The aning that my existence gives I don't have very clear, it is blurry at this point of my life, the only thing I have in my head is my sister, I don't worry about myself or any of that, it's as if only she existed for , it's bad, you could say it's dependency, which is quite funny, she's supposed to depend on , but for my emotional stability to remain even a little I must act or move based on her, I always have to have my sister in my mind, I move for her and I worry about her, it gives a lot of anxiety to see her lying in a bed unable to even make the slightest movent, even I lose my hunger and sleep, the few people that remain around tell I should have more consideration for myself, I try, I really do my best, but it feels useless, I simply can't do it.
Sothing inside , very hidden, tries to give a warning about sothing important that I'm forgetting, sothing to save myself, but I can't rember, every ti I try to think about it a strong headache assaults my brain, after a few weeks I simply ignored them, I stopped paying attention as if they didn't exist but luckily or unfortunately they never stopped…
I walk just to walk and live just to live all for my sister... I don't know what's going on, but it makes feel I have a purpose for my life, a miserable one, but still one.
*****
Almost two months have passed since I began to earn as much money as possible for my sister's operation, I had horrible luck, the image you give to the world of yourself is very important, it's the way it may treat you, respect, fear, caution, or simply dislike, everything is based on how you dress or how you present yourself, on my part and how poorly taken care of I am right now, it was a bit difficult for to get multiple jobs, I didn't even reach a fourth of the cost of the operation and to make things worse my sister's condition deteriorated badly, so much so that I had to rush her to the ergency hospital…
Saying I'm desperate is an understatent, I reached such a point that I simply blanked out, I'm unable to show exaggerated expressions or even cry, I just stay seated in the waiting room, hoping that sothing in all of this goes right, I don't know what to think, I don't have the money I'm missing, the last hope vanished when I tried to apply for a loan at the bank — I even cleaned myself up for it — but they didn't give even a single dollar, maybe they don't see capable of paying such a large amount of money along with its respective interests…
Letting out a sigh I simply lowered my head, I don't know what aning my life will have once my sister dies, I'm almost 30 years old and I don't have anything notable, you could say I'm a complete failure — at this age so of my old classmates are already married or with children, others are successful in their jobs, the simple comparison makes feel even worse than I already do…
Letting out another small sigh, I hear soft footsteps approaching , raising my head my eyes catch the image of what is a little girl, she doesn't seem older than 7 years, her beautiful light gray eyes capture all of my attention, the girl had an adorable aura around her, she had beautiful jet-black hair, it seed to shine faintly.
The girl stayed silent while smiling slightly, her hands were hugging what was a sowhat strange and bizarre stuffed animal, it was a lion along with a bull's head, she stayed more or less five ters away from staring at fixedly.
Frowning, a bit confused, I looked around, what was a little girl in a patient's gown doing walking calmly through the hallway at such a late hour of the night, after a mont of confusion and seeing that the girl had no intention of speaking and just kept looking at … I lightly shook my head, lowering it again…
I felt how the girl sat next to , she slightly moved her head as if she were singing sothing in her mind while swinging her legs, she never let go of her two stuffed animals, just like that I simply let her be.
"Are you tired?" Her voice was very sweet like candy, it had sothing peaceful in it that made you lower your guard, turning to look, I thought for a few monts about her question, looking at myself through the floor tiles.
"…"
I still think it's amazing to see how your appearance falls apart while living full of worries — and more so if it's about your only family. Mocking myself, I nodded.
"Yes, I'm very tired," I said with a hint of amusent while raising my head, looking at the ceiling.
The girl stayed silent for a few monts: "I'm tired too! Hehehe, tired of lying in a bed all day!" The girl said while giggling, she smiled and looked straight at : "The girl that passed by a few hours ago was your sister, right?" She asked curiously.
"Yes, she was my younger sister," I confird her suspicion.
"I see…" She nodded with a serious face, sothing that made her look even more adorable: "They placed her a few doors from my room, it was just when I was trying to escape, I got very scared but luckily I managed to hide," her eyes sparkled with excitent before dimming a bit: "But I heard that she is in bad shape."
Raising an eyebrow, I asked her: "What did you hear?"
"Well, I didn't fully understand, but I can assure you it wasn't good," she raised her little finger seriously.
With a slight smile: "Yeah, that's what I expected."
"You're an!" The girl suddenly crossed her arms: "You haven't even asked my na!" Pouting…
I looked at her curiously, after a few seconds, I smiled apologetically: "Forgive for that, I'm a bit distracted, could you tell what your na is?"
The girl looked at sideways and giggled again: "My na is Celestín."
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