I wasnt scared. I had upgrades unlocked. Id put all my points into not giving a fuck. Whatever was coming out of the dark hole below the shrine, I was pretty sure Id be able to handle it.
A bold claim. Pride cos before a fall, they say, but I wasnt feeling prideful. I was feeling OP as fuck. And about ti, too. If anyone deserved an easy win, it was probably so hard-working hero who did his best but never caught a break. But second was probably . Top five, definitely.
Everyone stopped to watch. They werent thumping footsteps. They didnt reverberate around the clearing. It was more of a crunching. Twigs breaking. Bones cracking, maybe.
The top of a head appeared. Curly dark hair. Then a face. A girl. Richina. Apparently she hadnt been trying to get into the shrine, shed been trying to get out.
It was definitely her. Not the skeleton version, obviously, but Id seen her in the adjacent world. This was that girl. She was even wearing the sa sarong. Okay, that didnt really prove anything, you can buy more than one of the sa sarong, but it was still a bit spooky. Only, she wasnt all ghostlike and epheral. She was very real. Maybe even a bit on the plump side. Its not a judgent, its an observation.
She walked up the steps, arms out slightly for balance. I didnt know what was on the steps making all the noise, but I would assu the hollow carapaces of a million dead bugs.
She reached the top and looked around. Hello, there. Which of you is Victor Sifuentes?
It took a mont to rember Id been using that as my nom de guerre. , I said.
She looked up and down. No. I dont think so. You dont look like a Victor.
Well, I am, and what the fuck is going on? Arent you supposed to be dead. I saw your skeleton in there. I pointed at the overturned shrine.
Yes. Its a long story. Thank you for letting out, though. I really do appreciate it. Im sure my father will be very grateful.
I could feel an important reveal coming up. I was tempted to bypass it just to annoy her. There was sothing not right here, and I was bound to be the one who ended up suffering for it.
But I couldnt resist. Whos your father?
Arthur.
No. Liar! The words jumped out of my mouth, even though I wasnt the one who had thought them.
I could feel the turmoil in my head. Wesley was not happy to hear Arthurs happy news. Richina could be lying, but there was also every possibility that she wasnt. Arthur could have t soone else after he locked Wesley up behind a brick wall.
Of course, we all say we want our significant other to find happiness after weve passed on (or been bricked up), but do we really an it? That isnt a rhetorical question, the answer is no.
Does she look like him? I asked.
No, she does not, said Wesley, very clearly and loudly, the way words travel on a crisp cold morning. Not even a little.
Wesley says you dont look like him, I said to Richina.
No, I wouldnt, said Richina. He adopted .
There was a noticeable lessening of pressure between my temples. But even this adoption could have been a lie. A trick to win over so that the attack from behind was all the more unexpected. Well, good luck with that. All attacks are expected in this ta.
There was a lot of stuff going on here. Exactly how she had just popped out of the depths of the earth needed so explaining, but I wouldnt have trusted her answers even if shed been forthcoming. Especially if shed been forthcoming.
It would have been really great to have a telepath with at a ti like this. Maurice and company had a mind-reader and a truth detector. To be fair, I had two professional cooks on my team, so while I might not have the advantage of being able to foresee the intentions of my enemies, I could be sure any battle would be fully catered.
Is Wesleys body down there? I asked. You didnt eat her, did you?
Im not a cannibal, said Richina. Not that theres anything wrong with that.
Yes, there is, I said. Theres a lot wrong with it. Didnt they eat you?
It isnt as bad as it sounds.
Yes it is. Its exactly as bad as it sounds, if not worse. I would guess worse. But lets not get bogged down in details. I wouldnt want you thinking I was trying to mansplain why being eaten isnt good for you. How are you here like this? Eaten people tend not to have so much at on their bones.
A lesser man would have gotten awkward in case his words were misconstrued as fat-shaming, and you dont do that because won dont like n to be needlessly accurate.
I wasnt bothered by my faux pas, though, because my social anxiety had never been based on what people might wrongly assu, I was much more concerned with what they assud correctly. Plus, you should feel sha if youre fat, and not be too bothered if youre just not rail thin. Get a grip.
Are you a Visitor? I asked. If she had so sort of regenerative power, that might explain it, but how the hell do you co back from being an all-you-can-eat buffet?
I was waiting for the juke, but she simply said, Yes. Holy fuck, a straight answer.
Where are you from?
Lots of different places.
Shortest honeymoon period, ever. Although she may have been quoting from Highlander, in which case Id be obliged to get down on one knee and propose.
Who is todays president? she asked, switching tack. The cannibals, who had ford a ring around suddenly didnt want to speak up. Even the President didnt seem keen on stepping forward.
Him, I said.
Not really. Its almost daybreak. He seed a bit nervous. They all did.
Who did that to you? she asked, pointing at the hand in his hand. Hed picked up the severed appendage and was holding it like a wounded pet.
He did, said the President, pointing at second-hand.
Hey, I said, pointings rude. Put that away before I decide to reattach it to the back of your head.
He sheepishly put the hand behind his back.
What was with the big threats? Trying to show-off in front of the new girl? Possibly. Its only human nature to want to impress people, after all. But that wasnt really it. Not entirely. She was an unknown quantity as of yet. You dont survive in a sealed off chamber deep underground for who knows how many years and walk out like youd just had a spa day. There was more to it, and while there was a good chance I would never get to the bottom of it, that didnt an I was going to sit back and let the mysteries keep piling on top of each other. Fuck that.
Youre a Visitor, arent you? said Richina, walking towards .
I kept one hand on my sword, and one in my pocket. That way Id seem casual and unsuspecting, but ready for action.
Yes. Im from England. Do you know it?
Were here! Were here! Damicar ca running back, leading a group of my n. I say my n like they belonged to because they did.
There was at least half the number Id originally had, although whether the rest were dead or just lounging around I couldnt say (they were unionised, so mandatory tea breaks).
On one side were the cannibals, maybe thirty or forty, so of them quite young. Yes, Id poisoned children, in addition, fuck you. Every serial killer, paedophile and mi artist was once a child. They dont get a pass for not having fulfilled their dreadful potential.
On the other side were the crew of the Eternal Infinite, so of Royns n, and so of Captain Edmans crew. Captain Somya was beside Damicar, his mother on his back like she was riding a donkey.
And in the middle with the girl whod crawled out of a pit.
I say crawled, swanned out would be more like it.
Its fine, I said. Ive got everything in hand. Right, Mr President?
He scowled, then thought better of it, and nodded. There was a mont of calm. I was juggling a lot of balls, but I was keeping them in the air.
No, no, no, scread Damicar as he ca racing towards with a large butchers cleaver in his hand. That was one thing I had to give him. No matter what kind of scrape we found ourselves in, you could count on Damicar to have his kitchen knives on him. It was a love affair for the ages.
What are you doing? I shouted at him.
His mouth clamped shut, but I could tell from his eyes this was not of his doing. I hit the eject button.
Once everything froze, it beca imdiately clear who was controlling Damicar. I had thought maybe Richina was the culprit, but from the angle he was taking it was evident that she had been Damicars target.
It was like one of those cop shows where they take blood, gunpowder residue and sen samples from a cri scene, and then build a 3D model of the cri scene in a computer that proves the suspect couldnt be the murderer because he was busy jerking it to porn on his phone at the ti of death. A modern alibi for modern tis.
I had earlier cut off all of Damicars vines, so the one he now had sticking out of his head wasnt hard to spot.
I followed it to the source Mrs Somya.
Or, to be more exact, the doll in her hand. It was a perfect replica of Damicar, down to the double chins. Even more remarkable considering she was blind. Soone must have helped her make it, probably the captain.
It only took a flick of my wrist to cut the vine and leave Damicar once more bereft of connections. Welco back, brother.
I returned to my body and Damicars run faltered. He slowed to a stop, a bit bewildered, looking at the cleaver in his hand like he had no idea how it got there.
Mrs Somya, why? I said more exasperated than angry.
All eyes turned to the old woman straddled across her sons back. That girl. You cant trust her. Shes trouble.
How do you know? You only just t her, plus youre blind! And what have you got against poor Damicar? Are you jealous because hes a better cook than you?
A gasp went up. Slaughter and feasting on human flesh got hardly any reaction, one suggestion of a kitchen rivalry, and it was handbags and tiaras. Thats sailors for you.
That dont an nothing. Eyes or no eyes, I can see things. Things from the future.
No you cant, I said very confidently. I know bullshit when I hear it. The trouble with the kind of self-delusion we had here was that if you let it slide and didnt put your foot down because you didnt want to hurt anyones feelings, your silence would be taken as agreent. And thats a slippery slope, with a pit of spikes at the end. I knew a thing or two about batty old won.
I can see many possible futures, she said, downgrading her forecasting abilities instantly.
So can I. So can everyone. Thats no reason to hijack soones soul. And why did you make him vote for us to be eaten?
Everyone else was watching with rapt attention. They expected her to co up with so stunning revelation, probably. I didnt. The only thing I was expecting to be revealed was a case of undiagnosed bipolar disorder. Thats the usual cause for won her age acting half a cup of sultanas short of a fruitcake.
It would keep them busy. They get sleepy after theyre full. Give the rest of us a chance to get away.
I looked over at the president. He gave a slight shake of the head.
That isnt true, I said.
Dont trust him, she scread at . Hes one of them. Trust my intuition. Who agrees with .
Damicar put his hand up. He looked as surprised as the rest of us.
Stop doing that, I said as I walked over to her.
Captain Somya put her down. He was as dead as a walking corpse could be, emotionally vacant and only ambulant through the power of a god of death, but he looked a bit embarrassed of mum. Not even death is powerful enough to negate that universal emotion.
Hand it over. I put out my hand.
Slowly she held out the doll of Damicar. Nowhere near , but then she was blind. I reached across and took it.
It was made of straw and grass and so mud. I gave it a squeeze and Damicar squealed. The connection was back already.
Sorry, I said. Now, please, no more. I couldnt really be too mad, I had told her to make so more dolls, although I had ant in case of an ergency, not to amuse herself with. Do you have one of ?
She fumbled about in her skirts and gave a straggly looking thing that looked like it was about to fall apart. The likeness was uncanny.
That one dont work. I think you might be broken.
She didnt have to tell . What do you thinks wrong with the girl? I asked her in a lowered voice. She might have been crazy, but that didnt an she was wrong about Arthurs adopted daughter.
Shes a wrongun. Female intuition, so insightful.
You might be right. But lets wait until she does sothing first, okay? Its not like death ans very much around here. Well just have to make sure theres no snacking between healings.
Mrs Somya didnt look like she was entirely convinced by my soft European position on recent arrivals, but she begrudgingly agreed to ease off with the murder attempts. Not verbally, but through a series of tics and shrugs.
Right, Richina, the stairs I pointed into the dark hole. Whats down there? Any useful items of a magical nature?
Oh, yes. Dad loved to collect artefacts.
Good news. Possibly. And you just left them there?
I dont need them, she said. Would be a waste. You can have them.
Very suspicious. Wanted to waltz down there and take whatever I pleased. Was she really so powerful she didnt want them for herself?
What about this sword and shield?
Richina shrugged. Never seen them before. Where did you find them?
Oh, I can tell you where they co from, said Mrs Somya.
I turned to listen. This would be good.
Demons, she said. Demons from the underworld.
My heart jumped. I couldnt help it. Maybe she was just spouting random nonsense, but if she was right, if the sword and shield had been put here by the only friends I had left It was too much to hope for, too crushing if it was just an old ladys wishful thinking.
I turned to face Richina. She was going to cut the shit and tell everything she knew about this place, even if I had to put salt on her and eat her myself.
You, I said, sticking out my hand. Damicars doll was in my fist. His little arm flew off. Shit.
I turned to look at Damicar, expecting the worst. Both arms were still attached to his torso. I only saw the blade flying at at the last mont. It was spinning sideways so the thin edge was hard to see. I could have stopped ti or jumped out of the way, but my mind was too stunned. I was about to kill myself by self-inflicted voodoo.
There was a shove in my back. I fell, turning in mid-air to see Richina take my place. The suprely sharp knife sliced through her neck without pause.
It wasnt nice and clean like how I decapitated people. The head popped off like cork, and a geyser of blood erupted. The body staggered back and forth for a bit, and then toppled over.
We all just stared. Why did she do that? She didnt know . She didnt owe anything. Certainly not her life.
Could I heal her? I doubted it. I felt like I should say sothing.
Do not eat her. It wasnt the most moving eulogy ever given, but it captured the mont, I felt.
It slipped, said Damicar. I didnt an
It wasnt his fault, of course. I was the one who had set this chain of events in motion. I got to my feet. We were in a world where the dead rose all the ti. As longs as they werent sliced and diced first. There had to be a way. I was OP. I could do anything. The blood gushed from her neck stump, spreading out into a thick black pool. She shouldnt have saved my life. Anyone elses, Id have understood. But mine...
I an it. Shes not on the nu.
The cannibals werent listening. They were looking at the hole in the ground. The sound of footsteps, again.
Soone was coming. A head, curly hair. Richina walked up the stairs, sa sarong up to her chest, sa hapless smile. Hello, again.
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