"Thanks for trusting , but I lived in the U.S. until middle school, so I don’t know about that. I’m not that close with Go Yohan either."
"...Yeah, I guess that makes sense."
I wasn’t expecting much. Well, I wasn’t really that curious anyway. I kept repeating that to myself, brushing it off as I pulled my wallet out of my pocket. However, a hand gently stopped , pulling out a 10,000-won bill.
"Two servings of tteokbokki and two fish cakes. No need for change."
"Oh, no, I can’t let you. Thanks a lot, but in return, have one more fish cake on ."
"It’s fine."
"Hey, what are you doing? I said I’ll pay."
"It’s fine, I’m not trying to owe you anything."
"I’m sorry."
Shin Jaehyun waved his hand and quickly headed out of the food stall. I followed behind him. While he was adjusting his scarf at the entrance, he suddenly asked:
"By the way, why did you ask ?"
"Well, just..."
I scratched the back of my head. It wasn’t sothing I’d thought seriously about, so my brain wasn’t processing it very well.
"Kind of like that."
"Like what?"
"Now that graduation is coming, I thought, if I had t you back in the first year, maybe I would’ve beco friends with you first."
"..."
"Whether you’re a good guy or a bad guy, doesn’t matter. I just thought we were similar."
It wasn’t ant to be anything special. Maybe it felt lighter because I thought we’d part ways once we went to college. Like how I had distanced myself from Go Yohan. But despite my light-hearted tone, Shin Jaehyun seed to feel guilty about it.
"Sorry about that."
"It’s fine. I didn’t say that to get an apology. Anyway, we’re probably never going to et again, so... should we go?"
"...Yeah."
"Alright, see you at school tomorrow."
After the goodbye, I turned around without any hesitation. I kept walking, trying to ease the uneasy feeling in my stomach, while responding to the piled-up ssages. The first one was like this:
“Don’t worry about , I’ll be busy with my friends during graduation, so I won’t be around.”
And the second ssage, which had less effort, said:
“Ho”
I blocked the third one. There was no need to pay attention to the desperate words of a defeated person. He only knew how to bark like a dog after losing.
After sending the replies, I put my phone back in my pocket along with my hand.
A breeze brushed across my cheek. I unconsciously squeezed my eyes shut, waiting for the wind to stop. When it did, I sensed soone approaching.
"Hey."
I turned my head at the familiar voice. Standing behind was definitely Shin Jaehyun, who had already turned around.
"Got sothing to say?"
"...It’s nothing really."
"What is it?"
"If you’ve got ti, how about a coffee before you go?"
"...Coffee?"
I thought I might’ve misheard him. When I stared at him in disbelief, he added, almost as an excuse:
"There’s a really good drip coffee shop nearby."
"...But you said you couldn’t understand eating pasta."
"Coffee and pasta are different."
His embarrassed smile seed both familiar and unfamiliar at the sa ti. I hadn’t really paid attention to his face, but it seed like one I had seen before. I couldn’t help but grin slightly. I knew exactly what his intention was.
"Are you doing this because you feel sorry for ?"
"Um..."
Shin Jaehyun turned his gaze away, thinking for a mont before eting my eyes and smiling.
"Yeah, a little."
"Then, the last drink?"
"The last drink."
There’s nothing wrong with that. I nodded lightly.
****
The mont I ordered an Aricano and sat down, it was fine. We didn’t need to talk much, it just worked. We talked about what we’d do in college, how difficult the entrance exams were, and all the stuff that any student preparing for exams could relate to.
The problem ca when I was halfway through my coffee, trying to figure out when to leave. Could my luck be any worse?
"What are you two doing?"
Why, of all people, did Go Yohan's voice have to pass by my ear?
The instant I heard his familiar tone, it felt like all my organs dropped to the floor. I couldn’t believe my ears. I didn’t want to believe them. But my body reacted honestly. Every joint and bone in seed to twist. It sounded like they were creaking. From the corner of my eye, I saw Shin Jaehyun in front of , looking nearly pale with shock.
"Go Yohan?"
As expected, it was him. Damn it, I should’ve realized that Go Yohan also lived near . He was usually nowhere to be seen around here, so I let my guard down.
"...What brings you here?"
"I was passing by and saw you through the window."
Go Yohan shalessly sat down on the couch where I was sitting. And naturally, I was pushed further into the chair. In other words, I was surrounded. Surrounded by him.
"You said you were ho?"
Go Yohan’s long fingers tapped on his temple. But the gaze he cast down at was far from gentle. I took a deep breath, eting that intense stare. My pounding heart slowly began to calm. It’s fine. No need to worry.
"I’m about to head back soon."
"...."
After staring at with his narrow eyes, Go Yohan turned his head to look at Shin Jaehyun’s seat. I instinctively looked at him too. Shin Jaehyun had his head lowered, keeping his lips tightly shut. Go Yohan stared at him for a while before speaking.
"Did you two plan to et here?"
"No."
"No."
We both answered at the sa ti. Our eyes t. I spoke first. Shin Jaehyun shut his mouth again. He then muttered sothing under his breath, mixing in so English. I could tell it wasn’t anything good by his tone.
"We just ran into each other. When I ca in, they were sitting here."
I lied. Not for , but for Shin Jaehyun. After all, he didn’t want to get tangled up with Go Yohan. Luckily, Shin Jaehyun was smart, so I believed he’d understand my intentions. I was sure that Go Yohan would understand and let it slide. But it seed like Go Yohan wasn’t satisfied with that.
"Then why sit together? You could’ve just said hello and left."
"...Friends can do that, right?"
"Oh, are you two friends?"
"Yeah."
"You two?"
"...Yeah."
"This is interesting. I didn’t know about this."
I knew he wasn’t actually surprised. The sneer on his lips gave it away. His eyes were dead cold. Go Yohan stood up slowly, walking toward Shin Jaehyun’s seat, but he didn’t sit next to him. He leaned against him, throwing his arm over his shoulder. Shin Jaehyun’s clenched lips turned even paler.
"Jun’s best friend is . Why am I just finding out about this?"
The hand on Shin Jaehyun’s shoulder slapped his ear lightly. Thud, thud. I could see his ear turning red from the force of the blows. Shin Jaehyun finally closed his eyes, as though he had given up on everything. I knew this mont was the very one he had been avoiding his entire life.
"..."
It was unpleasant. Not that Go Yohan was tornting Shin Jaehyun, but just seeing the pitiful, helpless victim right in front of made uncomfortable. And it wasn’t just once. I knew I was turning a blind eye to it, and that made feel uncomfortable, too. I hated the fact that I had to close my eyes to all the unfairness around .
Why should this be the case? I was becoming an adult. Shin Jaehyun was passive, but he was on my side, the only one who looked out for when I was being ostracized. At least, I owed him sothing.
I silently promised myself that if Shin Jaehyun ever found himself in an uncomfortable situation, I would help him. I still rember that promise clearly.
"Jaehyun."
"...Yeah."
"If you’re friends with Jun, then we’re friends too, right? and you. Isn’t that right?"
Go Yohan, sitting next to Shin Jaehyun, asked a question I couldn’t decipher. I gripped my coffee cup tighter. My stiff body forced itself upright. That gave the slight courage to look down at Go Yohan.
"Hey."
Go Yohan turned to look at . The mont he saw , the corner of his mouth lifted in a smirk. It irritated . Shin Jaehyun, who was sitting next to him, was honestly invisible to . In an instant, I felt heat rush to my head. My hand held the coffee, and I had a lot of built-up frustration.
Finally, after a long hesitation, I twisted my wrist.
The black liquid poured straight toward Go Yohan.
"Piece of shit."
"..."
"My real friend is Shin Jaehyun."
Go Yohan stared in surprise as the coffee dripped down his chin. He looked down at his hand, dripping with coffee, unable to believe what had just happened. He stared at the stains on his hand, looking back and forth between and the ss.
"...When were you and I ever friends?"
"..."
"We’ve never been friends, not once. You garbage piece of shit."
I deliberately turned my back on Go Yohan, grabbing Shin Jaehyun’s wrist. With all my strength, I pulled him up. His large fra awkwardly followed behind . It was uncomfortable, very uncomfortable. But I endured it as we walked out of the shop, glancing at the window. I didn’t realize I was doing it until I saw Go Yohan’s reflection, and our eyes t.
Go Yohan looked a bit confused. He wiped his coffee-streaked face with his hand and followed .
It was who turned my gaze away first.
I pulled Shin Jaehyun’s wrist, but he, being heavier than , didn’t budge. Surprised, I turned around, and to my shock, I was t with a calm expression in his eyes.
"Hey, what’s going on?"
"Well, uh."
Shin Jaehyun, after gathering his thoughts, gently let go of my wrist.
"I’ll go apologize to Yohan."
It was an absurd thing to say, especially after I had just saved him.
"...Alright, do as you please."
I said it in a way that respected his decision and tried to answer without holding any grudges. Though, I might have sneered a little.
****
All the way ho, my phone kept ringing incessantly. Even if I rejected the call, it ca right back. If not a call, then a ssage.
“Pick up the phone.”
The demands started with “Pick up the phone,” and gradually turned into “Where are you?” before finally ending with a pleading.
“Please.”
Stop pretending to be pitiful. It’s crocodile tears. It doesn’t work anymore. I tried to stay calm and think while walking, but my frustration quickly built up. To , Go Yohan had always been like that. He always followed up obsessively, and eventually, my annoyance boiled over. I angrily tapped at the screen.
“Fuck off.”
“I actually fucking hate you.”
“Don’t even act like you care anymore.”
“I’ve always thought you were garbage, but I didn’t know you were this beyond anything I could imagine.”
“I’ve lost any respect I had for you.”
“You knew I hated you back in first year, why can’t you see it now? No, don’t pretend you don’t know, just please leave alone. I fucking hate you. I’ve always hated you.”
“Friends? Don’t fucking say that.”
“You probably saw as a fool, didn’t you, you piece of shit.”
“You think we’re close? You’re wrong. I hate you more than I hate An Ji Soo, Kim Minho, Han Taesan, and even Han Junwoo. You’re just a fucking idiot. So just get out of my life. Please. I beg you.”
“I’m blocking you.”
It felt like all the bottled-up anger exploded from my fingertips. All the unseen emotions poured out from the cracks. My feelings were the sa. All the emotions I’d been holding in for so long were forcing their way out.
Yet, the dam didn’t break completely. As I stared at the ssages I’d just sent in a fit of rage, I thought I’d fucked up. But it was too late. I had already spilled the water. After thinking for a while, I blocked him and turned off my phone. Saying “I’m sorry” now seed pointless, and deleting the ssages would leave a trace. I had already decided that once I was accepted to college, I didn’t have to go to school anymore. I concluded that everything would be easier if I just let go.
Now, I could leave everything behind.
All the nightmares, all the tis that would be the worst mories of my life. Everything.
As soon as I got ho, I turned on my computer and checked my acceptance screen again. It still said accepted. Nothing had changed. It wasn’t a dream, it was reality. I had a way out.
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