I don't know what to say. This wasn't part of the plan. I'm still trying to work out how much of this is a test and how much of it is real. And despite everything Electra has told , I most definitely don't understand her enough for this.
There are plenty of good reasons that she should help . But they're good reasons from my perspective, and she sees things very differently.
"Could you elaborate on your concerns?" Edward asks to fill the silence I'm leaving.
Electra nods once. "Let us say… that there are various people who would find most interesting and useful. People with the power to hurt what I care about, if I do not give them what they want. All that protects is that they do not know I exist. And I would very much like it to stay that way."
Stars. That is a worse obstacle than I expected to encounter. I wonder what exactly is lurking in her past that makes her interesting and useful.
"We could protect you," Edward says. I blink at him a few tis, confused. My instincts tell that offer is a mistake.
"You an your father could. At what price, I wonder?"
"He isn't unreasonable – "
"No," Electra agrees. "It's just that what is reasonable to him is certainly not reasonable to those negotiating with him, and he fails to understand that. Is that what you are offering, then?"
What Electra cares about, I realise, is her students. Her Malaina students in particular. And I can well imagine Malaina being a weak point, too easy to attack. If she helps , then my attempts to fight injustice could lead to that injustice being directed at all Electra's students. Elizabeth. Edward. , even.
I'm a weak point of Electra's. That is a startling realisation, but I realise it must be true. She cares about , in her own twisted way.
That, or she's still fooling with ease.
"If you wanted to remain hidden in plain sight indefinitely, you should not have agreed to give private lessons," Edward points out. "That is probably a known fact by now among whichever of the people you refer to have agents within the Academy, and I imagine Edward Blackthorn's tutor would be worthy of further investigation." He narrows his eyes.
I grimace. I feel as if what I'm about to say is a mistake – even if it isn't, I'm sacrificing a lot to say it – but I know it's the only way I'll be able to live with myself. "I can't ask you to do this knowing it will put you in danger."
"And yet – " Electra begins, but she's interrupted by Edward.
"In fact," he says, "seen in that light, your actions don't make sense. I can't believe you would have overlooked the danger of agreeing to give private lessons... which leaves to only two conclusions. Firstly, you're not in danger at all and are lying to us for reasons unknown…"
Electra is smiling. Not a trace of discomfort at the accusation crosses her face; she looks as if soone has just told a mildly amusing joke. "And secondly?" she asks.
"Secondly, you were aware of the danger all along and have taken sufficient counterasures to… stars." He's silent for a mont. "You work for my dad, don't you?"
Electra bursts out laughing. It's a more human sound than the way she normally laughs, as if she's genuinely amused rather than doing it for dramatic effect. After a quarter of a minute she composes herself and says: "Do tell how you reached that conclusion."
"It explains so much," Edward says. "Why he trusted you to give private lessons. Why I haven't been able to find who he has here watching – besides Rosie of course. Why you felt secure doing it – because you already have his protection. Stars, why didn't you tell ?"
I shake my head, though, and Electra sees it. "Tallulah, you disagree?"
Not with any confidence – it's more instinct than anything else – but now she's put on the spot I'm forced to explain. "It's… I've seen the way you interact with him. Like you're a pair of cats spitting and snarling at each other, seconds away from drawing blood. That's not how you'd interact with him if he were your…" I don't quite know the word I'm looking for. Boss? Protector?
"Tallulah, you do know she's Electra, right? She would definitely do that."
He has a point. But still, it doesn't quite fit with how I've seen them together. "I don't know," I say.
"Interesting," Electra says. "As I was saying, Tallulah, you object to my putting myself in danger for the sake of your project, and yet you seem quite willing to do the sa to yourself. Why is that?"
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I blink a few tis. I'm not putting myself in danger for this – at least I don't think I am – but –
"You're just going to… not tell us if you work for my dad?" Edward says disbelievingly. "You can't – "
"She's Electra," I repeat chanically, mind elsewhere. "She can definitely do that."
And she still has her habit of being annoyingly right, as well. Because any enemy of the Blackthorns would know about and be trying to work out who I am and what I want. How I can be leveraged into acting against Lord Blackthorn, against Edward.
Sothing like this would be giving them knowledge of what I'm prepared to fight for. I would never betray Edward to win this case, I know that without a shred of doubt, but… I'd rather not even have to contemplate that kind of choice.
And that's just what I've been able to think of in under a minute. What other awful consequences could follow from this? Is it worth risking them?
I contemplate giving up. Tucking the papers still in my satchel into a corner of my trunk and leaving them there, unread. Just… not doing it. I do have that option. Maybe it would be best to take it.
And then… what? I've accomplished nothing. No-one else is going to do it, as I've already argued. More people would die, people who might not have died otherwise. People I could have saved, and didn't. Because I was afraid.
"Because it needs to be done," I say. "And because no-one has the right to make that kind of choice for anyone else."
"Tallulah – " Edward says, and I know what he's going to say: I shouldn't do dangerous things. Not for this. But that's the difference between us, in the end.
"If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. But at least I'll know I did everything I could."
"And if sothing worse happens?"
"Then we'll survive it," I say, trying to make myself believe my own words. "Together."
He grimaces, but nods once.
This might all be a moot point, though, if Electra won't help. She's been watching us in that way of hers, as if we're a show put on her entertainnt. She seems perfectly relaxed, as if she has all the ti in the world.
Is she working for Lord Blackthorn? Unlike Edward, I can understand why she wouldn't want to tell us that. But if he's already guessed… and if she doesn't work for him, why not just deny it?
Because she's Electra. But that can't be the explanation for everything she does. Her actions do have motivation.
"So," she says slowly. "Let's suppose I do refuse for the reasons I have outlined. You will accept that refusal?"
"Yes. If it's genuine."
"What is that supposed to an?" Her words suggest she's taken offence, but her tone remains light and casual, and I don't think what I just said would really offend her.
"If it's a valid reason, and not an excuse because you just don't want to do it. If it's not a kind of test and aningless in reality."
"And do you think either of those are the case?"
"The forr, no. The latter…" I can't tell. It might be impossible to tell. Best to just admit that rather than risking a guess. "I don't know."
She studies for a second. "Let's suppose for the sake of argunt that my refusal is genuine, as you put it. That is the end of your project, then?"
I don't want it to be. There has to be so other way – of course – "You're hardly the only person in the country who could be the expert I need."
"There are maybe a hundred with the qualifications that would justify their testimony. But you also need soone who believes in what you're trying to do. Who will take you seriously despite your age. Who won't pry into your history with the Blackthorns. Who is prepared themselves to deal with the publicity. That, I think, would be rather harder."
My heart sinks. I would have reached that conclusion myself, given long enough to think the idea over, but hearing her say it still hurts. "Is there anyone?" I ask, trying not to sound as desperate as I feel. "Do you know soone?"
"I'm not in touch with more than a handful of other Malaina experts; I have major philosophical differences with most. And those I do know are… not inclined towards altruism."
It doesn't surprise that Electra's contacts would be like that. Though then again, she is more altruistically-inclined than she'd ever admit. Unless I've badly misread her, of course. I hate this self-doubt that seems to infiltrate my every thought where she's concerned.
"Are you saying it's impossible?"
"No."
I'm running out of patience for her tests and gas. "I don't understand. What are you suggesting I should do?"
"If I were in your position," Electra says slowly, "I would ask what I could offer Electra in exchange for her help."
Oh. Oh. That's what this is.
"Be careful," says Edward. He doesn't need to say that; I am well aware of the perils of negotiating with Electra.
But it can't hurt to try. Not when the alternative is failure. "Well then," I say, trying not to sound too frustrated. "What can I offer you in exchange for your help?"
Electra pauses for a long mont and studies carefully. "There are various tests I would like to carry out in relation to your anomalous magic. I would like permission to do so."
"You didn't ask about them earlier," I say. "I'm guessing there's a reason."
She nods. "So of them may cause you physical and emotional pain. So of them may require you to trust more than you do. But I will not do anything that would cause long-term damage."
"No," says Edward imdiately.
"I believe," Electra says, an edge to her voice, "I was talking to Tallulah."
"And Tallulah would never agree…" Edward trails off as he sees the look on my face. "Tallulah. Tell you're not mad enough to consider this."
I don't, because I can't. Because I am mad enough. The idea of letting her hurt to see what my strange magic does has no appeal whatsoever, of course. But is it a price I can contemplate, for making a real difference to the world. For justice.
"You can't – "
"Edward. This is my decision."
"And as your best friend, it's my duty to prevent you from making decisions this awful."
The way he says that reminds of his father, and not in a good way. He has no right – I take a breath, try to see things from his perspective. "Okay," I say, choosing my words carefully. "You can persuade that it's a terrible idea. But if I'm still not convinced when you're done, you don't get to control my decision."
He grimaces and hesitates.
"I know you don't trust Electra. I'm not asking you to. I'm asking you to trust to make my own decisions." I realise as I say it that it's asking more than I thought it was. There's still been sothing fragile about our relationship since I chose to keep Elsie's secret from him. And now I'm asking him to trust as if that never happened. "Please?"
"On one condition," says Edward. "If you do it, and it goes wrong, I get to say I told you so."
I laugh, more relieved than I'd ever admit. "Deal."
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