Oresa spent the next day trying to work up the courage to ask.
During this ti, Isamu did not spar nearly as much. Instead, he spent his ti speaking with Urus and Cadas about sothing. She wasn't sure what, but she rembered the traitor god Rammas being ntioned.
Making her way up the stairs to the upper deck, Oresa halted and saw Sahshir speaking with Alkela. The beautiful blonde was leaning against the ship's railing, her hair let down. Sahshir had his arms crossed. "Alkela, how far are we from Sorn now?"
Alkela made sign language with her hands. Sahshir shifted and then nodded. "That far, then.
"I had hoped we were almost there."
Alkela made other signs. There was a sardonic expression on her face. Sahshir sighed as he read her hands. "Yes, yes. I'm aware that Sorn is a vast way away. I am not saying my wishes were rational."
Oresa gulped, swallowed her fear, and headed forward toward him. "Excuse ..."
Sahshir turned around to face her while Alkela shrugged. Sahshir moved forward. "Princess Oresa?"
"...I, well..." Oresa shifted from foot to foot. Finally, she bowed with as much humility as she could manage. Don't screw this up. "Please train !"
Alkela shook her head and began to walk away. However, Sahshir looked hard at her, taking what she said thoughtfully. "You wish for
to train you? Why?"
"I..." Oresa paused. "I've been trying to be of use to Isamu all this ti, but no matter what I do is, drag him down. Everyone tolerates , and all I can do is heal their cuts.
"I need to beco stronger for-"
"I can't train you," said Sahshir, cutting her off.
"What?" said Oresa. "But...
"But why?"
"Strength does not co from others," said Sahshir, raising his steel hand. "What you are and what you beco is a result of your actions. And to achieve anything, it requires resolve and strength of will."
"But I am resolved, I-" began Oresa.
"If Isamu, Urus, and Cadas accepted you as an equal today, would you still want training?" asked Sahshir.
"What do you an?" asked Oresa, not understanding what he ant. "They... they do regard
as an equal." They did, didn't they?
"And yet they do not trust you to participate even in a spar," said Sahshir. "You disobeyed their desires to even accept the match."
"Well, yes, but they want to protect ," said Oresa, not seeing where he was going with this.
"Then they do not regard you as an equal," said Sahshir with a shrug. "One may be superior to another and still have their best interest at heart."
"Yes, I know," said Oresa, feeling miserable. "Everyone... everyone always has to go out of their way to protect , but I'm just not any use at all."
"That is the root of your failure," said Sahshir simply. "You want to beco powerful in your own right so that you can stand on an equal footing to Isamu."
"No, I just want to be useful; I don't think-" began Oresa.
"You don't think you can achieve what you want," surmised Sahshir.
Oresa considered what he was saying. She thought about herself and her actions. "...No, no, I don't."
"And that is why I cannot train you," said Sahshir, looking at the above clouds. A sea breeze blew through their hair. "Victory cos from the will first and foremost. If you do not believe you can win, you are already defeated. Even if you seek to win out of principle, you shall not be able to see the path by which you could win.
"Any training I might give you would be useless because you would lack the will to use it."
"But..." Oresa paused, not understanding. What about hubris? "But the others are so much more powerful than . How could I possibly hope to compare it to you or Isamu? I'm... wouldn't that be arrogance."
"Yes, it would," said Sahshir. "Your goal is unattainable at the mont."
Oresa blinked, not understanding at all. "But you just said-"
"You cannot hope to beco stronger than Isamu or
right now," said Sahshir simply. First, he says she is hopeless, then he says he'll help her, then he doubles back. "It will take discipline and a great deal of effort. By the ti you reach that point, you might not want it anymore.
You could be reading stolen content. Head to Royal Road for the genuine story.
"You have set yourself the impossible goal of comparing to gods in strength. And since you know it is impossible, you do not want to try."
"But..." said Oresa, beginning to grasp his point. "But then what do I do?"
"For now?" asked Sahshir, returning to her and adjusting his mask. "You must set an imdiate goal that is attainable. In your case, basic competence. Have surpassing Isamu as sothing you want, but do not make it the sole qualifier of your value.
"Don't concern yourself with competing with gods and emperors; you will lose. Focus your efforts on improving and overcoming what challenges you can. Then, you will increase in power and be able to overco more significant challenges.
"Then, sooner or later, you may find yourself an equal to him." Did he an that? Or was he telling her what she wanted to hear like so many others?
"But..." asked Oresa, looking for sothing to say. "But what if I drag the others down? All I'm good for healing."
"If you cannot perform any service to his company that assists him, then you should not be part of it," said Sahshir. Raising a hand, he adjusted the fingers of his steel hand with the other. It was now ford into a fist. "Find so other place to use your services where your skills would have value and be valued."
"But they're my family!" said Oresa. "I... I may be a Princess, but I'm the daughter of one of King Belosh's wives. According to the traditions of Western Kalthak, the King may have many wives. I have dozens of sisters, and well... I was just lost in a crowd.
"When I trained to be a Priestess of Baltoth, I was deed unfit, and Kushina effortlessly got the task. The only worthwhile thing I did was heal so people with my ability, and then...
"Then, I t Isamu. He saved
from bandits, and we traveled together. Urus and Cadas joined us; although they bicker, we belong together.
"I...
"I don't think I could do it."
"Well, then you know your limitations, and that is a strength Isamu does not have," said Sahshir. He sounded pleased.
"What?" said Oresa.
"Isamu was born with imnse power, and he has great skill," said Sahshir, glancing at Alkela. "However, he is overconfident and does not learn. He also does not value you, Uryu, or Cadas as he ought to."
"That's not true," said Oresa. "Isamu... well, he may be rough around the edges, but he is actually incredibly kind."
"How?" asked Sahshir.
"What do you an?" said Oresa.
"What has he done that is kind?" asked Sahshir.
"Well, he's always protecting other people, even when he doesn't have to," said Oresa. "He hates injustice, always trying to help the less fortunate."
"So have I," noted Sahshir, voice annoyed.
"Um... well, yes, you're a good person too, but Isamu-" said Oresa.
"I am a void, Oresa," said Sahshir. "My 'friends' are valued only insofar as they are of emotional value to . I seek their well-being. But were they to die, it would be like losing a possession. My morality is adopted because I have chosen to live according to the code of Baltoth.
"Whatever virtues I possess have nothing to do with kindness. How do you know Isamu is different? He could be putting up a pretense."
"Well, yes, but my mother always said that kindness is an act," said Oresa. "The people of your land, I talked to them, and... they really love you."
"But I cannot return that feeling," noted Sahshir as a simple statent of fact. "I love nothing, even if I behave in a 'good' fashion.
"So, once again, how do you know that Isamu is not the sa?"
"Well, I..." Oresa thought about it and realized Isamu didn't talk to her much. Did she really know him? Perhaps he didn't think of her the way she did him. What if he was like Sahshir?
"Have you considered the possibility that Isamu might regard you as nothing but an object?" asked Sahshir. "A pretty face whose presence adds to his status and lets him take care of injuries? That whatever 'kindness' he might have for you is a ans of feeding his own image as a hero."
"Isamu isn't like that at all," said Oresa, feeling the need to defend her friend.
"But have you considered it?" asked Sahshir.
Oresa thought about what that would an and felt awful. What would it be like if Isamu hated or didn't care about her? "...Well, I am now."
Alkela facepald.
"Good," said Sahshir, and he nodded. "It ans you are not his slave." Then, he drew out the Sword of Order and handed it to her. "Take this. We're going to train."
"But you said you couldn't train ," said Oresa.
"I couldn't train who you were," said Sahshir. "Now, I will show you how to wield a sword, among other things. It will take discipline and endless attention.
"Are you ready?"
Oresa shifted. "Yes, Master."
"Good," said Sahshir. "Then let's begin."
Oresa had gotten what she wanted, though she felt she'd regret it in a bit.
And so it began.
The first thing Sahshir did was help her brush up her stances. Oresa had yet to train with a sword in a long ti, and wielding one now was difficult. She spent days refreshed in the basic skills she'd been taught. It was disturbing how much she'd forgotten. Eventually, he began teaching her ditations and how to center herself. Both were difficult for her, and Oresa wasn't sure it would help.
She was learning a bit about herself. All Sahshir's questions did that, but how would learning about herself help?
Eventually, Isamu started sparring again. One day, Urus climbed the stairs while Oresa practiced with the sword. "Oresa, can I get your help?"
Oresa looked up in surprise and stood up. "What is it, Urus?"
"So of the n were injured in an accident," said Urus. "So barrels broke loose and hit them. Could we get your help?"
"I, well, of course-" began Oresa as she stood.
"You do not need to worry," said Sahshir simply. "I have healers on the ship. You three, go to deal with the matter. Our lessons should not be disturbed."
"But what if I could help one of them?" asked Oresa.
"Are any of their injuries serious?" asked Sahshir of Urus.
"No, not really," admitted Urus. "Your assistance is appreciated."
"Then you will focus on this, Oresa," said Sahshir. "I sense that my healers have already arrived, anyway."
Oresa shifted. "But shouldn't I try to help everyone I can?"
Sahshir shook his head. "No one person can be everywhere at once. You must focus your efforts on what will achieve your will. Let others handle their own place, for they know it well enough. And if they do not, they must learn." Then he stood up and walked past Urus. "Continue practicing until I return. I must speak with Tuor."
Oresa really hoped this would actually help. The last attempts at training she'd done had all ended the sa way. She doubted Sahshir would let her get away with giving up, though, so she held her tongue.
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