed in my hand. I offered the hilt to Arthur.
You can use this, if you like. It seed the most fitting way to end this sorry saga, hoisted on my own petard. I dont actually know what a petard is, but magic swords need nas, so Id decided that was what Id call mine Petard. The shield would be Qetard, which would make
No, no, youve got it all wrong, said Arthur. This is good. Its all good.
Really? Did I pass the test? Was it important to keep in the dark for my own good? Do I get an achievent and a dal for my collection? No, wait, is it a key? Its always a key, you cant get to the next level without a key. For so reason, no one knows how to kick in a door in these sorts of gas. Or how to jump over a small fence.
This isnt a ga, said Arthur.
Couldve fooled , I said. There was no bitterness in my voice, it was all nicely pre-packaged in my words.
Really, Colin, it isnt, said Arthur.
I flipped the sword back the other way and stuck it in the ground. Arthur wasnt going to take it, and I had little use for the damn thing.
You even know my na, huh? Figures. Youve been locked away in a hole in the ground for who knows how many years, and you still know everything while I havent got a fucking clue whats going on.
Arthur winced. Im sorry about that. Ill do my best to answer your questions, but do you think you could tone down the swearing a little? There is a lady present.
No, I fucking couldnt. And which lady are you talking about? Lady Macbeth over here?
Now, I can see youre upset, but theres no reason
No reason? No reason? Do you want a recap of recent events?
Its alright, Arthur, said Wesley. Its fine. This is just how he is.
Because of the girl?
Im afraid so.
No, not because of the girl. I dont know what you call the opposite of the Bechdel Test, but these two would fail it, hands down. Not everything is about love and death. I dont give a shit about the girl. Im untouchable, I dont suffer from feelings, what I suffer from is far more painful clarity. I see people for what they are. I see the reason for their poor behaviour. You have no idea how crushing it is to know soones being nice to you so they can take sothing from you and not feel bad about their cri. Im not upset about the people who dont care about , Im upset because Im better than them and yet theyre happier than . Its fucking infuriating.
Sotis words just co out of your mouth and you dont know where they ca from. You get that feeling of resentnt when soone tries to tell you how you feel about sothing, only that person is you.
Maybe you should take a few deep breaths, said Wesley. Neither of them was getting worked up or reacting to the way I would have expected. It made look like the crazy one for the record, I was not the crazy one here.
I would have snapped back at her but I was actually finding it hard to breathe. Its not easy ranting and maintaining a regular breathing pattern. I needed to get back into training, running 5K every day while screaming obscenities.
I placed my hands on my hips and leaned forward to take a few breaths while trying to act like it was what I had planned to do anyway, and her suggestion had no influence on the matter. Not very convincing.
Youre going to answer all my questions, are you? I said, my voice heavy with doubt and disdain. That part was totally convincing, even if I do say so myself.
Yes, said Arthur.
This place, I said, waving a hand about, what is it?
We are currently inside part of my mind. All the places you have visited that have been like this have been a space created within , where I control all things and no one can better or escape my control unless I allow it.
This actually sounded like a real answer. Maybe it was more lies, most probably there were details he was withholding from , but it struck as having validity to it.
All the prisons like this have been you? The one in the temple and the one Wesley was in, all different areas of your psyche? And I thought I was good at compartntalising. So youre aware of whats happening in them?
Yes. I watched you enter and leave. I heard your conversations.
This is your special ability?
Yes. Part of it.
Its similar to when you are able to enter the space in your mind, said Wesley. Only with greater control.
That felt like a jab, but I let it go. For now. Why? Why trap people inside your head?
Thats slightly more complicated. It would require to give you a fuller explanation about why were here.
Oh, take your ti, I said. Ive got all day. And all night. And the rest of eternity. I dont normally bother with listening to people on account of everyone lying to like theyre training for the bullshit Olympics, but Im going to make an exception for you. As long as there isnt any ti travel involved. I fucking hate ti travel, its cheap and its narratively flawed. Let just get comfortable. This place is just like mine, right? Wesley nodded. I pointed at an empty space. Chair. Nothing happened. Wesley could make furniture appear in my head, so I should have been able to do the sa here. Chair. A chair appeared.
It was a big armchair with frilly bits and a paisley cover. It looked like an antique.
Did you do that? I asked Wesley. She shrugged and kind of nodded. I couldnt really complain. Id wanted a chair and I got one.
Arthur had been quietly watching have a ltdown until now. I have to say, Ive seen him like this before, but its very different watching a live performance in person. Very visceral. You can really feel the lack of regard he has for , and that he has even less for himself. I can understand why people have found him so confounding, I really can.
Great, at least my life was going to be ruined by a fan.
But there was an actual chance I could find out how the fuck I ended up here. I needed to pay attention, spot the obvious lies and pick up on the important stuff. It didnt an I was going to go along with whatever these two had in store for , but I might find out the whole point of this involuntary excursion, and who to bla for it.
I settled into the comfy chair, prepared myself ntally to take in every scrap of information, no matter how trivial deep analysis mode and gave him a raised finger Okay, go.
Arthur let go of Wesleys arm and stood in front of . We were very young when we first arrived here.
Alright, I said, I didnt ask for your life story. Can you speed it up a little? Old habits die hard.
Not everything can be reduced to newspaper headlines, he said.
Just keep to the relevant stuff.
Its all relevant.
Hardly any of it is ever relevant. You just want to add the details that make you look less like the bad guy. It wont make a difference, the votes are already in. Carry on.
We werent the first Visitors, but we were the first in so ti. We were welcod as heroes, so we did our best to live up to being what they expected. And we were quite good at it. He exchanged a smug look with Wesley. There were monsters, there were people, it wasnt very hard to choose sides, and we were very successful. But after a few years, it all settled down. The monsters were driven back, the rewards were used to buy fancy dwellings and fine horses. We had servants and land and peasants to rule over as we wished. A few years of that and the novelty wore off.
I was doing my best not to yawn, but it was hard work. They ca, they saw, they got cosy. Hollywood bidding war inc. I sat on my hands to prevent myself from giving the wrap it up signal.
Our thoughts turned to returning ho.
My interest resurfaced. Ho? You an Earth?
Yes. Ho. We wanted to go back, so we obviously turned to the ones who had brought us here, the elfs.
The elfs were here, too?
Yes. They were very much here, and in charge.
Not you?
Its not that simple. We could do as we pleased, but it was with their permission. They were these titans that walked the earth, not really interested in what we did. We were beneath them, in every sense. We knew they had been responsible for bringing us here, we tried to talk to them, start a dialogue. We wanted to know why, and how to get back. But they were barely aware of us, they only expressed an interest to prevent us accessing their machines.
The spires? I said, starting to believe he really was telling the truth. Dangerous to be taken in, but its hard to not have a nibble when youre starving. I did my best to remain sceptical.
Yes, the spires were our primary goal.
What was the secondary goal?
Youre in it, said Arthur, or your body is. But Ill get to that. We couldnt get them to talk to us and we couldnt get in the spires with them stopping us, so we decided to get rid of them. Which we did.
I feel like you just missed a step. Not like to ask for more details, but for once it felt warranted.
Yes. Well, we convinced them there was a signal from a distant planet calling them, and they left.
When you say convinced them, you an you tricked them?
Yes. But we didnt expect them to leave one of their own behind. It was very unlike them. We didnt think anything could split them up, but they surprised us.
Back up a bit. How did you trick them into leaving in the first place?
Ah, we had a little assistance, there. Before the elfs, there were
The gods, I finished for him.
Thats right, he said like a pleasantly impressed school teacher. The gods had been sidelined for many years, centuries, before we arrived. The elfs and their dwarf helpers swept them aside to languish forgotten. But heroes co across these sorts of beings in the course of their day to day activities. We made contact, made a pact. Together, we would rid ourselves of our elf overlords. But as soon as we succeeded, the gods turned on us.
Hold up, when you say the gods turned on you, was that before or after you turned on them?
Arthur nodded at , top marks to the class clown. Youre right, of course. We were planning the sa. We both attacked each other at the sa ti. Its not sothing Im proud of, but it was who we were. It felt like the natural thing to do. We didnt believe they could be trusted, and we were right. They plainly felt the sa and were also correct.
I sprang the trap I had already prepared, he continued, and captured them, but they were too strong to leave unsupervised. It took everything I had to keep them restrained. And then the Peter problem reared its ugly head.
He wanted to go solo?
Right again. He wished to return the sole survivor of the expedition. As Im sure you have already guessed, there were also constant battles within the group. Argunts, accusations betrayals. He looked at Wesley with an apologetic smile. She placed a forgiving hand on his arm.
I snapped my fingers at them. Hey, hey, focus. It was a condescending thing to do and bound to annoy them. I started doing it with both hands at once. Dont bother looking for absolution in the eyes of the one you love. The only sympathy and understanding that counts for anything is mine, and so far youve earned zero pounds and zero pence.
Arthur straightened up and continued. I was able to hold the gods, but Peter needed them to activate the portal ho. The only way to weaken in this place was to threaten the only person that truly mattered to .
Wesley took hold of his hand. I would have shouted at them again, but it would only prolong storyti.
Imprisoning her kept her safe. Peter had no way to get to her, and without her, no way to get to . So he decided to find soone who could do it for him. He used the spires to increase the frequency of new Visitors, hoping for the right ability to either attack directly, or hold my wife against . And eventually he did. He probably would have acted sooner if hed understood how your abilities worked, but it was the combination of your Visitor power and beast magic that enabled you to do what no one else had been able to.
It was a lot to take in. How much of it was true? What did it an if it all was?
Why didnt you just imprison Peter? Wouldnt that have shut him down?
I cant. Hes too powerful to force, and I have no way to convince him to do it voluntarily, so it was the only way.
The only way you could think of, I said. Do you think Peters still alive? I saw him killed.
If you saw it, thats what he wanted you to see, said Arthur. That was the easiest part to believe. The others might not even realise he was still pulling their strings.
And the way back? Its through the spires?
No, its here. The island is the way ho, for all of us.
A way ho. Did I want to go back, though? Would any of the others want to return to their drab lives? I certainly had nothing to go back to. And no one would believe us.
Every story is about reaching a goal that is so desirable it justifies every sacrifice. We lost Timmy and Erica and that one black guy in the party, but we found the Golden Child, and when you join up the zits on his back with a Sharpie, it shows you the location of the island of Atlantis. Worth!
What is it about lost civilisations we deem so important? Sure, if Indiana Jones stumbled onto a society more advanced than anything we had previously conceived of, maybe hed find a weapon to defeat the Nazis, you know, like a bomb that could level a city. Oh, wait
It doesnt matter how advanced their steampunk tech is, be honest, are we really likely to find anything more impressive than the iPhone? Oh, but think of the wealth theyd have accumulated.
People dont get rich by finding treasure, you noob. They do it through insider trading, embezzling pensions and cheating on taxes. Its like any ga, if beating everyone else to the prize is your goal, hacks and cheats are your legendary weapons.
The gas been beaten, and the winners have billions in digital currency. They can buy islands and a fill their garages with classic sports cars. You know what thats called? Costics. They reached the endga, max level, and all they can do now is buy costics. Imagine how pissed youd be if youd spent hundreds of hours grinding a ga like a mofo, and endga rewards were bloody costics.
Thats why paintings suddenly sell for hundreds of millions. People dont turn into art lovers when they beco rich, they have nothing else to spend their money on. Levelling up was all they had, and suddenly its gone. You think the most vicious businessn in the world start charitable foundations because they have an urge to help people? Philanthropy is what you do when you have no more challenges left. Quest bar is empty.
People want more, they want a reason for all the levelling up. They want items that continue progression. And there isnt anything. They had to invent heaven as so sort of DLC thats coming soon, but people eventually realised they were being strung along, like waiting for a new Elder Scrolls ga from Bethesda. ETA: Never.
So you see, said Arthur. We cant allow Peter to go back.
Thats it? I asked. You want to stop him going ho because you cant? What is it that Peter will do when he gets back to Earth? Run for president? Who cares? I dont. Im glad for him if hes found his purpose in life, let him have his return ticket. Who gives a fuck?
You dont understand, said Arthur. Hell have the powers he has here. We all would. And his plans for the human race are very troubling.
Of course, sotis the endga content surprises you. It unlocks secret power ups that make you far more powerful than every monster in the ga and you can run through packs of mobs, punching dragons in the face. It makes the ga fun again. It gives it sothing very few gas achieve; replay value.
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