I sat there in the heavy silence that followed Alice's final words, my mind grappling with the weight and aning of it all. For a mont, it felt like being hit in the face with a snowball—everything going white for an instant, the world blanking out on impact, and then the cold, stinging pull back to reality.
For lack of a better analogy, that was the best way to describe my thoughts: stunned, scattered, and freezing over. I wasn't even sure how long I'd been sitting there like that, but by the ti I ca to, Alice was gone.
No, she hadn't vanished into thin air. I'd actually seen her walk out the sa way she ca in—calm, deliberate, and with that sa knowing smile that lingered just long enough to irritate . She said sothing as she left, but the words slipped right through the fog in my head.
It was strange. I rembered watching her leave, but it already felt like a mory soone else had experienced for . My thoughts were slow, drained, and refusing to piece themselves together.
And just like that, Alice Al'Rowen was gone.
I pressed a hand to my forehead, brushing stray strands of hair back as I stared at the half-open door with a dull scowl. Then sothing clicked.
"Damn it," I muttered into the empty room. "I still didn't find out how she even got in."
The only one to witness my current pathetic display was Hamlet, who had finally reverted back to its original silver-blob form. The gelatinous sli jiggled softly as it perched on the edge of a nearby shelf, bubbles rippling across its surface.
"Could I even trust soone like her?"
There was still a lot I didn't know. And while it might've been dangerously careless to let soone like that walk away, there was almost nothing I could do. The realization that I knew absolutely nothing left a dark, bitter taste in the back of my mind.
Even though I'd never truly been in control of my life up until now, at least before I'd been dealing with forces like the System—powers far beyond anything I could comprehend. But now… there were people who knew , and clearly knew more about than I did. That was new. And aggravating.
I'd already decided to cut back my reliance on the System and ta, but that only made things worse. I couldn't even turn to it anymore without second—or triple—guessing every word, gesture, or intent it made.
"I need a break."
The stillness of my room felt suffocating. It didn't help that I could feel Hamlet's emotion—sothing resembling pity and worry—through our connection.
I felt utterly alone. And I had no idea what to do next. Where do i go?
Can… can I really keep going like this?
I thought that, co what may, I'd brute-force my way through everything until I was the last one standing. Until I had the final, victorious laugh.
But what had brute-forcing or deluding myself ever really brought ? I kept thinking it'd be fine if I just focused on getting stronger—that strength was the only thing that mattered. That if I pushed far enough, maybe I'd finally seize control of my own destiny.
But the stronger I beca, the more chains I found binding . That was the truth.
Looking back, the safest and most content I'd ever felt since my reincarnation were the days before I discovered Laplace's Dungeon. The mont I uncovered the mysterious Demon Lord of Entropy… without realizing it, that beca the turning point of everything.
That damned Dungeon a year ago—it made stronger, sure. But with that strength ca truths I never asked for, and questions that only tightened around like a noose. Knowledge that shaped my path… and shackled to it.
It was after Laplace's Dungeon that the reality hit : I needed to beco imnsely stronger for what was coming. That was why I ca to Aegis.
Before the Dungeon, I was mostly nonchalant, deluding myself into believing I had so kind of control. But even after that… I was still clinging to the sa illusion.
And every ti I clawed my way closer to power, it ca at a cost. Always a cost. Just like now.
The more I grew, the heavier the chains beca. And slowly, the illusion of control I'd been holding onto… crumbled into nothing.
Soone once said, "If you wish to imprison a man without him knowing, give him the illusion of control."
That perfectly defined my existence up to this very mont.
Dammit.
The stronger I beca, the greater a slave I was to whatever fate held the reins.
With a throbbing head full of spiraling thoughts and emotions I couldn't na, I sank back into my bed in silence.
And it went without saying—
I didn't get a wink of sleep that night.
***
With little regard for whatever hollow depression and existential crises I wrestled with, the world continued to spin indifferently on its axis. Ti moved on, and the next day ca far too quickly.
Sitting idly in class, my head throbbed with a nauseating headache that made it impossible to even pretend to focus on whatever Wrenna was furiously rambling about in horoom.
In the end, I didn't get a single wink of sleep. Not even the thought of it.
'What is sleep? I mused bitterly. Sleep is an illusion, and the world is made of yarn.'
...It went without saying I'd been in better states of ntal health than this.
My constitution as an Eta-ranked Awakened could easily handle a few sleepless nights, but I'd already burned through most of my ntal and emotional reserves—spiraling into overthinking, self-loathing, and the occasional brush with suicidal thoughts.
By morning, I felt like chewed-up, spat-out crap.
The worst kind of crap.
My self-esteem had taken a hit, and my confidence was at an all-ti low.
'I miss Adrienne…' I was even hallucinating the tender touch of my sister.
"Uhh, Victor, are you okay?" a voice said beside — the voice of Alex, who I'd completely forgotten was sitting there.
I lingered, staring blankly at Wrenna, then paused and side-glanced at him with a husky, emotionally deadpan look.
"…Yeah?"
"You've been muttering sothing about yarns for a while now," he said, clearly concerned.
Alexander's words took a few monts to fully register. When they finally did, I blinked slowly, then gave him a courteous, thoughtful smile — the kind you give an old friend right before dropping a piece of deep life wisdom. Though, judging by how stiff my face felt, it probably looked more like a grimace than a smile.
"Alex, do you have dreams for life?"
The white-haired Alexander visibly flinched at my expression and glanced around cautiously, as if expecting an ambush. He looked flustered and confused by my question but still managed to reply, his tone full of worry.
"Uhh, yes?"
My warm smile brightened.
"Give up on your dreams and kill yourself."
Ti froze for a mont. Alexander's face went blank.
"Wha—"
Before he could finish, a loud smack echoed from the front of the class, followed by a suffocating pressure that filled the room.
"Cadets Victor and Alexander," Wrenna's icy voice cut through the silence, "why don't you both stand up and explain to the class what's so important, since it clearly holds more weight than my lecture?"
Without a chance to breathe, Alex and I instantly beca the sole targets of Wrenna's full, murderous bloodlust.
All eyes suddenly turned toward us from every corner of the class — so familiar, so curious, and others quietly snickering — as Alex seed to shrink beside under the pressure.
There was a brief, heavy pause. Then, I stood up.
"Instructor, do you have a dream?"
Before I could continue, Alex kicked hard in the shin under the table and yanked back down into my seat.
"I–I–it's nothing, miss! We apologize for disrupting the class! P–please carry on!" Alex blurted, his voice shaking as beads of sweat rolled down his face.
'What are you doing?!' he hissed under his breath, pinching my side in panic.
The stares didn't let up. The whole class was locked onto us while Wrenna Marlowe's expression grew colder by the second. Her athyst eyes glowed faintly, and the suffocating pressure around her intensified.
If I didn't know better, I'd say we were seconds away from getting annihilated — but surprisingly, Wrenna didn't do anything.
Her glare sharpened, her lips parted… and then she said nothing. She just stared at us for a mont longer, as if deciding whether to kill us now or later, before turning back toward the board.
She pivoted on her heel and continued her lecture as if nothing had happened. The whole class went dead silent, clearly just as shocked as I was.
Even I had to blink twice.
'She's… letting us off? Even without a single insult?'
Wrenna simply sighed — a deep, weary sigh that carried the weight of pure disappointnt — and ignored us entirely.
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