Clink.
Go Yohan finally shut his mouth.
But whether he was talking or staying silent, he always managed to dig into my head and fuck with my thoughts. There wasn’t another bastard quite like him. I let out a sigh and grabbed my head.
And again, mories from that ti surfaced.
I pressed them down with conscious effort and spoke.
"You already threw away, so why the hell would I grovel? Is that what you want?"
"That’s…"
Of course. There was no way soone as talkative as Go Yohan would stay quiet. But I couldn’t shut my ears to this. That ti? My curiosity, my entire focus, zeroed in on him. My senses searched for Go Yohan alone.
"You were the one who acted recklessly first."
"…What?"
"I wondered sotis if you were just toying with . Or maybe I was just a throwaway extra in this movie called ‘Good Boy Kang Jun.’"
"You son of a—!"
"Looks like you’ve got the wrong idea."
Go Yohan pointed at himself and smiled gently. It was a smile I hadn’t seen in a long ti.
"I was the one on top."
I was so dumbfounded I lost my words. That was not an answer I had even considered.
Go Yohan ran the hand that had touched my forehead down his own nape, exposing the pale line of his throat.
And like an idiot, my gaze followed it without thinking.
It was instinct.
God, I wish he’d just drop dead.
Luckily, he was too lost in his own thoughts to notice where I was looking. He spoke in a low voice.
"And I really hate being cast as a side character."
A rush of heat shot up my face.
I grabbed the nearest object and squeezed it tight.
"So that justifies what you did?"
"Well…"
Go Yohan tilted his head slightly. His gaze flicked upward, like he was gauging my reaction, but in the end, he chose not to give a shit.
I was too stunned to even reply.
A breathless scoff escaped .
Go Yohan’s face was a ss of guilt and shalessness at the sa ti.
He probably felt sorry.
But he was so fucking shaless about it I wanted to lose my mind.
"Honestly, I let you off easy."
"……."
"Do you know what I do to people I really hate?"
Think about it. You should know.
A thin smirk stretched across his face.
"No, I really don’t."
I answered honestly.
Because I really didn’t know what Go Yohan had done to the people he hated.
He was rough with his words, sure, but I’d never seen him openly tornt soone out of sheer malice.
Hell, I didn’t even know if he really hated anyone.
Back in our first year, I barely even paid attention to him.
But when I said that, Go Yohan’s expression shifted—just for a second.
"Liar."
A sneer twisted his face.
A fleeting mont.
"There’s no way you wouldn’t know, Jun."
"…Why?"
Jun.
He’d dropped my full na again.
The way he switched back and forth was infuriating.
I genuinely didn’t understand.
What the hell was going on in his head?
Why was he so sure I knew sothing I didn’t?
Go Yohan looked a little taken aback by my reaction.
And naturally, I latched onto that change.
The hesitation in his eyes only made more obsessed with getting an answer.
"Why? Why do you think I should know?"
"Do you even have to ask?"
"I do. Because I don’t know. So tell . Why?"
"Because you only ever cared about the top dogs. That’s the kind of person you are."
"?"
I pointed at myself.
"You think I’m like that?"
"Yeah. That’s just who you are."
At first, I didn’t get it.
I frowned, pressing a finger against the center of my chest.
Thinking about it seriously… maybe he had a point.
It was easier to stick close to those at the top of the hierarchy.
My life was smoother that way.
But if that were the case, I should’ve sucked up to people like Kim Minho too.
And I didn’t.
I asked again—genuinely, without malice.
"…Why do you think that?"
"Why do you think?"
Go Yohan’s gaze darkened.
"Don’t act like you don’t know."
"I’m not acting."
My expression hardened.
Go Yohan seed to sense sothing was off because he arched a single brow.
"You liked Han Junwoo because he was the top dog. That’s why."
"What?"
For a second, it felt like I’d been hit over the head with a hamr.
That was so absurd I couldn’t even react.
I liked Han Junwoo because he was at the top?
What kind of insane logic was that?
Han Junwoo had always embodied everything I hated.
It was just that, sowhere along the way, I got caught up in his looks and that goddamn presence of his.
Like a fever dream in the middle of the day.
"That’s not it."
"…Don’t lie. It’s pathetic, and I won’t fall for it."
"Lie? Why the hell would I lie about that?"
I kept answering him.
Then, sothing clicked.
Sothing about this situation.
Sothing off.
Doubt, buried for so long, finally surfaced.
And instinctively, I knew the answer.
A single theory flashed through my mind.
And once I had it, it wasn’t hard to reach the truth.
"Ah…"
A wave of euphoria crashed over .
No way…
Or maybe, yes, way.
Go Yohan had a history.
He’d liked before.
A field of radiant flowers blood in my chest.
"You… don’t tell …"
I hadn’t even heard his answer yet, but I couldn’t help it—laughter spilled out between my lips.
I lowered my head, shoulders shaking.
The joy made lightheaded, and I coughed in response.
"…Kehluk, kehluk!"
Still coughing into my hand, I turned my gaze to Go Yohan.
Between the laughter and the coughing, my body tipped slightly.
Go Yohan narrowed one eye at .
"…What’s so funny?"
I clutched my stomach and bent over, pressing my head into the blanket as my entire body shook.
"Why are you laughing like that?"
"Ah, no. Sorry. It's not that I ant to..."
Oh, damn. I wasn’t a discarded card.
I was still a usable hand.
Could there be anything more thrilling than realizing that? I wiped away the tear that had escaped with the back of my hand. Lifting my head, I looked at Go Yohan in front of . His face, waiting for , looked truly bizarre. I suppressed my laughter. The adrenaline rushing through my head was exhilarating.
Pressing my lips together, I decided to be honest with Go Yohan first.
"I did... admire him. I liked Han Junwoo, but it was never because of his rank. We were just in the sa class in our first year, and honestly, he was cool. Back then, Han Junwoo was."
"Don't lie."
"I'm serious. I followed him around even before I knew who he was."
I hesitated for a mont before continuing.
"...Don’t take this too seriously, though."
The hospital room beca unbearably quiet. It was so silent that I could hear Go Yohan scratching his pants. Avoiding his gaze, I stared at the plain wallpaper and added,
"If I had really admired him only because of his rank, then I would have been completely subservient to Kim Minho too. Don’t you think?"
Even then, I never once said I liked him. That was my final line. Carefully, my gaze shifted from the wallpaper back to Go Yohan.
"......"
Amusingly enough, Go Yohan looked genuinely shocked. His expression unsettled . What the hell? Why does he look like that? Like so fool who just lost sothing. Why is he acting like this? The idea that he was shaken just because I didn’t choose the people I admired based on rank was absurd.
What the hell does he take for? Did I really seem like that much of a piece of trash?
For the sake of my dignity, I defended myself sincerely. I wanted to make it clear that my deference to him wasn’t because of his rank. And yet, for so reason, I still wanted to look good in front of him.
"So in our first year, I didn’t even know you existed. I just knew there was so famous guy in the West Wing."
To be honest, from the start, I disliked him. Because of my disgustingly childish jealousy. But saying that out loud would only make look pathetic, and worse, he might find revolting. So I kept my mouth shut. That was as much as I was willing to say.
Go Yohan didn’t respond. He just kept scratching his thigh in that sa manner. Strangely enough, watching him do that made anxious. I pushed harder to make my case. I wanted to make it crystal clear that I had no lingering feelings for Han Junwoo. For my own sake. For my own selfishness.
"Yohan, you seem to be misunderstanding sothing. If you think I started hating Han Junwoo just because his rank dropped, then you’re completely wrong."
That was the truth. I swallowed once and continued.
"I just dislike people who dislike ."
Ever since Han Junwoo crushed in front of Han Taesan, had I ever felt even a flutter of admiration for him? No matter how much I thought about it, the answer was no. I was always like this.
"As proof, I don’t care about Han Junwoo at all now. I don’t even know what he’s doing these days."
"......"
"You’d know, wouldn’t you? You were in the sa class in our second year."
I finished speaking, feeling oddly satisfied. Sitting there, watching Go Yohan in silence, I noticed that he didn’t respond. He slowly pulled his lips into his mouth, as if lost in thought. A long, slow mont passed. His eyes wandered in the air, looking sowhat confused.
"...Ah."
Go Yohan opened his mouth, then closed it. He moved as if he wanted to say sothing but couldn’t put it into words. His long fingers scratched at his pants again, leaving faint lines along the fabric. I saw how his fingers pressed against the material until they turned white.
"Is that so?"
"Yeah."
"I never knew you felt that way."
His voice carried a teasing lilt, but it was quieter than usual. That voice cooled my head instantly.
"...Well, you know now."
And then, I regretted defending myself. Why the hell did I say all that so nicely?
What was I trying to accomplish here? Was I trying to get along with Go Yohan? Had I lost my mind? The montary hope I’d felt, the madness in my thought process, sent a chill down my spine. Kang Jun, you crazy bastard. What the hell are you saying? Have you completely lost it over a guy?
You know exactly what happens when you like guys. You’ve already lived through it.
Crazy, stupid bastard.
I hurriedly opened my mouth, desperate to cover up my mistake.
"Yeah, now that I think about it, I guess I had a lot of misunderstandings about you too. We only really started getting to know each other in our second year."
Throwing out those words like a desperate excuse, I wracked my brain. What do I do? How do I keep myself from being completely discarded while making it through this nightmare of a school life unscathed? How do I avoid making Go Yohan my enemy without letting him get any closer? At this point, fear was pressing down on more than anything else. My future still depended on his every move.
Go Yohan slowly closed his eyes, then opened them again. His expression was still distant, still processing sothing. What the hell was he thinking so deeply about? His heel lifted slightly off the ground, then dropped back down.
Finally, he spoke. And what he said was... a little strange.
"...You really didn’t know ?"
Was he that shocked at the idea of not being famous? Like he had so disease that made him miserable when he wasn’t the center of attention.
"I wouldn’t say I didn’t know you. Of course, I’d heard of ‘Go Yohan from the West Wing.’ You were famous."
The words ca out with an air of charity. That was the mask of Kang Jun talking.
"But that was it. We never even talked. We were in different buildings, so I just forgot about you. That’s why, when you first asked to eat lunch with you, I assud you were talking to Han Junwoo. That’s why I was so surprised at first."
"Then what about now?"
Go Yohan’s voice cut through my words. It felt like he hadn’t been listening at all—like he had no real interest in what I was saying. Whir. I could almost hear the gears turning in his head. He let out a sneering laugh and tapped his fingers against his chest.
"…Do you think I hate you?"
"I don’t really know."
After so deliberation, I chose neutrality.
"It’s been a while since we fought."
Not a lie. We hadn’t eaten together, hadn’t hung out, didn’t even share the sa group of friends anymore.
Saying I don’t know ant I could take it back at any ti—until I did know for sure. I was giving myself a second chance. If I said yes, I’d be crossing a river I couldn’t return from. If I said no, I’d imdiately gain Go Yohan’s favor, but I’d also have to spend my life watching his every move, fearing his reactions.
I forced a clumsy smile and held up three fingers.
"Uh, so… when was it that we fought? It’s been a while, right?"
"Hey."
"Yeah, I an, we were both upset back then, but we already agreed to forget about it and forgive each other, so there’s no point in—"
"Hey, Kang Jun."
"Huh?"
The fingers that had been tapping against his chest dropped back down onto his lap. His unusually long fingers curled into a fist, forming a large, knotted shape. Beneath his pale skin, blue veins bulged. I tensed up, bracing myself for whatever ca next. The pendulum swung. Down toward .
"…I did."
"What?"
"I told you—I asked to make up back then."
Go Yohan spoke through clenched teeth, his jaw tight with strain. His long eyelashes fluttered downward before lifting again, revealing the stark white sclera of his eyes. He glared at with an intensity that sent a shiver down my spine. The pendulum pressed down, heavy on my gut. I felt the heat pooling in my lower abdon, but my mind was drowning in fear. No. I can’t do this with Go Yohan. He’ll tornt again, whenever he pleases. My rationality flashed a warning light. I swallowed down the chill creeping up my nape and forced my voice to steady.
"If we just don’t fight at all, and keep things like… I don’t know, classmates who only say good morning to each other, wouldn’t that be…?"
Go Yohan stared at , his fist still clenched. Still glaring. I couldn’t bear to hold his gaze any longer, so I dropped my eyes to the stark white sheets. Silence stretched between us. It felt like minutes had passed—maybe even longer—before, all of a sudden, Go Yohan sprang to his feet.
"I’m leaving."
That was all he said.
Before I even realized it, I had raised my hand as if to stop him, only to quickly lower it again.
"…Yeah."
I didn’t stop him. As he stood up, Go Yohan hesitated for a brief mont, staring at the door. Then, as if fleeing, he strode out of the hospital room without ever looking back.
After that, Go Yohan never ca to visit again.
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