Desecration Chapter50: Vigil

I had plenty of experience with funerary rites, considering the fate of my village, but this felt different. Usually when giving respect to the dead we sent them off with sothing of value, sothing they held dear. It was the smithies hamr for my father, and a small brooch whose significance I never discovered for my mother. If Rea had cared to tell what Terra valued, I would’ve done the sa for her. But…I guess the dead had a better understanding of what’d matter in that regard than the living.

Made my mourning for a boy I never knew seem hollow in the end, didn’t it? But still, he deserved sothing, and a vigil was all I could give. So I walked through the city, grabbing toys and trinkets along the way. Things that might ease the journey, though I didn’t know if he would’ve found solace in such things.

I got the regular greetings alongside so…glances.

Being a quarter of the city's elf population ant that any notable news regarding myself traveled quickly throughout the city. Aira had told of the rumors, that I showed no rcy to the child who’d stabbed . That the mother fled the city in grief of the tragedy. Everyone thought the city did nothing because…well, he attacked first.

It rankled, to be accused of being sothing I wasn’t. But I’d consigned him to death. Having Alvir do it was just cowardice disguised as caution. At least it was quick. It was the small rcies.

I left the city and just…wandered, letting my mind do the sa.

I thought of my parents mostly.

It wasn’t my first ti experiencing that kind of grief, though it was a different flavour. The figures who’d called Alina were still alive when I found myself in this world, so I’d mourn my loss, but not theirs.

Neither did I have to bury their corpses to be fair, so there was plenty of differences.

I was prepared though, you couldn’t have the constant fear of Armageddon in your mind and expect for those you cared for to survive. Not unless you were extraordinarily naive. So the certainty blunted the impact.

But if I wanted to be honest with myself, I’d have to admit that there was plenty of trauma I was actively burying in hopes that I’d never have to confront it at all. Because pain was sothing I could endure, if it was physical, or even spiritual. But emotional? That was raw. Too raw and jagged for to handle.

I was scared and scarred, and I refused to acknowledge either.

That was fine, for what it was, but Rudy broke sothing.

Sothing fundantal that I’d used to cope, sothing I needed to ignore the pain and push forward. Sothing I needed fixed.

I didn’t know how to do that, didn’t know how to fix myself, so I wandered.

Eleven Reudenmire festivals I’d spent with my family, and the twelfth I’d shared with people I’d only known for a few months. It was good, all of them were. Filled with smiles and rry banter, though it took a few years before I understood the latter.

Baby brains are weird.

Asna told so many stories, all of them fresh and exciting, stories of local heroes from villages past. Stories of her children’s exploits, including Rio’s and a few of mine (much to my embarrassnt). Strange monsters and strange lands, all filled with so much wonder. It made want to explore the world, before I discovered where I was. Maybe I would, If I survived.

The narrative has been illicitly obtained; should you discover it on Amazon, report the violation.

She knew how to weave tales that enraptured an audience, and I’m certain part of that ca from the whispers that escaped into her ears. I’d gotten better at that, distinguishing the whispers. Not at interpreting them, that stalled dramatically when I could barely pick out individual sources.

Just another kind of training, one that linked ever closer to my heritage.

I’d walked through a bit of the forest by that point, just thinking, reminiscing. The forest by Anik was a little different compared to that of Okama. Less ominous, more ta. Probably helped that there was a whole guild dedicated to culling monsters. Animals were abundant because of that.

Funny, the hunters guild was a boon to the wildlife. Life truly was stranger than fiction.

The forest in Okama was a thing to fear. Sure, Patan tried his best to keep it safe but there was only so much one monster hunter could manage. So I learned from an early age not to wander past the village’s walls without very good reason.

Hanging out at Uria’s farm was good enough reason for though, but otherwise I kept heed of the sentint. Monsters weren’t a thing of imagination in this world, and children stood to be nothing but prey under their maw.

Here, I could see a few children playing their gas while gathering whatever they could for the vendors to make a small profit. Those were the kids that tend to be on the poorer side of things though, and while they seed to be having fun, there was an unmistakable caution in their countenance.

I had to walk for a while before I could truly be alone, at which point I sat down by so regal looking tree that seed to fit the mood.

I grabbed my bag and started to array a series of items in front of the tree.

First was sothing that belonged to the boy, a necklace of silver whose pendant was the tooth of a scalewolf. Alvir’s eyes had lingered on it for a while before handing it to . I was curious if he knew what I’d end up doing, but there’s no way he was that smart.

Or maybe I was predictable. Concerningly likely.

The next item was a knife, then a bangle, and finally a doll.

I sat cross legged, gripping my ankles and looking down at the items as my long black hair swished with the wind. “Hey Rudy,” I started. “Fuck, that’s weird to say out loud. You know Rudy’s a na from my old world? Sotis the similarities can get jarring between lives but…that’s not important right now, is it?

“I…I want to say I’m sorry, not for taking you to the big bad witch for killing you. I think we can both agree that was necessary. I — fuck, you’re not even here. What am I doing?”

I looked down at the items and took a breath.

“Sorry…sorry, I’m not really good at this kind of shit, ya know? I guess I wanted to apologize for the shit cards life dealt you. ‘Cause I have a feeling no one else’s gonna do that. Not that cunt of a mother at least, and certainly not the demon that was puppeteering your body.

“But it’s a bit of a hollow apology coming from soone you don’t really know, isn’t it? Yeah, life can be fucked like that. You might be wondering why I’m even bothering then and…it’s more for than it is for you.

“I know, you can’t even catch a break in death.” I gave a hollow chuckle. “But I need this, and you could use the company, so bear with

“I got you so stuff, made you sothing too! I don’t know what you would’ve liked so I just got so random shit.

“The doll is for if you're into that shit, I don’t know what kids your age enjoy other than roughhousing, so hopefully this’ll provide so kind of entertainnt.

“The knife! Now that I forged myself, I had to pay for the iron and the privilege to use the smithy, but I got it done. The arrogant prick tried to get as his apprentice of all things once he saw I could actually smith and wasn’t blowing smoke. It was pretty funny. I hope it can protect you, wherever you’re going.

“Now the bangle. That’s more personal. I…don’t want to talk about it, I just hope you like it.

“Brought your necklace just in case you actually cared for it too, so there’s that.”

I sat there for a while, just ruminating. Nothing specific really. Just letting thoughts and mories flow, listening to the Worlds whispers all the while. Then I got up.

I paused by the tree, items laid out in an array. “Goodbye kid, I hope your next life is a good one.”