Interlude - Another day at the office
The Beyond.
A seemingly endless realm of nothingness, yet filled to the brim with thought. Its original function was that of a psychic filter between the Aether and Terrania, ant to safeguard the deities of that world from both intentional and accidental thought corruption. It was by no ans a perfect system, of course, as the enlightened mind was a complex construct that was always in flux. Attempting to sort through the near-infinite range of emotional cocktails that millions upon millions of mortals produced every second of every minute of every day was, frankly put, a fools errand.
And yet, one fool of unimaginable proportions - naly the forr Old God of Order - was able to succeed. As capable as he was, however, he still created an inherently flawed system. A point which was demonstrated by the fact that Teresa, Goddess of Truth, Justice and (to a lesser extent) Retribution, had succumbed to thought poisoning and very nearly beco a Fallen God. Or worse - mutate into a different, inherently evil deity. Both outcos were highly undesirable, as they would cause ripples across the rest of the Terranian pantheon.
Thankfully, this potentially world-ending flaw in the Beyond had been rectified in part by another fault in the grand system - a glitch that went by the na Boxxy T. Morningwood. And its pet fiend, of course, who played an even more pivotal role in the proceedings. Not that the rest of the Beyond knew of her assistance in Teresas rehab, of course. The big man himself felt uneasy about publicizing sothing like that, as it would have repercussions he wasnt willing to deal with.
Besides, it wasnt like Kora needed the publicity or anything. That particular mass of violence, bloodlust, and regular-lust had grown into sothing of a celebrity among her peers already. Pretty much every demon in the Beyond knew of her, her Master, and her co-contractors, thanks in no small part to the Boxxy Show, broadcast to them courtesy of their unstable deity of a Progenitor.
That wasnt to say that all of them liked that particular bunch, of course. Demons were inherently selfish creatures, aning that while so of them cheered on the murderous chest with the best, many seethed with discontent. While certainly entertaining, watching their adventures was also quite infuriating. Those three familiars lived a lifestyle of indulgence that others would only get to enjoy if they were left unbound. Not only that, but watching an idiotic box make what the viewers deed as obvious mistakes made them unreasonably upset.
Whatever their reason, it was an undeniable fact that nearly 80% of those disembodied demons were watching the Boxxy Show at any given ti. Todays broadcast actually peaked closer to 90%, as word of the sudden and currently ongoing confrontation between Boxxy and Jones Alexis had spread among the demons like gonorrhea at a 12 hour long free-for-all orgy. And, much like all things in life, the best way to view this one-of-a-kind battle was in the company of others.
Yeah! Shank the bastard! shouted a male demon.
Ah! Shhhallow! The cut was too shhhhallow! reacted another male with a few light hisses.
Khraaa! Harf harf! barked a third.
Hmm, seems the opponent this ti is no push over. Very interesting, mused a fourth, much deeper voice.
Yo! He snuck inside his portal thingie! Hes ripping off the B-boxs moves! complained a fifth, the sole female in the group.
This gathered congregation of demons consisted of a fiend, a stalker, a hellhound, a beholder, and a succubus, respectively. The fiend looked like the typical muscle-headed gorilla one would expect from his kind, although in his case the gorilla aspect was far more literal. One would almost mistake him for the real thing, if it wasnt for the much-too-human face, the pair of upward-curved bullish horns on his head and the bright red hues of his fur and skin.
The stalker seated on his left side to him had no humanoid features whatsoever, appearing as a gigantic tarantula with swords for legs, knives for mandibles, shiny blue carapace, orange hair, and a yellow skull-like pattern on top of his bulbous abdon. The completely arachnid appearance was a sign that he was actually a webstalker - a Ranked Up version of his lesser kin. The hellhound next to him was also of a higher species of demon, a three-headed canine called a cerberus. As the oldest Ranker, this black doberman-looking beast was technically the most powerful among them, even though all three of its minds were colossal morons that could only be compared to freshly-born mimics.
The sa could not be said of the purple-skinned beholder floating above them, appearing as nothing but a floating head that was equal parts mouth, eyes and brain. This particular individual was nad Thruumitt, and was one of the few demons that had t the Hero of Chaos personally, even though he didnt realize it at the ti. Beholders, once summoned, were very rarely dismissed back to the Beyond since their duties involved babysitting whatever Warlock or Witch they were bound to. As such, this particular eye-in-the-sky had actually missed the first few broadcasts of the Boxxy Show, which was sowhat regretful.
As for why he was here right now - that was actually Boxxys fault. The Mimics parting gift to the town of Bootlick had not only wiped out Thruumitts summoner, but the demon himself as well. Normally the good Overlord Liusolra might have considered letting him off and allowing him to roam free, but she, like all Stalkers, absolutely despised beholders. This was only natural, though. After all, one species of demons hated being seen, while the other excelled at seeing, so it was no wonder they almost never saw eye-to-eye. Both literally and figuratively.
That being said, Thruumitt was not the only one in the group to have personally t the star of the Boxxy Show. Resting sowhat disrespectfully on top of him was a white-skinned succubus with blonde hair, yellow eyes and black ram-like horns. What really set her apart from her sultry sisters were her wings, which were angelic rather than demonic in appearance. Her na was Purupururin, and she and her summoner had been part of the sa recon squad as Keira in the early stages of the Empire-Republic war.
Of course, this being the Beyond ant that nothing about this scene was actually real. Well, not entirely real, anyway. The huge screen showing images of the Boxxy Show was actually a ntal projection that Thruumitt was kind enough to provide for the others benefit. The large red sofa that three of the demons were lying on, and indeed every aspect of the tiny basent-like room around them were also immaterial images conjured up by one demonic mind or another. Their bodies were equally devoid of actual, physical properties, and were actually a form of astral projection manifested from their immortal souls, typically referred to as a demons soul-self. Using this apparition allowed other demons to perceive their presence and their true form.
These stray souls could, of course, appear as re motes of light, but doing things this way made it much easier to tell who was who.
Oh! Oh! Look! Its my lil sis!
The fiend started shouting excitedly as Kora made her appearance on the screen.
Big deal, scoffed the stalker. My daughter hasss been on the field since the sssstart!
Maybe, but that puny little bug didnt do jack shit, did she? replied the red gorilla with a chuckle.
Uh, huh. Tell , how does it feel to be surpassed in rank by your younger sibling?
Bah! She just lucked out, is all! Anyone wouldve Ranked Up if the Progenitor saw it fit! It doesnt an shes better than !
Sure it does. Having good luck is alsssso a form of ssssskill.
I agree with Mal on this one, actually, interject Thruumitt. Even though it is considered unpredictable, good fortune is a key aspect of-
Arf arf arf arf! barked the Cerberuss leftmost head, and the middle one growled in agreent.
The on on the right, on the other hand, seed to be taking a nap.
Fluffy makes a good point, chid in the succubus that was laying on top of the beholder. Yall just need to shut your traps so I can focus on the B-box.
The gorilla and the knife-tarantula begrudgingly complied, as neither of them wanted to miss out on what was shaping up to be a huge fight. Their little fan club would have plenty of ti to argue the details later as per usual. As for Thruumitt, even though he went quiet, he was left with a sense of disappointnt at his current predicant. It wasnt because his lecture was cut off, or because he pulled projector duty for the week, but due to the succubus that kept rolling around on top of him as if he were an oversized pillow.
Not only was it a bit deaning, but to make matters worse he couldnt feel a single thing. This was only to be expected, though. Even if soul-selves could interact and collide with one another, there was no actual feeling transmitted back to the owner. Otherwise Thruumitt would gladly serve as Purupururins seat as many tis as possible, as it ant he could feel up her plump ass, overfull breasts and soft-looking wings in return.
Well, just because he was a literally dickless bookworm didnt an Thruumitt did not enjoy fondling bubbly boobs or bodacious booty. He was, after all, a man.
Aw, shit! blurted out the alabaster-skinned beauty. That wimpy Warlock of mine is calling out! Why now?!
The others could confirm she was being summoned with a single glance, as her soul-self was rapidly dissolving into specks of light that shot off sowhere into the infinite void beyond this basent-shaped illusion. It had started at the tips of her fingers and toes and had already left her as nothing but a head and wings attached to the upper half of her torso in a matter of seconds.
Thruumitt! she called out. Leave a mory echo of what happens next for , alright?!
Fine. But only if you promise to stop lazing around on my head.
I will! Thanks, bud!
Those were the last words she uttered before the rest of her was whisked away to the mortal realm.
You know shes jussssst going to do it again next ti, pointed out Mal, the stalker.
Probably. Its not that big a deal anyway.
Maybe not to you, grunted the fiend. Youd never catch submitting to-!
The gorillas idle complaints were suddenly silenced by the super-sized green explosion that had just flashed across the screen. His viewing buddies seed equally enraptured by it, except for the third Cerberus head that was still snoring peacefully. At least until the rest of the beast stood up on all fours and began jumping around the sofa excitedly while barking happily.
Holy fuck! What was that?!
I dont know! Ive never seen ssssoting of that magnitude!
That, my fellow philistines, was a Demonate Spell.
Oh yeah! exclaid Mal. It was the sssssa thing Boxxy used on my daughter! You know, when he was fighting that old-ass Warlock during the sssssiege?
Having your daughter blown up aint nothing to be proud about, yo, pointed out the fiend. Especially when my little siss towering inferno just topped it! I an, look at that! It totally kicks the ass of that bug-fart your brat made!
Shhhhut it, Goreg! Your kin is just a freaky pervert, anyway!
Yeah, and yours likes to masturbate in front of the whole damn Beyond!
Thats only because shes been watching your degenerate sibling and that shaless slut go at it like-!
The blue-and-yellow spiders tirade was rudely interrupted by a miniature star that flew into the groups little corner of the Beyond completely uninvited. It looked to be about the size of the gorillas head and was glowing with a bright green light.
Oh. Hello, Koralenteprix, said Mal as he sank into his seat a bit.
Hey, you guys! replied the Archfiend theyd been watching until seconds ago. Whatd I miss?!
Nothing much, said Thruumitt. Boxxys still investigating the aftermath of that splendid Demonate.
Oh?! Did I get the guy! Lem see!
The orb of light settled down in front of the screen to get a better look, but in doing so obstructed the others view of it. However, neither the fiend, beholder, nor stalker even tried to tell her to move. Since Kora was a Ranker - albeit a very recent one - she was a few steps higher in the pecking order around here. And fiends were very particular about enforcing that sort of stuff. Thankfully, there was soone here who was easily above her.
Arf!
Ruff ruff ruff!
The Cerberus complained at her with two of its heads while the third one yawned and tried to go back to sleep.
Oh! Right, my bad, Fluffy!
Having been scolded by the ancient demon-dog, Kora pulled away from the screen and, after rebuilding her soul-self, sat down on the couch next to the Cerberus. The quintet of demonic entities continued watching the ongoing action with great interest, having an all around jolly ti as they comnted on the ongoing fight.
Right up to its inevitable conclusion.
The demons that were rather noisily watching the show stood in perfect silence as they stared at the flashing WE ARE EXPERIENCING TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES that Thruumitt was projecting.
*Toot-tu-tu-doot*
After about a minute, Kora heard a lodic chi just before a floating box of light materialized in front of her open-jawed face.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected];
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected];
Subject: Summoning contract annulnt
Koralenteprix Khusuuszun Caonthioxxaa,
This is an automated ssage officially informing you that your summoning contract with [ERROR 404: NOT FOUND] is now void. The cause(s) of this termination will be listed below:
Contractor fatality (DSC Article 1-4).
For any further inquiries, please contact your direct supervisor at: [email protected]
Please do not reply to this D-mail. Like, for real. Just dont.
Unfortunately, it wasnt the answer she was looking for. The final images she saw on the screen combined with what was quite literally staring at her face made it abundantly clear that Boxxy had died just then. But before she could even begin to process this un-tasty feeling welling up within her, Koras eyes latched onto the one oddity of this ssage.
Naly, the big honking NOT FOUND part.
This would normally be where Boxxys na would have gone. Yet it wasnt present. The reason for this was that a certain alchemists heresies had whisked away the monsters soul before it could be processed, but Kora didnt know that just yet. Then again, she didnt really need to know the specifics either. She wasnt sure how or why, but she felt that there was no way Boxxy would just submit to sothing trivial like death so easily. Sure, it was a mortal creature, but Kora had, for the lack of a better word, faith in her master.
Which was why she bolted off with a huge grin on her face, as she made her way towards the Demons R Us office. The basent-like illusion around her faded away and an incalculable number of sceneries rushed past her as she got closer towards her destination. Well, she wasnt so much approaching the place as she was imagining herself being there. And it would work without fail, as such was the nature of this realm.
Both ti and space had a certain wibbly-wobbly nature to them in the Beyond, as it was a dinsion that existed in a much more fluid state than the material one. One rely had to think hard enough about a person or a place, and the Beyond would wrap around and collapse in on itself, just to bring the two of them together. This property was why the place was such a ss, but was also how demons were able to turn the shades and shapes of objects from mory into reality. Or at least, as real as things got in a place that was made up of naught but thoughts, nightmares, and delusions.
And indeed, after only a few seconds of thinking later, Kora had found herself standing in a long, well-lit hallway. The floor was covered by a fuzzy blue-and-purple checkered carpet, the walls had a coat of beige paint broken up by dozens upon dozens of bright red doors. Each door had a small golden plaque on it, and most of them had a row of various demons lined up outside it. As for the ceiling, it was actually a ceaselessly crawling and writhing mass of black cockroaches that occasionally burst into crimson flas for no good reason.
Just another day at the offices of Demons R Us.
*Toot-tu-tu-doot*
Kora had barely set off on her way to Carls office when she heard the familiar jingle of another incoming D-mail. She didnt really get many of those, so she had it set up to instantly open the new ssage, which appeared in front of her as expected.
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
CC: [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected]; [email protected];
Subject: RE: Summoning contract annulnt
HAHAHAHA! I KNEW THAT STUPID BOX WOULD DIE A HORRIBLE, PAINFUL DEATH! SERVES IT RIGHT FOR FUCKING WITH ! TOO BAD I WASNT THE ONE TO DO IT! I CANT WAIT UNTIL I GET MY HANDS ON ITS SORRY LITTLE SOUL SO I CAN TORTURE IT FOR ALL ETERNITY!
Yup, that was definitely Koras uncle, Overlord Nagnamor himself. He probably requested to be kept up to date on the Mimics status since he had a certain history with it.
*Toot-tu-tu-doot*
From: [email protected]
To: EVERYONE
Subject: I suck dicks
Hello, everyone!
Just writing to inform you that I do indeed love the cock. Unless you werent aware, the penis is a nutritious, delicious treat that makes my tum-tum tingle with delight! Flaccid old man dicks are the best, especially if theyve been in my ass beforehand. If you see strutting around, be sure to let know what you think of my passionate thirst for man-at, and I would gladly suck yours if you happen to have one. If not, thats okay - buttholes are a close second best on my list of things I love to lick.
The top pick being dicks, of course.
Love,
Overlord Nagnamor of the Flamboyant Fellaters
There was a sudden rush of snickering, giggling and laughing as each and every demon in the corridor couldnt contain their amusent at this sudden developnt. Kora herself was already clutching her sides while laughing out loud by the third sentence. The next ssage in the chain arrived just as she had recovered from her humorous fit.
*Toot-tu-tu-doot*
From: [email protected]
To: [email protected]
CC: [email protected];
Subject: RE: RE: Summoning contract annulnt
????Nice one, idiot!!! ? ??? Thatll teach you to Reply All without thinking! ? ?? Cant wait to see your inevitable ?????? session! I swear, this day (or night? IDK ? ??) just got ?/10!!!
P.S. Koralenteprix my dear, I sincerely hope you dont turn into a senile cockgobbler like this old fart. ? ??? But then again, the apple doesnt fall far from the retard tree!!!1 ????
All the best,
Ultra?MagicalPrincess?Lulu?
Well, that train wreck of a correspondence certainly killed Koras mood. Why the hell was Overlord Liusolra in on this anyway?
*Toot-tu-tu-doot*
A ssage that was undoubtedly Nagnamors reply ca in, but Kora ntally dismissed it almost imdiately. She didnt want to see that right now. Even though she loved herself a good fla war, she had more pressing matters to attend to, such as finding Carls office. Unfortunately, none of the door labels looked even remotely familiar, which made her realize that she had mind-warped into the wrong section of whatever Demons R Us was. Well, thinking was never her strongest point, so she was used to not making it to where she really wanted to go in one try. It wasnt a big deal though, she just needed to-
*Toot-tu-tu-doot Toot-tu-tu-doot Toot-tu-tu-doot*
... D-mail: Disable notifications.
D-mail settings updated.
Now that the spam was taken care of, she once again began focusing, this ti imagining herself in front of Carls door rather than at the office. A short Beyond-hop later, and she was standing in a hallway very similar to the old one, except that the door directly in front of her was labeled as Katorolomaongott Sagattorius - Contract Worker. Satisfied she had arrived at the right place, she knocked on the door once.
Which was enough to send it flying off its imaginary hinges and crumble to dust against the opposite end of Carls personal office. The devil himself was seated behind a U-shaped desk of so kind that seed to be made out of polished mahogany. A multitude of floating stone tablets circled in the air around him, showing him various images, pictures, and other information he needed to service his clients.
The demon himself, or at least the half that was sticking over his desk, was that of an attractive-looking man. He had flawless, bright pink skin, and a face handso enough to be called an incubus. He had a stylish goatee and well-trimd sideburns that went up to his slicked-back black hair. His more obviously demonic features manifested themselves as four pairs of pointed ears similar to Koras and a short, strangely cute pair of horns poking out from either side of his forehead. And like all devils, his face had a complete and total lack of eyes, showing only smooth pink skin where ones ocular orbs would normally be located.
At the very least he still had eyebrows, so reading his face wasnt all that difficult.
Uh, yeah we do. Thats what clause 2-2 is for, dumbass.
Judging from the way he was speaking to nobody in particular, it beca apparent that he was currently on the line with soone. To his credit, Carl hadnt even uttered a peep at having his front door seemingly blown off by an unannounced visitor. It was the sign of a true professional. Or at the very least soone who was already used to Koras bullshit.
Hey, look here, buddy! he continued. You can do whatever you want with it, Im just saying we wont be held accountable for any injuries, dismbernt, death, or eternal damnation that may-! Yes, okay, fine. Just rember - you asked for it. Bye.
*Click*
Wow! What an asshole! he complained aloud. Be with you in a sec, he added with a nod towards Kora.
He then turned to his left and ran his six-fingered hands over a slab that had hundreds of stone buttons in it. They all began moving in by themselves, producing a veritable concerto of clicks while they did. Kora had no idea what the hell any of that did, as none of them were actually labeled in any way. From her perspective, it just looked like Carl was hitting the identical gray squares at random.
She was, of course, wrong. The devil was actually typing up a new contract form which would then be sent to Overlord Weaxohn the All-Knowing. This Overseer Beholder was the current Demon King and acting CEO of Demons R Us, which ant he was responsible for single-eyedly managing all information flow within the Beyond. Including everything pertaining to summoning contracts.
Alright then, said Carl as he finally turned around towards Kora. I assu youre here about Boxxys contract?
Yup, she replied with a nod.
Well, before you get ahead of yourself, I should let you know that I cant make a contract with a dead soul.
I know. Im not that stupid.
Sure, youre not. Then what brings you here? Are you looking to get back in it right away?
Sothing like that, yeah.
You know you technically dont have to do that anymore, right?
Although it wasnt their main reason for doing so, a demon would have a higher predisposition to Ranking Up if they spent ti in the physical realm while under contract. Once - or rather if - they ascended to a higher state of being, they would be able to use other ans to reach out from the Beyond. Granted, Koras case may have been an extre one, but it still ant she had access to all the perks (and responsibilities) that ca with her status as an Archfiend.
I know of a very fun dungeon thats looking for a new mid-boss! offered Carl enthusiastically. Its one of Axels places, so you can be sure theres gonna be lots of fighting!
Nah, Im good.
Kora wavered for a second, but ultimately passed on the opportunity.
Alright, then, said Carl while visibly drooping his shoulders. Should I just mark your file as available, then?
Nope! declared the fiend with a huge smile. I want to make a reservation, actually!
Oh? Caught an aspiring young Warlock you want to be bonded to, did you?
Sothing like that.
Alright, if you say so.
The devil shrugged lightly then hovered his six-fingered palm over the stone keyboard.
So, whats his na?
Boxxy T. Morningwood, she declared loudly and proudly.
*Snort*
With a bit of a chuckle, of course.
I just said-
I know what you said. The boss is dead so I cant have a contract with it. But I can be on the top of the candidate list when it cos back to life!
Carl was montarily at a loss for words. What Kora was saying was not against regulations and was entirely possible. It was just unorthodox.
Cmon, Carl! she demanded. You saw the error in the automated ssage, right?! If thats not a sign that the boss is coming back, then I dont know what is!
Thats- That just a bug in the system! It doesnt an anything!
Nuh-uh! The bossll co back! It has to, okay?!
Listen to yourself! Theres no point in clinging to a-
FUCKING DO IT, CARL!
*RRRUMBLE*
The whole building(?) shook at Koras outburst as the imaginary constructs around her threatened to collapse in on themselves under the fury of an Archfiend. Even though she appeared to be about the average size for a fiend, that was mostly because she was thinking small thoughts. If she wasnt suppressing her essence and unleashed her true soul-self, then she would beco at least twenty tis her current size, wrecking Carls office in the process. In fact, the way the door from earlier seed to buckle in on herself at her slightest touch was already indicative of how disruptive her re presence was.
All of this served to remind Carl that, even though Kora was still a newbie as an Archfiend, a Ranker was still a Ranker.
Which wasnt to say he couldnt teach her a thing or two about how the not-world worked.
Okay, tell you what, he said while leaning forward on his desk. Ill do the pointless, maybe-not-strictly-legal thing you want to do on one condition.
You dont get to make demands!
*CRRRRAACK*
The cockroach-ceiling split open, revealing what appeared to be a giant fork chasing a three-headed mouse across a field of cheese.
Look, all Im asking is that you put your money where your mouth is.
Im listening.
Were going to make a little wager, you and I. If Boxxy miraculously cos back to life and gives a call, then you win. But if more than, say, 2 years pass and youre still waiting around here, then I win.
Fine by ! So how much do you feel like handing over to upon your inevitable defeat?
Lets see, youre a fiend so, how does a stack of a hundred Essences of Rage sound?
Essences were lumps of latent energy harvested from mortals, either directly or indirectly. Demons could consu them in hopes of increasing their power and achieving a Rank Up, although the chance of that second thing happening was astronomically low. In fact, the record for the fastest natural demonic ascension was currently held by Overlord Liusolra herself, who had supposedly gotten her first Rank Up after devouring around 600 Essences of Sorrow.
Overall, it ant that while a hundred was not really worth a lot in the grand sche of things, it was still an amount difficult to ignore.
Pfft, get that weak shit out of here! I raise you to a thousand!
Carl let out a disappointed sigh.
If youre just going to pointlessly showboat, then-
Im dead serious. A thousand Rages on the bosss life.
This reversal caught the devil a bit off guard, and he montarily found himself at a loss for words. While it was clear that the uppity brat was just bluffing, he sohow didnt feel right accepting it. By all ans it should be an easy win, but it was important to rember just who this wager hinged on.
Then again, there was a far more important matter to consider before any sort of bet could be made.
Do you even have that much? asked Carl in a doubtful manner.
I will when I win!
Oh for the love of- Look, if you want to up the stakes thats fine, but at least pick a number you can earn within the next decade or two. Lets do, say 400?
Works for ! Youre on, waffle-face!
Carl extended his hand towards Kora, who grabbed it without hesitation, thereby sealing the pact between them. The fiend laughed rrily on her way out, already licking her lips in anticipation of the victory that was sure to co. As for Carl, he got busy looking for soone who could take that mid-boss position the Archfiend rejected. It was business as usual, but he still had a light smile on his face, as he had made an interesting devils wager, one where he would co out on top no matter the result. Sure, there was a potential to lose out on a small nest egg of psychic energy, but that would only happen if one of his favorite clients miraculously ca back to life.
All things considered, hed be pretty happy with either outco.
Reviews
All reviews (0)