When I ca to my senses, I found myself sprawled out on my bed. Even in my dazed state, I must have managed to lock the door before collapsing.
"Impressive, even in this state."
I lay still, blinking as my awareness gradually returned. My entire face throbbed with a dull, numbing ache. I lifted the hand that felt least stiff. My shoulder moved as though rust had settled into my joints, and a sharp pain shot through the spaces between my bones.
“Ow…”
Touching my battered body with difficulty, my fingers brushed against tender spots that had hardened unnaturally. After lying prone for a mont, I pressed my hand against the bed and pushed myself upright.
Sitting on the edge of the bed, I stared blankly at the wall before suddenly bursting into tears. A whimpering sound clawed its way up my throat, erging from my mouth in raspy, painful cries. My voice seed raw, as if my vocal cords were being scraped with sandpaper.
Unable to contain my anger, I sprang up and began throwing everything within reach. I cried and raged for what felt like an eternity before sinking back onto the floor. Clamping my mouth shut, I closed my eyes. But even with my eyes closed, tears stubbornly welled up, spilling down my cheeks as my sobs hitched in my throat.
“Damn it!”
I truly wanted to die.
But what I really wanted to die over was last night.
The window had definitely been shut. Had anyone heard? Could soone have heard? Damn it. Damn it. Fucking Han Junwoo. That idiot Han Taesan. Why did they co to my house? Why did they have to ruin my life like this?
“…Damn it.”
What Han Junwoo trampled on in front of Han Taesan wasn’t just —it was my pride. And that humiliation was worse than any of the tis Junwoo avoided or treated with disdain. It was sothing so devastating that it made cry out in anger.
But even in monts like this, when I was reduced to tears, I still found myself worrying about how I appeared to others. This was one of those monts.
The silence around suddenly registered, and I stopped crying. I glanced at the clock. It was just before eight. A sharp thought cut through my muddled brain: if I ran into the housekeeper like this, it would be disastrous. A cold chill spread through my head.
My mind cleared. There was no way I could let anyone see in this pathetic, disgraceful state. Scrambling to my feet, I set the chair upright and shoved all the objects I had thrown under the bed. Then I sat and waited for the inevitable knock on the door. When it ca a few minutes later, right on cue, I spoke as normally as I could.
“Don’t co in. I think I caught a cold. I’m not feeling well. I’ll skip school today.”
“Oh, really? Shouldn’t you go to the hospital?”
I swallowed a bitter taste that rose in my throat.
“I’ll go later if I don’t feel better.”
“Well, okay. Should I make you so porridge?”
“Just leave it outside the door, please. Thank you.”
“All right, Jun. Just hang on for a bit.”
I decided to skip school. I wasn’t in any shape to go, and I had no desire to, either.
Thankfully, there was so ointnt lying around in my room. I picked it up and slathered it over my aching body, wishing desperately for the pain to subside. Then I crawled back into bed.
The ointnt tube slipped from my hand, and I threw it onto the floor.
My entire body shivered uncontrollably. But what hurt more than the physical pain was the humiliation. It was as if soone was pinching my stomach with tiny, cruel fingers. It was absurd. To hide my tear-streaked face, I blocked out all the light streaming in through the window and burrowed deep under the blankets. The only thing that felt like it could shield from the crushing despair was the blanket itself.
I need to sleep. I have to sleep. Forcing my eyes shut, I told myself it would be fine. My parents didn’t know. Han Junwoo wasn’t the type to brag about what happened last night. It would be fine.
Thinking that, I buried myself deeper under the covers.
*****
Actually, it wasn’t fine at all.
Hidden beneath the blanket, I kept muttering words that lingered bitterly on the tip of my tongue. To anyone—God, my parents, anyone—I wanted to scream it out loud, like a waterfall pouring over the edge.
Please. It was Han Junwoo. Han Junwoo hit . He trampled . That bastard. Han Junwoo is insane. He’s crazy. He’s out of his mind. Just because of Han Taesan, he… After everything we went through in the past year, everything I felt for him… he crushed it. He crushed it right in front of Han Taesan. I’m an idiot. I showed that pathetic side of myself to Han Taesan, too. And the thought that soone might have seen it all…
I stopped my frantic train of thought. A wave of self-loathing surged within . I wanted to die.
The saddest part was what I did after crying under the blanket. The first thing I did was scramble to delete every text and call record from last night that Han Taesan had sent . Then, in a rush, I erased the CCTV footage from the gate, clearing all the recordings from early that morning. That night had beco sothing I couldn’t bear to let anyone know about—a shaful secret I couldn’t allow anyone to see.
*****
I skipped school for three days. Despite my hideous appearance, my body was healing steadily.
Maybe it was because I’d managed to shield the more noticeable areas while being beaten, or maybe it was just that my well-nourished body wasn’t as weak as I’d thought. Either way, the visible injuries were minimal—just a few dark bruises hidden under my clothes, with nothing life-threatening. For those three days, I buried myself under the blankets, crying over and over again. I ignored every single ssage and call.
I thought I could hold out until I fully recovered, but luck wasn’t on my side. My parents, who had been away for a long ti, suddenly returned ho. I had no choice but to panic.
“…Son, what happened to your face?”
“Oh, well…”
“Did you get into a fight? I thought you said you were sick. You said you caught a cold.”
As my father peppered with questions, I scrambled to co up with an explanation.
“Oh, um, I wasn’t feeling well, so a friend picked up the notice for …”
“And?”
“And I… got into a fight on my way to get it.”
“What?”
“It wasn’t anything serious. I just… tripped and hit my face on the ground.”
“What kind of fight leaves a kid’s face looking like this? Who was it?”
When my father’s voice rose sharply, I frantically waved my hands to calm him down.
“No, really, I don’t want to cause any trouble. It wasn’t a serious fight. We’ve already made up.”
“Co on, tell —why did you fight?”
“…Well…”
After thinking for a mont, I ca up with a completely pathetic excuse.
“I teased him for getting dumped by his girlfriend.”
“What?”
Surprisingly, my ridiculous answer seed to diffuse the situation. My father let out a sigh of disbelief before suddenly laughing.
“What are you kids, so kind of lodrama?”
“No…”
“Don’t do that again.”
“…Okay.”
It also helped that my injuries didn’t look as bad as they could have. Thankfully, the incident blew over.
Sothing strange did happen, though. While we were eating dinner together in the living room, my mother suddenly brought up Han Junwoo.
“By the way, are you still close with Junwoo these days?”
“What?”
“I an, he doesn’t seem to co over to the house much anymore.”
For soone who was ho less than half the ti, what was she even curious about? The re ntion of Han Junwoo forced his image into my mind, souring my mood instantly. I snapped back with an irritable tone.
“It’s the sa as always.”
The sa, my ass. Damn it. Damn it. Damn it. I felt so ashad and humiliated I wanted to die right then and there.
“Didn’t another friend co over recently? The housekeeper ntioned it. Are you close with that friend?”
My body went rigid. Slowly, I turned my head toward the kitchen, where the housekeeper was busily wiping down the dining table. A cold chill ran through . Did she hear it? Could she have heard anything that night? Was it possible she was the one who’d heard the sounds?
“Jun? What’s wrong?”
Startled by my mother’s question, I blurted out a response without thinking.
“Yes. We’re close.”
What did my mother say after that? I can’t rember. The sheer terror that rooted to the spot wiped everything else from my mind. What I do rember is the way she looked at when she ntioned Han Junwoo. It was the kind of look she gave when she brought up bad news.
Why?
That thought pushed further into a spiral of fear. My fingers grew cold. No. She couldn’t have heard. The housekeeper had poor hearing and lived in a separate part of the house, far away from my room. She couldn’t have heard anything. But why? Why did it feel like sothing was wrong? All I could do was pray to a god I didn’t even believe in.
Three more days passed, and my parents started urging to go back to school. I absolutely didn’t want to. But if I kept skipping, my mother would surely think there was a bigger problem than just a minor scuffle with a friend. That was the last thing I wanted. So, I forced myself to put on a cheerful face. There was nothing wrong with .
The days leading up to my return were filled with endless worry about what I’d do if I ran into Han Junwoo or Han Taesan. Would Junwoo beat to a pulp again? Would he humiliate in front of the class—or worse, in front of Taesan? Would he continue to trample on like I was nothing?
The thought alone made feel nauseous.
When I finally arrived at school, I hung my bag on the side of my desk and tossed so random papers on top of it. Then I sat down, staring blankly at the desk while the hallway noise gradually grew louder. As soon as I heard footsteps approaching, I buried my head in my arms.
If I pretended to be asleep, no one would notice my ssed-up face. At least not for a while. But I hadn’t accounted for one thing: the seat behind belonged to Go Yohan. Yohan was the kind of guy who could read the room but chose to act oblivious anyway.
As soon as he arrived, he stood by my desk, slipped his hand between my shoulder and neck, and tilted my face up with his fingers. I didn’t even have ti to resist. I had no choice but to let him see my face. Yohan raised an eyebrow as he examined and asked bluntly:
“What the hell happened to your face?”
“…It’s nothing.”
“Did you trip again?”
“Yeah. Sort of.”
“Really?”
He clicked his tongue and shook his head before abruptly letting go of my face, causing to nearly slam my head into the desk.
“Damn it.”
I glared at him, startled, but Yohan just gave a crooked grin, as if he were lost in thought. Whatever he was thinking, I had no way of knowing.
Neither Han Junwoo nor Han Taesan ca to school that day.
But while I’d been absent, a rumor had started spreading through the school.
“Hey, did you hear? Han Junwoo… that bastard actually…”
No one asked about my injuries, but it was clear from the curious looks I received that the rumor had already made its way through the halls.
It seed I was luckier than I’d thought.
*****
The rumors centered around and Han Junwoo. Neither of us had attended school since the day the rumors began, and even Han Taesan disappeared shortly after, leaving no one to dispel the whispers. With my battered face as visible proof, the rumors spread even faster.
The story went like this: Kang Jun and Han Junwoo had a falling out. And, Han Junwoo is gay.
“That bastard, I’m telling you, he totally had a thing for that rice ball.”
“What’s a rice ball? Oh, wait. Shit. Wait a second. Damn, I can’t stop laughing.”
“He totally looks like a squished rice ball, doesn’t he?”
“Seriously, like one of those perfectly compact ones.”
The classroom was filled with these kinds of conversations.
“All those guys who were close to Han Junwoo totally got stabbed in the back.”
Eventually, the chatter often turned to . I could feel their stares, but I pretended not to notice.
The rumor went: Kang Jun finally snapped over Han Junwoo’s gay antics. They fought, but since Han Junwoo is stronger, he beat Kang Jun senseless. Finally, the two went their separate ways. Even though I hadn’t sought out the rumors, they found their way to as if they’d been waiting.
“Unbelievable…”
During the break after the second period, Kim Minho, one of Go Yohan’s friends, approached while munching on a heated burger.
“Hey, Kang Jun, Kang Jun. Let ask you sothing. Did you hear about this?”
We weren’t close. We’d talked a few tis, but the air between us was always awkward. Most of the “things” people like Minho ca to ask about were outright nonsense. So, I just scratched my earlobe, unsure how to respond.
“So guy from Class 5 said those two gay bastards kissed. Is it true?”
“Uh… where?”
“Dunno. But they wouldn’t have done it right in the middle of the street, right? Probably went sowhere sketchy to jerk each other off or sothing.”
Yeah, sure. I let his words in one ear and out the other, despite what he was saying.
“Gross. That’s seriously disgusting.”
“Right? Damn, those guys… at a school of all places. Soone needs to pour acid on their heads. Ugh!”
Like all other rumors, the source was unclear. But in the judgnt of high schoolers, details didn’t matter when the story was juicy.
The boys present cursed and jeered. “No way that’s true, man! Shit!” But they still asked eagerly, “But really, where did it happen?”
Idiots. Do they really believe that? And yet, as Kim Minho talked, I couldn’t stop myself from imagining the two of them kissing. God, I really am pathetic.
“Now that I think about it, Han Junwoo hasn’t been screwing around much lately.”
“Maybe he’s overdone it so much his dick’s gone limp?”
Perched atop his desk, Go Yohan chid in unexpectedly. He spun his empty ice cream stick between his fingers, his lips curling into a smirk.
“Wouldn’t be surprising. Guy doesn’t know when to stop.”
Even now, Yohan seed to think this was all just a joke. I glanced at him out of the corner of my eye and sighed. The vulgarity that had overtaken the classroom drew mixed reactions from everyone.
So of the boys near Yohan pounded their desks or stomped their feet, laughing hysterically. Among them were a few who used to hang around with Han Junwoo. Yohan, anwhile, dropped his ice cream stick onto the floor with a deliberate flick of his fingers, his grin widening.
“Or maybe he stuck it in so filthy hole, and it rotted off.”
The room fell silent. There was a sharp edge to Yohan’s voice.
“…”
Even I turned to look at him with awkward surprise. Amidst the chatter of thirty students, a strange atmosphere began to settle over the classroom. The conversations of those unrelated to the situation grew louder, as if to mask the tension.
I couldn’t tell if Yohan was joking or serious. I was sure everyone else was thinking the sa. But Yohan didn’t seem to care. He scratched his chin with his thumb and spoke again, this ti with his lips twisted.
“Fucking gay bastard. Ugh.”
Yohan jumped down from his desk. Not that it mattered—his long legs made it so the floor wasn’t far. He humd so unrecognizable tune as he strolled leisurely through the classroom. We all just watched him.
Suddenly, he stopped and pointed at a desk.
“Is this… Han Junwoo’s desk?”
As if he didn’t already know.
He tilted his head, feigning curiosity, and we all felt the unspoken pressure. A few people nodded.
“Good. Perfect.”
His voice brimd with satisfaction.
“You know, I’ve been dying to put this cocky bastard in his place.”
Yohan lifted his foot, and a dull thud echoed through the room. The weighty sound of sothing falling vibrated underfoot. Judging by the position and the sound, it was definitely a desk. And it had been Han Junwoo’s.
Yohan had asked deliberately. He wanted everyone to know exactly whose desk he was kicking.
“Yohan, you bastard! You’re such a jerk!”
“Wow, look at that asshole’s personality.”
The silence shattered as if it had never existed. Laughter erupted once again in the classroom. I caught a glimpse of a few textbooks scattered on the floor, still looking almost new. On one of them, scribbled in bold letters, was the na:
Han Junwoo.
The others who had been watching Yohan hesitated for a mont before speaking up.
“Man, Yohan’s such a dick. But damn, doesn’t it feel kind of good?”
“No way. It’s just you.”
“No, it’s not! Right?”
“Ugh, Minho, your tone is so annoying. Just like… Han Junwoo?”
“Fuck off!”
Minho and another boy, Lee Seokhyun, bickered playfully, clearly trying to impress Yohan. Right now, everyone in the class was laughing for Yohan’s benefit.
Yeah, I’d spent my life as the good son in front of my parents, a dependable student to my teachers, and a decent guy to my classmates. Being a loyal friend to Han Junwoo was just one more thing I’d forced myself to endure.
People like , who build their lives so carefully, fear one thing above all: not the reality of having to live that way forever, but the idea that a single mistake could bring it all crashing down.
And how did I react? I smiled brightly.
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