I had no choice but to wave back when I saw the two of them waving at . If I was the only one not returning the greeting, it would ruin the mood. Then I thought to myself—were these guys always this nice?
"See you later."
Oh Yeonjun’s overly friendly farewell continued until he finally left the classroom. He seed to have a wider social circle than I expected, heading into the next class to et another friend. Watching him go, Park Haon lowered his eyebrows and smiled. His kind smile twisted into a sneer in an instant. I shut my mouth the mont I saw the change. What the hell?
"Still the sa, always latching onto soone else. Like a damn leech."
At his words, Im Yoonki leaned in and chuckled.
"How many votes did he get when he ran for student council president?"
"Thirty-two."
"Wow. Thirty-two votes? He must be out of his mind. Was one of those votes his own? If it were , I’d be so embarrassed I’d just off myself."
"Exactly. And why does he keep trying to talk to us? It’s so damn annoying how he keeps poking at us with his grades."
"It’s because of you and Kang Jun. You both have higher grades than him. Did you see earlier? He didn’t even bother talking to ."
"Yoonki, don’t get worked up. You’re better than him. Honestly, the guy’s personality is just… Does he think he’s so kind of prince or what?"
Park Haon twirled his finger near his temple. I didn’t join in. Not because I had any sympathy for Oh Yeonjun, but because a different realization hit .
These two probably talked shit about just like this after chatting with .
Human nature doesn’t change. At least Shin Jaehyun was decent. In fact, hearing this kind of trash talk made more convinced that Shin Jaehyun’s reputation was well deserved. After all, in the end, people just concluded he was "a good guy."
"……"
I sat there dumbly, unable to wedge myself into their solid friendship. Just how much did they talk about behind my back? Maybe sothing like— ‘Isn’t Kang Jun always by himself these days? Looks like Go Yohan really ditched him. Serves him right for acting cocky.’ Their faces blurred into mocking letters scrawled across my mind. My thoughts grew deafening.
Then—
"Shut the fuck up. Jesus."
Park Haon and Im Yoonki’s conversation ca to an abrupt halt. Their actual conversation, and the one running wild in my own head—both of them stopped at once. I wasn’t the one who spoke. It was a familiar voice. Low, raspy, scraping against his vocal cords.
"……Go Yohan?"
Of course, old habits die hard. Like a dog recognizing its owner, my head snapped around.
For the first ti in over three weeks and four days, Go Yohan was interfering in my life again. It was a miracle. And to top it off, he had interrupted just when I was in an awkward situation. My head filled with hope. I had no right to laugh at Oh Yeonjun. I was no different. Ah, maybe now I could finally understand Oh Yeonjun.
Could it be? Was Go Yohan being nice to again?
But then, he t my eyes—and threw his workbook onto the floor.
For so reason, despite sitting in a chair pushed far away from the desk, slouched lazily, Go Yohan looked especially pissed off. The loud thud as the book hit the floor silenced the classroom. Everyone’s gaze locked onto him. Running his hand through his hair, he turned to a beat later and glared.
"Kang Jun. Stop ruining the class vibe, will you? I’m trying to study, and you’re fucking up my mood."
"……."
"Talking shit behind people’s backs? Wow. Real nice personality you got there."
Go Yohan lifted the corners of his mouth in a smirk, dripping with mockery. I felt wronged. I hadn’t even said anything. But what hurt more than the false accusation—
Go Yohan called Kang Jun.
****
I didn’t go to cram school. A little rebellion, for once.
I didn’t want to share notes with Oh Yeonjun, and honestly, I didn’t feel like seeing anyone. The trembling at my fingertips from that fleeting romantic hope had been violently crushed in an instant. Kang Jun. That rciless word had severed the feelings I hadn’t even been able to end myself.
"Fucking bastard…."
I lay in bed all evening, crying my eyes out.
Burying my face into the mattress, I sobbed without making a sound. A sharp, tearing pain ripped through my chest. It was different from when I had been in love with Han Junwoo. Back then, it was despair over an impossible dream. Now, it was regret over losing sothing that had once been mine. A plumting love that crashed into the ground.
"……."
After crying for a long ti, my eyelids grew heavy.
My eyes, swollen and burning with heat, refused to open properly. If I slept like this, I’d wake up looking like a complete ss. Anyone who saw would know—Kang Jun spent the whole night bawling like an idiot. Covering my face with both hands, I sneaked into the kitchen and grabbed an ice pack.
Then, afraid the housekeeper might see , I hurried back to my room.
My left arm still wasn’t moving properly, and I almost lost my balance climbing the stairs. If I hadn’t braced myself with my left hand, I might’ve smashed my face into the edge of the step.
For a fleeting mont, I thought—maybe it would’ve been better if I had.
Just die. Just fucking die. Dirty fucking faggot. Ruined piece of shit.
Back in my room, I wrapped the ice pack in a handkerchief and placed it over my eyes. The cold made it impossible to sleep. I stayed up all night. When the tears ca rushing back in the early morning, I sobbed again, loud and ugly. The ice pack had been completely useless.
More than anything, what terrified most—was school tomorrow.
"……What the fuck am I supposed to do?"
Standing in front of the mirror before leaving the house, I let out a long breath.
Sharp-eyed boys wouldn’t miss the fact that sothing had shifted between Go Yohan and .
"I heard Kang Jun clung to Go Yohan, but Yohan totally dumped him. That’s what happens when you’re a fucking leech."
I already knew the rumors that would spread. I braced myself by going over them in my head, like a vaccine against humiliation. If I preemptively drowned myself in the insults, maybe I’d feel less hurt when I heard them for real.
One small rcy—this was the honors class. Most of them didn’t care much about classroom hierarchies.
Or at least, I had to hope they didn’t. So guys relieved their stress by gossiping, though. Soon, the whispers would slither through the halls, spilling beyond the classroom, into the corridors, into the buildings across campus.
Like Go Yohan in the West Wing.
****
No matter how much of a crashing plane I was, no matter how close I was to having my neck wrung like a chicken, I didn’t want to grovel.
I hadn’t done it for Han Junwoo, who had ranked above . I hadn’t done it for Go Yohan, who had ranked even higher. And now I was supposed to do it for Oh Yeonjun? Over my dead body. So when Oh Yeonjun ca to nag at before class, I put on a shaless act.
"Hey, Kang Jun! Why didn’t you co to cram school yesterday?"
"Oh, that? I wasn’t feeling well, so I couldn’t go."
"I was waiting for you! You could’ve at least called!"
"I was sick and sleeping. Besides, I don’t even have your number."
"What? You don’t have my number?"
Why the fuck would I? Christ, his ego was unbelievable.
"Yeah."
"I thought you were, like, super smart, Kang Jun. Guess your mory isn’t as great as I thought."
God, this bastard always knew exactly how to piss off. What should I say to make him feel even worse than I do? As I was considering my options, an unexpected ally ca to my rescue.
Park Haon.
"Who the hell morizes phone numbers these days? Don’t you have anything better to do?"
Park Haon’s tone was filled with sheer disbelief. Clicking the cap of his chanical pencil, he frowned and continued speaking. He still seed irritated about how Oh Yeonjun had been humiliated by Go Yohan earlier.
"Can you stop picking fights with Kang Jun? Let the guy breathe. Can’t you see he’s already struggling?"
"Hey, when did I ever pick a fight? You always say shit like that."
"I an, it’s just a way of saying things. Why are you getting all worked up? Scary."
It was the kind of phrasing that made soone look like an idiot. In reality, Oh Yeonjun had only raised his voice slightly—he hadn’t actually lost his temper. But in the loud atmosphere of the classroom, Haon’s words had painted him as the one causing a scene. The mont Haon told him not to get mad, Oh Yeonjun suddenly beca the angry guy in the room. Realizing his voice had been a little too loud, he spoke again, this ti in a more subdued tone.
"I an, honestly, isn’t this the least he could do? Kang Jun owes us, doesn’t he?"
"Owes you?"
Owes them what? When the hell did I ever owe my classmates anything? I couldn’t figure it out no matter how hard I thought about it. Since I had no clue what he was talking about, I asked. Oh Yeonjun answered in a you seriously don’t know? kind of tone.
"Your exam answers. We all let it slide."
"What?"
"If you hadn’t written them down in ti, you wouldn’t have gotten first place in the school. Hell, not even first—maybe fourth or fifth. That would’ve really hurt your GPA, right? You got first place because we looked the other way. Do you have any idea how unfair Ji-Soo thought that was?"
Ahn Ji-Soo?
I subtly glanced around the classroom. Everything looked the sa as usual. So students were chattering, others were buried in their books, and a few had already left their seats. No one seed to be paying any attention to our conversation.
"So you should return the favor to the class. Share so of that grade. Split up the assignnts a little."
"……."
"I an, really…."
Park Haon turned his body toward as he trailed off.
I had nothing left to say. If even Park Haon—who had been giving Oh Yeonjun a hard ti—was now taking his side, then I really had screwed myself over in this class. If this had been our second year, it would’ve blown over. But of course, this year, I got stuck in a class full of GPA-obsessed assholes, and now this was happening. I didn’t want to escalate things any further, and I knew exactly how precarious my situation was, so I didn’t bother arguing.
"……."
I glanced up at the wall mirror. I had only noticed recently—if I looked carefully, I could see a slight reflection of Go Yohan’s legs and hands from his seat in the back. His hand, holding a pen, was completely still. I slowly blinked, inhaled deeply, and braced myself for humiliation.
It was better to maintain my position than to crash completely. No matter how much I despised this, no matter how much it shredded my pride—I had to do it.
"…I’m sorry about that back then."
Underneath my desk, my clenched fists trembled.
"So you’ll share your project report, right?"
"Yeah. I’ll do it."
"Wow, seriously. Kang Jun’s really becoming a proper person now."
Oh Yeonjun bead, pointing at like I was sothing to be proud of. Park Haon pulled his head back, lost in thought for a mont before asking ,
"What are you going to do? Have you picked a topic yet?"
My path was clear now—I was heading straight for the class’s communal piggy bank. As the others spoke, I could almost see the gnashing jaws behind their words. But I had no other choice. A weakling who turns the top of the hierarchy into an enemy only survives by submission.
And this wasn’t nearly enough for them to forgive .
The unspoken warning hung in the air.
****
Park Haon and Im Yoonki left the classroom not long after our conversation ended.
That was the extent of our so-called friendship. We talked in class but never shared a al together. Of course, I understood how difficult it was for high schoolers to introduce a new person into their fixed social circles. I would’ve done the sa in their position. So, I didn’t resent them, nor did I feel any hatred.
I held my pen with my left hand, put it down when I lost focus, chewed on a dry piece of bread, then tossed it onto my desk when I lost my appetite. After a while, I sighed deeply.
"Fuck. What am I even doing?"
Frustration crept in. I dropped my pen and rested my chin on my hand.
If only I could go back to the start of my first year. I wouldn't have gotten close to Han Junwoo. If I hadn’t fallen for that ranking bullshit and beco friends with him, I wouldn’t have suffered that humiliation. I wouldn’t have grown close to Go Yohan. And I wouldn’t be sitting here, wasting my ti in this miserable ss.
No—maybe I should’ve just never looked at Go Yohan in the cafeteria that day. Shouldn’t have t his eyes. Should’ve ignored him even if I had.
But what was the point of regretting the irreversible? All that remained for was empty despair. Besides, guys were bound to obsess over hierarchy for life. If I hadn’t gotten close to Han Junwoo or Go Yohan, I probably would’ve just been another Kang Jun, watching enviously as soone else smiled beside them.
So what?
"I don’t even know myself anymore."
Lately, I kept feeling like I was pathetic.
Maybe it was because I finally saw how out of reach that tree was. The fact that I needed to climb above others just to feel so sense of accomplishnt disgusted . But at the sa ti, I didn’t want to live my life envying others, either. People say life is a series of conflicts and dilemmas—had young Kang Jun ever imagined that nineteen-year-old would be sitting here, tornted by such miserable thoughts?
Just as I was wallowing in my own self-loathing, Im Yoonki’s chair in front of suddenly scraped against the floor. At the sa ti, a plastic-wrapped sandwich landed in front of .
What the hell? I slowly lifted my head.
It was Shin Jaehyun again.
"Eat up."
"……?"
"It’s an egg sandwich."
A sandwich? I frowned.
"Why are you giving this all of a sudden?"
"Don’t think too much about it."
Then, without warning, Shin Jaehyun snatched away the bread I had been eating. My bread. My dazed expression followed the stolen piece straight to his mouth. Unfazed, he took a bite and casually spoke.
"This one’s from the school lunch."
Now that I thought about it, today was Wednesday. Special lunch day.
Slowly, I reached out and picked up the sandwich. It was still warm, freshly made. My mouth watered a little. Holding it in my left hand, I tried to peel off the plastic wrap, but it was a pain to do one-handed. As I struggled, another hand suddenly swooped in and took the sandwich from .
Shin Jaehyun swiftly unwrapped it, revealing the thick, golden-yellow egg inside. I reached out to take it back.
"…Thanks."
"Like I said before, don’t ntion it."
"But why aren’t you eating?"
"?"
Shin Jaehyun had just gotten up from Im Yoonki’s seat to return to his own when he paused at my question. Then, as if it was nothing—completely unburdened and casual—he answered,
"I’m lactose intolerant."
I glanced down at the sandwich in my hands. The egg inside was slathered in mayonnaise. The reason was simple, straightforward—no room for overthinking. A reason as unburdened as the one who gave it to .
So damn Arican.
At that mont, I fully understood why Shin Jaehyun’s nickna was "Yankee."
"Alright."
He had given it without any strings attached, and I had accepted it just as easily. That was enough. Without hesitation, I took a bite. A soft, comforting flavor spread through my mouth. It had been a while since I’d had school lunch, and it tasted surprisingly good. Maybe I was getting sentintal. Maybe that’s why my guard lowered a little.
Without really thinking, I turned to Shin Jaehyun, who had already walked back to his seat.
"What about your friends?"
"My friends?"
At this hour, when soone asked that, didn’t they usually an the people you eat with? Since Shin Jaehyun didn’t seem to follow the usual social cues, I spelled it out more clearly.
"The friends you eat with."
"Oh. Today I ate with Lee Undo from Class 6. After lunch, he said he was heading to the field to play soccer, so I just ca back up after I finished eating."
As he spoke, he sat down at his desk and opened a book. Then, flashing a grin, he added,
"He really loves soccer."
"'Today'? So the people you eat with change all the ti?"
"Yeah. I just eat with whoever I run into in the hallway."
"Isn’t that awkward?"
"It’s always awkward at first."
Shin Jaehyun had broad shoulders, giving him that distinctly Arican look. Those wide shoulders lifted in an easy shrug.
"But after that, it’s all up to ."
That sounded cryptic.
With that, Shin Jaehyun dropped the subject and turned back to his book. I glanced at the cover—it was a novel. English literature, the kind that had no relevance to any of our exams. At a ti like this? No wonder he wasn’t climbing the ranks.
Tearing my eyes away from the book, I asked another question.
"Do you have a best friend? Like a close one?"
"A best friend?"
Still reading, Shin Jaehyun responded without hesitation.
"Nope."
The word carried no weight. It wasn’t self-deprecating or regretful—just light, casual, as if it ant nothing at all. He kept reading for a mont before flipping his book over on the desk and finally looking at .
"Having a best friend ans I’d be excluding soone else, doesn’t it?"
"……."
What a bizarre way of thinking.
Still, I tried to understand his perspective. But before I could process it fully, my thoughts were shattered by sothing I never expected.
"Go Yohan, close the door when you co in."
At that mont, for the first ti in three weeks, I turned my head toward the back door.
And there he was.
Go Yohan, standing in the doorway, captured by my eyes for the first ti in weeks. He looked a little worn out. Why?
His gaze t mine. He slowly blinked once, then opened his eyes again. What surfaced in those black pupils was nothing but contempt.
"……."
"……."
Go Yohan stared at in silence. His eyes, filled with nothing but cold disdain, terrified .
I looked away. I couldn’t bear it.
At nineteen, I was learning that math formulas weren’t the only new things to grasp.
When Han Junwoo abandoned , I had felt anger, resentnt. I had wanted to fight back. How could he do this to ? But with Go Yohan?
All I could do was tremble.
As I prepared myself for the freefall Go Yohan would bring upon , I realized sothing.
I had been able to stand up to Han Junwoo not just because I was arrogant—
But because Go Yohan had been there.
No. Maybe I had been arrogant because Go Yohan was there.
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