"..."
It seems I can't escape it. In truth, I never even intended to.
Go Yohan's breath touched right beside my lips. We were outside, in this old world, and just across from us was a street full of drinking and dancing. The ground was littered with torn flyers, and both Go Yohan's and my sneakers were soaked as if marinated in water. And too. My eyes, getting damp, gently closed.
"I understand."
It was a totally out-of-place remark. Even I felt awkward saying it.
Yet, upon my response, Go Yohan slightly opened his eyes. That was our last eye contact. And it was probably my lips that touched his first.
"..."
There was no sll of cigarettes from the touching lips, just a rough scent lingering like a trace. How strange. I raised my hand and slowly caressed Go Yohan's cheek. While doing so, I pushed him towards the window where green tinted sheets were sloppily stuck, blocking the view from outside.
With my eyes slightly open, I surveyed the empty street, ironically without letting go of Go Yohan. As soon as my fingertips touched his thin skin, Go Yohan's skin twitched briefly and then relaxed.
It stung. It was because Go Yohan's front teeth had bitten my upper lip. So I too gently bit into Go Yohan's tongue that was entering softly.
"Ah-ha."
That ant it hurt. I lifted my eyelids and saw Go Yohan's eyes right in front of . When did he open his eyes? Then he must have seen awkwardly scrutinizing the inside of the store and the street. Damn it.
I wrinkled my nose and closed one eye, winking. Then I grabbed Go Yohan by the scruff. Quickly I bit into his lips that were falling towards mine and then threw them off as if tossing them aside.
I taunted Go Yohan, who looked at with incredulous eyes, even sticking out my tongue at him. Huh. My action made Go Yohan huff in mock frustration. See that. I thrust my raised nose towards Go Yohan. Then, without changing my position of facing him directly, I only moved my hand. It was to snatch the already opened umbrella.
"This is mine."
My umbrella snatching operation was smoothly executed. I slung the umbrella I had seized over my shoulder and threw the unopened umbrella at Go Yohan. He caught it easily with his left hand. Really annoying.
"That's yours."
"Is that so?"
"Yes."
Go Yohan inspected the new umbrella. His face clearly showed dissatisfaction. It was a new umbrella. What's wrong with it? As I was about to ask, Go Yohan rubbed near his lips with his fingers and said,
"I guess I really put a lot of effort into raising Jun's."
Umbrellas are usually opened, right? Amid the sound of the pouring rain, I recalled Go Yohan's habitual speech. He’s the sa even as he ages. And that habit is subtly to my taste. I've aged too, but still the sa.
"You almost raised mine too."
I shook my head slightly and waved my hand in the air. No need to think too deeply. Hmm.
"Let's go ho."
The monsoon was said to be long.
As we returned, the rain intensified. The downpour soaked through our trousers and seed almost violent enough to break the windows. By the ti we barely made it inside the apartnt, both Go Yohan and I were completely drenched.
Go Yohan and I didn’t speak up to the front door. However, Go Yohan and I in the mirror secretly made eye contact. Erotic breaths mixed, and the rough sll of soap tickled . Why does Go Yohan still sll clean even when he smokes? It was a thought while staring at Go Yohan reflected in the mirror.
A tickle gently touched my throat.
"...?"
A small shiver crawled up my body. The Go Yohan in the mirror had grabbed my shirt collar with his finger. Goosebumps sprang up. I couldn't bring myself to turn my head and just stared down the corridor as I spoke.
"...Why?"
"Ah."
Go Yohan let the word linger before continuing.
"Your collar was folded."
Then with his damp middle finger, he swept it sideways across my nape. That small gesture captivated . Despite being unable to move even a step, my mouth alone boldly spoke.
"I checked before leaving."
"It must have folded while running."
"..."
"Aren't you going to say thanks?"
His finely clipped fingernails gently scratched the back of my head. The tickle moved down from my neck. I suppressed a heavy breath and bowed my head deeply.
"Thank you."
It was as I moved towards the door.
"It's a lie."
"...What is?"
"About the collar. It wasn't really folded."
"..."
"I was just teasing you. Dummy."
Really, a joke. I finally turned around and glared at Go Yohan, then swallowed dryly. Through Go Yohan's soaking wet clothes, I could see his pale skin. Simultaneously, my core hurt.
I shouldn't have looked.
Jun is really crazy. I wanted to punch myself in the head to suppress those feelings and quickly opened the inner door. As soon as I opened the door, I shoved only my body inside before closing it again, even before Go Yohan could enter. After a mont of silence, there was a knock on the inner door.
Knock-knock.
Go Yohan’s broad shoulders were faintly visible across the glass.
The sensor light turned on, and I hurried into my room. My wet soles were slippery. The squeaking moisture followed , sticking to the bottom of my feet. The hidden discomfort beneath my feet hid like a shadow but did not disappear.
Yet I stood as if nothing was wrong and entered my room. Contrary to the triumphant feeling, I exhaled deeply as soon as I entered.
I stealthily pressed my ear to the door. Sowhere far away, I heard the sound of the door closing. I then collapsed against the door.
"Damn it."
A thief feeling the cold. Because I had erotic thoughts about Go Yohan. It was a bit unfair to him. But what can I do? That's the kind of suspicious and pitiful guy I am.
Relieved, I noticed a new perspective. Like the crumpled papers strewn across the desk.
"Damn dirty."
I sighed and stood up again, grabbing the papers scattered on the desk. Looking at the overflowing trash can, I despaired. I should have asked the housekeeper to clean the room too.
No. What if the traces of Go Yohan and I sleeping together were discovered? What if a condom was found?
"..."
Ah, I'm really a ss. Pretending otherwise to Go Yohan, I ended up leaving the room cleaning to him and ended up sleeping with him. In fact, I’ve tried to live cleanly, but I often forget the notion of needing to organize sothing. I really am unfit for recycling, living trash.
I rembered sothing Go Yohan had said before.
…Go Yohan is certainly better than . He scolds for my patheticness. Like venting frustration, I cramd papers into a bag in the trash can.
I slapped my forehead hard. With my mind emptied, I shoved more papers over the brimming bag. After clearing so paper piles off the desk, the bag overflowed. I scratched my forehead as I watched papers fall from the bag to the floor. Then, I looked up at the quiet door.
I must have stood there for about three minutes. After finishing my unconscious pondering, I bent down. Still looking at the door, I picked up the paper trash and stood up. Still, there was no sound outside.
I moved my feet forward several tis, then back, and finally grabbed the doorknob. There was indeed so defiance in . This is my house, after all. Whose looks am I even considering? So, I opened the door.
"Ah."
And then, awkwardly enough, I locked eyes with Go Yohan standing dumbly in the kitchen. And there he was, just standing under the dim light. He wasn’t even eating or drinking anything. My defiance didn't stop. I brazenly asked, pretending to be clean and innocent.
"What are you doing so quietly? I thought you were in your room."
"Hmm."
Go Yohan seed to ponder sothing, then slowly ran his index finger along the wall. It was a while before he spoke.
"Just getting so water."
"…The water dispenser is on the other side, though."
"That’s true. Yeah."
Go Yohan made a dull remark and just awkwardly laughed.
"…"
"And you? Taking out the trash?"
"Ah, yeah. It's full."
"Well, I need to get by then."
"…Yeah, I guess."
To get to the kitchen, I had to go past the trash can that the maid handles. I had to walk past the kitchen where Go Yohan was. My grip on the bundle of papers tightened. Internally sighing, I kept my head stiffly high. After all, pretending to be shaless is perhaps my greatest talent. That’s how I walked towards the kitchen.
As I approached Go Yohan, my heartbeat shattered the glass of my body like a hamr, sending sharp, piercing shards through , and it grew unbearably loud.
"I’m passing through."
Go Yohan said he was getting water but didn’t move an inch as I approached. Instead, he subtly turned around, positioning himself within my path. What was he trying to do? Tension grabbed the back of my neck.
While forcibly looking ahead, I saw Go Yohan's expression blur in my periphery. He was eyeing , slowly and blatantly scanning from top to bottom. I felt a sensation akin to being stripped of my clothes, a feeling of humiliation. It was a mont when anxiety stroked my spine.
"Need help?"
His voice was heavily suppressed as he spoke to . Insane.
"No, I’m good."
I shook my head and awkwardly smiled, pretending to feel nothing. My body stiffly turned and entered the kitchen. I felt less bold than in my high school days. Back then, I seed to challenge such atmospheres. But after physically clashing, it beca even more uncomfortable.
That's the difference between soone who has only imagined and soone who has actually done it.
Even after I made sure the door was shut, I still felt uneasy. It was as if Go Yohan was sticking close to my back. It felt like he was following . Yet, I felt relieved seeing the door not open. Go Yohan must have gone to get water now. With that thought, I relaxed and was about to throw the papers into the pile of trash.
…but my hand suddenly stopped.
"Need help?"
It was a past question. But there, in a place where no one else was, I finally answered it.
"Just throwing away a bag."
And then I moved my halted hand again.
I looked at the trash can mixed with various garbage. The tension as if sothing was about to happen made involuntarily flick my fingertips. I stared at a paper soaked with spilled coffee for a while, then turned around. Just as I was about to leave the kitchen and reach the door, I abruptly stopped.
Could Go Yohan still be waiting?
That's so pointless. I fretted over such a trivial matter. Whether he was there or not didn't matter at all. Yet, knowing this didn't ease the discomfort Go Yohan's presence caused. I'm certain that among the people I know, not a single one feels comfortable around Go Yohan. And here I am, harboring such sly thoughts about him.
But I can't stay here forever. Plus, it would look even more pathetic if I didn’t leave after entering. It would look even stranger. I clenched and then relaxed my fingers. My stiff fingers hung over the sliding door handle. Gathering courage, I peeked through a tiny gap in the door, and there was no one there.
"…"
A strange emotion gripped my ankles. Was it regret? Relief? Often, I don't understand my own feelings. Just a year ago, Kang Jun who only lived with certainty, why has he beco like this?
With a firm grip on my hair, I strode into my room. My steps were quite indifferent. But upon entering my room, I hurriedly took off my clothes and underwear, then threw them on the floor. It seed like I needed to splash cold water on my head.
"Let’s get a grip, please."
It was rely his way of teasing . I lightly slapped my cheek. Then, I entered the attached shower room and turned on the water imdiately. But as soon as I opened the faucet, hot water from the wall-mounted showerhead fiercely hit my head and shoulders. I inadvertently let out a sound.
"Ah, hot!"
I quickly shut my mouth, even though the sound was embarrassingly trivial.
As the water touched, I rubbed my skin that turned red instantly. I nearly got burned. From earlier until now, the way I've been acting is childish and embarrassingly mortifying. I lightly tapped the tile on my crown. It's a good thing no one saw that. Then, cautiously, I stepped into the pouring water.
I pushed my wet hair back and washed my face under the flowing water. The water hitting my face felt sowhat painful, but it seed to bring so sense back. It sounded like a waterfall, though it certainly wasn't one. Then, I wiped the water dripping down my chin with my palm.
That's when it happened.
Amidst the flow of water, I heard soone knocking on the door. Or at least, it seed like it.
"Who is it, Go Yohan?"
I asked, "Who is it?" then, realizing the stupidity of my question, hastily changed it to a na. But no sound ca in response. Maybe the noise of the water had prevented from hearing properly? Or had I misheard the sound of water dripping?
Keeping my eyes on the door, I slowly turned off the water. The fierce flow gradually turned into re droplets falling to the floor. A faint mist filled the air, and the sound of the water droplets spread strangely within the enclosed bathroom. I stood under the showerhead, dumbfounded, but still, no response ca.
"Go Yohan, is that you?"
I called out his na, half in disbelief. Then a small doubt crept into my mind.
Had I locked the door when I ca in?
"..."
The tension, tight like a drawn string, finally snapped—it must have been instinct. Like prey sensing a predator, a sudden alertness had sprung up.
I stepped out of the shower booth quietly, trying to make no noise, and almost slipped due to my wet feet. There was no ti to hesitate. I reached out desperately to lock the door, and in a mont, it was done.
Huff—. I was out of breath, even though it wasn't physically taxing.
As my breath settled, a wave of embarrassnt washed over . That’s when I realized how paranoid my actions had been.
I gave a bitter laugh. I wondered when this sensitivity, this ailnt, would heal. Was it simply part of my nature? I shivered slightly from the chill in the air, feeling the cold temperature against my skin. Just as I was about to let go of the doorknob:
Creak.
The doorknob, which I was holding lightly, turned with just the slightest noise.
"..."
My body froze, statue-like. The movent was so cautious that I wouldn't have noticed if I hadn't been touching it. The flesh of my fingers, protruding slightly, tingled with the slight movent.
I couldn’t even blink.
As my trembling hand slowly pulled away from the doorknob, it turned all the way and then returned to its original position with a hollow sound.
And then silence followed.
I just stood under the water for a long ti. When I turned off the faucet, feeling like a new Buddha enlightened under a waterfall, my body was swollen from the water. My skin was also burning red. Suddenly feeling dizzy, I grabbed my head. The rising heat on every touch of my skin, I believed, was because I had been under the hot water for too long.
The Go Yohan during sex drove people to near death, not stopping despite pleas, heedless of requests to stop. That night might never be erased from my life.
"Please, stop thinking about this, you idiot…"
I scolded myself while pulling at my wet hair, but it was futile. Inside, Kang Jun was still excitedly crying, pinned down by Go Yohan.
"Please, please, just stop it now. Please, I beg you…"
I had passed out from crying, and upon waking up groggily, I had to give in when I realized my body was still accepting Go Yohan. Eventually, I had to bury my face in the gathered quilt. I couldn’t muster any more strength, fearing that disgusting moans might escape from my loosened mouth.
Yet, I often vividly dream of that night. And after such dreams, I would find my pants soaked.
"Jun, please…"
"…"
As I desperately nodded and gripped my hand tightly, Go Yohan’s words echoed.
"You have to relax for to pull out."
Who was the one who refused to let go until the end, anyway? Passing the responsibility to . My lower parts were so weakened that I could feel the flesh clinging to Go Yohan’s penis each ti he slowly pulled out.
"Jun, do you love a lot?"
"…uh, yes. Yes, I love you. So please, just stop."
What started as sowhat romantic ended in near screams. I want to sleep. I want to shower. My stomach hurts, and it feels like my bottom is swollen. I had cried out to just end it, and Go Yohan seed out of his mind, as if he had heard a declaration of love. He smiled purely like a boy who had just been confessed to and said this:
"Then show your face, huh?"
Fuck—. My rigid waist was abruptly lifted, and the breath I had been holding burst out fiercely. Pieces of the quilt slipped from between my fingers, and the wall ca into view.
Regaining my senses, I found myself positioned on Go Yohan’s legs. Every forceful thrust from below made my whole body bounce. With nothing to cover my face, I bit my lip and bowed my head. Then Go Yohan pushed his penis deep enough to shift the organs inside upward.
"Turn your head. Look at . I want to see your face, Jun."
"…uh, huh. I, I…"
Thus, Go Yohan crushed any semblance of male dignity I wanted to preserve.
Although I was shaken, my thought was "I'll never sleep with Go Yohan again." Crazy, this fucking pervert must be Kang Jun.
I’ve always thought I had a strong recovery ability. So, this resilience combined with the pervert inside made up the dreams I have every night. And the sensation of blood rushing below was definitely insane. I hate this part of myself.
"Please, you idiot."
Desperate thoughts followed. The face of a boring professor, for instance. I turned off the water and grabbed a robe. Then I spent a long ti recalling nurous people and situations to cool down my heat. Maybe an exam would be the most effective way to cool off. Any transgression could be sufficient with just the etings with Go Yohan. There are no Fs or failures in my life plan. As reality approached, the heat gradually subsided. After all, I can’t stay here forever.
Resolved, I put on the robe and turned the doorknob. The latch snapped up, and the door opened.
I cautiously opened the door and, finding no one there, quickly locked my room door. Only then did I feel secure. Without resting, I quickly changed clothes. Though I had thought of an exam to forget my immorality, now that a real exam was looming, another anxiety struck.
Reviews
All reviews (0)