Chapter 116: Endless Waiting
William’s voice was gruff as he replied, "Is that what you expect
to do? Well then, I’m fucking sorry you have so little regard for ."
Camilla felt herself withering under his glare. "I’m not trying to insult you. I just thought - well, you once said n have needs...and if I don’t...or can’t et them - I assud..." She closed her eyes, wishing a bolt of lightning would just end her on the spot.
Was it better for her to give him her permission even thought it would break her heart, and he would do as he pleased whether he had it or not? Was she hoping for the impossible if she asked him to abstain? Opening then closing her mouth, Camilla was thoroughly confused.
She heard William hiss out a string of curses, then felt his hand cup her cheek.
"Of course I’m not going to seek out other won. Why would you even think that?"
"Because...isn’t that what you do? What all n do?" Camilla blinked at him in surprise. Surely she had misheard him?
"Not all n." William snapped, then a tinge of red started creeping up his face, visible even in the candlelight. "I an, it’s what I would’ve done in the past as well..." he admitted. "But I don’t want to do that anymore."
She looked at him askance until he sighed. "If you really must know, I haven’t laid a hand on another woman since last autumn. Even then, I only chose her because she reminded
of you." William shook his head and smiled slightly at his own confession. "Let
tell you, that is a very long ti to be celibate."
"So you’re happy to wait until we’re married?" Camilla’s heart thumped with delight and relief.
"No of course I’m not happy about it!" William growled. "But I’m willing to do it, if it’s important to you. And I suppose it makes sense to avoid any kind of scandal in the weeks leading up to the wedding."
Camilla bead and pressed her lips to his flushed cheek, brushing a swatch of the golden hair that had co to fascinate her, back from his face. "Thank you."
William threw his head back against the edge of the couch behind him and muttered, "I may live to regret this." He then opened one eye and squinted at her in irritation. "Now, move back and keep your distance. These are going to be the most difficult, miserable weeks of my life. And if I’m to get through them, I don’t want you around looking like that to lead
into temptation."
"Looking like what?" Camilla tilted her head at him curiously. She was crunched up awkwardly on the floor to keep her dress from sliding down and her hair was a tangled bird’s nest from their brief tumble. If the candlelight was any brighter, she’d be mortified.
Instead, William shut both eyes and threw his head back against the couch again, muttering what sounded like a prayer from between a clenched jaw. She noticed his tense posture, sitting almost doubled over as if in pain. With another sigh, he heaved himself up into a standing position and extended his hand to haul her upright.
Camilla looked up into his tense, flushed face for a mont. He gave her a faint smile, a quick peck on the forehead and turned on his heel to walk towards the doors leading to the corridor. "Good night then."
"Wait!" Camilla blurted out, following him. She grabbed his arm just before he could open the door. He turned to face her, bemused.
"Is there anything I can do?" she whispered.
"Do? What do you an?"
Camilla looked down and bit her lip. She felt awful sending him away like this, when he looked so physically uncomfortable. He had always been so generous with giving her pleasure and she...
She knew nothing. She hadn’t the faintest idea how to please him or what he liked, having always let him take control in the past as he obviously knew what to do. She cursed her lack of knowledge.
She’d have to learn at so point though, wouldn’t she, if she was to be a good wife? She may as well start now.
Standing on her tiptoes, she kissed his lips briefly. "I can’t let you leave like this. It makes
feel, well, terrible."
William swallowed. "You said you didn’t want to lie with ."
"No, I said I couldn’t." She kissed him again. "It’s a different thing."
"Two different phrases with the sa end result, Camilla." William sounded irritated but nevertheless kissed her back. His hand slid to her hip as they exchanged short, hot kisses. He then abruptly stepped back and leaned against the door.
"I’ll respect your wishes and keep my hands off you, but please don’t make things harder than they have to be." William raised his hands between them.
Camilla threaded her fingers through his as she stepped forward and kissed him again. She heard him groan, clearly confused with the mixed ssages he was receiving.
She had better end the confusion then, she thought.
Camilla let go of his hands and placed her palms against his chest, slowly sliding them lower. Feeling the ladder of his abdominal muscles twitch under her hands, she wondered vaguely if she was tickling him.
She started undoing his belt. He pulled his head back abruptly and stared at her with shocked eyes.
"What the fuck are you doing, woman?"
Camilla shrugged as she started unlacing his trousers, fingers brushing against the tense bulge of him. "I ant it when I said we can’t lie together."
"So this is how you want to prevent it? By killing
instead?" William’s voice was strangled and he had started to shake as he gaped at her.
She laughed and kissed him again as she finally undid the laces and brushed his smooth, hot skin with her fingertips. She heard and felt him wheeze out a breath as she wrapped her hand around his hard shaft.
Camilla paused for a mont. Had she done that right? Was she doing any part of this right? She looked up hesitantly at William, whose eyes were so wide that she could see the whites all around his irises.
"I don’t...I don’t know..." Camilla could feel herself blushing and hated herself a little for it. "What do...you like? Can you please...tell
what to do?" She slid her hand down his shaft slowly, then up again.
"That! Do that." William gasped out. He kissed her lips roughly as she slid both hands the way he suggested, one after the other. Camilla felt his hands on her back, fisting handfuls of her unlaced gown.
She repeated the movent, one hand then the other. William squeezed his eyes shut as he threw his head back and she heard it thump against the door. He groaned, seemingly unconcerned.
"Um, am I doing this right?" Camilla let her thumb circle the head of his shaft, marveling at how soft the skin was. She circled again, fascinated at how such a small gesture could make a strong man shudder.
"Oh yes, hell yes." she heard him whisper. "Keep doing that and I’ll give you anything you want."
Camilla leaned forward and kissed his throat, feeling his strong, fast pulse. Her hands kept sliding in a slow, steady rhythm along the length of him as she heard William whisper a string of the most obscene words.
She rembered his hands on her in the little drawing room a few nights ago and how her mind had completely blanked from sheer ecstasy, her voice hoarse and pleading. A little thrill ran through her now.
So this is what it’s like to have soone submit to you for pleasure, she mused. It was an intoxicating thing. No wonder William liked not only to control her but also watch her in those monts. She stroked him a little harder, feeling and hearing a low growl rumbling in his chest. His hands moved restlessly over her back and neck and hips, never settling for long.
Camilla wasn’t too sure what was supposed to happen next as she twirled her thumb around the head of his cock in a way he seed to like. Well, she assud he liked since he didn’t tell her otherwise. He was shaking and his breathing was fast and hard. Was this all he wanted?
She then rembered sothing Elizabeth had told her about, sothing that n apparently liked very much. At the ti, Camilla had been beyond shocked as the whole thing sounded preposterous. Elizabeth had been adamant though, even giggling that she sotis did it just before she wanted to ask Archibald for a favour and that it almost always got her the answer she wanted.
Dear lord, were n really that easy to manipulate? There was only one way to confirm, she supposed. Trying to rember everything Elizabeth had told her, Camilla dropped to her knees and put her mouth on him.
William bellowed.
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