The blood-red lightning lay dormant within the heavy dark clouds, only occasionally revealing a flicker as the cloud layer broke. Even so, the world remained a world of blood. The crimson moon faithfully reflected all light that shone upon it. It didn’t care that the very lightning that created its glow could, at any mont, completely destroy the world it had guarded for over four billion years—in fact, for far longer.
It just didn’t care.
So what if the world was destroyed? After destruction, a new cycle would naturally begin. All it had to do was remain an observer, leaving behind proof that this world, destined for ruin, had once existed.
Of course, so what if there was no new cycle? Even if the entire Earth disintegrated, as its satellite, it naturally couldn’t escape the sa fate. But so what?
It had no desires because it had nothing it had to do. Since it had no reason to exist, it naturally didn’t care about being destroyed.
Even if... even if it once truly had a reason it had to exist, four billion years, plus hundreds of billions of fifty-thousand-year cycles, was enough to wear that reason away.
It might have once felt lost when that reason ceased to exist. And following that loss, perhaps, ca an anger that made it wish for imdiate destruction...
Until ti erased all emotions, along with the confusion and anger, leaving only the moon of today—a moon that, though it still existed, was no different from a dead thing, practically a "corpse."
"Humans really are remarkable creatures. Just a pile of scrap tal, couldn’t even kill soone if you took it apart piece by piece. But put it together, tsk!"
The voice in her head chattered endlessly, but i paid it no mind. She just stared blankly at the pea-sized black hole before her and swallowed hard.
It really was just a pea-sized black hole, probably no bigger than her own eyeball. Yet as i stared at it, it was as if she were gazing into a bottomless abyss that filled her entire vision.
Because she knew very well that with a black hole this small, all she had to do was gently pull the trigger...
The fla from the muzzle wouldn’t even have ti to register in her eyes and travel through her nerves to her brain before she was dead.
"Tsk tsk tsk! I can’t control your body right now. If you want to kill , this is indeed the best chance."
"You think I don’t dare?" i growled through gritted teeth. Then, mimicking what she’d seen on TV, she tremblingly pressed the muzzle to her temple.
"Tsk! Don’t be ridiculous. If you really want to die that badly, I suggest you stick the gun in your mouth and eat a bullet. You know what eating a bullet ans, right? With that posture of yours, your wrist strength is already insufficient, you don’t even know how to hold a gun, and the muzzle will jerk up when you pull the trigger... tsk tsk! Crybaby, you wouldn’t want to get half your brain blown off and still not die, would you? Hahahahaha!"
i’s face turned pale at her words. The hand holding the gun trembled even more violently, especially the index finger on the trigger, which twitched back and forth as if spasming. It wasn’t impossible that she might accidentally pull the trigger.
i naturally knew this too. She held on for about three seconds before discreetly pulling her twitching finger out of the trigger guard.
But she quickly realized that every one of her actions, no matter how small, no matter how hard she tried to hide it, was completely transparent to the owner of the voice in her head. After all, they now shared the sa body.
Which ant that right now, her cowardice in the face of the gun, in the face of death, her desperate obsession to live, was completely transparent to the voice in her head.
But more than that, there was hatred...
She hated her for using her body to point a gun at Kiana. She hated her for using her body to personally kill her "mother."
But no matter what, the person she hated most was herself, Raiden i.
She didn’t understand. It’s just death, right? What’s so scary about it?
It’s just living, right? What’s so special about this world?
Why, after mustering the courage to walk to death’s door countless tis, when all it would take was one more step forward—no, half a step—no, no, no, just a slight lean of her body, and all the sorrow, anger, and resentnt would vanish, and she would never hurt anyone again.
But why couldn’t she do it?
Why did she cling so shalessly to life?
The irreversible tragedy had already happened. If she had cherished her life before, i could have made excuses for herself. But after this, to still be unable to resolve to die...
Why not just die! Why don’t you just go die! Why can’t you just make up your mind to die! Why do you lack that little bit of courage to die!
What was the point of continuing to live like this? What could she do? What should she do?
Hurt the people around her again? From countless strangers, to Mobius... who’s next? Seele? Bronya? Or Kiana?
Even Michael?
Ah...
And how was she supposed to face Michael? He had done so much for her. He should have rescued her father by now. But she... she, Raiden i, had personally killed his...
How useless, how shaless, how despicable and selfish was she, Raiden i, to still have the face to live, to still have the face to want to live?
Why was she still breathing?
Even if she selfishly didn’t want to die, what about God? A person like her deserved divine punishnt, right?
Why couldn’t a bolt of lightning just strike her down from the sky?!
No... I can’t... keep living so selfishly...
"Heh, I just borrowed your hand to kill soone. Is it really worth hating , and yourself, so much for it, crybaby?"
"Just... What do you an, ’just’? What do you an, ’killed soone’?" i said, word by word, each one taking all her strength, causing ugly veins to pop out on her forehead.
Ugly is ugly. It’s not like anyone will see it again anyway.
"What’s with that attitude? Hah! Don’t get it twisted. That woman was here to kill you. What I did was save your life. Shouldn’t you be thanking ?"
"No! She wasn’t!" i scread, clutching her head. But her voice was barely out of her mouth before the night wind scattered it, leaving only a faint echo to weave between the cold, dead buildings.
"If she really wanted to kill , she could have done it when I was unconscious... She never wanted to kill ! She never wanted to kill !! Besides... don’t I deserve to be killed..."
"Hmph—"
The "Herrscher" snorted softly, neither denying nor defending.
She certainly wasn’t going to admit her mistake, because she had made no mistake.
In that mont, she had truly felt undisguised killing intent from Mobius’s outstretched hand—though it was only for a fleeting, imperceptible instant, she knew the woman before her truly had the power to kill her. Not just her current self, but probably even if she had fully mastered the power of the Gem of Conquest, it wouldn’t have been nearly enough.
The fact that she had been killed so easily... the "Herrscher" also found it a bit of a black cody, but the mangled heart in her hand was no fake.
She certainly wasn’t going to tell i all this. With this young lady’s naivety, plus her pre-existing biases, the "Herrscher" could talk until she was blue in the face and never convince her.
More importantly—a human who held killing intent toward her and truly had the ability to kill her... she killed her, so what? Why did she need to explain herself to this crybaby?
"Hehe, always going on about dying. Raiden i, that’s all you’ve got. Oh, and you’re a coward too. Always saying you should die, always begging others to kill you... hahaha, what a coward. Don’t even have the guts to kill yourself, have to ask others to kill you, hahaha... Hey, I was wondering, one of the reasons you resent for killing your Mama Mobius... could it be that you’re disappointed you didn’t get to die by her hand? That’s just hilarious!"
"Aaaah! Shut up!"
The heat emanating from the bottom of her heart gradually went from warm to scorching, constantly battering her fragile, delicate cranial nerves, until with a snap, i clearly felt sothing in her mind break. Then, the scorching heat that was about to incinerate her entire brain rushed in.
Her vision blurred, and tears had, at so point, stread down her face. Her brain was too dizzy to issue commands, but her body leaped up from the ground on its own.
The world began to spin. Top-heavy, she staggered and fell to the ground. Her body suddenly held its breath.
No, not just her breathing. The tears stopped flowing, her hands and feet stopped twitching, even the wind and the faint sound of the thunderstorm in the sky disappeared. All that was left was a soft sob or two.
Had she cald down?
Or was she forced to accept everything this terrible reality had in store for her?
Neither.
The next mont, she clenched her right fist and slamd it down on the rooftop floor.
THUD—
Flesh t concrete, producing only a soft, weak sound.
"Hah!"
THUD—
"Hmph!"
THUD—
"Argh!"
THUD—THUD—
"Aaaaaah—"
THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD! THUD!
The neurotic screams and the sickening sound of mangled flesh hitting the ground echoed again and again. In the world of her consciousness, even the "Herrscher" couldn’t help but frown. Although the pain ant nothing to her, this was still...
This was still her body too...
"Alright, you..."
She had just started to speak when i’s screaming stopped. All that was left was a right hand that was almost a pile of mush, with splinters of broken bone faintly visible, swinging limply against the ground like a flail.
After two more swings, even that hand stopped moving.
"Hah... hah... hah..."
i’s cheek scraped against the rough concrete floor. Probably because she had exhaled too much and inhaled too little, and her airways were blocked with snot and tears, her whole body began to convulse from lack of oxygen.
The first thing she felt was a cold numbness in her chest. Every alveolus in her lungs was desperately trying to contract, squeezing out the last bit of air from her body. After one breath, there was another. Every attempt to inhale was interrupted by an exhale. After about ten seconds of this, the numbness gradually spread from her torso to her limbs.
At first, her limbs would twitch symbolically, but soon the twitching stopped too.
Her eyelids drooped heavily. But what greeted her was not darkness. After the last sliver of light was swallowed, what greeted her was a field of blood red.
"Heh!" The "Herrscher’s" consciousness let out a contemptuous sneer.
Is that it?
"She thinks she can die like this? Too naive."
Yes, too naive.
"Hah!"
A few minutes later, i sat up abruptly. The pain in her right hand had been temporarily blocked by norepinephrine and other neurotransmitters. Right now, she just felt lost—was she dead?
Probably dead, right? So this was the afterlife? Was it no different from reality? Or was she just a soul floating here?
The voice in her head quickly shattered her delusion:
"You really are... very unlucky. There are many ways to kill a being like you are now. Unfortunately, suffocation is not one of them."
A Herrscher’s body structure might look no different from anyone else’s. Piercing the heart or cutting off the head could certainly kill a Herrscher. But Herrschers were special beings that could survive on Honkai energy alone. They already had the ability to survive in a vacuum, so they naturally wouldn’t die from a brief mont of suffocation.
"Enough, are you done? Satisfied now? How was the feeling of death? If you’re done playing and ssing around, then give the body."
"..."
"Still at it? Hehe!"
Looking at i’s lost and helpless appearance, the "Herrscher" felt an inexplicable surge of anger.
"Since you insist on this, I’ll tell you another secret. Do you know why I was able to take over your body before? Hahaha, wasn’t it because you, you idiot, voluntarily gave control of your body? Mmm, so for your hatred, please, do a favor and add another portion for yourself. It’s precisely because of your own incompetence that you needed to borrow my power, thus giving an opportunity, isn’t it?"
Listening to the "Herrscher’s" words, i stood up with a blank look in her eyes.
The neurotransmitters secreted by her brain were dwindling, and the pain in her right hand was becoming clearer, but she didn’t care anymore.
She bent down and picked up the gun from the ground. Just as the "Herrscher" had taught her, she stuck the barrel into her mouth.
"Heh! You look a little braver than before. But are you sure you want to do this? Are you ready to face death?"
i gave no response.
At first, her left hand holding the gun trembled slightly. The sll of oil in the barrel made her want to vomit.
But gradually, as the wind gently lifted her long purple hair, she raised her head. The crimson moon hung silently above her, not making a sound.
And so, her heart and body cald down simultaneously. Only the index finger of her left hand applied a slight pressure, pushing the trigger back.
CLANG—
BANG!
The sound of the gun and the sound of the iron door being kicked open rang out at the sa ti. i stared blankly at the still-smoking muzzle in her hand. A naless rage once again overwheld all reason in her mind.
The mont the iron door was kicked open, her body had flinched. The muzzle had slipped out of her mouth and, due to the position of her left hand, pointed toward the sky.
In the end, the bullet that should have taken her life grazed her forehead, only taking a small tuft of her bangs with it.
Why?
Once, twice... it was always like this!
"Why can’t you just let die! Why!!!"
i slamd the gun onto the ground. She had finally mustered the courage to shoot herself, only to fail once again by a bizarre twist of fate.
Once is a chance, twice is a coincidence, but a third ti is a pattern. And so, she no longer had the courage to shoot herself again.
But it didn’t matter. She still had one last thod. She still had one last way to die that she had saved for herself from the very beginning...
Looking at the white-haired girl shouting her na and rushing toward her, i gave a faint smile. Then, with resolute determination, she turned around and stepped onto the ledge of the rooftop.
"i, don’t!"
"Farewell, Kiana..."
i’s lips moved slightly, barely making a sound.
Kiana naturally couldn’t hear or see her lips move, but... this was fine.
Her left hand rested on the iron railing. She didn’t hesitate any longer, because she had already closed her eyes.
The loss of control from closing her eyes made her unconsciously lean forward. Then, her whole body flipped over, plumting toward the ground dozens of stories below.
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