How to Avoid Death on a Daily Basis Chapter 102: Chain Gang

Co, said Gullen. Follow .

Where are we going? I asked.

Prison, said Gullen.

There were six of us and only one of him, plus a small girl and two dogs. It was more than enough. We walked up the stairs with Gullen leading the way and the dogs bringing up the rear.

The dogs didnt make any sounds or threaten to bite anyone, but still managed to be terrifying. No one wanted to be at the back near them. No one wanted to be at the front near Gullen either. It was a very tightly packed middle.

The Sheaf felt deserted. We were the only people on the staircase and the hallways were empty. Even the reception desk was unmanned.

Biadet seed to have developed a fascination with Dudley and kept staring at him all the way up the eight flights of stairs, which he understandably found unnerving. He would smile politely, and then manoeuvre himself to the other side of Flossie to get so distance between them. Before he even had a chance to settle into his stride, Biadet would appear next to him.

I thought if I watched closely Id see how she did it, but it always happened the second I looked away. I know what youre thinking. If I just focused theres no way she could avoid revealing her secret, but it was impossible. My attention slid off her like soone had my head on a string and gave it a pull just at the right mont.

What I needed to do was arrange two or three of us to observe her from different angles, but as soon as we exited the Sheaf, she disappeared into the crowd. Then the crowd saw Gullen, and they disappeared.

I felt a tug on my sleeve and turned to find Dudley next to . The concern on his face was hard to miss.

The young girl he muttered in a low voice.

You an Biadet? I looked around but there was no sign of her. Which ant absolutely nothing. What about her?

She passed a note. Dudley had a small piece of paper held between two fingers which he was insistently thrusting at .

I took it from him. Do you think she wanted you to give it to ?

I cant say for certain, but by God I hope so.

Before I could ask him anything else he dropped back level with Flossie and grabbed her hand. She seed pleased by this sign of affection, although I dont think you need to hold on quite so tight just to say I love you.

The note had three words written on it:

Gargantua

penis

attack

It was in their alphabet so I had to read it a couple of tis to make sure I had it right, but it still didnt make sense. Gargantua wasnt even a word. Did she an gargantuan? If she did, did I want to know why? Probably not.

Was it a warning? A threat? What she wanted for her birthday? I felt like throwing it away but I could just imagine soone picking it up and assuming I wrote it. I put it in my pocket and hoped nobody would find it before I could dispose of it.

We stopped outside an unassuming building nestled between a small restaurant and a shoe shop. The dogs sat down either side of the unremarkable door without being told.

The building was little more than the entrance to a set of stairs which led down and down and down. At the bottom were a number of guards and more dogs. Beyond a series of tal bars there was an enclosure containing six n.

They were dressed in the uniform of the Dargot army. Two of them I recognised. They were the n who had stabbed Mandy.

One of the guards unlocked the gate and opened it for us to go through.

Ill leave you here to think over my offer, said Gullen.

He didnt wait for to say anything, he turned around and walked out. That left four dogs and eight guards on one side of the bars, and the six of us on this side with what I guessed were six trolls.

Everyone in my group huddled together in one corner. The one furthest from the trolls.

Why dont they turn back into trolls and escape? Maurice asked in hushed tones. Weve seen what theyre like in their true form. They could just punch a hole in the wall and leave, couldnt they?

He was right. The trolls we had encountered could dig tunnels with their bare hands. I dont know. Maybe when they go deep undercover, they go real deep.

Maurice nodded. thod acting. They dont want to break character.

The trolls were all sitting on one side of the room, not talking and hardly moving. They hadnt reacted when we were brought in and didnt look like they had the slightest interest in why wed been put in here with them.

Are you sure you know what youre doing? asked Claire. I was pretty sure she already knew the answer.

Of course Im not sure, I confird for her.

Ahm hungry, said Flossie. The others grumbled along the sa lines.

Im not sure what you expect to do about that. I think theres so lichen growing on the walls. You could try licking it.

Claire walked over to the bars and shouted, Hey! What tis lunch.

The guards ignored her. One of the dogs licked its lips like it agreed it was ti to eat, which made lose my appetite.

Gullen hadnt really explained what he expected from locking us up with the trolls, but I could guess. Having decided I had so vague ability to solve problems in unusual ways, he wanted to use my powers on these taciturn trolls. Sadly, my real ability was to act like a dick until everyone got so pissed off they left. The ultimate defence since its very hard to kill soone when you dont want to be anywhere near them.

Everyone slowly slid down the slightly damp walls until they were sitting on the floor. Since we were probably going to be here a while, I thought I might as well test the waters.

The largest of the prisoners sat slightly apart from the others. He had a thick beard and bushy eyebrows, but a shaved head. I wandered over towards him trying to act casual. I created this illusion by hooking my thumbs in the top of my trousers, like I was Tom fucking Sawyer.

Now that they can find you using the dogs, you wont be able to hide from them, no matter what shape you take, I pointed out.

He looked at but didnt say anything. After a few seconds of this treatnt I felt so uncomfortable, I turned around and walked away again. Thumbs still in waistband.

Maurice sidled up to and whispered in my ear. You know, I read a theory sowhere, if you end up in prison, the first thing you should do is grab the smallest person you can find and beat the shit out of them. It lets the other inmates know not to fuck with you.

I looked around. Even though the trolls were sitting down it was obvious not one of them was under six foot.

By that logic, I said, the person I should beat the shit out of is you.

Maurice pushed his glasses up his nose. Like I said, it was just a theory.

I decided to try again, this ti without the thumbplay. I walked over and sat down next to my Huckleberry friend. You arent as much fun as Raviva and his lot. I guess you arent part of his band of rry pranksters.

The ntion of Raviva didnt get a reaction from the troll I was talking to, but the others did look my way. I decided to push on to see if I could provoke a verbal response from one of them.

We were captured by them. King Raviva let us go because we defeated them in combat. Technically true.

Now all eyes were on .

It was a singing contest, if youre wondering. Our champion against theirs. Kaceyton was really good, but she wasnt good enough.

Kaceytons na got a real reaction, a couple of them even looked like they wanted to say sothing. The troll beside glared at them and they imdiately backed down and returned to sullen silence.

The bearded one looked at . Singing trolls? I had no idea there was such a thing.

Oh yes. They love singing. Hey, Flossie, I called over, how did that song go?

Not needing to be asked twice when it ca to putting on a show, Flossie jumped to her feet and reproduced Kaceytons song word for word. Maybe this was her special ability, being able to morise song lyrics after one hearing.

It was solid rendition, aided by the trolls humming along and then joining in on the last line, which, Im sure you recall, was FUCK YOU IN THE NECK. Rousing stuff. The guards were especially moved to draw their weapons like they expected a fight, but the trolls remained sitting and just applauded. Flossie took a bow.

Seems like you guys know the lyrics, I said.

If Raviva lost to you its because hes a fool. He always has been. He is no king, just a spoiled child with no sense of anything other than his own amusent. A king builds for the future. He protects his people. He demands justice.

Yes, but he isnt the one sitting in a dungeon. Do you know how you got caught? It was those two. I pointed at two of the trolls. They attacked a girl and left her for dead. They didnt make sure theyd killed her, didnt try to hide the body or check to make sure no one had seen them. Just stabbed her and ran away.

The troll looked over at the two I had indicated. They suddenly looked very nervous.

And how do you know this? He slowly turned his head to face . Were you hiding under the girls skirt?

Sothing like that.

Then I thank you for the information. He turned back to the two trolls. You have disappointed for the last ti.

No, Keezy, please, they begged, it didnt happen like that.

If going around killing people is your idea of justice, I said, then I dont think your Archfiend is much of a king either.

You know nothing about this world.

True. I didnt mind admitting it. But you dont know the kind of world I co from. We have wars too, and its rarely got anything to do with justice. Gullen thinks if he puts in here Ill be able to extract so information from you, find out what you lot are up to. But I already know what youre up to.

The troll stood up, which was intimidating. He towered over . And that was as a human. If he changed into his true form his head would probably hit the ceiling.

Youve never been this forward in your fight with humans. I got to my feet and brushed myself off. A new way of thinking probably ans a new man in charge. The old Archfiend probably died or retired. New guy wants to make his mark and sends out a conquering army. I dont really care, one egomaniac tends to be the sa as another, but whatever your role was, its done. You are of no use here, so why dont you just go? Obviously you could escape if you wanted.

How did I know all this? I didnt. Maybe my special ability was bullshitting my way out of a tight spot. That at least would have so use. Mind you, Id probably be more convincing if I wasnt sweating buckets. Fortunately, dungeon lighting tends to be on the gloomy side.

You want to know why we dont leave? Ill tell you. We were waiting for you.

I hadnt expected him to say that. ? You an , specifically.

Yes. You.

Why?

The person who was able to detect our presence is worth further investigation, wouldnt you say? Ti to go. He turned and grabbed the two soldiers who had stabbed Mandy and who had beco rather panicky since I had pointed it out.

Keezy, no, please.

You will stay behind and cover our retreat.

With hardly any effort, he picked them up by the neck, one hand holding each, and pushed them against the wall. And then into it. They seed to rge with the wall like it was made of jelly.

The guards realised sothing was up and one of them grabbed a rope and pulled it. Nothing happened, but perhaps an alarm bell rang sowhere. They didnt open the cell door, they just watched. The dogs stuck their snouts through the bars and growled.

The troll called Keezy pulled the two others out of the wall and tossed them to the ground like dolls, leaving behind an indentation. He nodded at the other trolls who ran forward, changing into their troll forms. They stuck out their hands and pushed the walls aside, opening up the gap into a larger hole. They moved forward, creating a tunnel. It was incredibly fast, and surprisingly noiseless.

Go. Keezy pushed the two trolls who had got to their feet. They turned around, transforming into trolls, and walked through the bars.

Their bodies squeezed between the bars like Play-doh and reford on the other side.

Terminator 2, whispered Maurice with gleaming eyes.

Fighting broke out. The guards attacked with swords to little effect. The dogs snapped and clawed but couldnt get any purchase on the impenetrable troll hide. They were all swiftly put down. Whether they were dead or just knocked out, I couldnt tell. Or maybe I didnt want to know.

If you guys are this strong, I said, couldnt you take the city with just a few more trolls? Or do you have so weakness that stops you?

Keezy was staring at , and not in a loving way. I really should learn to keep my mouth shut.

In. He was pointing at the tunnel that had appeared.

Jenny stood up. If he goes, so do we.

The one good part of being taken by the trolls was that it would just be . Good for the others to be left out of it. Good for to have the others left out of it. Jenny had other ideas.

We dont need you, said Keezy. Stay here and enjoy living.

You do need us, said Jenny. Youll find it a lot easier to get information out of him if you threaten those he cares about. I am his lover.

All this ti I had a lover and didnt know it. If only soone had told !

Keezy seed unsure. What she said did make a certain kind of sense, if it was true. Maybe he was finding it hard to believe Id managed to score with such a good-looking bird.

Then you co too, he said.

I am also his lover, said Claire.

And , said Flossie.

And , said Maurice.

We are also intimate, said Dudley.

It was like the scene in Spartacus where everyone says I am Spartacus, only more gay. Well, slightly.

Do not be foolish, said Keezy. Which of you is his real lover?

I think its the big one at the back, said one of the trolls, pointing at Dudley.

What? Why do you think its him? Obviously its one of the girls.

The troll shrugged.

We dont have ti for this, said Keezy. Well take all of them and sort it out later.

They all filed into the tunnel with big smiles on their faces like forcing their way onto my subway ride to doom was so kind of accomplishnt. Idiots.

Did they really think they would be safer with ? I had a good mind to deliberately get them all killed, just to teach them a lesson. Not that I needed to try, it would happen soon enough.

The tunnel was already very long and we stumbled after the trolls digging us an escape route.

I stopped and looked back. The two other trolls were standing in the opening. They didnt follow us. They changed into the wall and closed off the opening, plunging the tunnel into darkness.

Was that what being left behind ant? Being a wall for who knows how long?

There were sounds of my party bumping into each other. I created a ball of light and illuminated a troll face inches away from mine.

Yes, said Keezy, definitely worth further investigation.