Chapter 970: Courtney Slays Her First Army?
If you asked Abaddon which child was his favorite, he would tell you that he loved all of them equally and couldn’t choose one above the other.
HOWEVER…
If you asked him, hypothetically of course, which of his children he felt was the most likely to make friends because of their personality, he would say Courtney.
Thea, Yemaya, & Nubia? Friendly, but everyone would mistake her friendliness for flirtation and fall in love with her.
Yemaja? Sa thing, only it wouldn’t be an accident on her part.
Apophis? Only if you were comfortable with eating a barbarous amount of fried food at three a.m.
Straga only cared about Monica.
Bashenga was an soft boy masquerading as an edgelord.
Belloc was an asshole masquerading as an edgelord.
Each of his kids had their own reasons for not having many friends. But Courtney wasn’t like that. Rather than it being because of her personality, it was just because she was a little awkward around new people.
But the older she got, Abaddon had witnessed her co out of her shell more and more.
And he thought that on the day she was ready to fully step out into the world, it would be one of the happiest tis he had ever experienced.
He was wrong.
“F-Fuck, go back in your shell!”
“What?”
“I-I an, go ho! Now!”
“But I wanna help! I’ve been training and stuff, I think I can start defending the family now!” Courtney held up her sword with both hands. “I promise I can do this.”
A pair of dark blue wings flapped behind Courtney’s back awkwardly as she said that. Abaddon was reminded of the phrase, ‘The jokes write themselves’.
“Courtney… Go ho.” Abaddon rubbed his temples. “You’re not ready for an enemy like this…”
“Let try, at least! Just one bad guy!” Courtney held up her finger and attempted to bargain.
“Courtney-Marie. You have no armor. You have no real experience. The man before you could at the very least cut through a moon with one swing.”
Golden Asshole used that mont to speak up. “Your beast of a father speaks the truth, fair maiden! My might has long enabled to plunder moons and pluck the stars from the sky while putting them in my-”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“Don’t call him a beast, dickbag!”
Abaddon and Courtney went right back to their heated discussion after snapping at the interloper.
“I know you want to help, but you aren’t ready yet. Why don’t you-”
“Shit, we’re getting invaded?! Why didn’t you call us, Abaddon, you jerk!”
Suddenly, the situation went from unfavorable to worse when Jazmine, Helios, Iori, Kanami, Karliah, Absalom, and Satan ca flying towards them.
“Finally. Villains to vanquish after a near eternity of- Hey, why is Courtney here?” Iori stopped just shy of drawing his sword.
“I’m helping!”
“No, she’s going ho.” Abaddon insisted.
“Dad, you’re being unfair.” Courtney complained. She then turned to the group of newcors and picked out a few among them. “Grandma, didn’t you say I was getting really strong and…Why’re your pants undone…?”
Karliah looked down and realized that she was in such a rush that she had indeed forgotten to buckle her pants after her last escapade.
Satan: “I thought I slled pulled pork.”
Karliah remained unfazed as she buckled her pants. “Sounds like soone is still mad they weren’t allowed to get a taste.”
“”Ew.”” Courtney and Jazmine recoiled in unison.
Karliah finished buttoning her pants and turned to Abaddon with a helpless look on her face.
“I’ve been teaching her a couple of things here and there since Kirina hasn’t been ho as much lately. This brat’s not as helpless as she looks.”
“See?” Courtney gloated.
“Didn’t say she was ready for an army like this though.” Karliah finished.
“You don’t have to pay attention to that last part…”
“I think we should give her a chance.” Kanami announced. “She may surprise you.”
“I’m in favor too!” Jazmine raised her hand. “Besides, it’s not like she’s going to get hurt with all of us here.”
“Excuse ..?” Golden Asshole stamred.
“Who the fuck is that guy?” She pointed.
“Focus on the matter at hand, please.” Helios sighed. “I’ve seen this very sa child wince from a paper cut. A battlefield may be the place for her one day, but I do not believe that day is today.”
“Thank you, grandfather.” Abaddon exhaled. “Finally, soone is making so sen-”
“I say let her jump in that water and swim with the sharks!” Satan interjected.
“I think you might’ve just helped prove my point even more.”
“Don’t be such a whiner!” Satan waved his hand. “If she gets a couple of scrapes, who cares? Scars make the warrior. And it’s not like your wife can’t revive her anyway.”
“I’m trying to spare my daughter the trauma of potentially having her head cut off, and my wife the trauma of having to help her daughter regrow said head.” Abaddon spoke like it was obvious.
“Wait, but I’ve been learning to use my powers already. Isn’t healing automatic?” Courtney held up her hand.
Several of her relatives winced. She realized just then that she had severely hurt her argunt.
“Not… for major injuries, Courtney.” Absalom answered gently. “At least not totally. The first couple of tis, if you don’t jump your own cells into mass production on your own, then they heal at their leisure. (1-2 hours) This is why healing tis differ between individuals. Having a healing factor under two or three seconds takes training.”
“M-Maybe we should just wait for a later ti..” Jazmine smiled wryly.
“No, no, wait!”
Courtney turned to her father and gave him the largest surprise attack of puppy dog eyes that she could muster.
Over the years of being a parent, Abaddon had grown a resistance to such a dirty trick. But it was child-specific.
He was fully immune to Mira’s because she used them whenever she didn’t want to clean her room. He was also fully immune to Nubia’s because it usually ant she wanted sothing from his closet.
But Courtney hadn’t used hers ever since she asked him for a car on her sixteenth birthday.
He got it twenty minutes later.
“Dad… please. I can do this.” Courtney pleaded.
Kanami and Jazmine saw him going down. Helios and Hajun couldn’t even bla him.
They were surprised when his answer ended up being completely different from what he expected.
“N… No.” he shook his head.
Courtney looked crushed.
“A-At least… not the whole battle. You can have one enemy.”
“Two?”
“One.” He said firmly.
“Fine… But they can’t be a scrub.”
“You’re a scrub, Scrub.”
“Am not!”
“Well, I guess we’re about to see, aren’t we?”
Abaddon snapped his fingers, and suddenly there was a platform underneath their feet.
Courtney started to ask why, but then she realized she was also wearing a chestplate and bracers.
“You can barely fly. No way I’m letting you do aerial combat.”
Abaddon also materialized a sectional sofa for himself and the others to sit on. It seed like they really weren’t going to interfere.
“I can do this. I’m gonna show you.” Courtney smiled.
He tried his damnedest not to smile back. He couldn’t let her think this was okay. “…Just try not to get hurt. Your mothers will freak if you co ho with your head in your hands.”
She nodded resolutely.
“GO, COURTNEY! WHOO!”
“THAT’S MY NEICE!”
Kanami and Jasmine were two of the most unlikely cheerleaders ever. But Courtney had to admit that it did feel good to have them believe in her like this.
Now, she was even more resolved not to let them down.
She turned towards the enemy army and realized that the entire golden brigade was gone.
In it’s place, there was only one man riding a dragon the size of an eighteen-wheeler. He seed to notice that he was alone around the sa ti that she did.
“W-Wha…?! What manner of black sorcery is this!?”
Defineitly a scrub. Courtney thought.
She drew her sword from it’s sheath. The dark blade humd with a life of it’s own.
Courtney felt her weapon’s excitent being transferred over to her. But she took a mont to calm herself so that she wouldn’t beco sloppy. She knew that much, at least.
She got into position. Took a deep breath and realized that sothing was missing from this mont. Sothing crucial.
“…Damn it.”
“What’s wrong?” Abaddon asked.
“Nothing, I just… I really wish I had sothing cool to say right now.”
“… If you lose then the mid-muffler is getting put back in your car.”
“I-I’m focusing, I’m focusing! Geez!”
Finally, it seed like Courtney’s opponent, the one she had dubbed ‘Golden Scrub’ in her head, realized the gravity of what was happening.
He drew an egregiously long lance from out of nowhere and pointed it at Courtney.
“So, ye’ seeketh single contest with , is that it? Though thou art fair upon the eyes, I will not spare thine maiden from a goodly thrashing! On this day, you will rue choosing to be your adversary in a contest of skill!”
Courtney tightened her grip on her sword.
She opened and closed her mouth several tis before biting her lip in frustration.
“Jesus, fuck… Still don’t have anything cool to say.”
Call crazy, but… my money is on Golden Scrub
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