??Chapter 259: 252: Confession of Five Pages (Second Update)
Chapter 259: 252: Confession of Five Pages (Second Update)
Guan Sixing sat on the chair outside the hospital room for a long ti. After sorting through his thoughts, he stood up and knocked on the door. There was no response, so after waiting for a mont, he said, “I’m coming in.”
He pushed the door and entered.
“Youyou, will you let
explain?”
Jhiang Youyou didn’t open her eyes.
Guan Sixing saw the damp marks on the pillow, and just as he stretched out his hand and was about to touch the corner of her eye, she pushed his hand away and turned her body to face away from him.
The baby was okay, but the doctor said the fetal image was unstable and she shouldn’t be agitated anymore.
“Then you rest, and I will wait outside.”
Guan Sixing had already reached the door when Jhiang Youyou spoke, her back still turned to him, “Explain.”
She was really good.
He had upset her like this, yet she was still willing to listen to his explanation.
“The night you ca to the rental to get your belongings, I had been drinking, but I wasn’t drunk. I rember everything. I thought I was dreaming, and when I woke up in the morning, you were gone,” he fidgeted with his clothes, unsure where to put his hands, “Those days, I kept having dreams like that.”
Jhiang Youyou turned to face him: “Did you read sothing unhealthy or what?”
Guan Sixing imdiately shook his head: “No.”
She stared at him intently.
“It was the perfu,” he explained, “Gu Yihuan ca to my house to drink, and she left a bottle of perfu there, which I accidentally broke. I just asked Xie Shang, that perfu contained Lian Ningsu.”
“An aphrodisiac?”
Guan Sixing nodded.
Jhiang Youyou recalled that she had slled the perfu that night as well. However, she was clear that it wasn’t the perfu that aroused her; and she didn’t regret anything, it was her own willingness. When Guan Sixing held her and wouldn’t let her leave, she felt ready to let him have his way. Maybe she was also a bit lustful, she used to think she lacked desire, but that wasn’t true; it was she who had taken off Guan Sixing’s clothes willingly.
“Even so, you shouldn’t confuse things like that.” Suddenly she felt incredibly wronged, her eyes stinging with the urge to cry, “I gave you my gold lock, didn’t I tell you? It was the dowry my mother left for . How could I have another man’s child? How could you take so long to understand that?”
When she cried, Guan Sixing beca flustered, and his eyes reddened too.
“I’m sorry, I’m at fault, I always ss things up.”
She turned her head away, refusing to look at him: “I don’t want to forgive you yet.”
The word “yet” before “don’t want to forgive” implied she liked him more than she thought; otherwise, given her stubborn nature and the attitude of “if you’re not good, then goodbye,” she wouldn’t have easily let this go.
She lay down: “I’m going to sleep.”
Guan Sixing humd in acknowledgnt and went out the door.
“Where are you going?”
“To sit at the door.” He was going to stay right here, and wouldn’t leave.
Jhiang Youyou’s tone was angry, more petulant than truly furious: “Either go ho or stay in the room, as you please.”
She didn’t even think to ask Gu Yihuan to bring a change of clothes.
She closed her eyes and went to sleep.
Guan Sixing ca in, closed the door, and quietly moved a chair over to the bedside. He sat down, gazing at Jhiang Youyou’s face for a long ti before his eyes inevitably drifted to her abdon.
Jhiang Zhenzhen said that Youyou cherished this child very much.
Is this what winning feels like? Guan Sixing didn’t know; he had never won a prize in his life.
About half an hour later, Gu Yihuan brought so porridge. There was a lot Guan Sixing wanted to ask, but he just took the porridge, quickly sent Gu Yihuan away.
After dinner, Jhiang Youyou went to sleep. She woke up twice and each ti saw Guan Sixing sitting in the chair, leaning on the bedside table with papers underneath, writing sothing. She was half-asleep, and in the dim, soft lighting, she gazed at the nape of his neck as he bent his head, hearing the scratching of the pen on paper, a sound that lulled her back to sleep.
In the morning, when she woke up, there was no one by the bed. Jhiang Youyou looked toward the bathroom door.
Soone ca in; Jhiang Youyou heard the sound and imdiately looked at the door. It was a nurse coming to change her dressing. The nurse noticed she was looking for soone: “Your boyfriend just went out, he’s probably buying breakfast.”
The nurse changed her dressing.
On the cabinet in front of the bed, Jhiang Youyou saw the note Guan Sixing had left, held down by a cup. At the top of the first page were three words: Reflective Essay.
The water in the cup was still warm. The reflective essay was five pages long.
[Youyou, you are very good, good in every way. It is I who am not good. I am not skilled at anything other than physics. I am clumsy with words, and my EQ is low.
When I found out you were pregnant, my first thought was that I was out of the ga. I didn’t dare to think it was mine, not because I don’t trust you, and not because I see you as “that kind of person” you talked about. It’s that I lack confidence. I don’t feel I have the right to.
I was recruited by The 7th Research Institute. My grandfather said he was very proud of . Many people around
see it as an honor, as a halo. But I know, for my future other half, it’s a disadvantage. My work will restrict
a lot: daily communications, conversations, free ti, even regular check-ins I can’t manage. I might go off the grid at any mont, maybe when you need
the most, I can’t leave the lab, I can’t tell you what I am busy with.
Pretending to be Wang Shanxi to deceive you also had work-related reasons. As Guan Sixing, I have no advantages. You once asked
when I started to like you.
The first ti I saw you was at your entrance celebration…]
Guan Sixing knocked from outside, waited a few seconds, then entered, holding breakfast in his hand.
Jhiang Youyou looked up at him.
“Do you want to brush your teeth first?”
“Mmm.”
She placed the reflective essay in the drawer of the cabinet and was about to get out of bed after throwing off the covers.
“Lie down. The doctor said it’s best not to get out of bed today.”
She lay back down.
Guan Sixing put down the breakfast, fetched a cup and toothbrush from the bathroom, and also a basin. He handed her the cup and toothbrush and held the basin himself.
The last line of the reflective essay was: [I have many flaws, but Youyou, I really, really like you.]
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