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For most people, the hardest thing is to truly understand themselves.
To see one's strengths, recognize one's flaws, know who they really are, and use that knowledge to improve themselves, or, perhaps, to beco worse.
There are very few people in this world who truly know who they are. Most people believe they are right, that they are correct. They overlook their shortcomings. Even when they are aware of their flaws, they find it hard to change. They may also understand their strengths but are unable to fully capitalize on them.
Roger was just such a person.
Before his transmigration, he was this way. After it, he remained the sa.
Even his personality wasn’t anything worth ntioning. The only thing he could pride himself on was the moral values he developed in a peaceful society.
However, those sa moral values seed to be eroding since his transmigration.
“Who are you?”
The version of himself standing before him as Holander asked the sa question again.
Roger forced a smile, trying to seem relaxed.
"Do we really need to get into such a philosophical discussion here? You're not trying to overwhelm with endless talk, are you?"
Holander Roger shook his head and pointed at him.
“I am you, and you are , so you don’t need to worry about doing anything to you. Right now, I just want you, or rather, us, to figure out a question: Who are we, and what are we supposed to do?”
“...”
“You don’t want to say it? Fine, I’ll say it for you.”
Holander, let’s call him that for now, began to address the internal conflict Roger had been grappling with.
“You want to be Superman, but you're afraid of becoming Superman. You want to be Holander, but you don’t want to be an asshole like him. You want to be a hero, but deep down, you know you’re not cut out for it.
"You act like you don’t care about anything, but in reality, you don’t even have a goal to strive for. Whether it was in your previous world or this one, you’ve just been drifting along, just like you did before you transmigrated.”
“...”
Roger was stung by his own harsh words. He wanted to refute them, but he couldn’t find the right argunt.
He knew everything this other version of himself was saying was true.
Holander continued:
“Admit it, as Roger, you’re just a guy who got lucky and gained superpowers.”
“Fine, I admit it. It’s not like I’ve ever denied it. I’m just a guy, a lazy bum who wants to live an easy life. You’re right, okay?”
Roger didn’t want to argue with himself anymore. He shouted toward the empty space, where he assud Doctor Strange was listening:
“Hey, Strange! I don’t want to awaken my spiritual power anymore. Can we try another thod? Strange! Sorcerer Supre!”
Roger scread himself hoarse, calling out Doctor Strange’s na, but there was no response.
“Alright, I get it, you bastard…”
Roger realized that Doctor Strange was likely waiting for him to resolve his internal struggles before he’d let him leave.
Resigned, Roger sat down cross-legged in the void, took a deep breath, and faced Holander.
“Alright, say whatever you need to.”
Holander smiled, looking like a carefree young man. Roger shuddered at his grin.
Maybe it was because the version of Holander he knew from movies and shows had left too deep an impression, but whenever he saw Holander’s smile, Roger couldn’t help but feel uneasy.
Just a mont ago, Holander had rcilessly insulted him, but now, he suddenly changed his tone:
“But soone like you wants to be a hero.”
“I’m not. I don’t. Don’t put words in my mouth!”
Roger instantly denied it three tis over.
“It’s not that you don’t want to be one. You just don’t think you deserve to be a hero.”
Holander said again.
Roger rubbed his forehead, closed his mouth, and slouched back in the cosmic void, floating weightlessly. He gave up, letting Holander continue.
“You’re worried that you can’t do the things a hero would do. You feel your personality isn’t fit for being a hero. Compared to the heroes of this world, compared to the Justice League, you think you’re just a small fry with Holander’s powers.”
“Yeah, yeah, you’re right.”
“But what really scares you is that one day, you’ll lose yourself to the power, that you’ll end up doing things unforgivable in the eyes of normal people. That’s why you ca to Kamar-Taj. You didn’t co here to learn magic; you ca to learn how to control your power.”
“...”
“What? Gonna stop slacking off now?”
Seeing Roger’s serious expression, Holander teased.
Roger sighed and admitted, “...You’re right.”
This ti, his tone was different. He genuinely agreed with what Holander had said.
He was indeed worried that he wouldn’t be able to control his power. He feared that the imnse strength he possessed might blind him, leading him to commit acts he would deeply regret.
Before transmigrating, he was an average joe. Suddenly, he found himself with extraordinary power, and it frightened him how easily that power could corrupt him.
In fact, he had already noticed that, back in the world of The Boys, there were several monts when he’d been driven by a violent urge. He used to think it was Holander’s leftover instincts influencing him.
But that was just an excuse.
Roger knew full well that the brutality ca from within himself.
‘I have such imnse power, and yet you dare talk back to ?’ ‘No one in this world can match , and yet you dare defy ?’
That was the mindset that had driven him when he faced A-Train, and again when he confronted Black Noir. Those emotions had pushed him into doing irrational things.
So might say, “What does it matter? You’re the strongest in that world. You can do whatever you want. You’re Holander.”
But Roger would argue otherwise.
Having power was Roger’s fortune. Becoming Holander was his fortune. He couldn’t let this lucky twist of fate give him free rein to do whatever he pleased.
In more dramatic terms, he couldn’t let power control him; he had to learn to control his power.
Taking a deep breath, Roger now seriously asked Holander:
“So, can you help control my power?”
Holander Roger smiled and replied, “No. But what I want to tell you is this: If you can’t suppress your nature, why not try letting it out instead?”
“...Sorry, I might’ve misheard you. What did you just say?”
Roger stared at him, baffled.
Holander repeated, “I said, why try to suppress your nature? Why not release it? That’s a solution too, isn’t it?”
“...Is this what you call spiritual training?”
Roger's face twisted into disbelief. He began to suspect he had co to the wrong place, and that this guy had already been corrupted by the Dark Dinsion, now tempting him toward evil.
Holander laughed and replied:
“Of course it is. Understanding your true nature is also a way to Enhance spiritual strength. You should have more confidence in yourself. You’re not going to beco like Holander. You might not beco a hero, but at least, you won’t turn into a villain.
“That’s the real you, Roger.”
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