Prologue
Year 20XX, Winter, On A Certain Day in February.
I, Hotta Youta, am twenty-seven years old this year. I live alone where my age equals my ti without a girlfriend. Also a virgin, high school dropout and a forr-hikikomori.
Currently working at talworking factory, in Tokyos tropolitan Oota district.
It was a cold day like this, when Tanaka passed away.
Having finished work, it was a boring walk ho, while, regretfully recalling painful mories.
I beca a hikikomori in my high school days even though I call it hell, I am by no ans exaggerating it.
My only back-up plan was taking the entrance exam, in case I failed the enrollnt for other private high schools, but I failed to pass the examination for even low level private high school. At that ti, my friend, Tanaka Kouji and I, were bullied by three DQN(delinquent) in the sa class.
I think because we were targeted we both beca thin and weak-willed.
Then getting beaten up was a common occurrence.
Extortion, burning my skin with cigarette buds, masturbating in front of the delinquents, licking and drinking out of a urinal they never stopped.
I was scared of getting to know my classmates so I kept thinking that they were of no concern to .
The horoom teacher, wanting to avoid the situation, pretended not to see most of the fights.
Without the courage to oppose them, we just continued to take the bullying silently.
I was released from their bullying only when we got to second year.
The reason is that our classes changed.
It turned out only I was separated from them while Tanaka and the delinquents were in the sa classroom.
Since theyd need to go out of their way to cross over to my classroom, they didnt bother bullying . The outco was, the brunt of it was concentrated on Tanaka. Yet, I didnt even think of helping him.
I just breathed a sigh of relief having been released from being bullied.
As I expected, Ill only be saved if hes sacrificed.
An incident occurred before second years winter break.
As a forr bullied child, I chose to distance myself from the surroundings; always eating lunch alone.
Rather than eat in the toilet in winter, the back of the school building is less popular. Therefore, in those cold days, I always ate lunch outside.
Tanaka and the delinquents had gathered there.
He was naked in seiza position on the ground while shivering and fully soaked with water.
Besides being left with a water bucket, he apparently had dry leaves clinging to his body.
The delinquent group seed to be having fun as they laughed and took pictures with their smartphone.
Tanaka recognizing , faced with a gaze seeking for help.
The three of them also turned around after noticing .
What are you looking at? Skinny midget.
Whats with that expression? Huh!?
I beca frightened by their voice and ran away at full speed
Tanakas face went paled in despair after I abandoned him. Even now, I vividly rember it.
I definitely wont forget this for my entire life.
That very sa night, Tanaka committed suicide by hanging himself by the slide at the playground.
In his suicide note he accused about the bullying done by those 3.
The school dealt with the problem by imdiately and indefinitely suspending those the trio.
By imdiately suspending them, the school had intended to conclude the incident before the situation had beco worse.
After the school disposed of them according to their plan, it had beco a discussion about the perpetrators companions.
A settlent to the discussion was t in one month.
The perpetrators had to pay fine which was a lot of money to the victims parents when they settled.
Tanakas suicide ended up in a small column written on a local newspaper.
Since that year, I had stayed inside my ho.
I felt responsible for Tanakas suicide furthermore, now that he passed away, I beca the target of the delinquents bullying while sitting around. And because of my fear of being bullied, I beca unable to leave from my room at my ho.
Im a pessimistic, despicable coward. However, I was unable to leave my room at those days.
Eventually, I dropped out of high school.
Since then, Id always stayed inside my room engrossed in gaming, manga, ani, model guns, and modern weapon system and the like.
I admired modern weapon system especially the model guns. Then, using a real handgun to shoot those three delinquents to death. I really want to have a dream where I board a tank and chase them and stuff.
When I approached the age of twenty, my fathers connections in Tokyos Oota district will get a job in a talwork factory, or Ill get a million yen and leave my family.
1,000,000 is a lot. But, at best, I dont think Ill have that in only a year.
I cant have that option.
However, it was good regardless of the outco. Even though Im sotis confine myself indoors, aside from taking the responsibility for my younger siblings, I had no future prospects.
The teacher gave his seal of approval by saying Certainly eligible for Tokyo University! to my typical parents, as long as I dont beco baggage no matter what to my 4 superior and younger siblings, itll be fine.
In reality, after moving to Tokyo University, because this was my first ti living alone, I never had gotten into a contact with anyone.
The typical that had been cast away by my parents was carefree and happy.
Above all, because I was separated from that mountain town, I will never again et those delinquent trio.
The tal-working factory of my father and the others was strict but it wasnt filled with unreasonable violence. I was even instructed carefully in the job.
Compared to my hellish life in the last year of high school, the difference is heaven and earth.
Originally, I was confident in my skillful and dextrous fingers. Again and again, since I strived to et expectations, I had to acquire a lot of skills.
If you were to compare to those who are called craftsman, I may not even hold a foot
Thus I imrsed myself in my job to forget those hellish high-school days for approximately 7 years but, every ti it beca cold in winter, I rember Tanaka.
If I had been a little brave or sothing, it might had not ended up in suicide, wouldnt it?
At the usual convenience store, I bought my evening bento and tea.
Now, even though Im a good person, I still havent recovered.
While sighing from lancholy, I walked toward the residential area.
There remained 10 ters until I reached my ho but I noticed on the way, a suspicious man standing.
So that I could avoid the detestable light from the street lights, I had leaned on the concrete wall.
Because of the moonlight, I was dimly able to make out his figure.
He wore a hooded jacket, and jeans under him. Doesnt he feel cold? Thats not the sort of coat you should wear. Because he was looking down I wasnt able to see his face. I was able to judge him as having a height of 180 centiters, and a plain physique.
If I start retracing my steps for main road and pretend not to see him after such a long ti, on the contrary, hell likely give strange vibes.
It did not look like he wanted to fight since he was glancing down, so Ill take as much distance as possible while I try to pass him.
Hey, wait sec.
!?
After he called , I involuntarily stood still.
The man began heading straight to .
As the street light shone on that guys face, I was able to check his face.
My goggling eyes did not et his gaze, he had a bad skin complexion, a unshaven face, gaping nose pierce, and from the nape of the neck there hung a tattoo.
Surprisingly, he had changed completely, I understood imdiately. It was one of the 3 delinquents that had bullied , it was their leader. Im sure his na was. Souma Ryouichi
Aint It cuz a you that ma lifes in da dumps! Aaaah! Fuck!!! Why !!
Ah, uh, ah.
The ti ca for him to get back at , I feel nauseous because he reeked of sothing like garbage. If I rember correctly, I read that theres a legal drug on the internet that if you intake it, you sll like this.
The other party is in an unstable state. But right now, Ill just turn around pretend not to notice, and run away when possible.
However a flashback of my hellish past made my legs tremble, and kept from moving.
Tanaka-kuun! Hotta-kuun! Ya look like trash! You know he died silently, right!? Damn it!
He took out sothing like a cheap kitchen knife, hed have bought with a hundred yen, from his hoodies pocket.
Uwaaaaaaaa!
My fear reached its apex as I scread miserably, I threw the convienience store bag I was holding, turned around and ran with everything I had.
The thought of bravely fighting and subduing him didnt co to my mind even once.
But, I could do nothing but scream and run.
Run, run, run, run, run charging to the park.
Even after that, he eventually caught up and shoved from behind.
I ran with as much vigor as I had but fell face first into the sandbox.
As soon as he mounted , without any hesitation, with both hands he swung down the kitchen knife.
Gugaaa *choking*
I felt the blood erupted on my pierced chest.
From pain, the previous stimulating sensation beca hot.
Die! Damn it! Damn it! Damn iiiiiiiiiiitt!!!
He continued, and continued, and continued stabbing with the kitchen knife, forcefully breaking my ribs while letting out a cry.
I could tell that my consciousness was quickly receding to its border a number of tis.
I heard a womans scream in the distance as if I was underwater.
My eyelids were as heavy as lead and had the feeling of falling down into an abyss.
The last scene I saw was bathing in my own pool of blood, and his face looking like a mad man.
My consciousness stopped like a frozen TV screen.
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