I understood what Joo Seunghyuk ant. If not for the Bracelet of Roitalraum, I might’ve run away partway through.
They say when an Alpha enters rut, they beco governed by pheromones and their behavior turns rough.
But this wasn’t just rough.
Once rut began, Seunghyuk lost all reason. Forgetting everything, he endlessly craved . No matter how much was given, it wasn’t enough—his instincts wanted, desired, and sought .
Even through a wordless exchange of bodies, his desperate yearning bled through, unmistakable and raw.
Overwhelming emotion, sensation, and heat, far beyond what I could endure—we intertwined again and again.
At so point, I lost consciousness.
***
It was as if I was subrged in water, my entire body heavy and sinking. And yet I wasn’t afraid. The dark energy enveloping felt warm and peaceful.
I opened my eyes, feeling a calm I’d never known before—and saw those jet-black eyes.
“Seunghyuk...”
“Hyung!”
Joo Seunghyuk tightly held my hand. His expression was somber. It also looked like he’d lost even more weight since before his rut started. Seeing how gaunt he still looked, concern suddenly surged within .
“Seunghyuk... Are you okay?”
“You’re worrying about right now?”
He let out a short laugh. He seed fine, but I couldn’t relax yet. The image of him collapsed on the kitchen floor was still vivid in my mind.
“Is the rut over?”
“Yeah.”
“...Good.”
Looking back, it was a foolish question. During his rut, Seunghyuk had been so consud by heat that coherent communication was impossible. The fact that we were speaking normally now ant the cycle must have ended.
Besides, he was fully dressed. And I was wearing matching blue pajamas, the sa design—he must’ve dressed himself.
“...Sorry.”
“For what?”
“I should’ve taken care of you, but I must’ve passed out without realizing. God, how pathetic—Uuh!”
Suddenly, Seunghyuk tugged my lips.
“What’s pathetic about that? Don’t say that kind of stuff.”
“But you were in rut, and I was totally fine...”
During his rut, Seunghyuk’s pheromones were unstable. On top of that, he’d overused suppressants, which put his physical condition at risk.
I had planned to take him to the hospital once the rut subsided, but since I’d fainted first, I ended up being the one needing care.
“It’s the opposite. I’m the reason you suffered.”
“No, I’m fine. Anyway, did you go to the hospital?”
“No.”
“You should go.”
“I’m fine. Don’t worry.”
“But you collapsed.”
“That was from repressing my pheromones. It’s all released now, so I’m okay. You’re the one who went through hell because of .”
Seunghyuk gently stroked my face. His touch on my cheek was delicate, as if he was afraid I’d break.
“No, I’m fine.”
“You can be honest. It was hard, wasn’t it?”
“...A little.”
Honestly, it was really hard. Not just shaking my head—I could barely even lift a finger. Sitting up or moving my hips was completely out of the question.
“That’s a relief. If it’s that hard, you won’t be able to run away.”
Oh, shut up! Whose fault do you think that is?! I haven’t slept in three days, and you’re going to say THAT?
His words made fury bubble up, but I couldn’t bring myself to say it aloud. I just glared at him instead.
“But you’ve got that look like you want to bolt. If you were in one piece, you’d be saying sothing an like, ‘I’m going back to the dorm.’”
Sharp bastard. If I’d been physically okay, I probably would have left as soon as I confird Seunghyuk’s health. If I could’ve stood, I’d have run back to the dorm already.
If we did it just one more ti, I would die—so for the sake of preserving my own life, I had to get out of this house.
As I pressed my lips shut, Seunghyuk gave a gentle smile and kissed my forehead.
“You did great. And... thank you.”
“...No, I’m the one who should apologize.”
“What for this ti?”
“If I were an Oga, it would’ve been easier for you...”
When an Alpha and an Oga go through a cycle together, their pheromones [N O V E L I G H T] react with each other. Both are enveloped in that pheromone haze, so the physical and ntal burden is lighter, and recovery happens faster.
They say Alpha–Beta and Beta–Oga couples tend to break up the most often—and it’s usually after a cycle. One party ends up initiating the breakup.
Most people say it’s because the Alpha or Oga finds the Beta lacking, or because the Beta can’t physically handle it.
But now that I’ve experienced it myself, I know that’s not the whole story.
Yes, the physical part was brutal—but the worst was the sha about my own traits.
I was sorry for being a Beta. Being a Beta felt inadequate, like my very existence was wrong.
I’d always been content with my identity. I liked being a Beta. I’d never once wanted to manifest as an Oga. But during the rut, it felt like being a Beta was a sin.
If I’d been an Oga, it would’ve been easier for Seunghyuk too. His pheromones would’ve settled faster, the rut would’ve ended sooner. He wouldn’t have had to take suppressants in the first place.
Even if he had, I would’ve noticed. Suppressants don’t erase pheromones completely—there are subtle signs. But as a Beta, I couldn’t sense any of it.
He’d been suffering alone, forcing down suppressants out of concern for , and I hadn’t noticed a single thing.
If I’d been an Oga... none of this would’ve happened.
I felt so... pathetic.
“Don’t think like that. I liked it. It’s just that, because of the pheromones, I wasn’t in my right mind. I was worried that might scare you or make it too hard for you.”
If I had been an Oga, we both would’ve lost control and gotten swept up in the cycle. But I stayed fully conscious. That didn’t an I was afraid of Seunghyuk as he clung to , lost in lust. Just... there was one thing that bothered .
“...You... knotted.”
Seunghyuk had tried to knot repeatedly during rut, his instincts overriding everything else.
But to a Beta, knotting held no special significance. It had made things a little more physically intense, but that was all.
“Maybe Alphas are supposed to be with Ogas...”
I muttered weakly, feeling helpless. Seunghyuk lightly pinched my cheek.
“Dummy. I didn’t want to knot a Beta or an Oga. I wanted to knot Lee Yeonsu.”
“But still...”
“I was happy because you stayed by my side.”
Seunghyuk laced his fingers with mine and looked straight into my eyes.
“Until now, rut was always hell for . It was so miserable and disgusting that I felt like I’d go crazy whenever it ca. But this ti... going through it with soone else—for the first ti—with you... rut actually felt okay. No, it felt good.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Every second felt like a dream.”
He gave a bashful smile.
“...Was it really your first ti?”
“Yes.”
He looked directly at . Those unwavering black eyes held nothing but sincerity.
“I was your first?”
“Yes. First relationship, first ti, first rut—everything was with you.”
He was telling the truth. He’d always claid I was his first, and now I finally believed him.
“Is it okay... that I was your first?”
“What kind of dumb question is that? Of course it’s okay. You have no idea how happy that makes .”
“But I’m not an Oga.”
“I don’t care. You’re you.”
His lips t mine. Not out of lust—but soft and sweet.
A cool, crisp scent brushed past the tip of my nose. Maybe he’d showered and used cologne?
The fragrance was unfamiliar, but pleasant. I kissed him back.
***
The first ti we went through rut, I thought I’d be bedridden for a whole month. But I recovered way faster than expected.
Maybe it was thanks to the Bracelet of Roitalraum. Or maybe because Seunghyuk took such good care of .
“Seunghyuk, I can feed myself.”
“Just for today.”
Seunghyuk blew on a spoonful of abalone porridge and brought it to my lips.
“Only today.”
“Yes.”
Ever since the rut ended, I hadn’t lifted a finger. Eating, washing, getting dressed—Seunghyuk did everything for . He’d always been attentive, but not this extre.
At first, I felt embarrassed, but my body had been so drained I let it happen. And, well—people adapt fast. These days I barely even blushed.
“Seunghyuk, you should eat too.”
“After you’re done.”
He didn’t stop feeding until I emptied the bowl.
“But who made this porridge?”
“Why?”
“It’s delicious.”
It was better than any abalone porridge I’d ever had.
At first, I thought he ordered it. But it had way too much abalone for delivery. And it was always piping hot—not sothing that’d arrived on the back of a motorbike. The side dishes were also neatly prepared. Most of all, it tasted like the food I had when I was confined in the basent.
It was probably the sa cook. But I hadn’t seen a single trace of another person in this house.
Of course, I hadn’t left this room much, so I couldn’t be sure—but still, it didn’t feel like anyone else ca and went.
“I’m relieved. I was worried it wouldn’t suit your taste since I made it.”
“You made it?!”
“Why are you so surprised?”
Seunghyuk chuckled softly.
“You really made this?”
I couldn’t believe it and asked again. He gave a small nod.
“Yeah.”
“Then... the oxtail soup too?”
“Yeah. I made it for you.”
...All the amazing food that lit up my miserable captivity?
Apparently, it had all been made by Joo Seunghyuk.
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