"What’s next..." Jane McCain mumbled, her eyes becoming vacant, her voice very low, "Next, I probably need to see a doctor..."
...
No appointnt this ti.
When she arrived at the clinic, the psychiatrist happened to have ti and received Jane McCain.
It had been a long ti since she last saw Jane McCain, and Dr. Kay was slightly surprised.
"How have you been lately?"
"I don’t know if it’s considered good." Jane McCain lay down on the long sofa in the clinic, slowly saying, "If you’re referring to paranoia, overthinking, and self-pity, those issues seem to have always been there; however, the fear and aversion toward n is not as strong as before."
"Oh?" Dr. Kay asked, "What do you think has helped you overco these psychological barriers?"
Jane McCain thought for a mont and replied, "It must be love. I realize that in every interaction with others, there’s always an ulterior motive. So have good intentions, wanting to please you and get closer to you; so have bad intentions, wanting to see you embarrassed and make you worse.
Having ulterior motives is very normal in interpersonal interactions, and I don’t need to be afraid. As long as I maintain a safe distance, they can’t harm ."
Dr. Kay’s hand holding the pen paused slightly and looked at Jane McCain, "So, your conclusion is to safeguard your safety by staying away from them?"
"No, what you said sounds more like avoidance." Jane McCain gently shook her head, "I feel that I, too, have ulterior motives. I also want to get sothing, and when a relationship fails to give what I want, that relationship becos harmful..."
The noise of chaos and commotion faintly ca from outside the door.
Dr. Kay showed an apologetic expression and interrupted Jane McCain, "Sorry, I’ll excuse myself for a mont."
He opened the door and went out. Jane McCain didn’t mind and continued speaking to herself, "My first love was when I was 15. Everyone says first love is unforgettable, but I don’t have much impression of it anymore. I only rember crying when he transferred schools, and later I gradually forgot...
The second ti I fell in love, I had a crush on a senior. During a birthday party, I brought him ho to play, and when he saw my mom, his eyes froze, and later he broke up with , saying he preferred soone like my mom, a charming and powerful woman. It’s really crazy..."
The noise outside grew louder, mixed with a man’s roar and a woman’s sobbing—
"Is it this guy?!... You’re sothing else, saying you were going to see a psychiatrist, and ended up in bed?! How long have you two been involved?!... Speak up!!!"
Jane McCain, as if she hadn’t heard, continued talking to herself, "And the third ti...the third ti, finally soone liked . He said I looked cute frowning while drawing design sketches, but it turned out to be a lie.
Compared to my friends, aside from dressing up prettily, I am really average. Purple is not only smart but also independent and strong, able to solve any problem effortlessly. Zara is talented and versatile, seems quiet but has a stronger sense of judgnt than anyone. As for ...not smart, not steady, and quite spoiled and lazy. The most common evaluation I receive is lively and cute, but lively and cute essentially ans ordinary with no distinct features, doesn’t it?
Oh, I do have a knack for design...but compared to my mom, this little talent becos so natural and not worth ntioning.
Dr. Kay, I really wish there could be soone who likes , even though I’m so plain and awful, I hope that person could like with all their heart, putting only at the center of their heart, the only one, not a substitute for soone else, or a filler for emotional emptiness."
No one responded to her.
The noise outside continued.
Jane McCain stood up and walked out, seeing Dr. Kay and Ms. Matthew cowering in the corner, while a strange man was furiously smashing and shouting.
She didn’t care if Dr. Kay could hear her, stood calmly in place, and said, "The main reason I ca to say these things today is to tell you that my illness is probably cured, and I won’t be coming back again."
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