[Seiji's POV]
"....."
"....."
There are people in this world who are so innocent and happy that you do not want anything to upset them, for , Mitsuri was at the very top of that list.
So it was hard for to give her the truth when I knew the truth would hurt her.
'I'm going to die at the age of 25 years old,' I repeated that sentence again and again in my mind without saying it out, hoping that if I repeated it enough, I would eventually find a way to phrase it better.
A hundred tis, A thousand tis, a million tis...I couldn't find it, words change, anings don't and neither does the truth.
After I used up all of the silence Mitsuri generously gave , I ca to the conclusion that I did not want to tell her that.
So I said...
"What do you think about breaking our engagent?"
The way her smile literally fell into a heartbroken frown was the saddest sight I had ever seen. It was a tragedy that ripped my heart into a million pieces.
"Don't misunderstand though, I still want to be with you, It's just that the whole engagent thing was arranged by our parents, it's kind of silly. If we truly love each other, we should marry by our own free will," I was not sure what I said next either, I just rember trying to make her feel better.
I laughed to make her feel better, but it didn't work.
I saw her green eyes break out into tears and her shaking hands reached for her heart. She was holding herself back because she thought it was not reasonable to react so emotionally. It was frightening to see how impactful a sentence could be.
"What do you an? I thought you were okay with the engagent," she was not able to say that properly but my eyes read them perfectly.
"Of course I am," I paused, "Of course I was,"
When I thought I had a future, I was okay with marrying you. When I was not faced with certain death in the future, I had the courage to want you all to myself.
"But...." I ran out of air, the master of breathing styles ran out of air.
"Things change, okay," I said after taking another breath.
Her body shook in what I could not believe but what my eyes told were fear and regret. She bit her lips, looked ekly in the eyes and asked.
"Did I do sothing wrong? Why do you not want anymore?" she said and I was too stunned to speak at how she took my words.
She looked like the first ti I saw her, vulnerable and sorry for being herself.
"I can change,"
"NO. FUCK!!" I yelled, too shaken up, "That's not what I an.."
My hands went to grab her face and pulled her close to . I stood up too so that I could be right in front of her face. Seeing was how I communicate and at this mont, I wanted her to see exactly what I had to say.
"I love you," It was a powerful sentence but nearly not enough to express the emotions in my heart.
"I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I love you. I LOVE YOU. I LOVE YOUUU!!!" I said until, again, I ran out of breath.
I did not want her to think she was the problem because she was not.
It was . Bla , bla the world.
We stared at each other for a long ti until I let her go and we both settled back to our seats. I took a deep breath and Mitsuri was calr now and blushing a bit after my explosive confession.
"And that's why...I don't want you to be engaged with ," I said after a mont.
I recalled the ti when I heard that I was engaged with Mitsuri, it was one of the happiest monts of my life.
I was filled with joy so imnse that nobody in this world would be able to understand it. To , it was greater than being engaged with the queen of England.
I felt like the luckiest man in the world.
That still hadn't changed one bit. Even now, I still feel like the luckiest man in the world. The only difference was that Mitsuri was now the most unfortunate girl to be engaged with .
Although all my selfishness as an entity wanted to be engaged with Mitsuri, the part of that loved her more than myself wanted to break off the engagent.
Because I know, marrying would be like jumping on a sinking ship.
Have you ever talked to a cancer patient or people who knew their death was soon and inevitable? They would tell you, how much that knowledge of certain death changed them.
In a way, it changed too.
25 years. That's only 9 years from now. That was when I would die.
At that ti, I would leave Mitsuri a widow. I would leave her completely heartbroken and in pain.
I could not stress enough how young it was to die at 25, that's about the ti when life truly began. And marrying would curse Mitsuri to a life of loneliness from then on. I did not want to give her such a fickle love that would soon turn into pain.
The truth was, ever since I awakened my Demon Slayer Mark, I could not no longer be truly happy whenever I was with Mitsuri. She noticed this too.
It was because when I saw her smile, I also saw a future where that smile turned into a perpetual frown. When I took her on dates and made her happy, I only felt guilt, thinking of how I was giving her mories that would one day make her cry.
"You don't deserve my love, it's hell," I said to her and my vision turned blurry.
It was a strange experience for , I could barely see even though I possessed the greatest pair of eyes in the world.
Tears, that was what made my vision blurry.
"Let's break this engagent so that you can be free to discover the love that you deserve," I said.
I was not trying to push her away, I was rely freeing her - like freeing a bird from a cage. Being engaged with was forcing her to love and expect a future with .
She could continue staying and loving if she wanted, but I wanted her to be free to also leave .
It would an the world if she were to continue loving but I couldn't bear the guilt of making her.
"There's soone out there, I'm sure..who has the love you deserve. He will love you perfectly for what you are, and you will be happier with them," I said and it was the most humiliating sentence I had ever uttered.
But my mind recalled the ti when I talked to Giyu in a restaurant. He told about Obanai, who left him after creating his own Breathing Style. The future Snake Hashira was quickly climbing the ranks and would beco a Hashira in less than a year.
I couldn't deny that he would love her better than . I rember in the manga that when they died, they held each other so tightly that they had to be buried together.
How romantic. My love was nothing compared to that.
Mitsuri was unquestionably the one I loved the most in this world, even more than my family, my friends or Kanae.
Yet that love was not enough.
That's why it hurt so much and why it was humiliating.
...
If only I had not been influenced by my desires and broken the engagent before ever eting her - her story would probably have followed the canon plot and she would have found soone better than . She would find true love.
And I would make sure that no one died like in the canon and she would have a happy ending. I just had to interfere and ss everything up.
I'm sorry.
"I'm so sorry," I said. I apologized for making her fall for .
Breaking the engagent would be a way for her to have a chance, to finally discover the love she deserved.
"....."
I was looking down at the ground, tears falling in droplets like a lonely rain. But the falling and breaking of cups and plates on the ground took my attention.
I looked back up to see Mitsuri crawling on the table, pushing everything off the edge before she lunged at and took by surprise with a warm embrace.
"Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid!! Why are you crying? I don't want anyone else, I don't want any other love! I want you," she told while bawling her eyes out.
I did not say a lot. But as soone who always felt that they were not enough and unworthy, she could understand only by the look of my eyes. Her heart was able to understand mine without needing words.
So she cried.
"No, no, no," I denied, and tried to push her away so that she could not only hear and see what I was saying.
She was too nice, she was too forgiving. She would be able to ignore all the pain and flaws and still love . I needed to tell her the turth.
"I'm going to die soon!!" I confessed, "You get it now? Loving will only bring you pain in the end,"
"I don't care!!" she yelled stubbornly.
"I care! I don't want you to be a grieving widow only at 25. You are love, don't waste your whole life on ," I said.
"That's 9 more years! I rather love you for nine years than soone else for a lifeti," was her rebuttal.
"You don't get it because you don't know the things I know. You will find another love that is better and stronger than mine. You'll be happy," I said in painful frustration.
"No! You don't know anything either! The only ti when I find soone else would be in a world without you," she said and with her inhumane strength, she moved my arms that were pushing her away and she hugged .
She pressed my face on her chest, suffocating and successfully stopping from talking anymore.
How stubborn can soone be?
You know it's not easy trying to push her away when every part of other than my heart wanted to have her all to myself.
"Kanae," I said after finally escaping her embrace again. "She needs , and I love her too,"
Another imperfection of my love. I couldn't focus on Mitsuri alone. I promised myself that I would give Kanae her vision back and I would do everything to keep my promise.
I would dedicate my whole life to helping her if I must, I could not ignore it.
It'd be best if the dying man loved the girl who was ant to be dead right? I saved her so she was my responsibility.
"I won't be sad if you leave , " I lied, "I have her,"
"You are so cruel," her body trembled, "How can you say that?"
Yes, I am cruel. My love promised nothing but cruelty and that's why I'm trying to give you a chance to leave.
"That's why.."
"But it's fine," Mitsuri insisted and stopped from speaking yet again by suffocating in her chest, "You also want to help her get her eyes back right? I will help you as much as I can, I promise."
Those are things you don't say to soone like , Mitsuri.
If you won't leave, then fine, I will really have you.
I pulled myself away from her, but this ti, it was not to create distance but to get even closer. I pressed my lips against hers.
This ti it was not just a peck, it was a long kiss.
I love you. she said.
I love you with all my heart. She said. I love you more than you will ever know.
She did not speak words as I still closed her lips with mine but that was what she said, in the language of her body.
Action spoke louder than words.
The way her thighs destroyed and pushed all her beloved cakes to the side, the way she tried to kiss deeper even with no experience, the way her arms wrapped around and pulled closer to her, as if she was afraid I'd leave.
I read all of them. I heard all of them.
She gladly jumped on the sinking ship. What else could I do except make sure that she'd have the best experience before we sank?
If you still want , I'll give you my best.
...
Sotis, that's the only thing that mattered.
/////////////////////
[Seiji's POV]
After things cald down and we ended the kiss due to lack of air, I looked around the cafe to see the staff staring at us with various expressions.
The younger bunch were seemly offended at the shaless display, while the older ones looked at us fondly with an understanding smile.
Mitsuri had a small rope of saliva falling from her lips while she breathed heavily. I quickly wiped that away and snapped her back to reality.
"I'm sorry about this," I said and carried Mitsuri in a princess carry and stood up.
I threw all the money I had on the table which was more than enough to pay for the broken dishes and the cost of our food.
Then I ran out of the cafe as fast as I could while carrying Mitsuri in her arms.
"That was embarrassing," she said while wiping the remnants of tears from her eyes.
"Tell about it," I agreed.
"Sooo....no breaking the engagent?" she asked while I ran through the streets, trying to find soplace private in the busy city.
"Forget I said anything. You're all mine," I said with a huff.
"That's good," she smiled briefly before she stopped and turned serious.
"And please, do give an explanation for all the dying and Kanae thing," she said.
All this ti, I barely said anything before I broke down into tears. She did not have much context for what I was saying. She mostly just empathized with my feelings and her replies were all emotional even though they were true and ca from the heart.
It was like your best friend saying, I'll be there when you said you needed them. They did not know whether you needed help burying a corpse or attended a birthday party, they would be there, simply.
And Mitsuri said she loved and would stay with no matter how my life was.
I love her to death for that.
"I'll tell you everything, just let find soplace private," I said and finally said fuck it and lept on top of the buildings under the eyes of the civilians.
They were shocked.
They could go ahead and tell others for all I care. Who's gonna believe that soone jumped on top of a building bro?
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[IMAGE]
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Author : As they say, drama is part of love. It either breaks it or strengthens it.
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