Chapter 59
(Fang Hua, I’ve brought back that person for you.)
(The gentle wind, the endless grass…the low notes of the qin, the evening’s setting sun. Ten years endured by that grave with nothing but the floating scent of flowers.)
—
I was flustered, wholly and truly lost. I’d never felt such a strong sense of unease. A Fang Hua Beast injured by sentint lived every ten days as if it was a year. I’d been by his side…for a very long ti…
When he picked up from his doorstep, I’d already discovered that the color of his mole was very dark. But despite everything, he should still have held out until I returned. Why was it like this? I’d brought back Han Zichuan…why did it turn out like this…
The bamboo seed to be sobbing quietly, their forms flashing back and forth in the wind. The windchi beneath the eaves tinkled as the bamboo stalks dashed against each other.
“Shao’er, Shao’er, the yellow earth hill. Fang Hua’s at the yellow earth hill.”
Astonished, I saw a small feather float down from the air and raised my head to see the parrot standing on the roof, staring at with its liquid eyes.
The yellow earth hill…
When I forced Han Zichuan up the mountain, we’d passed by that place, but there was no sign of anyone there.
“You little beast, you’re teasing again,” I laughed in spite of myself and got up. It was hard for to believe my own words, but I kept repeating them anyways. “Fang Hua’s body must have been ailing, so Second went with him on a walk.”
The parrot landed on my shoulder anxiously, shuffling its claws as it pecked with its beak.
“Fang Hua’s always been docile. When I said I didn’t like other people seeing him, he used to stay with for a month or half a year without ever going out. Second’s the lively type and Fang Hua’s softhearted, so he was probably persuaded to take a trip to town,” I seed to have lost part of my soul as I walked along, slow and stupid.
“Shao’er, Shao’er, the yellow earth hill. Fang Hua’s buried by the yellow earth hill.”
Its voice suddenly turned sad and shrill…
Abruptly, I ca to a stop. It was as if sothing I’d only tacitly understand had broke through to the surface, tearing apart my last traces of hope. My body started trembling uncontrollably as the shoulder where the bird had pecked started to ache. When I turned back, the little creature was urging along, as if it was more anxious than .
My eyes swept past the corridors, seeing every door flung wide open with no sign of Han Zichuan in sight. Sothing occurred to just then and I quickly used my internal energy to leap out of the house, stepping past the bamboo to head to that place.
The yellow earth hill didn’t have such a na originally. Perhaps a place like this, where all sorts of mysterious flowers and extraordinary plants took root, might have an even prettier na. I’d just never bothered to ask Fang Hua what it was.
As I rushed on, the thin leaves of bamboo brushed across my face, chilly and a bit painful. There was a single grave standing within that valley, a desolate peak surrounded on all sides by dicinal plants and the aroma of flowers. I could see an indistinct form bending down to pluck sothing out.
That person was Han Zichuan…
I narrowed my eyes and rushed over, grabbing his hand.
“What are you doing?”
Han Zichuan looked at with a smile. “I saw your Fang Hua…”
The wind gradually picked up, assailing us with the scent of flowers. I stood dumbfounded as I stared at that smiling face. There was no surprise nor sorrow there, only his usual calm and high spirits, as if everything here had fallen within his predictions. The grasses around the yellow earth hill were sweet-slling and fragrant, billowing in the wind like soundless sobbing…
The remains of a skeleton were nestled up next to the tomb, behind which stood a single Fang Hua wood…solitary and shining pitch-black, emanating a fragrance that perated its surroundings.
—
Fang Hua have an exceedingly unrivaled beauty resembling that of a woman’s, that is difficult to find in the world. As an animal that possesses a sentintal disposition, they will be tied down by the threads of sentint all their lives. Those who cannot escape the bonds of sentint are robbed of their lives and die young, leaving the numbers who manage to attain Right Fruit[1] fewer and fewer.
—
Han Zichuan knelt gently on the ground with a hand on his knee, the other brushing against the Fang Hua wood in the soil with hooded eyes. “When a Fang Hua Beast dies, it’ll turn back into dead wood. If they are heavily injured by sentint, the color of the wood will turn black, and act as a strong dilution agent for poisons. So it really is true…”
My whole body was shaking as I looked at Han Zichuan’s handso face staring at the Fang Hua wood. His pupils seed alit with deep interest, but there wasn’t a speck of grief within them…as if such a death was nothing important. He was completely enraptured by this unremarkable Fang Hua wood, staring at it idiotically while I stared at him. The air about us was scented with the sa faint fragrance that only followed Fang Hua himself.
Fang Hua was dead…
Han Zichuan suddenly laughed, reaching out to touch the pitch-black wood. My heart sank as my breath caught, and I grabbed Han Zichuan’s hand in a flash, voice low. “What are you doing? Could it be…all this ti, you…”
You wanted this Fang Hua wood?! The rest of the words stuck in my throat, refusing to be spoken. Han Zichuan stood looking at without saying a word.
“Where did you read that part about the Fang Hua Beast you said just now?” I gazed at him indifferently as my grip tightened, nails drawing blood from the palm of his hand.
He curved his lips up into a grin. “Shao’er you fool, we both lived with Fang Hua in the sa house…” he dragged out the sentence before grabbing my hand, clasping it tightly. “If you can go to Fang Hua’s study, then so can I.”
“All the years you’ve lived with us was all part of your sche to get the Fang Hua wood?”
Han Zichuan wore a brilliant smile. “You know I don’t love him.”
Such a lack of love.
I looked at him deeply, eyes filled with distress. “All these years and I’ve never forgotten what happened in the palace. That image of you two drunkenly lying together was like a needle piercing my heart. I’ve buried it for so long, but now you’re telling you were hugging him on the bed just for sothing like this?”
A complicated look appeared in Han Zichuan’s eyes, before sothing flickered and disappeared. Whatever he ant to say then, he never did.
I was beside myself with rage. “After I left, Fang Hua got sick in the Long Spring Courtyard, right? You knew for a long ti that he was ill, so why did you let him leave the palace? Why did you let him live in this faraway place without anyone to take care of him? Without anyone to defend him? Why did you let him just wait until he died?”
Han Zichuan was still smiling easily when he replied. “This was sothing Fang Hua requested himself, so all Zhen could do was give my consent.”
“For five years, five entire years…I heard nothing but news of Fang Hua from the palace. All those five years, I thought he was still in court living with you.”
“All of my male attendants were nad Fang Hua. Didn’t you find out yourself after coming into the palace? I rely used them to mislead the ministers at court,” Han Zichuan reminded kindly.
“You misled as well! You spread news of you and Fang Hua amongst all the commoners, forcing to suffer after I left you. Do you know how I lived through those five years?!”
“I know,” he laughed. “You took in six princes.” Perhaps he’d noticed I looked unsightly, because he stopped using ‘Zhen’. My chest surged with an anger so fierce I could never spit it out or swallow it down. All I did was give him a murderous glare.
“Silly Shao’er, didn’t I send you to him for his final days? You managed to fulfill your filial duty as a disciple.”
“Is that so…” I smiled mournfully.
After we’d spent a night together, after you made think you were my husband-to-be, you send off to Fang Hua…you’re so ruthless. Was a single branch of Fang Hua wood that important? For you to take all those pains.
I suddenly lost all my energy. Everything had exceeded my predictions. Han Zichuan took another breath and walked forward, hugging my shivering body close in a firm embrace. I turned my face away, eyes closed to think, before opening them to look at the half-buried Fang Hua wood again.
Fang Hua, I really want to kill this person right now.
But I can’t…because, he can save you. Perhaps…there was still hope if I use his blood to revive you.
Han Zichuan seed satisfied with my docile behavior, smiling as he stroked my hair. His tone of voice grew gentle and soft. “Shao’er, you don’t understand. Ever since the year Fang Hua brought ho, I began to like this sort of peaceful life. Fang Hua was proficient in qin, chess, calligraphy and painting, with good martial arts skills and an excellent temperant. He was just a little simple when it ca to human affairs and matters–like a blank sheet of paper. You didn’t understand anything either, but I still envied you because your smile was so carefree. I envied the fact that you could bully without scruples, make a fool of Fang Hua, and cause chaos in the house all day. Actually, at that ti…I didn’t know he was a Fang Hua Beast.”
I had to smile too, though mine was more from ridicule. At that ti…I didn’t know he was the crown prince, either.
“Regarding the things that happened in the past, I don’t want to ntion them much,” Han Zichuan’s grip on loosened slightly as he turned away. His high nose and arching eyebrows looked both grave and stern, filled with the aura of a ruler. “There were too many people plotting against in the court back them. In order to protect my position as crown prince, I was forced to slip out on the precept to finding dicine for my father. Later on, I accidentally stumbled onto the records of the Fang Hua Beast in a book and realized…the hairpin in your hair was made from Fang Hua wood.”
And then you decided to hurt Fang Hua even after all that, not even sparing .
“I’ve always been sincere about my feelings for you. Pity that all you did was chase after your master and never spared a glance for ,” Han Zichuan raised a hand to caress my face, his eyes shining. “I couldn’t reconcile with myself. My father was going to die sooner or later, and I didn’t think it was worthwhile to save a dying man by killing the Fang Hua I respected and admired. But later on, I changed my mind.” He looked at steadily, almost as if in a daze. “I’d never seen a Fang Hua wood before, much less the once-in-a-thousand-years appearance of the Fang Hua Beast. There were enough people plotting against that I thought if I had one, I’d be safe from everything–and you’d finally belong to .”
I shaped my lips into a smile, a little sad. “You racked your brains to say all that, but in the end it was still because you wanted the Fang Hua wood.”
Han Zichuan studied intently, lips shut without a word.
I moved to block the tomb, saying lightly, “I won’t let you take him away. But you…” Pausing, I gave him a glance. “…aren’t going anywhere, either.”
A grin appeared on Han Zichuan’s face as he replied. “I know.” He still held my hand as before, not harried at all. “Let’s make a bet.”
I gave him an icy look.
Han Zichuan laughed, but tightened his grip on , saying slowly word-by-word. “I’ll let you take my blood to save Fang Hua. If he revives with his previous life’s mories intact as the Fang Hua of before, I’ll let you go to take care of him for the rest of your lives. I’ll never bother you again.” He paused, before his smile widened. “Otherwise, you’ll go back to the palace with .”
“A Fang Hua wood will reincarnate sooner or later. If he changes into human form…”
“Then I’ll give up on the Fang Hua wood,” he said with resolution.
“You used so much care to set this up, so how could you say you’ll give it up so easily?” I looked at Han Zichuan, voice thin. “Your proposal’s not bad, but I don’t want to bet with you, because…” My eyes were cold as I clapped his shoulders and leaned in. “Even if I’m not gambling….I can still use your blood to save him.”
“Maybe so. I don’t think you even know how many days to feed him fresh blood. There’s no telling when so powerful army will make a surprise attack on the mountain and lay siege to this yellow earth hill. No matter how skilled the Carefree Idler is then, she’ll have trouble protecting the Fang Hua wood.”
“You…”
Han Zichuan looked off into the distance as he brushed past . “Let’s place our bets on this final ga of ours.”
His clothes whipped noisily in the wind as if he was soone who had gone through countless hardships of life. The only thing missing for the image was the lack of worry etched onto his brow.
“Zichuan, why are you doing this? Even if he turns back into human form and never regains his mories, or never becos the old Fang Hua, I’ll still leave with him.”
Han Zichuan quirked his lips into a smile and looked at with an emotion I couldn’t read. “With his injuries so severe, I’m afraid he won’t even have the strength to transform.”
—
Fang Hua wasn’t just a piece of wood to . For him, I was willing to fight. I gave him a determined look. “A monarch doesn’t make jokes. You have to do as you say.”
“I wouldn’t bet on sothing unless I was certain. I’ll have you follow wholeheartedly into the palace.” he smiled indifferently.
Seeing his drifting sleeves and billowing robes reminded of floating clouds and flowing waters. His high spirits and daring against that tall, erect figure made it seem as if he was confident of success. I sat for a long ti next to the tomb.
If one buries the wood in the dirt, and feeds it a mixture of crushed dicinal herbs mixed with dew touched by the first rays of the morning sun…soon enough the Fang Hua Beast would be born again. Feeding it the blood of the person he loved most would preserve his soul and recover the mories from his past life.
Fang Hua, I’ve already brought that person back.
The gentle wind, the endless grass…the low notes of the qin, the evening’s setting sun. Ten years endured by that grave with nothing but the floating scent of flowers.
—
These days, I was up before daylight started to break. I’d quietly slip into the eastern rooms to open the windows and extinguish the calming incense in the incense burner. Then I’d kneel in front of the bed to call Han Zichuan’s na. His relaxed eyebrows show that he’d slept peacefully. Little did he know, I’d long taken the ti while he was asleep to fly past the bamboo and into the mountains to pluck the freshest flowers and dicinal plants back into the house.
I was happy that I still had the saving grace of being able to do sothing for my master, Fang Hua.
Han Zichuan might not have been in the palace, but he was used to the bad habit of being waited on. Now there was no one to clothe him, wash him, or put on his shoes, but he still put careful importance on his appearance and made sure he looked presentable before leaving the room. This usually took a few hours.
Every day around this ti, I’d go to the yellow earth hill by myself, staring blankly at the skeleton nestled by the tomb. My mories would flood like the tide to subrge in an infinite sea of sadness…
In the past, it was this corpse that allowed the dead Fang Hua to revive again, but master said he couldn’t rember their past together anymore…
At this mont, my heart was very pained. Master…if you could co back to life, would you still rember ?
Han Zichuan said that Fang Hua was already a piece of wood. The wood was so black that he must have been heavily injured by sentint, so there was probably no chance for him to reincarnate again. But I refused to believe him…master was such a good person, so how could he just leave behind?
Contrary to expectations, Han Zichuan was very cooperative these days. He didn’t think of escaping or alerting the palace, but spent his days staring at while I crushed herbs, petals, and morning dew together to water the Fang Hua wood. He never tried to pluck the Fang Hua wood again, perhaps…due to his bet. I was convinced that Fang Hua cared so much about Han Zichuan in his past life that he’d rather suffer and die from his feelings than take Han Zichuan’s blood to save himself. So…Fang Hua, if you don’t want to hurt Han Zichuan, hurry and wake up.
—
Today, there was still no change with the Fang Hua wood. I dug out the cloth from the study again and studied it word by word…but couldn’t find anything. Han Zichuan urged not to be so anxious. The silk had written that after planting the wood in the earth, a mixture of crushed dicinal herbs mixed with dew touched by the first rays of the morning sun for a month would turn the wood as red as fire, with the disposition of jade.
Today was the 17th day, but it was still a shiny black that lacked the warmth from before when touched. Right now it was no different from dead wood. Despite being planted in the earth, it was still cold and lifeless.
Fang Hua, I’ve decided not to wait any longer.
The silk cloth said that after the the Fang Hua wood took human form, true love’s blood was required to nourish it. Han Zichuan has a strong body, so you don’t need to worry about his health. Since you’ve been hurt so seriously, I’m worried that you’ll forget us after you wake up…
—
Han Zichuan had lost a lot of blood these days and his complexion was ghastly. So in addition to watering Fang Hua with flower and precious dicinal plants, I spent much ti boiling dicine and soup for Han Zichuan to bolster his body. Every ti this happened, Han Zichuan would lean quietly by the door, looking at with a silent smile.
Fang Hua, I’ve finally realized how troubleso it is to cook for soone. The only thing I knew how to make were sweet potatoes, but Han Zichuan can’t squat on the ground eating sweet potatoes with anymore. His health was terrible. If he just died like this, then there wouldn’t be any blood left to save you. So I taught myself how to light the stove by blowing on the flas, even though the smoke choked to the point of tears every ti and stained my face as sooty black as my childhood days.
Fang Hua, you loved to be clean, yet you always cooked als in the kitchen all those years, things that you’d never eat. Was it as hard for you as it was for when you cooked the first ti?
Now that you aren’t here, I can’t help but think of you everyday.
The first soup I made was a failure…but Han Zichuan drank it quite happily. The scene reminded of my childhood when you made my first al: that red braised pork I still rember today as delicious.
—
Today is the 29th day, just a day short of one month. The Fang Hua wood was still completely black, with no sign of turning red.
This morning while grinding the plants in the courtyard, I suddenly felt a wave of dizziness. It took awhile to recover. Han Zichuan said it was because I was tiring myself out, and that he wanted Little Li to co from the palace to serve . I know he was already making plans to return to court.
This bet, had I lost it?
A stalk of wood stood in the dirt. Don’t talk about it changing form to beco the previous Fang Hua, it was hard to see if it could transform into human form at all. I tasted the flavor of disappointnt while Han Zichuan stood distractedly before a locked door on the western side for a very, very long ti…but really, there was nothing for him to worry about.
Right now, only a tiny wish existed to console . I had no wild wishes for Fang Hua to keep his soul or his mories as my previous master. As long as he could take on human form, as long as he could continue to live, then I’d obediently follow Han Zichuan back to the palace like how we’d agreed.
—
Today is the 30th day.
The grass around the dirt mound had grown quite a bit, while much of the flowers had withered. But that branch of Fang Hua wood stood alone in the earth as before, still and unmoving. It was only seven cun[2] tall and hadn’t changed in size from the start.
“Shao’er, the wind’s picking up,” a low voice followed the sighing breeze from behind .
“I know.” I said with low spirits.
Han Zichuan leaned against my shoulders, wrapping his arms around my waist. His face was extrely white, but I pretended I didn’t see. He kept in his embrace and silently studied places where I’d slit his wrist. He didn’t move for a long while, but kept holding in a warm hug, a sorrowful look in his eyes. Despite this, he was still smiling. His light green sleeves were already dyed red by blood as warm droplets flowed down his fingers to drip onto the Fang Hua wood.
The first hit on target, while the second and third splashed onto the ground.
Blood flowed down the Fang Hua wood to sink into the earth, absorbed by the yellow dirt. And yet the wood remained as cold and black as before with no changes. The wind kept blowing as I stubbornly stared at the wood until my vision blurred.
“Can you unseal my acupoints? I’m a little weary,” Han Zichuan’s voice was very low.
“No,” I replied coldly.
He gave a faint smile and weakly pillowed his head against , making bear his entire weight. The warmth of his body blocked much of the late autumn chill, but his words were a little bit lonely. “You’ve always been so callous to .”
If I really unsealed your acupoints, I’m afraid you’ll die from excessive blood flow. If you did, there would be no one left to save Fang Hua.
“Shao’er…there’s sothing I should’ve told you long ago,” Han Zichuan released and gently tugged my hand, before resting his hands on my shoulders. He lowered his head to look at , gaze earnest and intent. “You’ve used my blood as an ingredient with the precious plants and morning dew to feed him for a month. Nothing’s happened. It’s already past the ti for his rebirth, so there’s no way he can take on human form anymore.”
My body began to shake violently.
Han Zichuan withdrew his hands and tugged off my headband, using it to stop the bleeding from his wrist. He looked at again, calling out softly. “Shao’er…” His eyes bore directly into mine. “You’re still not clear on who he really loved?”
I gave him a startled look as the feelings I’d suppressed for so long in my heart began to crumble. He kept on talking.
“You’ve never had an inkling after all these days…? My blood is completely useless to Fang Hua.”
“No, he’s been hurt too deeply and that’s why he can’t take human form. He…” I stubbornly grabbed Han Zichuan’s sleeves, wanting to say more but finding I couldn’t.
Han Zichuan heaved a sigh and gave a pitying glance. His voice was soft. “Do you know why Fang Hua agreed to co to the palace with to treat father’s illness? Because I used you as collateral…so he was forced to act for your safety. You really don’t know? After you left the palace, your master left as well.”
I suddenly felt unable to stand, my heart aching to the point I couldn’t breathe as my eyes grew hot.
“How is that possible?” I abruptly stood up, no energy in my voice. “When I was living with him, he didn’t even want to ntion your na. If it wasn’t because you hurt him, then…”
“Because after you lost your mories, you beca my wife,” Han Zichuan gave a sad smile. Every word he spoke was like a needle stabbing wounds all over my body.
Where did I go wrong…
If this was the truth, then why did Fang Hua push away after I regained my mories? And why did he tell to give his body to Han Zichuan after he died? Why would a person like that love ?
And yet, the man standing before now said Fang Hua loved …
The joy and pain that surged through my heart was almost unbearable. The force was so alive that it threatened to tear my heart apart, paining to the point where I couldn’t breathe. Han Zichuan looked at and suddenly smiled, eyes cool and bright.
“Shao’er, I’ll tell you another thing. The night you can’t forget–the one where we got drunk–I fell atop of Fang Hua, but all he did was mumble ‘Shao’er…my Shao’er.’”
All of my reasoning crumbled into pieces. This was the cruelest thing I’d heard in my life. I gave a dull look to the person in front of before using all my strength to process what he had just said. These words and sentences brought no happiness, but only pain. Soone had loved once, but I threw him away.
“All of this…everything…” I clenched my hands, trying to stay calm. “Why are you telling this now?” Still, I couldn’t keep my words from trembling.
“He’s just a beast. He raised you until you grew up, taught you dical skills and martial arts, and you called him your master. I’m the one who’s going to live with you for the rest of your life. Fang Hua allowed to look after you. He begged to take the Fang Hua wood, hoping that I’d give you a peaceful and happy life.”
“No…you know that the one I love is Fang Hua.”
“But I love you as well. I’m just the sa as you…” his voice was filled with loneliness. “For Fang Hua’s sake, you’re willing to do anything.” He raised his wrist, carelessly tracing the skin full of scars with a mild gaze. “I can do that too…and what I want is to break you two apart.”
I was grieved to a point where I had no tears. He turned away, not looking at any longer as his words were carried on the wind.
“You can spend the ti you have left with Fang Hua. After a while I’ll co back…to pick up the Fang Hua wood…”
—
One single person, one solitary wood.
The wind blew past my lonely thoughts.
Our gazes t across the distance as tears flowed from my eyes.
-o-
[1] Right Fruit (正果) －zhenguo, a cultivation status in Buddhist belief that occurs right before enlightennt.
[2] cun (寸) – unit of asurent approximating 1.4inches.
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