Chapter 50: Chapter 49: Raze
Zein’s Point of View
It’s hard having to pretend to everyone else that you’re okay when you know, deep inside, that you’re not. I can make others believe it, but I can never fool myself.
It feels like there’s a part of
missing, sothing that will never be found again. Shit. I don’t want this.
"It’s already night..."
I didn’t bother to look at Matt. Instead, I lifted the glass again and drank the alcohol straight, downing it in one go. I squeezed my eyes shut at the bitterness as it slid down my throat.
I was about to pour myself another drink when Matt beat
to it. I watched him fill the glass and hand it to . I just smiled before taking it and drinking again.
I leaned back in my chair when I felt the world start to spin. When was the last ti I even drank? UGH. My body feels so hot.
I couldn’t bring myself to look at Matt again because I could feel his gaze on .
"I’m okay," I said stupidly, even though he wasn’t asking.
I heard his soft laugh, so I frowned at him. "What’s so funny?" I asked.
He just shook his head, making
pout. He might even be more drunk than I am.
"You’re not okay. You don’t have to smile if you can’t."
I watched him pour alcohol into the glass again, but this ti he was the one who drank it. He didn’t even close his eyes at the burn, he just kept looking at
as he emptied the glass.
As I looked into his eyes, it felt like I could see that I wasn’t the only one hurting. Shit. He’s hurting too... Even if he won’t admit it, I can feel it at this mont.
"He’s so lucky to have you... really."
It felt like all the air was knocked out of , leaving
without a single word to throw back. I couldn’t gather the right answer, so I just stared blankly.
"I’m jealous."
"M-Matt."
"Shh... I’m fine."
My lips trembled when I saw the sa pretense on his face, the very one I had been using earlier. I don’t know how Matt managed to endure the pain I caused him. I can’t return the love he’s giving .
He poured alcohol into the glass again and handed it to . I gave a bitter smile before taking it and drinking it. I winced as my vision started spinning again, briefly closing my eyes to calm myself.
"I know you’re in deep pain... If only I could do sothing to ease it, I’d gladly take it all."
"I can’t love you... stop loving ," I said firmly.
I know words can be cruel and painful, but I just want to be honest. I hate what he’s doing.
He smiled, but I knew it was fake. I wanted to slap him just to wake him up from this madness, he doesn’t have to do this. He shouldn’t hurt himself like this. Shit. Matt, wake up. I can’t catch you when you fall... please, stop.
"I tried to stop this feeling, Zein... but I always end up realizing I can’t. I failed."
The corners of his eyes reddened, and I felt like closing mine just so I wouldn’t have to see him. Damn it. I’m hurting him again. I’ve hurt so many people already. Is this really how love works? That soone always gets hurt? That tears are unavoidable? That you have to go through this kind of pain first?
"But... why didn’t you fight for ?"
I know it’s insensitive to ask, but I want to know his side. I’m also curious about how he truly feels about .
"We’re not in so ga where I’m the prize for the winner. You have your own decisions in life, and I don’t want you to choose between
and him. Zein... from the very beginning, it was already clear to ."
Damn this Matthew Hart. If I hadn’t t Ace, maybe I’d be with him right now, but no. Fate played with us. It hurts like hell.
"Go to sleep."
I watched him clean the table. I couldn’t stop myself from standing up and hugging him tightly. He froze mid-motion, so I tightened my arms around him even more.
"Matt... you’ll find soone better than
soday... soone you’ll love more than you loved ... You deserve to be loved more than you ever could."
"Is there another Zein Shion out there in the world?" he joked, making
let out a soft laugh.
"There isn’t... but there will be soone greater than Zein Shion."
I don’t know how I managed to fall asleep last night after everything Matt and I talked about. I admit that, sohow, I felt a little better, especially after truly feeling what he was going through. We were both hurting the sa way.
When I spotted Sir Alvarez, I quickly approached him. He looked slightly surprised at my sudden appearance.
"Oh, Zein, it’s you. Do you need sothing?" he asked with a smile.
"May we talk for a bit, sir?"
I saw hesitation and concern in his eyes, but he nodded right away. We went to his office, and there, I told him everything I had learned.
I didn’t know what to feel about Sir Alvarez’s sudden silence. I had no idea what was going through his mind, and even though I wanted to ask, I let him think for the mont.
I knew he was shocked too, just like , but maybe this was for the best.
"We’re too late..."
I didn’t know what he ant, but I knew this conversation wouldn’t lead to anything good.
"W-What do you an, sir?"
"They already know the formula... sooner or later... it will be completed. There’s nothing we can do anymore."
"So... we’re just going to let them succeed?" I asked in disbelief.
I t his deep gaze because I didn’t want him to see that I was starting to lose heart as well. No! It’s not over yet... there’s still sothing we can do to stop them from succeeding.
"Listen..." he said deeply. "I want you to stop what you’re doing," he continued in a serious tone.
I frowned and quietly clenched my fist. "You want
to stop looking for the hidden laboratory?" I asked to clarify, the bitterness in my voice unmistakable.
He leaned back against his swivel chair, as if studying what I was feeling. I wanted him to know that it wasn’t too late yet, that there was still sothing we could do if we acted. I didn’t want to give up... I would never give up.
"This isn’t just for ... it’s for you too. Zein, you’re no different from
anymore." He smiled, but I couldn’t bring myself to return it. "I-I don’t want anything bad to happen to you because of ... Zein, I don’t want you to get hurt. I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself," he said sincerely, his voice laced with sadness.
Sir Alvarez wasn’t a stranger to
either. But if all he was worried about was my safety, then I could say I could handle myself. I’ve faced many dangers before... I’ve even fought Death once. I promised myself I wouldn’t allow myself to be trapped here forever. I will fight for them... not for myself.
"Sir... please let
help. I’m begging you... I want to help," I pleaded.
He smiled and stepped closer to . My chest tightened when he hugged , and suddenly I missed Daddy. Shit. I don’t want to die yet... I still want to be with them. Mommy... Ate Allison. Damn.
"Zein... it’s dangerous," he said while still holding . "Please..." he added.
I felt my eyes burn, so I quickly pulled away from his embrace and stood up. I looked at him firmly.
"If you’ve already given up... I haven’t. If you don’t want to anymore... I still do. Too late? This is just the beginning." I took a sharp breath. "I will do everything to stop them." I turned my back on him. "Sorry, but you can’t do anything about it," I added before finally leaving the place.
I don’t know where to start or how I’ll stand by everything I said. Whatever happens, what matters is, I won’t give up.
I paused for a mont when I realized where my feet were taking . Only now did I notice that I was heading toward the admins’ office.
I swallowed and continued walking when soone grabbed my arm. Panic quickly consud , and I couldn’t even resist.
Even though I wanted to pull my arm back, it felt like I couldn’t, so I just let him drag
along.
"I didn’t know you could be stupid sotis," he said as he finally let go of .
We were now in the wooded area of HU, and the person standing in front of
was without a doubt the leader of the DGW.
I could only stare at him in shock. His entire face was covered by a red mask, and only one red eye was visible, but that alone was enough to send chills down my spine.
"I know you’re just trapped in a very difficult situation but that isn’t enough for you to just be careless with your decisions. If you want to die, just say it. I will grant your wish right here... right now, darling."
My hair stood on end, not because of his threat, but because of that single word that brought back mories I had been desperately trying to bury.
"Don’t you dare..."
"What?" He chuckled lightly, which only made my teeth grind harder. "Tell , darling... what’s wrong?" he mocked.
"Stop saying that damn word! Fuck you!"
He burst out laughing, further fueling the anger burning inside . I knew he was just teasing .
"Why? Does hearing those words hurt?" he asked. "But he is in much deeper pain than you," he added, his voice laced with bitterness.
I don’t know why he’s doing this, but it hurts. It hurts that he keeps forcing
to rember everything I did. Damn it. I don’t want to feel this.
"You gave up so easily. You know why? Because you never really loved him."
"Who the hell are you to doubt my feelings for him?" I asked, my eyebrow raised. "You don’t know anything," I added.
He knows nothing about what I feel, so it’s easy for him to say those things. He doesn’t know the sacrifices I made, because he isn’t . If you tried to step into my shoes, you would feel the deadly pain I’m carrying.
"Did you ever, even once, think about how he feels?"
I froze, left with no words to throw back at him. Did I really think about how he feels? Or only about his safety? Which one weighs more?
"Everything he has ans nothing to him if the woman he loves isn’t by his side."
"Stop it."
I slightly lowered my head as tears threatened to fall from my eyes. I know his point, and I hate that I’m starting to doubt whether my decision was really for the better, or if it was actually the worst thing I could have done.
Supremo?
I turned my back, about to run away, when I felt his arm coil around my body.
I don’t know why, but it felt like Supremo was the one holding . What is this?
"Supremo asked
to tell you sothing. Do you want to hear it?"
I didn’t know how to answer, the tightness in my chest felt like I was being strangled by his embrace.
"You don’t want to?"
"T??Tell ," I replied, almost in a whisper.
I felt his grip loosen until I was completely free.
I faced him, and this ti, he turned his back on .
"What did Supremo want to tell ?"
"Why would I tell you? He’s not yours anymore, right?"
I fell silent, feeling as if a knife had stabbed straight through
just to hurt this much. Right... I almost forgot.
"Just tell him... not to neglect himself. Tell him to forget m-"
My eyes widened when he kissed the corner of my lips. I was so shocked that I couldn’t speak or move. He quickly pulled his mask back down, which he had slightly lifted earlier just to kiss .
"Darling, please co back..." he said. "That’s what Supremo wanted
to tell you."
He even winked at
before disappearing into nothingness.
WHAT THE HELL!
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