I was hiding away in my bedroom one evening, when suddenly soone knocked a little too loudly on my door. My instincts told that it was Raphael standing on the opposite side of the door. At first, I thought I could pretend I couldn’t hear him, but that only resulted in him banging harder and faster on my bedroom door.
"I know that you’re in there!" Raphael yelled from the other side of the door.
I had no choice but to open the door for him. Raphael looked beside himself as he stood right in front of . Before I could open my mouth to ask him what he wanted, he pushed past into my bedroom. I hesitantly closed the door behind as I turned to face him. I had never seen Raphael look so upset, and I began to wonder what it was that was bothering him so much.
"What on earth is wrong with you?" Raphael asked , his voice sharp as he stood with his hands on his hips in the middle of my bedroom. His presence was commanding, but that only made stand my ground.
"I don’t know what you’re talking about," I replied.
"Don’t play pretend with . You know very well that you’ve been dodging for days, both at work and also at ho. What is going on?" He repeated his question again, and I could tell that his patience was wearing thin. I turned away from him as I wrapped my arms protectively around myself.
"I haven’t been avoiding you, you’re just imagining things," I replied.
"You know as well as I do that that is absolute bullshit, Abigail," he said through clenched teeth.
His eyes were wild with anger in a way I had never seen before. I knew that I had been avoiding him, but I wasn’t ready to admit it, and that was probably because I barely understood why I was doing sothing like that myself. I exhaled slowly as I forced myself to stay calm.
"I’m sorry if it appeared that I’ve been avoiding you. Honestly, I just needed so ti to think," I replied softly.
"Think about what, exactly?" he asked challengingly.
I fidgeted as I hesitated to answer him. My chest felt tighter under the intensity of his gaze.
"About you. About the truth and everything," I replied honestly.
"Do you an you were thinking about , or more about my family and our family business?" Raphael asked as his expression darkened even further. I could tell that he could read like an open book, and there was no point in denying it.
"Yes, I’ve been thinking about pretty much everything," I replied with a nod of my head.
"Is that how it is? I kept telling you that the truth wouldn’t benefit you or anyone. Now that you know the truth, you don’t know how to react in front of anymore - is that it?" he asked sarcastically before letting out a sharp laugh and shaking his head in dismay.
I bit down hard on my lower lip as I tried to find the right words.
"You know that it’s not that simple," I replied.
I wasn’t sure if Raphael understood what the truth ant for and for my mother. Our future and our lives were basically hanging by a thread if we ever got ourselves involved with the mafia. Truthfully, it was probably too late because we had already gotten ourselves involved, and now I wasn’t even sure how we were supposed to find our way out.
"Maybe you’re the one that’s overcomplicating things," Raphael replied as he reached a hand towards .
Involuntarily, I flinched and shied away from his touch. Almost imdiately after I reacted like that, I knew that sothing between us had changed. More than anything, I felt guilty for the look of hurt that I saw flash on Raphael’s face after observing my reaction.
"It’s not like that," I quickly said before I realized that I could never explain how I truly felt to him.
"Is this how it’s going to be?" Raphael asked, sounding more sad than I could ever find comfortable.
I wanted to co out and tell him that everything had changed because now our relationship seed even more impossible than before. It was bad enough that he was my stepbrother and that we had to keep our relationship a secret, but now he was also part of a mafia family. The pain that I felt in my chest threatened to tear apart. I felt so frustrated that, soon enough, all of the complicated feelings that bubbled up in my chest channeled out in the form of anger.
"How do you expect to act, Raphael? You’re the one acting like nothing has changed! You’re acting like I’m still ignorant and that I don’t know anything about the truth! What about ? How am I supposed to just pretend that nothing happened and that everything is normal when it’s not?" I yelled back as my voice rose uncontrollably.
"I am not pretending to be anything, Gail. This is who I am. I’m the sa person that you t the first ti we t. I’ve always been this person. I’ve always been ," Raphael replied as he took a step closer.
In a way, I knew that Raphael was right. Since the first passionate night that we t, Raphael had always been himself. I was the one that was foolish enough to believe that he was anything close to normal.
"But that’s exactly the problem! I didn’t know anything back then, and you wouldn’t tell anything. But now I do know the truth, so I don’t know how I’m supposed to trust you," I replied honestly.
A heavy silence fell between us like a curtain that wouldn’t be drawn. It felt like an invisible wall had grown between us.
I had gone and said sothing that I couldn’t take back. By the ti I realized it, it was too late for to change anything - because I had told him that the trust between us had been broken.
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