Everybody Loves Large Chests Interlude - Thicker Than Water

Interlude - Thicker Than Water

The streets of Valona, the larger of the two nosferatu-run city states, were bustling with energy. It was currently midnight, which was high noon to the locals. Two out of three of Terranias moons lingered in the sky tonight, providing plenty of visibility as their reflected light illuminated the mild fog looming over the city. Most people wouldve found the atmosphere gloomy and sowhat depressing, but the nosferatus backwards sense of aesthetics made them see it as a rather lovely night. It was therefore no surprise that the citizens were feeling quite spirited, if not downright festive.

However, all of the commoners enthusiasm and well-aning rowdiness seed to disappear when they noticed a certain figure stalk the streets. This person was on the short and skinny side, and hardly what one would consider intimidating, especially to a bunch of weirdos that found facial scars, balding heads and creepy grins to be attractive features. Not that this strangers face could be seen, though one could argue that was precisely the problem. Or rather, it was the thing obscuring their face that caused the locals to part and make way with a mix of awe, fear, and reverence.

Poking out of the heavy cloaks hood was a pearly white mask in the shape of a skull, with two almost glowing red irises peering out from its eye sockets. In nosferatu culture, this was the sign of a spectre, an elite assassin trained and sanctioned by Mortirs death cults. That alone wouldnt have been enough to warrant the sort of extre response the citizens were showing, though. Spectres were a form of secret police, yes, but the kind that was best ignored rather than revered. There was, however, one particular spectre that was known to frequent this particular part of Valona from ti to ti.

Kaede watched with a sort of smug satisfaction as the locals parted before her and fell to their knees. Being known as the Hero of Death in a society that worshipped Mortir had its perks, and the fearful respect it prompted from the populace was definitely one of the better ones. She didnt have to make a show of it, of course. She could have easily reached her destination without anyone noticing by simply blending in with the crowd. The general public had never seen her face or even heard her na, and about half of them seed convinced she was actually a guy. Not to ntion that nobody dared to imagine that soone as hideous as Kaede could hold the sacred position of Hero of Death. Therefore, hiding her status was as simple as not wearing her uniform.

But where would be the fun in that? Kaede had spent her entire childhood hiding herself, so being practically worshipped by the sa populace she had been avoiding had a cathartic sort of satisfaction to it. Plus, this little parade did more than simply feed the young nosferatas ego. It also served to remind her fellow night walkers that Mortir had, after many generations, finally elected one of them as his mortal representative. This was good as it stoked the peoples faith and generally made them feel better. Those in charge both knew of and encouraged this. Indeed, as odd as it seed, this brazen display of divine authority had actually been a governnt-sanctioned one.

The other, and arguably more important, effect this public display had was to not-so-subtly inform Kaedes business partner that she was on her way to see them. Word that a Hero was in the neighborhood tended to spread like troll-pox, and was as good a way as any to announce her presence to the local businesses. The one the nosferata was headed towards was a rather large four-story building owned by the Skull Brokers guild. When she arrived, she found the front door already being held open for her by two handso n, who bowed their heads as she passed between them.

Waiting for her inside the spacious, dim, and skull-adorned lobby were several dozen clerks, each of them bowing silently and flanking both sides of none other than the owner himself. He had many monikers, including but not limited to death dealer, corpse vendor, and the bookkeeper. His actual na was Herman Thanadeus, and he was, unlike literally everyone else around him, a human. Granted, one born to a nosferatu father, but a human nonetheless. He was rather tall at nearly two ters and wore a long quilted coat with a skull-shaped badge on the left side of his chest. The fra beneath his sharp rcantile attire looked lean, fit, and remarkably healthy, despite the clerical nature of his occupation.

His face, on the other hand, seed positively lifeless. It was lean and haggard, the sort of countenance that made it clear he was of a rather advanced age. That aside, he looked remarkably average, and had the sort of features that would make him neither handso nor ugly. It was the sort of middle ground that ant he was unremarkable by both nosferatu and non-nosferatu standards. Truly the perfect face to bridge the cultural gap between the locals and the outside world.

This miraculous diocrity was no re accident, however. Herman put a lot more effort than one might realize to maintain his universally inoffensive appearance. As a rchant, he understood the importance of first impressions. His face was a forgettable one, but that made it easier for his dignified bearing and serious attitude to shine through. That was also the reason why his thick and black hair was constantly swept back. It helped reinforce his overall image as a cold and calculating businessman, which was precisely the sort of man he was.

Hence why Herman wasted no ti and briskly escorted Kaede into his office without saying a single word, then slamd the door shut.

You really need to start making appointnts, he said sternly. Discreetly, I should add.

Oh, co off it, Kaede brushed his remark off. Dont pretend like showing up all Hero-looking isnt good publicity for you. Besides, its not like it costs you anything.

I will admit, our reputation has shown marked improvent because of your publicity stunts, but it is not as free as you seem to think.

Herman sat behind his desk, leaned forward to put his elbows on it, then put his hands together in front of his mouth.

Having the entire office, including myself, drop what we are doing just to line up for your arrival is highly disruptive to our operations. The delay you caused today will cost us approximately five thousand lead pieces worth of profit.

A sum that, when converted to the currency standard used by the rest of the world, ca out to roughly 1,800 GP.

That is not good business, he continued in a deadpan tone. So unless you want to start charging you every ti you visit, I suggest you tone. It. Down.

Yes, sir. Sorry, sir.

It was rather surprising how much pressure this old man could exert even though he was no soldier or adventurer. The negotiating table and trade exchange had been the battlefields of his choice, and he was a veteran in his own right. With both his rchant and Scribe Jobs being at Level 81 and 87 respectively, he was steadily earning his way to a Rank Up. The latter of those had been especially noteworthy, as he was officially the second-highest Level Scribe on the continent, possibly even the world.

Im glad you understand, he said coldly. And take off that ridiculous outfit.

It wasnt as if he particularly hated it, but Herman preferred to do business face-to-face, mostly so he could read the other partys expressions. The nosferata stiffly removed her mask and lowered her hood to reveal her unnaturally beautiful features and flowing black hair. She then took off her cloak, leaving her in a casual short-sleeved shirt, shorts, and sandals that showed off plenty of her flawless pale skin without being obscene or provocative. Kaede then neatly folded the covering garnt and placed it on the small shelf next to the door.

Herman and unmasked Kaede, by dmaxcustom

You there! she said commandingly. What is this curious device you hold?

Its, uh a grappling hook launcher? Kaede answered dumbly.

Arisha stepped forward and the Hero of Death found herself completely paralyzed, unable to move a single milliter despite internally screaming at her legs that she wanted to run. Much to her relief, this terrifying woman didnt slit her throat or anything, she rely took the thing from her hand and started playing around with it. She pulled the trigger several tis, but since it hadnt been reloaded the launcher did nothing. Seemingly losing interest, Arisha tossed the rather expensive gadget away and lood over Kaede.

So. Whats a spectre doing on my estate? I thought I told your bosses that I never wanted to see one of you rats snooping around here.

I dont work for those stuck up fanatics, the young girl found her voice. The only one I answer to is Mortir himself!

Why? Are you his Hero or sothing?

Pretty much.

Youre not very good at it.

Im still a newbie!

I can tell, Arisha scoffed. Only a total greenhorn would try sneaking up so brazenly on one such as I.

T-to be fair, I wasnt here for you. I was looking for the woman next to you.

Over the next few minutes, during which Kaede could not move anything other than her lips, she managed to explain her reason for being here. It was both a little surprising and slightly inconvenient that Arisha, apparently, had no idea who Herman Thanadeus was. She still conceded that Kaede was telling the truth once she saw the insurance policy, at which point the girl was finally allowed to stand up.

So, Kaede, huh? she asked bemusedly. What sort of parent nas their child after a blood sausage dish?

I wouldnt know, I chose the na for myself, the younger one said sternly. Did not have the best childhood.

Of course, you didnt, the noblewoman scoffed again. Otherwise you wouldnt be a Hero. Nobody whos anybody has ever had what could be classified as a normal childhood. Myself included, of course.

Really? No offense, but you strike as, uh, soone above the petty struggles of street rats.

I will admit, I was born into old money and never had a want for anything. Other than a new face, of course.

Arisha gestured at her hideous visage while simultaneously making a look of pointed disgust.

Ive had it for centuries, and even I still cant get used to seeing it in the mirror, curse my refined tastes.

Kaede swallowed nervously when she heard that. If what this woman was saying was true, and there was no doubt in her mind that it was, then Arisha Nightriver was among the select few enlightened who had achieved their second Rank Up. More specifically, a legendary existence known as a nosferatu bloodlord.

Its funny, really, the noblewoman continued. Ive taken countless face wounds, at least a third of them self-inflicted. Shaved my hair, fractured my skull, burned my skin with both fire and acid. And yet it always healed completely, without a single scratch, dent, wrinkle, or scar. I have to enthrall my own servants just to stop them looking at in disgust. I especially cant stand the way those pencil pushers that call themselves leaders can barely talk to without throwing up. Or how the commoner brats throw stones at ! At ! The great and powerful Arisha Nightriver! Such gall! Such disrespect!

Her idle complaints had devolved into full blown ranting by this point, and Kaede was struck rather speechless by her words. Especially the first half, which had a rather familiar ring to it.

Do you have any idea how maddeningly infuriating that feels?!

I kind of do, actually.

Kaede then slowly removed her mask and revealed her own face, which had the appearance of a much younger version of Arishas. Not that the noblewoman looked old. In fact, the ageless body she had obtained had not even a single wrinkle on it, which was actually part of the problem.

Uuugh, Arisha pulled back with a profound groan of disgust. For Mortirs sake, girl. Put your mask back on.

Well, isnt that a skull calling the gravestone white? Kaede crossed her arms with a pout. I was just trying to say I get where youre coming from.

Oh, please! What does a pathetic whelp like you know?

I know that your problem isnt your face, its your bitchy attitude.

As per usual, Kaedes mouth had run just a few seconds faster than her brain. She had barely even finished saying that remark when she realized how terrible of an idea that was. Yet Arisha didnt seem outraged, stunned, or offended. She just sort of stood there, blinking dumbly.

Hold on a second, how did you even get up here?

I, uh, just said I climbed up, didnt I?

Through the illusory barrier I had set up?

Uh, yeah?

Curiouser and curiouser

What? Kaede asked dumbly. What is?

It would take so serious skill to pass through it without my knowing, yet such feats are clearly beyond you. Otherwise I wouldnt have heard your heartbeat when you were spying on .

Again, I wasnt spying on you! I was just following that zombie-girl over there!

Arisha drew closer with a focused glare. Kaede wanted to pull backwards, but sothing was keeping her body from moving again. Thankfully the living relic didnt do anything weird to her. Other than leaning in until their noses were a hairs breadth from touching, then taking a few deep sniffs of Kaedes odor.

I see. That would explain it, she said flatly as she pulled away. It would appear we are related.

Were what?!

Youre a descendant of mine. Quite distant, but we most definitely share so blood. Enough for my bloodstones to think you one of my kin, she tapped the bright red gem in her chestpiece.

Wait, bloodstones? So those are literally crystallized blood?

They certainly looked the part, if nothing else.

Indeed. Only a nosferatu bloodlords special Skill can make them. They can be used in a variety of ways and I have a special connection with them. And, apparently, so do you.

In other words, the reason why Kaede had been able to sneak in so easily had been because she, through so twist of fate, had been a distant relative of the local landlady.

I must say, this is rather surprising. I was not aware my line had survived this long.

What do you an this long? How old are you, exactly? Er, if you dont mind my asking.

Arisha smirked.

Old enough to have witnessed the Addams Theocracy sink beneath the waves of what you now call the Oculus Sea.

O-oh You, uh, look I an, err thats nice?

Kaede genuinely had no idea how to respond to that, so the best she could do was make dumb noises that barely constituted as words.

Still, this eting has been rather exciting. Probably the most excitent Ive had in the last three hundred years! I think that calls for a celebration!

She clapped her hands together, causing a rather peculiar bottle to appear out of thin air. It was unlabeled, big enough to hold about a litre of liquid, and made entirely out of silver. Oh, and it also floated around in mid-air with a wisp of white smoke around it. Arisha dumped the contents of the wine glass she was still holding, then held it up to the silver bottle. The thing gently tipped itself over and refilled her vessel with a rather ethereal-looking substance that was so red, smooth and sparkly, it could only be described as liquified rubies.

Drink? she offered it to Kaede.

Uh Maybe? What is it?

Oh, its the product of one of my Ultimate Skills, Arisha explained. Its called Ethereal Vintage, and is a wine good enough to make the gods weep.

Fairly strong too, by the sll of it. Simply the odor wafting from that glass made Kaede go right past drunk and straight to hungover. She had a feeling a single sip would probably be enough to kill her on the spot.

Ill pass. What sort of Ultimate Skill creates wine, though?

An aristocrats, the bloodlord said proudly.

Last I checked, Aristocrat wasnt a Job.

Fine, Arisha rolled her eyes. Its because I got from Level 1 to Level 100 of my Alchemist Job by trying to make the perfect wine.

And while she had, in a manner of speaking, achieved that goal, the problem with the Ethereal Vintage was that it would disappear after six hours of being conjured. Along with all of its beneficial potion-like effects and any drunkenness or hangovers it mightve caused. The alcohol poisoning that would instantly kill any unranked enlightened though? That part was rather permanent. The Skill itself could be used as often as once a day, but Arisha felt doing so would cheapen the taste, so she only partook of it on special occasions.

And finding out that one of her bloodline had beco a Hero of Death despite her many shortcomings was most certainly an event worth celebration.

After about half an hour of getting shalessly plastered on her own magical wine, Arisha had revealed herself to be the sort of drunk that moans and complains about everything. A sowhat violent one, at that. She had slovenly thrown a Reality Slash Spell at one of the moons for being an annoying sky-bright-thing. And while her incantation didnt get even remotely near the celestial orb, it certainly didnt feel that way to Kaede. The hurricane-like air currents her half-hearted magic kicked up were no joke, and she could swear she saw the moon twitch ever-so-slightly in response.

Then again, that last part was most likely caused by the drunken haze the young Hero was currently in even though she hadnt drunk anything. It was because of Arishas breath, which was so overpowering that it was enough to make even a veteran dwarven rcenary tipsy. And she most definitely got face-fulls of that, given how inexplicably clingy the increasingly depressed drunk was getting.

Im telling yoooooou! n are the woooooooorst!

She was practically yelling into her eyes every ti she complained.

None of them care about your Its all the face! The only ones thatll even look at an ugly old bitch like are those pathetic humans. Or those fuckin knife-ears. Bunch o filthy heathens, the lot of them!

Kaede opened her mouth to respond, only to violently throw up. Thankfully she managed to avoid splashing her host, but this infectious intoxication was starting to really ss with her head.

Next thing the girl knew, the stinging rays of the morning sun were waking her from her nap atop so incredibly fancy sofa. At least there was no hangover, but she still felt drained and generally shitty. She looked herself over, noting the multiple layers of vomit on her clothes. At least she wasnt naked, which was good. On the other hand, the fancy sitting room she found herself in had definitely seen better days. There were sword slashes and large holes through almost all of the furniture and walls, and none of the windows had any intact panes of glass in them. There were also three bodies in the corner, one of which she imdiately identified as Mrs. Kane.

Suddenly rembering her purpose for being here, the nosferata leapt to her feet and looked around for Arisha. However, the noblewoman was nowhere to be found. Neither were any of her enthralled servants for that matter. Kaede scratched her head, trying to rember what had happened last night. She recalled bits and pieces, but it was all one giant haze. In the end she decided to just grab her gear and leave, which proved difficult since it took her nearly two hours to find her mask. She didnt even bother questioning how or why it had wound up lodged halfway up one of the dead guys ass cracks, but she made a ntal note to have it burned and get a new one.

Kaede thought long and hard about Hermans assignnt on her way back to town. She ultimately decided to pay the widower, as that enthralled state Mrs. Kane had been in could hardly be called alive. She also managed to rember sothing a very drunk Arisha had ntioned during the evening. Apparently all those people she kept as slaves had been commoners who had unwittingly wandered into her domain. It certainly explained why this mountain had so many disappearances around it, even though the monsters inhabiting it were nothing special.

As for the body the widower had seen, that was likely sothing prepared by the local governnt. Kaede had gotten the distinct impression that the nosferatu bloodlord had been one of their dirty secrets, and she could understand why. If a VIP could kill hundreds of soldiers by themselves, then a double-VIP must have been like a living calamity. Covering up a few dozen disappearances a year was probably a small price to pay to keep her in check and out of densely populated areas. Especially given her unhinged deanor.

The overblown ego that typically accompanied those who considered themselves nobles was bad enough without them having the power to destroy entire neighborhoods on a whim.

That aside, the first thing Kaede did upon returning to Valona was to drop by her room with the intent of catching up on so sleep. Nosferatu society was a nocturnal one to begin with, so shed have to wait until sundown before she could do anything in regards to her assignnt. Or at least that had been the plan until there was an insistent knock on her door just minutes after shed returned to her room. It was a ssenger sent by Herman. Apparently the old man had demanded she visit his office right away, and had posted one of his employees to keep an eye out for Kaedes return. The nosferata was tired, but needed to discuss the Kane case with him anyway, so she saw no reason to decline.

In retrospect, she shouldve been a bit more suspicious at the timing involved, but that didnt occur to her until she entered his office and noticed the positively grim expression on his face. Not to ntion the generally pulverized state of his desk. The sturdy piece of furniture looked as if soone had snapped it in two and thrown it against a corner, forcing Herman to use a shitty table as a temporary substitute.

Uh, hey boss, Kaede greeted him warily. What did I miss?

Its not so much what you missed, he said in his traditionally cold voice. Its what you caused.

Okay?

Forgive if Im mistaken, but I sent you on a simple insurance job, didnt I?

Yeah?

Then care to explain to how you managed to convince a thousand year old blood-obsessed drunk, whom I might add looked remarkably like you, to leave her mountaintop castle?

Uh What? she blurted out in disbelief.

Arisha! Nightriver! he shouted, catching Kaede off-guard. You know who that is, yes?! I would certainly hope so considering she apparently ca here because of your recomndation!

Oh. Whoops?

It would appear that even though the bloodlord hadnt known who Herman was prior to Kaede blacking out, the two of them had gotten rather well-acquainted since then.

Dont whoops , you imbecile! he continued yelling. Do you have any idea what your carelessness accomplished?!

So your desk got smashed, big deal. You shouldve seen-

The High Cardinal has put my business on lockdown! Because of you!

What followed was a scathing lecture during which Herman loudly and continuously reprimanded the impulsive assassin for all the damage shed caused. Apparently the local authority had their panties in a bunch over their little secret leaving the city-state on a whim, and were looking for soone to bla. The Skull Brokers guild had been put under investigation as a result. It was only natural theyd be targeted, seeing as how this had been one of the only two places that Arisha had visited before she disappeared.

Herman wasnt particularly worried about legal action, though. He was an honorable businessman who made sure his operations were entirely above board and not involved in anything shady. Admittedly sending assassins out to kill people who tried to make fraudulent insurance claims was a bit dicey, but those people had signed an arcane contract with their life on the line. They knew what they had gotten into, so the fact they were stupid enough to weasel out of it had been their own fault. It worked both ways, of course, with Herman offering up his own life should he fail to honor his own part of the deal in the event of the insured partys death.

The real problem, however, was that even though the local authorities inquiry would turn up nothing of consequence, the guild could not operate while the investigation was underway.

And knowing what kind of arrogant, racist bastards run this place, Hermans lecture began to peter out, itll probably be months before they get off my back!

Kaede had, for the most part, weathered the verbal beating with a stoic expression. As scary as he could be, the man before her was nowhere near as terrifying as a certain bronze-skinned, red-haired, and cat-eared scouting instructor.

Can I ask sothing? she spoke up once her boss had run out of steam.

What is it? he replied after taking a deep breath.

You said this was one of the places she visited. What was the other?

I hope youre not going to chase after her.

Oh, gods, no. Im just curious, not suicidal.

It was the local rcenary Guild. Things are much worse over there. Im told so dumb fool dared to make fun of her appearance. Then she just looked at him and he went shlorp.

Shlorp?

Apparently its the sound a person makes when theyre literally turned inside out.

Ew.

It had gotten much worse after that, Herman continued. Or at least thats what the man I sent to investigate told . Havent seen it for myself, but he claims the upper half of the building was just gone when he arrived. Like soone had sliced it in half with a giant knife.

Kaede nearly said sothing along the lines of sounds like her, alright, but managed to keep her mouth shut.

What was she even doing in there?

According to Herman, Arisha had only shown up at his door because Kaede had ntioned it in passing. She raised a huge fuss about them taking advantage of an ugly-faced girl for their own benefit. The man had sohow convinced her this was not the case with the help of his magical ledger and the contracts stored within. It would seem that the inebriated millenium-old bloodlord held so weird kind of respect for legally binding agreents.

However, Kaede couldnt think of a single plausible reason why Arisha would visit a place like the rcenary Guild.

Nobody seems to know, Herman shrugged. Those that survived her rampage are either comatose or reduced to gibbering wrecks. But if I had to hazard a guess, I think she mightve been looking for soone.

What gave you that idea?

She kept muttering incoherently about sothing on her way out of my office. Sothing about a Shadman?

Kaede froze when she heard that. Mostly because it jogged loose a mory from last nights festivities. One where she had been alternatively complaining and praising the shady rcenary that went by the moniker of the Sandman. She had spent nearly an hour loudly talking about how she was both terrified of his incomprehensible power and grateful for helping her co to terms with her facial situation. She also rembered how incredibly interested Arisha had been in that particular topic, and all the questions she had asked.

It would appear that the Hero of Death had, through very little fault of her own, managed to convince one walking calamity to head towards another.

And while she did not know how that eting would end, Kaede felt incredibly grateful that there was half a continent between here and Azurvale.