Bail early and bail often, thats my general plan of attack. At the first sign of trouble, assu the worst and get the fuck out.
Obviously, just because sothing odd or suspicious happens doesnt an youre screwed. You can persevere and succeed. The true heroes never give up, but then true heroes have the advantage of actually being heroic. I, on the other hand, am not a true hero. Im a realist.
In my mind, theres no point waiting for the iceberg to hit and then run around like an idiot looking for a ans of escape. If I was on the Titanic, and the shrimp cocktail looked like it might be off, Id be straight into the nearest lifeboat.
Sotis, thats going to make you look like a bit of a twat. Alone in the Atlantic in a rowboat while the cruise ship sails rrily away. But you have to use your judgent as best you can.
My judgent had taught to assu the worst in people. It had rarely led astray. What had let down more often than I was proud to admit, was my inclination to wait it out because of the people depending on . At least that was one problem Id solved.
Now I was facing the world alone, I could proceed as fear and paranoia dictated. But there was a slight complication. I was powerful enough to actually allow myself to think I could handle myself in difficult circumstances. Dangerous tis.
What do you an you killed him? I said to Wesley.
There was no response. I could sense her still there, inside my head, but I had no way of forcing her to talk to .
What is it? asked Damicar. Are you alright?
He and Richina were waiting for to descend into the shrine. They had an eager look about them, it appeared to . Damicar because his faith in my abilities was way out of proportion, and Richina because well, who knows? Sothing terrible she wanted to introduce to, probably.
Im fine. Just need a sec to sort sothing out. I didnt need a sec. I had all the ti in the world, and it still wasnt enough.
I let myself slide into my own head. Amazing how such things can beco so normal you fail to be amazed by them. Amazent-fatigue, is that a thing?
I suppose you want answers all of a sudden, said Wesleys voice. She had a point. We had carefully danced around being too pushy with each other. She had a history I could have spent hours interrogating her on, I had a habit of taking the scenic route to a solution when she could have easily stepped in and fixed matters with a wave of her hand. We allowed each other the luxury of being ignored.
You told we were coming to find Arthur. Kind of hard to do if you killed him.
Yes.
There was an odd sll in the air. Noticeable because usually there were no slls of any kind in here, but also because it was quite delicious. Had Damicar snuck in and set up an impromptu kitchen when I wasnt looking?
The sofa and chairs that were usually here, were absent. As was the smaller, more irritating . I realise thats a questionable distinction to draw when I was as much to bla for his behaviour as he was for mine, but then I consider myself the larger, more irritating .
It was just dark. I walked forward, my body feeling solid, the ground under my feet pressed firmly against my soles.
The sll was bread and at. A doner kebab? I walked quicker. If this was so kind of trick to lure into a trap, bravo and mazeltov. You have found my kryptonite, and I yield to a superior opponent.
The sll turned sweet. Freshly fried doughnuts? You fiend, you rciless brute. What chance did I have? None, absolutely none.
Tongue lolling, I spotted a light in the distance. A fire dancing under a pot. The pot hanging from a spit with at skewered on either side of the pot handle. And Wesley crouched on her haunches, fussing over the crackling flas.
Slls good, I said.
She looked up at , her hair piled up on her head, but strands falling loose around her cheeks. Damicar isnt the only one who knows how to stick a carrot in a pot.
All this ti I had spent fighting off princesses and rescuing monsters wait, that doesnt sound right... actually, yes it does I should have just started up my own little bistro. I already had three excellent chefs on the team. With my knowledge of Gordon Ramsay and Jamie Oliver cooking shows, I knew all the tricks of the restaurant trade and also how to do a fake cockney accent. Michelin stars were guaranteed, as soon as I invented them.
You seem distracted, said Wesley.
Um, yes, sorry. Its part of my charm.
She smiled. It doesnt work as self-deprecation when its true.
I think I blushed. Its hard to know when youre having an out of body experience inside your own body.
Give yourself a mont, she said. Gather your thoughts. I wont try to evade your questions.
I took a deep breath in. Most of it was the sll of cooking, thick enough to chew on. Why are you cooking? I an, in here. Is it ant to make it harder for to be mad at you?
Is it working?
Yes. Can I have so?
She stood up and held out a bowl. Her eyes peered over the rim at . There was nothing in them that suggested deceit, but what the fuck did I know? Dont forget to chew.
I took the smooth wooden bowl from her. It was hot, and there was no spoon. Fortunately, there was one swinging around my neck. I slled bread.
Yes. She reached behind her and brought out a freshly baked roll. It was still warm.
You baked this on an open fla?
I cheated. I used magic.
Being able to make a wizard loaf would co in very useful, but that wasnt what she ant. In here, you could cook up whatever you wanted. The power of the imagination, kids.
But I think doing it the long way, she pointed at the pot on the fire does actually make it taste better.
I sat down on the ground and put the bowl in my lap so I could dunk a broken off piece of bread in it. The taste was seriously good.
Why didnt you tell you killed Arthur? I asked between bites. Did you think Id care?
A little, she said, crouching to needlessly tend the fire and stir the imaginary pot. You didnt seem to be in a very forgiving mood when I first t you. But thats not why I didnt tell you. Arthur was a wonderful man. He was bright and enthusiastic and full of life.
So when you said I reminded you of him?
I was lying. She smiled, appreciative of the lay up. The truth is, its not that you remind of him, its that you remind of .
A middle-aged woman? I get that a lot.
The young . When I was filled with enormous power and a phenonal disregard for others.
It wasnt entirely clear to if she was suggesting the similarity between us as a good thing or a bad one. Thank you?
I know Im making this sound terribly convoluted, but perhaps youre the only one who can truly understand. I was far more powerful than my companions. No one dared to stand against .
You were the leader? I had always thought of either Peter or Arthur as the leader of the group, you know, because Im an unrepentant misogynist. And because thats what I was led to believe, but lets not let the fact get in the way of your presumptions.
No, not really. I just did what I wanted, and they tried to keep up.
That sounded like a leader to . The kind that bred insane amounts of resentnt among unenthusiastic followers.
I really was a bit of a shit, she said, pardon my French.
Vive la revolution. It was nice to see my influence at work. I guess thats the part that I remind you of.
No. You certainly have so objectionable traits, but they are tempered by a humanity I have rarely encountered.
I dont know what youve been drinking, but I hope you put so of it in the stew. The woman was off her rocker.
Im sorry. I didnt an to embarrass you. Or to make you think I was trying to butter you up. I imagine thats how you would view any attempt at flattery, but to make you see things from my perspective requires you to see it, whether you believe it or not. I tore through this magical land, doing as I pleased. We werent the first to co here from our world, but we were the first with our combination of gifts. Between the four of us, we were able to achieve a kind of synergy that made us impossible to defy.
Sounds like you were having a lovely ti.
I was, but the others started to take issue with my proclivities. I, of course, ignored them. So they began plotting behind my back. Which led to other things. We were two couples. Myself and my Arthur, and Peter and Zarigold; although theirs was always a relationship on the rocks. And then Zarigold seduced Arthur No, that isnt really fair. It was both of them.
Really? I t Zarigold. She didnt strike as the seductive type.
I dont know how she appears now, but she was a shockingly attractive young woman.
I nodded. The Abba Conundrum.
Wesley had a confused look on her face. I dont know what that ans. I never know when youre joking.
Probably safest to assu always, I said.
In any case, I no longer fit into Arthurs desires. There are many things a man wants from a woman affection, sympathy, support but the one hes least likely to admit to is the one he desires the most.
He wants her to be impressed by him, I said.
She smiled at , her whole face lighting up. How wonderfully wise you are for one who has lived such a short ti. But then its not how long that counts, its how hard it gets. We locked eyes for a mont, I didnt even need to say it. I have the feeling you are a terrible corrupting influence on my soul.
Thanks very much, I said. So you killed him for being unfaithful?
I killed him for letting down, for betraying , for not living up to my expectations. aningless, petty things. We had a very one-sided love, now that I look back at it. After I snuffed him out, only then did I see what a worthless creature I had beco. Why did I need him to suffer? Why not leave and do what I wanted, alone and unfettered? I realised I had never really been free at all. I was trying to impress him, which only made him lose interest in .
She looked like she regretted killing him, but that didnt an she wouldnt do it again. Or do it to if I disappointed her.
But who locked you up? I asked.
No one. Arthur built it, but I entered it of my own volition. I didnt like what Id beco, and I didnt trust myself to fix it. When you are unstoppable, there really is no need to pay attention to what others want. You have to be the kind of person who cares enough to stop yourself, and I never have been. I thought a few hundred years alone would give ti to calm down. Maybe a few thousand.
And Peter wanted to bring you out?
I dont know what his plan was exactly, but hes tried to reach before. Many tis, in fact. He probably had so use for . I was never interested. Presumably, he thought you might succeed where he failed. I suppose he was right.
She was like . Only, I had gone from a timid shut-in to a sociopath on the cusp of galomania, and she had gone in the opposite direction. Here we were, eting sowhere in the middle. I wasnt sure if we had things we could teach each other or rely pass along the last known location of drifting icebergs.
Where did you kill Arthur? What happened to his body?
Dust carried on the wind.
And your body?
The void prison consud it when I entered. I have no body to reclaim. I could take over soone elses, I suppose. Push them into a corner of their own mind. Any one of these island people would do, although Id have to make so dietary changes.
Then why dont you? If youre willing to kill them, why not just take away their bodies?
Because of what Ive learned from you, she said. You have all the hallmarks of a despot, just as I had, but you refuse to succumb to the base desires I readily welcod. No matter how provoked, how incensed you beco, you allow people a choice. You let them decide their own fate. I didnt see it at first, I thought you were striking out wildly because of the pain you were in, but even when you were, you never failed to make the offer.
For soone aware of my reaction to flattery, she was doing a wonderful job with the butter knife.
You really think I care what other people want?
No, you dont care, but you allow them to choose, anyway. Its infuriating to see them squander such a precious gift. Either they dont realise what youre offering them, or they think they have it already. They dont. They have nothing but wind and bluster. How can they be so stupid? Her eyes were glowing, her hair had fallen to her shoulder and was whipping around on wind and bluster of its own. And yet you never force them to bend to your will. She smiled. You just give them what they think they want. Her hair settled back down.
Shed done a pretty good job of explaining my approach to life. I couldnt tell you how accurate it was its not easy seeing things from the inside but I appreciated the positive spin she put on my lack of success with people.
Do you plan on staying inside my head forever, then? I asked. I still had need for a little privacy.
No. I want to give you what Arthur left behind, and then Ill leave you to it. I should find my own way in the world.
And what about Richina? How does she fit into all this?
She must be insane, said Wesley, very matter-of-factly. She cant have t Arthur after I killed him.
Not all people who die stay dead around here, I pointed out.
No, but there was very little of him to bring back. I dispersed him to the four corners. I have sothing of a temper, Im afraid.
Shes a nutjob, then?
I can think of no better word for her.
How much did I believe Wesley? Not entirely, but I wasnt really worried. Even if everything shed told was a crock, she didnt an any harm, not at the mont, anyway. I wasnt really too put out about Arthurs murder. Not that I thought he deserved it, but I didnt know if he didnt deserve it, either. I didnt really care.
Richina, on the other hand, was sothing else. She was clearly up to sothing. I had no idea what, but it was probably under the shrine. Sothing grueso with big teeth, probably.
I returned to the world outside of myself. Damicar and Richina were as Id left them.
Okay, Im ready.
Richina went skipping down the stairs. She stopped when she reached the bottom.
This way. Try not to slip, you might not be able to get up again.
I dont think shes all there, said Damicar, under his breath.
No, I dont think so either. Richina! Just so you know, if this turns out to be so kind of trap, Im going to kill every single one of you. There wont be any coming back. And if you get , Wesley will finish the job. I know youve never t Arthur.
How do you know that? she said sweetly.
Because Arthurs dead.
Yes, he was when I found him. But theres dead, and then theres dead. Co on. She went running into the black hole.
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